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Had a WTF? conversation with the wife (1 Viewer)

E

Eggroll

Footballguy
Quick back story. The wife had previously been married and had 2 little kids when we met in 2000. Claimed she came home one day and the husband had taken off. Cleaned out their apartment and bank account, left a note saying things weren't working out, and moved to another city. I came along 18 months later, the guy lived 1000 miles away, other people supported her story so I never gave things much thought.

Flash to the present. Married for 12 years, only big issues were money or child development related, no major drama, and nothing really noteworthy to report on. One of the kids off to college, the other heading into last year of high school. 14 years together, not much to describe as savory or seedy and not much to worry about. Until last weekend.

Wifey was feeling sad and had a few drinks. And a few more after that. Passed three sheets to the wind territory three sheets ago. Very atypical, as she generally has 2 drink max and only every 6 months. Then out of the blue, she started rambling. Secrets about her girlfriends, childhood memories, vacations, elementary teachers, blah, blah, blah. Mostly just shooting her mouth off about random stuff.

Then with no notice came the bomb that destroyed Hiroshoma. She confessed her ex- was not the father of her younger kid. I literally fell of my seat. She didn't know who the father was. She reviewed how they didn't get along and that she didn't know how to be in a bad marriage. She ended up having affairs with multiple people all at the same time and implied there were other hook ups that she never really dated. I was speechless.

Next came the bomb that took out Nagasaki. She said she told her ex- right after their kid was born that it wasn't his and that's what caused him to take off. She completely destroyed her going in position with me as the aggrieved party and the victim in their marriage, which she played so well at the beginning of our relationship. As I sat there not having any idea of what to think or what to say, she of course said I had nothing to worry about in OUR relationship, all this happened before my time and really had nothing to do with me, and she claimed to have been faithful to me the whole time.

I am left numb and still not knowing what to take away from this conversation. Why tell me this now, all these years later? She remembers NOTHING about the night she was drunk, let alone any of the conversation. Life went from being pretty decent to being pretty messed up. Other than start hiding money, what do the masses think about this one? Worry? Don't worry? Say something? Don't say anything? Panic? Ignore it?

 
I wouldnt worry about her cheating on you or anything but Id be pretty pissed if my wife kept such a huge lie all those years. VERY pissed. I wouldnt ignore it. I wouldnt panic either. But yeah Id seriously think about couples therapy to get passed this huge lie.

 
I would tell her what she advised you of and see where it goes from there. I would guess that if she had cheated on you that would of come out also, since it sounds like she was blabbering about everything and everyone.

 
You mean to tell me a woman wasn't entirely forthright in giving an objective account of why her last relationship failed?

Trust me, I hear you on this being weird, but 14 years is a long time. Sounds like she likely has any issues under control and probably just got so drunk that the guilt came out. Yes, it sucks that she initially lied to you, but almost everyone bull####s their break up stories to potential mates. She likely didn't owe you anything at the time and if 14 years hasn't overcome an initial lie, then I don't know what to tell you.

 
She's kind of right, it doesn't really have anything to do with you. Although i can see why it would bother you. Has she given you any reason to doubt her faithfulness to you?

 
So your grown stepkids had a different unknown dad than the original unknown dad?

Sounds like you've had a nice marriage and your wife is getting something deeply embarrasing off her chest she's been afraid to talk about for years.

I'd support her and move on. There's nothing negative in your direction here.

ETA: I would show a lot of concern about not telling you though. You don't want this to bridge into her being dishonest whenever she wants.

 
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You have 14 years in you should already know the answer to your questions. Yes she lied because she didn't want to come off like a slut who laid down with everything in the tri-state area. But you have years and years since then. Either you trust her or you don't. I would now ask her for more clarification when she isn't drunk and I would put it to her very plainly now is the time to come out with any other little details that were tweaked. Unless that revealed something really ugly it's probably let it go time.

 
Do you love your wife?

What happened 12 years ago is certainly a bummer, and a check against her past self. However people in ####ty relationships often make mistakes. Young people often make mistakes. If you love this woman and you have no real reason to think she's engaged in any of this behavior while with you, then I'd do my best to chalk it up as "#### from her past that has no real bearing on the present"

Now what IS of concern is why the sudden "getting wasted and rambling about her past". It obviously weighs on her if only subconsciously. Perhaps she may need to talk to someone who's a little further from the situation to work that out (professional) as you clearly aren't going to be able to be an unbiased shoulder to lean on regarding this (understandably).

If you love her, tread lightly here. Be careful to not let an emotional reaction damage your relationship going forward. She knows this is no bueno. But you need to understand that NOBODY is perfect... everyone has skeletons in their closet. If you love her, be as understanding and supportive as possible and make it clear that if your relationship is ever in that state, to TALK to you before she even thinks about pulling that ####.

 
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I'd be wondering why she was so depressed and got so plastered to start with. Something triggered the episode, and I doubt it was just dredging up unpleasant memories from the past for the heck of it.

 
First post, just joined... I would like to identify who is behind this :fishing: trip

Okay, the first step to identifying this individual is look at their writing style, they've left a huge clue - Which FBG is a big user of the double space after every punctuation mark?

 
Do you have any children together? Do you plan to? Did you trust her before this revelation?

My answer will depend on your answer to these questions.

 
She mentioned that her first kid is his and her second kid is not. We have one kid of our own.

Of course, the only natural reaction is to worry if your own kid is someone else's. She said I was the father of our kid, but she asked would it make any difference at this point if I wasn't? That didn't really wow me for a response, but I can't emphasize enough how trashed she was so one could not expect her to be thinking 100%.

She did ask me if knowing who the father of one of my stepkids mattered to me, and I said no. I wasn't the father either way, so my position was essentially the same.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
First post, just joined... I would like to identify who is behind this :fishing: trip

Okay, the first step to identifying this individual is look at their writing style, they've left a huge clue - Which FBG is a big user of the double space after every punctuation mark?
Click to expand...
It's probably a regular who made an alias just for this.

Wife is prob Asian - with long term deception you get eggroll.

 
Back in the day when tv edited/voiced over more curses than today, Eggroll was used in lieu of ### hole. true story

 
fantasycurse42 said:
First post, just joined... I would like to identify who is behind this :fishing: trip

Okay, the first step to identifying this individual is look at their writing style, they've left a huge clue - Which FBG is a big user of the double space after every punctuation mark?
Click to expand...
Why must everything with people be a fishing trip? I have a ton of aliases. Not a fishing trip.

 
Eggroll said:
She mentioned that her first kid is his and her second kid is not. We have one kid of our own.

Of course, the only natural reaction is to worry if your own kid is someone else's. She said I was the father of our kid, but she asked would it make any difference at this point if I wasn't? That didn't really wow me for a response, but I can't emphasize enough how trashed she was so one could not expect her to be thinking 100%.

She did ask me if knowing who the father of one of my stepkids mattered to me, and I said no. I wasn't the father either way, so my position was essentially the same.
Click to expand...
woah.. woah..

FIRST kid was his, then she had a 2nd kid which was not his? And she was still married to him?

OK, you may be ####ed

 
Eggroll said:
She mentioned that her first kid is his and her second kid is not. We have one kid of our own.

Of course, the only natural reaction is to worry if your own kid is someone else's. She said I was the father of our kid, but she asked would it make any difference at this point if I wasn't? That didn't really wow me for a response, but I can't emphasize enough how trashed she was so one could not expect her to be thinking 100%.

She did ask me if knowing who the father of one of my stepkids mattered to me, and I said no. I wasn't the father either way, so my position was essentially the same.
Click to expand...
I don't consider that an odd question. Say you found out the child wasn't yours would quit loving them as if they were? Isn't being a parent a hell of lot more than the few seconds of sweaty grunting that gets the whole thing started?

 
Pretty big deal, IMO. How many guys was she with in a short period. Sounds like a LOT. She kept this a secret and continued to lie (not be truthful) for over a decade. Yikes...

This is me, but since you found out some details, I would need to know as much as possible before I could move on and not let it be a mental issue.

 
Eggroll said:
fantasycurse42 said:
First post, just joined... I would like to identify who is behind this :fishing: trip

Okay, the first step to identifying this individual is look at their writing style, they've left a huge clue - Which FBG is a big user of the double space after every punctuation mark?
Click to expand...
Why must everything with people be a fishing trip? I have a ton of aliases. Not a fishing trip.
Click to expand...
So you use an anonymous alias to post bc you don't want strangers on an anonymous board to know who your original anonymous persona is?

I'm sure you'll get what you came for, but I'm jumping ship - Good luck!

 
So she's finally so comfortable and happy enough with you and your relationship to be honest about something she assumed you'd judge her for from the day you met.

This is going well.

 
NCCommish said:
You have 14 years in you should already know the answer to your questions. Yes she lied because she didn't want to come off like a slut who laid down with everything in the tri-state area. But you have years and years since then. Either you trust her or you don't. I would now ask her for more clarification when she isn't drunk and I would put it to her very plainly now is the time to come out with any other little details that were tweaked. Unless that revealed something really ugly it's probably let it go time.
Click to expand...
:goodposting:

I was going to say much the same thing.

It's probably a good sign that this came out when she was really drunk - I think that was by design as it's something that she's clearly been hiding and it's been eating at her to have to lie to you. If she didn't respect you and what you two have built together, then she wouldn't care.

Be patient and understanding and let her talk, and be prepared to forgive and make it clear that you are forgiving her. She'll probably feel closer to you than ever before.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Eggroll said:
fantasycurse42 said:
First post, just joined... I would like to identify who is behind this :fishing: trip

Okay, the first step to identifying this individual is look at their writing style, they've left a huge clue - Which FBG is a big user of the double space after every punctuation mark?
Click to expand...
Why must everything with people be a fishing trip? I have a ton of aliases. Not a fishing trip.
Click to expand...
So you use an anonymous alias to post bc you don't want strangers on an anonymous board to know who your original anonymous persona is?

I'm sure you'll get what you came for, but I'm jumping ship - Good luck!
Click to expand...
There are different levels of anonymous. And you left out the part where maybe the wife knows my usual board name and checks in once in a while to see what I am posting about. I am guessing she may not want the rest of the world having any inclination I am discussing her infidelity with anyone. Call it a hunch.

 
Just when I think I'm having trouble with the single dating life, a thread like this slaps some sense into me.

:thankyou:

 
Eggroll said:
fantasycurse42 said:
Eggroll said:
fantasycurse42 said:
First post, just joined... I would like to identify who is behind this :fishing: trip

Okay, the first step to identifying this individual is look at their writing style, they've left a huge clue - Which FBG is a big user of the double space after every punctuation mark?
Click to expand...
Why must everything with people be a fishing trip? I have a ton of aliases. Not a fishing trip.
Click to expand...
So you use an anonymous alias to post bc you don't want strangers on an anonymous board to know who your original anonymous persona is?

I'm sure you'll get what you came for, but I'm jumping ship - Good luck!
Click to expand...
There are different levels of anonymous. And you left out the part where maybe the wife knows my usual board name and checks in once in a while to see what I am posting about. I am guessing she may not want the rest of the world having any inclination I am discussing her infidelity with anyone. Call it a hunch.
Click to expand...
Good idea. She probably won't recognize your story either.

 
Eggroll said:
fantasycurse42 said:
Eggroll said:
fantasycurse42 said:
First post, just joined... I would like to identify who is behind this :fishing: trip

Okay, the first step to identifying this individual is look at their writing style, they've left a huge clue - Which FBG is a big user of the double space after every punctuation mark?
Click to expand...
Why must everything with people be a fishing trip? I have a ton of aliases. Not a fishing trip.
Click to expand...
So you use an anonymous alias to post bc you don't want strangers on an anonymous board to know who your original anonymous persona is?

I'm sure you'll get what you came for, but I'm jumping ship - Good luck!
Click to expand...
There are different levels of anonymous. And you left out the part where maybe the wife knows my usual board name and checks in once in a while to see what I am posting about. I am guessing she may not want the rest of the world having any inclination I am discussing her infidelity with anyone. Call it a hunch.
Click to expand...
She'd prob think this story is about someone in a similar situation :shrug:

 
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