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My kid is a biter (1 Viewer)

Nick Vermeil

Nick Vermeil

Footballguy
I'm wondering if any of you have any experience with your kids and biting. My 2.5 year old has a long history of biting. We live in the city so the number one activity for him outside of the house is the playground and they are all super crowded. There are a lot of opportunities for pushing at a ladder or slide or arguing over toys. He is generally really sweet and normally plays well with others but if he gets in a confrontation with another kid his first response is to bite, and bite hard.

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

 
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Bite him back.

My daughter wasn't a "biter," but she did try it out once or twice on me. She never bit anyone else (that we know of). She got bit, though, a lot by other kids in day care. She bit me once, I bit her back and told her I'd bite her every time she bit me or anyone else ever again. She never did it again.

Does your son have any issues with expressing himself (verbally or otherwise)? We were told by administrators that some kids who bite are kids who might be struggling with expressing themselves, get frustrated and then lash out (like a cobra).

 
GDogg said:
Bite him back.

My daughter wasn't a "biter," but she did try it out once or twice on me. She never bit anyone else (that we know of). She got bit, though, a lot by other kids in day care. She bit me once, I bit her back and told her I'd bite her every time she bit me or anyone else ever again. She never did it again.

Does your son have any issues with expressing himself (verbally or otherwise)? We were told by administrators that some kids who bite are kids who might be struggling with expressing themselves, get frustrated and then lash out (like a cobra).
Click to expand...
If he doesn't already have a nickname then Cobra would be money.
 
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You said you're not into spanking, but I'm all for it. Two swats on his bum will startle him enough to know you're serious, might help him learn to control himself, and let's other parents know you are doing something about it. Apologize to them and say you are working on him with that. The swats won't really hurt him. But just keep being consistent and he will grow out of it. My #9 was an angry biter. She did this weird little dance and went in with her head down. It was hilarious but we couldn't laugh. She seems to have stopped now, but every once in a while it comes up.

 
Clown Car said:
You said you're not into spanking, but I'm all for it. Two swats on his bum will startle him enough to know you're serious, might help him learn to control himself, and let's other parents know you are doing something about it. Apologize to them and say you are working on him with that. The swats won't really hurt him. But just keep being consistent and he will grow out of it. My #9 was an angry biter. She did this weird little dance and went in with her head down. It was hilarious but we couldn't laugh. She seems to have stopped now, but every once in a while it comes up.
Click to expand...
I just don't think he's old enough to get it. He can take harder rough housing than I would be comfortable spanking him. I do grab him forcefully and get down on his level to tell him it's not ok. Like I said I think he knows it's wrong but doesn't have an outlet.

As for biting him back, everything I've seen says that is the worst thing you can do. And he's been bit so he knows it hurts.

 
GDogg said:
Bite him back.

My daughter wasn't a "biter," but she did try it out once or twice on me. She never bit anyone else (that we know of). She got bit, though, a lot by other kids in day care. She bit me once, I bit her back and told her I'd bite her every time she bit me or anyone else ever again. She never did it again.

Does your son have any issues with expressing himself (verbally or otherwise)? We were told by administrators that some kids who bite are kids who might be struggling with expressing themselves, get frustrated and then lash out (like a cobra).
Click to expand...
GDogg said:
Bite him back.

My daughter wasn't a "biter," but she did try it out once or twice on me. She never bit anyone else (that we know of). She got bit, though, a lot by other kids in day care. She bit me once, I bit her back and told her I'd bite her every time she bit me or anyone else ever again. She never did it again.

Does your son have any issues with expressing himself (verbally or otherwise)? We were told by administrators that some kids who bite are kids who might be struggling with expressing themselves, get frustrated and then lash out (like a cobra).
Click to expand...
He's very extroverted but he has a problem expressing frustration. When he first started biting it was kids who wouldn't play with him when he tried to engage.

 
Nick Vermeil said:
Clown Car said:
You said you're not into spanking, but I'm all for it. Two swats on his bum will startle him enough to know you're serious, might help him learn to control himself, and let's other parents know you are doing something about it. Apologize to them and say you are working on him with that. The swats won't really hurt him. But just keep being consistent and he will grow out of it. My #9 was an angry biter. She did this weird little dance and went in with her head down. It was hilarious but we couldn't laugh. She seems to have stopped now, but every once in a while it comes up.
Click to expand...
I just don't think he's old enough to get it. He can take harder rough housing than I would be comfortable spanking him. I do grab him forcefully and get down on his level to tell him it's not ok. Like I said I think he knows it's wrong but doesn't have an outlet.

As for biting him back, everything I've seen says that is the worst thing you can do. And he's been bit so he knows it hurts.
Click to expand...
It's not about hurting him, it's about getting his attention and him knowing you are serious. He is old enough to understand, don't be fooled by his adorable, cherub like cuteness.

 
Omg YOU GET DOWN TO HIS LEVEL! THE HORROR

Pretty simple if you ask me. Stop taking him put to the park until he stops biting.

 
Don't reward the behavior with a lot of attention. Kids will bite just to get (negative) attention from adults.

Tell him before he goes to the park that if he bites someone he's going home. If the kid bites someone calmly tell him that it's not acceptable and that you're going home because of it. Let him cry and ignore it.

 
cstu said:
Don't reward the behavior with a lot of attention. Kids will bite just to get (negative) attention from adults.

Tell him before he goes to the park that if he bites someone he's going home. If the kid bites someone calmly tell him that it's not acceptable and that you're going home because of it. Let him cry and ignore it.
Click to expand...
This is exactly how I'd handle it too. I've found explaining the issue and explaining a clear ramification of the issue works the best. Kids are smart- he'll get it eventually if you AND wife are consistent with it.

eta: gl, nick- and keep your biting, good fer nothing kid away from mine.

 
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That's a tough age, little dude is going to do what little dude wants to do. I like Cstu's advice, maybe couple it with an actual slap on the wrist for that "lightbulb" moment for him? :shrug:

Hopefully it is just a passing phase.

 
My youngest daughter bit my oldest daughter for over a year. She finally has aged out of it now that she's 4. Its terrible. We tried everything and she still did it. Some kids, you just can't stop them.

Thankfully she never bit anyone else, but I felt pretty bad for my eldest.

 
cstu said:
Don't reward the behavior with a lot of attention. Kids will bite just to get (negative) attention from adults.

Tell him before he goes to the park that if he bites someone he's going home. If the kid bites someone calmly tell him that it's not acceptable and that you're going home because of it. Let him cry and ignore it.
Click to expand...
This is pretty much what we do.

 
Nick Vermeil said:
I'm wondering if any of you have any experience with your kids and biting. My 2.5 year old has a long history of biting. We live in the city so the number one activity for him outside of the house is the playground and they are all super crowded. There are a lot of opportunities for pushing at a ladder or slide or arguing over toys. He is generally really sweet and normally plays well with others but if he gets in a confrontation with another kid his first response is to bite, and bite hard.

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?
Click to expand...
Yes we spanked the #### out of her and she never bit another child after that.

 
This situation can be impossible to solve. I know it will basically get you black balled at any daycare and private schools once you have a known biter.

While anecdotal and probably bull####, I have heard of parents getting on a CPS watch list because they used spanking to work with a biter that drew blood, and in a visit to the home CPS noted bruising (that wasn't related to spanking) and asked them if they spanked and they said yes. So they got the weekly random drop ins for a period of time including at the day care where the kid was moved to. Wife had to quit work because nobody would take their kid anywhere. Was a disaster.

so, good luck.

 
culdeus said:
This situation can be impossible to solve. I know it will basically get you black balled at any daycare and private schools once you have a known biter.

While anecdotal and probably bull####, I have heard of parents getting on a CPS watch list because they used spanking to work with a biter that drew blood, and in a visit to the home CPS noted bruising (that wasn't related to spanking) and asked them if they spanked and they said yes. So they got the weekly random drop ins for a period of time including at the day care where the kid was moved to. Wife had to quit work because nobody would take their kid anywhere. Was a disaster.

so, good luck.
Click to expand...
His current preschool is ok with it. I guess they see it a lot and it's not like he is running around biting all the time. It's just when he gets into a confrontation which is usually started by another kid. The school's advice has been basically to stop him anytime he tried to put anything in his mouth other than food. But it hasn't seemed to work yet. I'm hoping it stops before age 4!

I have heard about getting blackballed so fingers crossed on that one.

 
Clown Car said:
You said you're not into spanking, but I'm all for it. Two swats on his bum will startle him enough to know you're serious, might help him learn to control himself, and let's other parents know you are doing something about it. Apologize to them and say you are working on him with that. The swats won't really hurt him. But just keep being consistent and he will grow out of it. My #9 was an angry biter. She did this weird little dance and went in with her head down. It was hilarious but we couldn't laugh. She seems to have stopped now, but every once in a while it comes up.
Click to expand...
Lol nine kids? Your life must really suck ###.

 
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