What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Seriously, whats the ******* point? (1 Viewer)

Run It Up

Run It Up

Footballguy
I'm finding it real hard to handle pretty much everything in my life all of a sudden. I've had in my past conflicts, obstacles and barriers I've had to overcome and until now I have, but its not even about failure or success anymore -- I just don't feel anything but disappointment, in life, in others and especially in myself.

When I retreat into myself all I think about is this person I'm not, reaffirming what I already know, I'm not special -- what I'm going through is nothing special, people have gone through much worse before and will long after I'm gone, but I'm so tired.

I knew from since I could comprehend the concept of death, that what we have is all we will ever have and how we use our time here is all we will leave behind, be exceptional to each other, a simple credo. My best friend, biggest role model and person I admired the most died suddenly tonight and I'm filled with nothing but regrets. I can't even grieve for them, because I feel so ### ####ed selfish -- I'm more upset that I won't get to spend more of my life with them than the tragedy that they died suddenly. Its not dissimilar to how I felt when I was diagnosed with cancer a couple months ago, I was so upset with life, I've done nothing but work or go to school my entire life and then suddenly my mortality came into question without warning and I couldn't help but simultaneously play the victim and the critic, so upset with myself for being upset about having cancer.

I wanted to be more than who I turned out to be to them, I wanted to show them my potential as the secretly arrogant ##### that I am and my underachieving outpaced me in glorious fashion, I know what I'm capable of and I honestly have no interest in proving it to myself which has been my biggest handicap in life and now that I have no one to prove it to but myself I just don't see the ####### point. Six months ago the only thing I was more afraid of than death was being in debt, and now add to that living without purpose.

I'm just so tired of regret, disappointment, bitterness and indignation. I really don't feel like 25 is old enough for a ####### midlife crisis.

 
I don't blame you at all for being fed up right now based on some of the things that have happened recently. If it helps at all to vent on here I'm sure you would have people to listen. I don't really have any advice because I have never dealt with 2 personal tragedies back to back like that, but in general I do find that time has a way of helping things. If there is anything you can do to help keep your sanity in the mean time, it's probably worth it. Take a trip or join a team or pick up a hobby maybe. Just stay occupied for a while.

You never know when a motivating factor could be added to your life either. I have never wanted things that badly for myself, but I met a wife and had a daughter which became my driving force behind caring about most of my life. It's awful that your friend died, but it doesn't mean you will live the rest of your life without a partner of some kind. Things suck right now but things change fast.

 
Also wanted to comment on the "25 is too young for midlife crisis". 25 is an age where a lot us figure out quickly that a lot of the dreams we had as kids are never coming true. It can be a crushing age as we come to grips with that fact. Trying to find your place in the workforce is one of the most humbling times of anyone's life. For all the fun that happens at 25, it's really a tough age. Most people figure out that life isn't going to be how they planned it at all and it's hard to adjust.

 
I just fell down a flight of stairs and I am lucky to be alive. Enjoy it while you can.

 
cheese said:
Also wanted to comment on the "25 is too young for midlife crisis". 25 is an age where a lot us figure out quickly that a lot of the dreams we had as kids are never coming true. It can be a crushing age as we come to grips with that fact. Trying to find your place in the workforce is one of the most humbling times of anyone's life. For all the fun that happens at 25, it's really a tough age. Most people figure out that life isn't going to be how they planned it at all and it's hard to adjust.
Click to expand...
:goodposting:

OP very sorry for your loss and diagnosis. You need to keep fighting the fight as I am sure you know your friend would have wanted you to.

As cheese mentions 25 is an awakening period for many. Fighting for jobs, heartbreak, realization, and reflection. Very few are truly "special" but perseverance with a little luck can take you far. And you can create your own luck by keeping strong and paying good deeds forward...its just a matter of time before things will turn.

 
There is a quote/poem called Attitude by James Swindoll that I've come to believe is so true. It talks about how important attitude is in life and that the great thing about it is that we get to control ours each day. He states that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Very sorry for the loss of your friend and best of luck beating cancer.

 
Sounds a bit like you're not sure what 'succeeding' in life means to you. If you did, you'd have a clearer idea of what to do. In America, we're drowned in a culture that tells us that success is something close to this gross simplification:

1) Go to school, get good grades

2) Go to more school refined to a chosen profession

3) Have sex

4) Perform said profession to acquire money

5) Spend money on things

6) Start a family (if #3 didn't already provide a shortcut to this one)

7) Move up in the ranks of your profession an acquire money quicker

8) Spend money on bigger things

9) Use your profession, money, and things to possibly gain a trivial amount of power/influence/envy with those around you

Depending on how many of these things you can check off, is how a lot of society is brought up to believe to be the measurement of success. All of these things, with the possible exception with #6, are very selfish things. 'Success' is inherently building yourself up in a way that is likely not going to matter once you're dead. And after you accomplish one, you always have eyes on the next one on the list. Perhaps you should redefine how you consider your life as 'successful', and focus on things that will make you happy even after you're gone, you might not feel like such an underachiever. It's never too late to redefine your life, and you're always learning.

 
Been there. I spent a long long time thinking I was exceptional and waiting for everyone else to see it. I also spent a long Time surrounding myself with people that thought I was exceptional because it made me feel better about myself. But the secret is we all are exceptional. Everyone has a story of how they ended up where they are, an amazing and complex and layered story that makes each person unique. Bill gates doesn't see himself as special. Lebrun James doesn't see himself as special. Everyone has problems and heartache and happiness and success - it's just different in degree and how we view and magnify those degrees is what's important.

No, you can't do anything you want or be anything you want to be if you "put your mind to it." That's a lie you are learning. But that doesn't mean you can't do something you want to be something you want to be if you put your mind to it. Let go of thinking you owe it to yourself or anyone else to be "exceptional" or special or whatever they call it these days. You already are.

"They say your life passes before your eyes right before you die. It does. It's called your life."

 
Run It Up said:
I'm finding it real hard to handle pretty much everything in my life all of a sudden. I've had in my past conflicts, obstacles and barriers I've had to overcome and until now I have, but its not even about failure or success anymore -- I just don't feel anything but disappointment, in life, in others and especially in myself.

When I retreat into myself all I think about is this person I'm not, reaffirming what I already know, I'm not special -- what I'm going through is nothing special, people have gone through much worse before and will long after I'm gone, but I'm so tired.
Click to expand...
I didn't know Jerry Jones posted here.

 
xulf said:
cheese said:
Also wanted to comment on the "25 is too young for midlife crisis". 25 is an age where a lot us figure out quickly that a lot of the dreams we had as kids are never coming true. It can be a crushing age as we come to grips with that fact. Trying to find your place in the workforce is one of the most humbling times of anyone's life. For all the fun that happens at 25, it's really a tough age. Most people figure out that life isn't going to be how they planned it at all and it's hard to adjust.
Click to expand...
:goodposting:

OP very sorry for your loss and diagnosis. You need to keep fighting the fight as I am sure you know your friend would have wanted you to.

As cheese mentions 25 is an awakening period for many. Fighting for jobs, heartbreak, realization, and reflection. Very few are truly "special" but perseverance with a little luck can take you far. And you can create your own luck by keeping strong and paying good deeds forward...its just a matter of time before things will turn.
Click to expand...
Two good posts.

The age is largely irrelevant. The stage in your life is what matters. As someone else listed - most of us were brought up with a relatively defined list of expectations. School and friends, then college, then finding a job are all fairly clear priorities in life. At some point, which differs for everyone, you start to question "what's next?" and "why am I doing this?" Best things you can do is establish a tight support group, find what's important to you, and enjoy life as best you can.

 
Run It Up said:
I wanted to be more than who I turned out to be to them, I wanted to show them my potential as the secretly arrogant ##### that I am and my underachieving outpaced me in glorious fashion, I know what I'm capable of and I honestly have no interest in proving it to myself which has been my biggest handicap in life and now that I have no one to prove it to but myself I just don't see the ####### point. Six months ago the only thing I was more afraid of than death was being in debt, and now add to that living without purpose.
Click to expand...
Not to be a ####, but the one person who can decide your purpose is you. If you're religious, that will help in some ways if you listen to what God is trying to tell you - and actively seek his counsel. If you're not, then look for counsel elsewhere. FBG likely isn't the best place, though it's a start.

 
There's a phrase on the wall at my brother-in-law and sister-in-law's house where we've been staying this past week:

Enjoy the little things in life, for someday you will realize they were the big things.

Cliche to be sure, but there's truth to be found there. So many of us spend so much time and effort chasing the "big things." It's the "big things" that make us feel accomplished and successful. The "big things" that validate our potential. The "big things" that are supposed to give us purpose and direction. But it's the small things that make life worth living. Find those small things. Take joy in them. To answer your question, those small things in your life, they are the ####### point. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Pots said:
Sounds a bit like you're not sure what 'succeeding' in life means to you. If you did, you'd have a clearer idea of what to do. In America, we're drowned in a culture that tells us that success is something close to this gross simplification:

1) Go to school, get good grades

2) Go to more school refined to a chosen profession

3) Have sex

4) Perform said profession to acquire money

5) Spend money on things

6) Start a family (if #3 didn't already provide a shortcut to this one)

7) Move up in the ranks of your profession an acquire money quicker

8) Spend money on bigger things

9) Use your profession, money, and things to possibly gain a trivial amount of power/influence/envy with those around you

Depending on how many of these things you can check off, is how a lot of society is brought up to believe to be the measurement of success. All of these things, with the possible exception with #6, are very selfish things. 'Success' is inherently building yourself up in a way that is likely not going to matter once you're dead. And after you accomplish one, you always have eyes on the next one on the list. Perhaps you should redefine how you consider your life as 'successful', and focus on things that will make you happy even after you're gone, you might not feel like such an underachiever. It's never too late to redefine your life, and you're always learning.
Click to expand...
The road map of Mer'ica.

Best day of my life was the day I decided to veer off the path at #7.

 
So sorry for your loss. My best friend died suddenly at 21 so I can feel your pain. You'll eventually come to realize that it is a turning point in your life. One that forces you, along with your struggle to fight cancer, to look deeper into things. What you are going through is normal and you will come out the other side stronger for having lived through it. It's all too confusing for you now, it's a lot to absorb at such a young age. It'll get better. It really will. GLGB

 
The point is curiosity. Everything boils down to curiosity at the end. Why do we love to learn? Curiosity. Why do people want to live forever? So they can find out what happens later. Why do people love children? Because they're nakedly curious. And also because they want to see how this kid grows up. Why do we love to travel? Because you want to see what's out there. Why do people fall in love? Because they're curious about each other and whether someone else could love them despite their flaws.

You only get enough time to satisfy a tiny fraction of your curiosity. The choices you make define you. If you're curious which horse will win this race or which team will win this weekend or which singer will be the next american whatever, then good for you. But the really interesting people are the ones who follow their curiosity down a path that's too hard for others to follow. The ones who figure things out and share it with the rest of us. The inventors, the philosophers, the artists and poets, the scientists... the people who find new things for the rest of us. Because we are all not only individually curious, but part of the collective of humanity, and humanity remains endlessly curious long after each of us meets our individual ends.

Contribute to the satisfaction of the curiosity of the human race, and don't worry that your contributing in a very small way, because all of our contributions are small when viewed individually. That's the point of all of this, and you will be a part of it no matter which choices you make in life. Live in a way that you'll be proud of the choices you made.

 
bostonfred said:
The point is curiosity. Everything boils down to curiosity at the end. Why do we love to learn? Curiosity. Why do people want to live forever? So they can find out what happens later. Why do people love children? Because they're nakedly curious. And also because they want to see how this kid grows up. Why do we love to travel? Because you want to see what's out there. Why do people fall in love? Because they're curious about each other and whether someone else could love them despite their flaws.

You only get enough time to satisfy a tiny fraction of your curiosity. The choices you make define you. If you're curious which horse will win this race or which team will win this weekend or which singer will be the next american whatever, then good for you. But the really interesting people are the ones who follow their curiosity down a path that's too hard for others to follow. The ones who figure things out and share it with the rest of us. The inventors, the philosophers, the artists and poets, the scientists... the people who find new things for the rest of us. Because we are all not only individually curious, but part of the collective of humanity, and humanity remains endlessly curious long after each of us meets our individual ends.

Contribute to the satisfaction of the curiosity of the human race, and don't worry that your contributing in a very small way, because all of our contributions are small when viewed individually. That's the point of all of this, and you will be a part of it no matter which choices you make in life. Live in a way that you'll be proud of the choices you made.
Click to expand...
Love this post. Read it twice. :thumbup:

 
Run It Up said:
I'm finding it real hard to handle pretty much everything in my life all of a sudden. I've had in my past conflicts, obstacles and barriers I've had to overcome and until now I have, but its not even about failure or success anymore -- I just don't feel anything but disappointment, in life, in others and especially in myself.

When I retreat into myself all I think about is this person I'm not, reaffirming what I already know, I'm not special -- what I'm going through is nothing special, people have gone through much worse before and will long after I'm gone, but I'm so tired.

I knew from since I could comprehend the concept of death, that what we have is all we will ever have and how we use our time here is all we will leave behind, be exceptional to each other, a simple credo. My best friend, biggest role model and person I admired the most died suddenly tonight and I'm filled with nothing but regrets. I can't even grieve for them, because I feel so ### ####ed selfish -- I'm more upset that I won't get to spend more of my life with them than the tragedy that they died suddenly. Its not dissimilar to how I felt when I was diagnosed with cancer a couple months ago, I was so upset with life, I've done nothing but work or go to school my entire life and then suddenly my mortality came into question without warning and I couldn't help but simultaneously play the victim and the critic, so upset with myself for being upset about having cancer.

I wanted to be more than who I turned out to be to them, I wanted to show them my potential as the secretly arrogant ##### that I am and my underachieving outpaced me in glorious fashion, I know what I'm capable of and I honestly have no interest in proving it to myself which has been my biggest handicap in life and now that I have no one to prove it to but myself I just don't see the ####### point. Six months ago the only thing I was more afraid of than death was being in debt, and now add to that living without purpose.

I'm just so tired of regret, disappointment, bitterness and indignation. I really don't feel like 25 is old enough for a ####### midlife crisis.
Click to expand...
Sounds like you need to find a purpose then.

I will just note this kind of feeling is pretty common this time of year, between Christmas and New Years Day. You've lost a friend and you've been sick. I'm sorry man, hang in there.

So find a purpose. If you think you've been selfish find a way to be less selfish. You can either listen to this or not, but I can tell you I've been where you are (major health issue, close one I admired dying) and this is what I did and it helped immensely:

  • Put down the internet. I mean totally. If you need to find an address or a phone number try a phone book. This includes internet on the cell phone, just put it down unless you need to take or place a call.
  • Turn off the tv.
  • Play music you enjoy, and try new music you haven't tried before. Don't be afraid to try out peaceful stuff you may not think you like, like classical, jazz, foreign, etc.
  • Turn off talk radio and politics. Cut out reading about the bad news of the day. Exclude any negativity you can for a while.
  • Focus on life, what you're actually doing right now. Not what you might do, wish you could do, imagined you would be doing but aren't, just think about the very moment you are living and make it damned well the best it can be.
  • Read. Start reading if you get bored, or do it to improve yourself, or both.
  • Exercise every day or nearly every day.
  • Cut out alcohol.
  • Talk to people. Talk up friends or family, talk up strangers, at work, at home, whoever, wherever. You might be surprised to hear some things you really believe when you say them out loud. If you have trouble with this, seriously think about seeing a therapist even if for a short time, point is you need to think and talk about life out loud one way or another.
  • Reach out to old friends you haven't talked to in a long time. They will remind you what a great person you are.
  • Participate and volunteer - if you want a purpose, then go join some things. If you like to watch soccer, join a soccer team, or join a youth group that helps kids play soccer. If it's football then do that, basketball, baseball, I don't know for me it starts with sports. But you can also do things to help blind people, deaf people, handicapped people, homeless people, abandoned dogs, whatever you think might help the world. Point is live in the real world and get out of your head. You never know, you may even find a career you love this way.
  • Ok, this sounds trite, but if you're married take advantage of the marital privileges. If you have a girlfriend, either you enjoy her and you can enjoy some privileges there then do that; if not so into her or if there is no girl in your life then start thinking about what you need to do to grab the brass ring. Just flirt at bars or at parties or just by hanging out with acquaintances, whatever, point is just get out there. If you want a purpose, love is a great purpose to have, even searching for it can be a purpose. Find a way to think about someone else and put someone else first.
  • Pray. You may not be religious. Fine. But at least find a church or temple and try out the peace and quiet, the repose. You may not even want to pray, fine, but at least it's a place to think quietly and think about the big picture. If you feel the urge to reach out to a higher power, then do that. Try it.
  • It's about attitude and perspective - how you view things. Get positive about every little thing, examine how you are looking at things, if you catch yourself looking at any situation negatively stop that sh1+ right away because it's nothing more than destructive mental and emotional maneur.
- You don't sound selfish or underachieving to me, you've just been hit with a bad set of events. As they say in FF that's all situation and that can change. Pulling for you and I know you will improve because you obviously want it, hang in there.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Very sorry for your loss. Not sure I can add much to the great advice already given here. But I don't think your reaction to your friend's death is selfish at all. Don't be so hard on yourself for how you grieve.

 
Sorry about your loss & struggles... A couple of years ago I was feeling very similar to you in the sense of "what's the ####### point?"

I got some good relevant advice that you may want to use. The first thing you need to do at this stage is define goals. It sounds cliche, but think about your ideal situation in 5/10/20/etc years from now. What would YOU define as "happy" - Goals should be difficult but obtainable. Once you've defined your goals, you need a roadmap or plan on how you are going to get there. There will obviously be a lot of bumps and detours along the way, but when you're feeling down you can reflect and say "I'm on my way"...

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Sorry about your loss & struggles... A couple of years ago I was feeling very similar to you in the sense of "what's the ####### point?"

I got some good relevant advice that you may want to use. The first thing you need to do at this stage is define goals. It sounds cliche, but think about your ideal situation in 5/10/20/etc years from now. What would YOU define as "happy" - Goals should be difficult but obtainable. Once you've defined your goals, you need a roadmap or plan on how you are going to get there. There will obviously be a lot of bumps and detours along the way, but when you're feeling down you can reflect and say "I'm on my way"...
Click to expand...
Agreed except don't describe being "happy" as having met those goals.

 
AAABatteries said:
Pots said:
3) Have sex
Click to expand...
This is my list.

RIU - very sorry for your loss. I know you don't see it now but this is why you should cherish and make the most I every day - we have no guarantee of tomorrow.
Click to expand...
Actually just watched this video on Facebook, seems fitting to post here:

I'm 25 as well and have been fortunate enough to avoid the kind of hits you describe. But I would be lying if I said those dark thoughts aren't lurking in my mind, ready to pop up. Not as much as they used to. You have to define happiness for yourself and work towards it. The expectations of others or society are meaningless. Just my two cents.

Hang in there, buddy.

 
xulf said:
cheese said:
Also wanted to comment on the "25 is too young for midlife crisis". 25 is an age where a lot us figure out quickly that a lot of the dreams we had as kids are never coming true. It can be a crushing age as we come to grips with that fact. Trying to find your place in the workforce is one of the most humbling times of anyone's life. For all the fun that happens at 25, it's really a tough age. Most people figure out that life isn't going to be how they planned it at all and it's hard to adjust.
Click to expand...
:goodposting:

OP very sorry for your loss and diagnosis. You need to keep fighting the fight as I am sure you know your friend would have wanted you to.

As cheese mentions 25 is an awakening period for many. Fighting for jobs, heartbreak, realization, and reflection. Very few are truly "special" but perseverance with a little luck can take you far. And you can create your own luck by keeping strong and paying good deeds forward...its just a matter of time before things will turn.
Click to expand...
You don't hear about quarter-life crisis as often as midlife crisis but it is something a lot of people go through. Mid-20s are a difficult time for many and considering all you've been going through it is understandable to feel discouraged.

OP don't hold these feeling inside. If I remember correctly, in a prior thread you've said you struggle with social anxiety. If you need someone to talk to please seek help from a mental health professional.

 
cheese said:
Also wanted to comment on the "25 is too young for midlife crisis". 25 is an age where a lot us figure out quickly that a lot of the dreams we had as kids are never coming true. It can be a crushing age as we come to grips with that fact. Trying to find your place in the workforce is one of the most humbling times of anyone's life. For all the fun that happens at 25, it's really a tough age. Most people figure out that life isn't going to be how they planned it at all and it's hard to adjust.
Click to expand...
This is very well said, cheese. Hang in there Run it Up.

 
bigbottom said:
There's a phrase on the wall at my brother-in-law and sister-in-law's house where we've been staying this past week:Enjoy the little things in life, for someday you will realize they were the big things.

Cliche to be sure, but there's truth to be found there. So many of us spend so much time and effort chasing the "big things." It's the "big things" that make us feel accomplished and successful. The "big things" that validate our potential. The "big things" that are supposed to give us purpose and direction. But it's the small things that make life worth living. Find those small things. Take joy in them. To answer your question, those small things in your life, they are the ####### point. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Click to expand...
All great advice here. There's a really corny James Taylor lyric that I often have to remind myself of when I get frustrated and caught up in all the crap in our day to day lives. The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time. It's really simple when you think about it.

 
Abraham said:
bostonfred said:
The point is curiosity. Everything boils down to curiosity at the end. Why do we love to learn? Curiosity. Why do people want to live forever? So they can find out what happens later. Why do people love children? Because they're nakedly curious. And also because they want to see how this kid grows up. Why do we love to travel? Because you want to see what's out there. Why do people fall in love? Because they're curious about each other and whether someone else could love them despite their flaws.

You only get enough time to satisfy a tiny fraction of your curiosity. The choices you make define you. If you're curious which horse will win this race or which team will win this weekend or which singer will be the next american whatever, then good for you. But the really interesting people are the ones who follow their curiosity down a path that's too hard for others to follow. The ones who figure things out and share it with the rest of us. The inventors, the philosophers, the artists and poets, the scientists... the people who find new things for the rest of us. Because we are all not only individually curious, but part of the collective of humanity, and humanity remains endlessly curious long after each of us meets our individual ends.

Contribute to the satisfaction of the curiosity of the human race, and don't worry that your contributing in a very small way, because all of our contributions are small when viewed individually. That's the point of all of this, and you will be a part of it no matter which choices you make in life. Live in a way that you'll be proud of the choices you made.
Click to expand...
Love this post. Read it twice. :thumbup:
Click to expand...
####### perfect. I've been trying to explain my dissatisfaction with merely existing a d this post nailed it. My wife called it 'fun' but its more than that. It's curiosity.
 
At 25, and not mentioning any family, you're pretty free of obligations.

You could consider a trip to Europe to bum around a bit and see what's there. Read some history, learn a language, eat local food, see the monuments as well as the everyday stuff. Meet some people and see their different perspectives... it could recharge you and change your outlook.

 
Hey Run, I had a terrible night last night as well, hard to explain it all nor would I want to necessarily. I know you have had to struggle with a lot of things in your life including some illness if I am not mistaken.

I'm about 15 years older than you and believe me things will not change as you get older. I am one of the very few in my family to graduate from college, yet I don't feel like a success at all.

Don't chase some pipe dream that was sold to you as a kid about what you are or are not supposed to be. Who's life are you living? Yours or something your parents told you to chase? Important question to ask yourself is who's dreams are you chasing and who's life are you living?

500 years ago you could pretty much tell young folks what to expect. We come from a point in time where things evolved quickly and the world we were prepared for back in the 70s, 80s, that World largely is non existent anymore because of technology so the world we were prepared for was never gonna be there.

My advice and something I wish I were better at is getting a system that you can trust and stick with no matter what happens…simple example is running/walking a few miles a day/week. That event never changes thru time. You just get up, put your sneakers on, and start moving.

Also you need to learn the power of self forgiveness, you must be able to do that or you will live a very lonely sad life. You don't have to be proud of everything you have done in life, for sure I'm not but the ability to forgive yourself and move forward is powerful.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hopefully, to piggy back on what else has been said...

I didn't have the trauma at 25 that you have, but those feelings were still there. Like Saints, I did a little looking around, sought out some new things and fleshed out a life that didn't center as much around work. I work hard, but - at best - it's like 4th or 5th on the list of what defines me.

To deal with your current situation, find a counselor. It is not a sign of weakness you need help; a real man will stand up and say I need a hand. Your employer may have an employee assistance program where you can anonymously call and get referred to people who can talk you through it. I did it almost 10 years ago and have not regretted it. To have someone listen to you vent and do so without judging or condemning you is very freeing and very satisfying. In 10 years of counseling I'll say she's talking maybe 5% of the time; the other 95% is me just venting.

Lastly, I once heard a definition of success - making progress towards the person you want to be. By the standards of Merica, most anyone would call me a success in life. I don't look at it that way; each day I try to be a better husband and father than I was yesterday.

Godspeed to you.

 
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who responded, I'm still reading through them while I wake up.

FUBAR said:
Run It Up said:
I wanted to be more than who I turned out to be to them, I wanted to show them my potential as the secretly arrogant ##### that I am and my underachieving outpaced me in glorious fashion, I know what I'm capable of and I honestly have no interest in proving it to myself which has been my biggest handicap in life and now that I have no one to prove it to but myself I just don't see the ####### point. Six months ago the only thing I was more afraid of than death was being in debt, and now add to that living without purpose.
Click to expand...
Not to be a ####, but the one person who can decide your purpose is you. If you're religious, that will help in some ways if you listen to what God is trying to tell you - and actively seek his counsel. If you're not, then look for counsel elsewhere. FBG likely isn't the best place, though it's a start.
Click to expand...
In that respect I am lost at the moment, I'm not spiritual in any regard. As far as posting on FBGs, I've been virtually a shut-in for the past 6 months because of my treatment, posting to FBGs has been cathartic for me and at 3am last night I just needed to vent, being stuck away by myself just stewing in the dark, all I could think about was making me feel worse.

I have no interest in turning this into a personal blog, I'm legitimately seeking advice.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Run It Up said:
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who responded, I'm still reading through them while I wake up.

FUBAR said:
Run It Up said:
I wanted to be more than who I turned out to be to them, I wanted to show them my potential as the secretly arrogant ##### that I am and my underachieving outpaced me in glorious fashion, I know what I'm capable of and I honestly have no interest in proving it to myself which has been my biggest handicap in life and now that I have no one to prove it to but myself I just don't see the ####### point. Six months ago the only thing I was more afraid of than death was being in debt, and now add to that living without purpose.
Click to expand...
Not to be a ####, but the one person who can decide your purpose is you. If you're religious, that will help in some ways if you listen to what God is trying to tell you - and actively seek his counsel. If you're not, then look for counsel elsewhere. FBG likely isn't the best place, though it's a start.
Click to expand...
In that respect I am lost at the moment, I'm not spiritual in any regard. As far as posting on FBGs, I've been virtually a shut-in for the past 6 months because of my treatment, posting to FBGs has been cathartic for me and at 3am last night I just needed to vent, being stuck away by myself just stewing in the dark, all I could think about was making me feel worse.

I have no interest in turning this into a personal blog, I'm legitimately seeking advice.
Click to expand...
You're here for a reason. Sounds like you need to just take one day at a time.

"Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right." -Hunter/Garcia

 
mr roboto said:
Abraham said:
bostonfred said:
The point is curiosity. Everything boils down to curiosity at the end. Why do we love to learn? Curiosity. Why do people want to live forever? So they can find out what happens later. Why do people love children? Because they're nakedly curious. And also because they want to see how this kid grows up. Why do we love to travel? Because you want to see what's out there. Why do people fall in love? Because they're curious about each other and whether someone else could love them despite their flaws.

You only get enough time to satisfy a tiny fraction of your curiosity. The choices you make define you. If you're curious which horse will win this race or which team will win this weekend or which singer will be the next american whatever, then good for you. But the really interesting people are the ones who follow their curiosity down a path that's too hard for others to follow. The ones who figure things out and share it with the rest of us. The inventors, the philosophers, the artists and poets, the scientists... the people who find new things for the rest of us. Because we are all not only individually curious, but part of the collective of humanity, and humanity remains endlessly curious long after each of us meets our individual ends.

Contribute to the satisfaction of the curiosity of the human race, and don't worry that your contributing in a very small way, because all of our contributions are small when viewed individually. That's the point of all of this, and you will be a part of it no matter which choices you make in life. Live in a way that you'll be proud of the choices you made.
Click to expand...
Love this post. Read it twice. :thumbup:
Click to expand...
####### perfect. I've been trying to explain my dissatisfaction with merely existing a d this post nailed it. My wife called it 'fun' but its more than that. It's curiosity.
Click to expand...
Agreed - love this

 
cheese said:
Also wanted to comment on the "25 is too young for midlife crisis". 25 is an age where a lot us figure out quickly that a lot of the dreams we had as kids are never coming true. It can be a crushing age as we come to grips with that fact. Trying to find your place in the workforce is one of the most humbling times of anyone's life. For all the fun that happens at 25, it's really a tough age. Most people figure out that life isn't going to be how they planned it at all and it's hard to adjust.
Click to expand...
Very well put. My mid-twenties were a difficult time, especially as someone who grew up with very high expectations. And these feelings are often made worse when others seem to not be struggling as you are, but realize that many of us have struggled with our purpose and not being where we thought we would be at this point in life. However, I would try to put those concerns on the back burner for now, and focus on taking care of yourself in a difficult time.

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost one of the most amazing friends I had when I was 19, and it was devastating. It was incredibly hard to comprehend how such a good person could be taken from us so early, but all I can say is that it will get better. Focus on celebrating your friend's life and make sure you take care of yourself. The last thing your friend would have wanted is to see you suffer due to him. Don't feel guilty for how you grieve, as we all grieve differently. There were times that I would be hard on myself for not feeling like I thought I should, but I now realize that sometimes your emotions are just too difficult to deal with at that point in time.

Again, I just want to reiterate "take care of yourself" however you need to, because you will make it through all of this. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your friend.

 
sports_fan said:
OP don't hold these feeling inside. If I remember correctly, in a prior thread you've said you struggle with social anxiety. If you need someone to talk to please seek help from a mental health professional.
Click to expand...
My struggle with anxiety has only gotten worse during my treatment being separated from society, I have been kicking around the idea of seeking a mental health professional but I don't have access to one nor could I afford it at the moment, my current medical bills have guaranteed I will either be in debt for a long time or be bankrupt by the end of next year.

 
Run It Up said:
sports_fan said:
OP don't hold these feeling inside. If I remember correctly, in a prior thread you've said you struggle with social anxiety. If you need someone to talk to please seek help from a mental health professional.
Click to expand...
My struggle with anxiety has only gotten worse during my treatment being separated from society, I have been kicking around the idea of seeking a mental health professional but I don't have access to one nor could I afford it at the moment, my current medical bills have guaranteed I will either be in debt for a long time or be bankrupt by the end of next year.
Click to expand...
Check your local area; there may be people willing to counsel you pro bono. Getting some of it off your chest will help.

 
Few people die regretting the things they did. Most people die regretting the things they didn't do.

 
Tick said:
At 25, and not mentioning any family, you're pretty free of obligations.

You could consider a trip to Europe to bum around a bit and see what's there. Read some history, learn a language, eat local food, see the monuments as well as the everyday stuff. Meet some people and see their different perspectives... it could recharge you and change your outlook.
Click to expand...
You said you've got medical debts, so this might be interesting:

http://www.earthporm.com/ultimate-guide-traveling-youre-broke/

 
"Want to buy anything? Nice stuffed dog?" "Come on," I said. "You're pie-eyed."

"Pretty nice stuffed dogs," Bill said. "Certainly brighten up your flat."

"Come on."

"Just one stuffed dog. I can take 'em or leave 'em alone. But listen, Jake. Just one stuffed dog."

"Come on."

"Mean everything in the world to you after you bought it. Simple exchange of values. You give them money. They give you a stuffed dog."

"We'll get one on the way back."

"All right. Have it your own way. Road to hell paved with unbought stuffed dogs. Not my fault.”
Click to expand...
 
-fish- said:
"Want to buy anything? Nice stuffed dog?" "Come on," I said. "You're pie-eyed."

"Pretty nice stuffed dogs," Bill said. "Certainly brighten up your flat."

"Come on."

"Just one stuffed dog. I can take 'em or leave 'em alone. But listen, Jake. Just one stuffed dog."

"Come on."

"Mean everything in the world to you after you bought it. Simple exchange of values. You give them money. They give you a stuffed dog."

"We'll get one on the way back."

"All right. Have it your own way. Road to hell paved with unbought stuffed dogs. Not my fault.”
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Given this book quote, you should be eating hard boiled eggs.

Funny, that's what I remember from the novel. The eggs, not this beautiful passage.

Hey, Run It Up, be well, man. Maybe visit Spain or France when you're well enough to go. I missed out, and regret it greatly. But do what interests you.

Just, best wishes.

 
rockaction said:
Hey, Run It Up, be well, man. Maybe visit Spain or France when you're well enough to go. I missed out, and regret it greatly. But do what interests you. Just, best wishes.
Click to expand...
Travel is one thing I want to do but have never had the opportunity nor the fortitude. Something to look forward to.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Joe Bryant
My Dad And Cancer
2 3
Replies
133
Views
3K
ZADO
ZADO
Chadstroma
Sportsmanship- A nice thing or real value?
Replies
36
Views
818
stbugs
S
gianmarco
Hexclad (and cookware thread)
2
Replies
56
Views
1K
Kanil
Kanil

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Top