"Fake" Daily Email Contest (1 Viewer)

This is part of the Ultimate Survivor Contest

The best 25 entries will win entry into the Ultimate Survivor competition.

The "fake" email should center around football, fantasy football, Footballguys, etc.

The top 25 entries will also appear as a free artcle on the Footballguys website.

As an added bonus, the top 3 entries will also get a FBG golf shirt

You may enter as many times as you like. The 25 best entries will be decided on July 10th.

For those unfamiliar with the format of a daily email story, I have included an example:

TEN - Titans WR M. Williams At A Career Crossroads

Source: David Climer, The Tennessean

Tennessee Titans wide receiver Mike Williams enters training camp at a career crossroads. If he doesn't make the Titans' roster, he may be out of the league. This should be a good fit. If you're trying to rescue your career as a wide receiver, this is the place for you. Few NFL teams have as little star power on the perimeter as the Titans. Williams has looked good in various minicamps over the past couple of months. He has gotten in the best shape of his NFL life after dropping more than 20 pounds in the offseason at the request/order of Coach Jeff Fisher. But much work remains. And Williams knows it.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Williams seems to accept where he is. "I ain't a fool," he says. "I haven't done anything to hang my hat on."

But he also seems like he's motivated to prove to folks that he's not the bust he's been so far. "I'm not playing the victim. It is what it is," he says. "Now I have the body where I can back up what I say by going out there and making plays." I wasn't a big fan of his when he came into the league as I thought he was overhyped. But now I find myself pulling for the guy to do well. This will be a telling year for him.

Winners Listed Alphabetically

Top 3

#24 - NFL Ban on Applause (Londo)

#30 - John Madden on Food Network (LarryAllen'sJockstrap)

#109 - Farve Drunk-Dials Packers (Neil Beaufort Zod)

The Rest

#73 - Al Davis signs Floyd Mayweather, Jr to 4 year deal to Play WR (AhrnCityPahnder)

#101 - Goodell demotes two NFL teams, while promoting two NCAA teams (Almas_4th_Child)

#125 - Panthers QB J. Delhomme Reveals Bionic Arm (alonegunman)

#40 - Marshawn Lynch to Teach Driver's Education at Local High School (a win again ov)

#13 - Matt Millen announces the creation of his "How to become an NFL general manager" school (bicycle_seat_sniffer)

#32 - Favre Drafts Self #1 (BusMan)

#7 - Travis Henry to open football summer camp for 50 kids (comfortably numb)

#23 - Goodell to Retire as NFL Commissioner, to be Replaced by Brett Favre (Couch Potato)

#6 - No NFL Players Arrested (Davej626)

#126 - RB Rudi Johnson NOT Traded to Cleveland – Staying in Cincinnati (Duckboy)

#11 - Coughlin Hosts Giant Tea Party (elcohiba)

#26 - Charles E Ridenour Files Class-Action Lawsuit against Bryant Analytics (Eraser)

#28 - Mike Williams bulking up for a new role with the Titans (eric rymer)

#50 - Patriots Change Brady's Injury Designation (GroveDiesel)

#123 - DB McKenzie Launches Hair Growth Company (jeter23)

#46 - Goodell suspends the entire League for the year (Lash)

#111 - QB Kitna seeks new inspiration (LionsFan78)

#49 - NFL Negotiating With Vince McMahon (Master of Past and Present)

#100 - Retired Green Bay QB says, "I am returning" (Nod Noslrac)

#10 - WR David Boston to hold private workout for NFL teams (Plastik)

#74 - Latest Vikings Stadium Proposal To Include Provision for PUL's (QuizGuy66)

#36 - Madden 2010 Cover: Osama Bin Laden (Verbal Kint)

Bill Parcells to appear on Dancing with the stars!

In an effort to sell more season tickets for the Dolphins this year, as well as to rebuild his relationship with all-pro Jason Taylor, Bill Parcells has agreed to compete on Dancing with the stars. "Lookit, sometimes you need to go out and do things that help your franchise, and I, after discussing this with Wayne (Huizinga), feel that this is the best way to get more people in the stands on game day, and get our best player excited that someone would follow in his footsteps." As part of the season ticket promotion, fans who purchase tickets between now and the season opener will have exclusive access to the tuna's rehersals as well as begin given towels to help clean up the flop sweat as tuna gets in shape. Jason Taylor was unavailable for comment, as he was in Hollywood in preproduction for "I'm gonna get you sucka 2: Sucka Harder"

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

The last thing we need is more drama in the Taylor/Parcells saga, however it should be fun to see if Parcells is as graceful as the Hippos in Fantasia, or if he looks like Peter Boyle in Young Frankenstein.

Here is my attempt:

JAC - Jacksonville RB Jones-Drew to Add More Last Names

Source: Steven A. Smith, ESPN

Jacksonville RB Maurice Jones-Drew has decided to pay tribute to a few more people that were influential in his life. Born Maurice Drew to Dana and Andrea Drew, Maurice was raised by his grandparents, Maurice and Christina Jones. "It seemed fitting to have a hyphenated name to pay respects to both sets of parents", added Jones-Drew. "And that got me thinking about how much Tupac Shakur, Malcolm X, and Mushmouth from the Fat Albert Show also influenced me as a kid. So I thought adding them made sense too".

Maurice hopes the NFL announcers can get his name correct. "I know Jones-Drew-Shakur-Mushmouth-X is a mouthful, but I am hopeful it gets easier to say over time. Reebok in a related announcement will be selling the new Jones-Drew-Shakur-Mushmouth-X jerseys in size XXXL and above only.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Already a fan of his game, we like the name addition. Mushmouth was an under-rated role model and we are glad to see him getting the proper recognition from athletes today. We expect the extra words on his jersey could also distract defenders. Bump up Jones-Drew-Shakur-Mushmouth-X a little with this news while sliding Fred Taylor down a tad.

TEN - Summer Staff meeting turns bloody at the Joe Bryant Estate

Source: Chili "Scoop" Davis, The Tennessean

What was first thought to be a good idea turns bloody when dissenting opinions erupted during a series of meetings today in Knoxville at the Bryant Estate. It appears that several different meetings such as "The Roundtable", the "Faceoff", and deadliest of them all, the "2008 Projections" meetings all came to blows. Bryant said he thought it was a good idea to get the gang together for the first time for some food, fun, and to kickoff the 2008 season at FBGs. What he didn't expect was some long-harboured feelings of spite over who was considered the best staffer by Bryant and Co-owner David Dodds. As a result, 18 staffers were treated and released from Knox General Hospital.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

I've never been so scared. It was mass chaos. However, there is good news in the end. We now have our 228-page 2008 magazine all ironed out and ready for sale! We also have a new pecking order here at FBGs. As Sigmund Bloom is now Chief of Staff. He earned this honor by exhibiting his excellent nunchuck skills over the weekend. Who knew?

We spare no details for you guys.

Matt Leinart in Start Up to cater Sweet 16 Birthday Parties

Matt Leinart has announced that he is the majority owner of Leinart Sweet 16's, which will cater Sweet 16 parties and other events. Matt says, "My company will be different. We will have hot tubs available for rental and I personally will be holding up the funnel for root beer shooters. My buddy Nick Lachey will personally be picking out the pretty girls for the hot tub." Minority partners include the aforementioned Lachey and Lendale White. Mr White's responsibility include food purchasing and consuming.

[[[[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]]]]

We like to see football players invest their money, so that they have a future after football. We are just not so sure that this is the correct venture for Matt. Previous pictures from earlier in the offseason aside, this could be interesting. Run, don't walk, to pick up Warner.

NFL- No NFL Players were arrested today.

June 30- (AP) In a bizarre day that could only be explained as unnatural, there were no NFL players arrested yesterday. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell promised an investigation into this strange event.

"We will look at all of our teams, coaches and players and find the arrest that, apparently, has not been reported yet. We know its out there. With players like Adam Jones, Brandon Marshall, and the entire Oakland Raiders roster, there must have been something that the news media has missed."

Senator Arlen Spector has scheduled a press conference for 11am today. Speculation is that he will call for an investigation into the New England Patriots for their role in this event. He would also like an investigation of the Patriots in their role in the Iraq War, 9/11, and the high price of gas recently.

[[[[[[[[Our view]]]]]]]]]]]

-Well yesterday was quite a day. There are no other stories to report and so this is a short update. Watch this Spector thing though. Here at Footballguys, some of us think that the Patriots win too much for it to be talent. It has to be something else. And the Patriots have never been completely clear of their role on the Iraq War....

That will do it for Today...

J.

NFL: Travis Henry to open football summer camp for 50 kids

June 29 (AP) Colorado Springs, CO

In order to attempt to stabilize his image and garner the respect of potential NFL suitors, Travis Henry (who is currently a free agent) has opened a free youth football summer camp to 50 children. The camp is to offer football related programs to help underprivileged children have a better understanding of the game, and according to Henry, offer life lessons. "Im doing this to help the kids out there, no one ever thinks of the kids, they need to be taught how to be grown ups and to stay away from drugs". Henry would not comment on whether or not he would be a personal camp leader.

[[[[[[[[Our view]]]]]]]]]]]

We are calling on this one, we sent FBG's own Cecil Lammey out to look into this story.

This is not a "summer camp" for the underprivileged, according to Lammey's inside reporting, this was a family reunion for the children of Travis Henry.

Henry is not on the fast track to maturity, so we would still keep outside the top 40 in our RB rankings. Although if he happens to resign with Den, it would not be a stretch to place him in the top 6.

NYJ - RB Thomas Jones accused of having "poopy pants"

Source: Cedric Benson, Austin Penitentiary Post

Official reports have been released stating that New York Jets starting RB Thomas Jones is a "Stupid jerk-face who has stinky poopy pants." Both Jones' attorney and the Jet's Organization have declined comment. An anonymous source close to the organization has, however, confirmed that in OTA's Jones pants have in fact "seemed a bit poopy."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Given the source of this report we have some doubts about its authenticity, but either way we wouldn't worry about it too much. If it turns out that Jones does in fact have "poopy pants" we'd actually expect an increase his value - it's likely that the smell will only make him more difficult to tackle. Draft him with confidence, Folks.

Joe Bryant sells stake in Footballguys to pursue restaurant dream.

Source: Tipsy McStagger, BlackEyed Joe's BBQ, LLC

Co-founder Joe Bryant today sold his share of Footballguys to Carlton Gray in order to pursue his dream of owning his own BBQ shack in rural Tennessee.

"I felt the time was right to make the move," said Bryant. "My heart just wasn't in it anymore. I'm watching Tom Brady throw to Randy Moss and all I can think about is the 10 beautiful Boston butts on the smoker outside." (editor's note: NTTAWWT)

Joe plans to open the restaurant in the coming months, offering traditional BBQ fare such as pulled pork, ribs, and baked beans. Even that nasty vinegar-based North Carolina style will likely have a home here. He's hoping some of the thousands of FBG members will maintain their allegiance and help his restaurant get off the ground.

A contest will be held to help Joe come up with a slogan, with the grand prize being a 3 year membership in the BlackEyed Joe's Sticky Fingers Club (value: $79.95). 10 runners up will receive BlackEyed Joe's bibs and wetnaps (value: priceless).

With Gray moving into an ownership role, Aaron Rudnicki was promoted to, ummmm... whatever it is Carlton does around here.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Joe, wait. We need the key to the thermostat cage and the password to your Larry_Boy account.

Is he gone?

Ok, turn off that ### #### ###### ####### piece of #### stupid ### language filter that giant ###### ### insisted on having to block out even the tiniest ###### ####### slightly off color words. ######## goody two shoes #######.

FA - WR David Boston to hold private workout for NFL teams

Source: David Boston's Mother

Former Tampa Bay Buccaneers wide receiver David Boston has scheduled a workout for July 7, 2008 in hopes that an NFL team will sign him to a contract. "I'm healthy again… again. I'm stronger and faster than I've ever been… again. I feel great again," Boston said. "Like I said again and again, I've learned from my mistakes. I think I took football for granted in the past… again. Now, obviously family comes first, but football comes right after it. Everything I was back then I'm better at everything now… again," Boston added. "I'm faster, I'm stronger and I'm more explosive than I was back then… again. I'm just hopeful that I'll get a second chance again, and hopefully everything works out."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Watch this one closely, Folks. We've literally heard all of this before, but if someone gives Boston a shot he'll no doubt be a super-sleeper with Top-5 upside for 2008.

Coughlin Hosts Giant Tea Party.

As if scripted for a Twilight Zone episode, The New York Giants' Tom Coughlin was serving mimosas and finger foods at his home to welcome rookies and free agents to the fold. His wife Judy at his side and assisted by son-in-law Chris Snee, Coughlin was wearing an "Kiss the Coach" apron as he offered chicken satay and swedish meatballs to wide eyed youngsters. A few veterans were also there showing off their Super Bowl rings. Eli Manning supplied some fresh beignets. As expected there were a few dicey moments as Jeremy Shockey limped in two sheets to the wind shouting "there is no I in me". Plaxico Burress called to say he would not attend without a guaranteed attendance fee. Coughlin said afterwards, "All in all it was a good day. The new guys shouldn't be afraid of me, and,other than Shockey's throw up, there's very little clean up".

[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]

Looks to us like Coach Coughlin is taking his "Good Guy" approach a step further season. What's next, dinner with Tiki? And Shockey shouldn't be mixing Mimosas and Jack Daniels. Not sure of any fantasy impact here but there are a few new recipes up on our Free for All board. Cheers!!

New Orleans Saints: Katrina Still the Most Important Thing Ever

June 29 (AP) New Orleans, LA

The New Orleans Saints today announced another series of "Katrina"-related merchandizing opportunities, including the Katrina work-gloves [a sport-version of which will be worn by Marques Colston this year]; Katrina "li'l demolition set" for the kiddies, which consists of a bucket of water and a miniaturized racially-diverse town; and a large banner which will be sold at games for $39.99 which reads simply: "New Orleans. It's where Katrina happened." The team will continue to enforce its "2 Katrina" rule in interviews, in which 1-on-1 interviews require at least 2 mentions of the word Katrina, not including significant others named Katrina, Catrina, or Qu'atrrinnia.

[[[[[[[[Our view]]]]]]]]]]]

The Katrina mindset worked in 2006 - and in 2007, they tried to put it to rest. To bury the last season. After a few games of completely falling apart, the team dug up the coffin they had mock buried the season in, and against all odds were actually in the playoff picture for the last few weeks of the season. This announcement of a permanent partnership between the two could mean a huge bump up for Colston, Brees, and McAllister. Shouldn't affect Reggie Bush, though. And as far as those Katrina gloves that Colston is wearing, we assume they'll be gone by week 3. They seriously blow.

Matt Millen announces the creation of his “how to become and NFL general manager” school.

Source: Detroit Free Press

Ever think you have what it takes to be a NFL general manager?

Have you seen some current NFL general managers make bad first round picks in the draft and think that you can do better?

Have you seen some GM’s hire horrible head coaches and ask yourself what were they thinking?

Think you could make better decisions?

Think you could do it with NO experience at all?

Well here at the Matt Millen school of GM’s we will train you on how to dominate at the NFL level.

(((((((((Our View)))))))))))

The last thing Matt Millen should be doing is training people on how to become an NFL GM. There will probably be a course on how to cozy up to an old brain dead owner and keep your job when you have no business doing so.

Brandon Marshall receives full medical clearance - can wipe with BOTH hands now

Source: Denver Innerwebs

Denver wide receiver Brandon Marshall has received a clean bill of health from team physicians. After an earlier report from Marshall that he was still only wiping his butt with the left hand, local beat writer Char Min Tisu has informed us that Marshall went through 7 crates of toilet tissue in the past few weeks while going through a rigorous training program. Other inside sources say Marshall may also be working on an endorsement deal with the tissue manufacturer.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Normally, I wouldn't even feel the need to comment on a story like this, but the nugget about the possible endorsement deal is intriguing. More endorsements, more money, a clean bill of health, and clean underwear = a slight bump in the rankings for Marshall.

Getinthemix said:

Matt Leinart in Start Up to cater Sweet 16 Birthday Parties

Matt Leinart has announced that he is the majority owner of Leinart Sweet 16's, which will cater Sweet 16 parties and other events. Matt says, "My company will be different. We will have hot tubs available for rental and I personally will be holding up the funnel for root beer shooters. My buddy Nick Lachey will personally be picking out the pretty girls for the hot tub." Minority partners include the aforementioned Lachey and Lendale White. Mr White's responsibility include food purchasing and consuming.

[[[[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]]]]

We like to see football players invest their money, so that they have a future after football. We are just not so sure that this is the correct venture for Matt. Previous pictures from earlier in the offseason aside, this could be interesting. Run, don't walk, to pick up Warner.

Click to expand...

TEN - RB LenDale White growing comfortable with Rolle

Source: The National Enquirer

Unknown to most fans of the NFL, Tennessee Titans RB LenDale White and Baltimore Ravens CB Samari Rolle have been living together for over a year now. "In the beginning it was kinda rough," remarked White. "Like, every time I walked around the corner it was like, BAM! He was just always putting a hit on me," Added White. When questioned about his perspective, Rolle added "Well, yeah it as difficult for me too in the beginning. He was always, like, eating all of my food… I couldn’t keep anything in the fridge without him gobbling it up. I even started writing my name on all my stuff." By all reports, though, after a full year of living together, LenDale white has grown much more comfortable with his roommate.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

It's a slow day around the news room, and you need to know it all. Maybe Rolle's new strategy for keeping his food safe in the fridge will bring LenDale into camp closer to his playing weight. Stay tuned, Folks…

Verbal Kint said:

Getinthemix said:

Matt Leinart in Start Up to cater Sweet 16 Birthday Parties

Matt Leinart has announced that he is the majority owner of Leinart Sweet 16's, which will cater Sweet 16 parties and other events. Matt says, "My company will be different. We will have hot tubs available for rental and I personally will be holding up the funnel for root beer shooters. My buddy Nick Lachey will personally be picking out the pretty girls for the hot tub." Minority partners include the aforementioned Lachey and Lendale White. Mr White's responsibility include food purchasing and consuming.

[[[[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]]]]

We like to see football players invest their money, so that they have a future after football. We are just not so sure that this is the correct venture for Matt. Previous pictures from earlier in the offseason aside, this could be interesting. Run, don't walk, to pick up Warner.

Click to expand...

:IBTL:

Click to expand...

Mark Chmura wants in.

Detroit Lions: Hall Of Fame Running Back to return to the fold

Former Detroit Lion star, and Hall Of Famer, Barry Sanders has rejoined his old team in an effort to revive the struggling franchise. At the age of 39, Sanders feels like he still has the skills to make an impact. "I feel like I am the best running back on the team right now. I realize that I made a big mistake leaving the game so early. I'm just 3,086 yards short of the rushing record, and I think I can still accomplish that feat." Reports out of Detroit say Sanders signed a three year contract worth 12 million dollars. Lions GM Matt Millen said, " Barry is a freak of nature when it comes to his physical skills. He looks just like the Barry Sanders that averaged almost a hundred yards a game for his career. We are excited to have him back."

( ( ( ( ( ( ( OUR VIEW ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )

Take it for what it's worth, but in our view this isn't just a ploy to motivate someone else. Sanders always marched to the beat of a different drum, and something like this is right up his alley. Even in a RBBC situation, he could easily average over a 1000 yards a year for the next three years and pass Smith for the most rushing yards of all time. His talent is unquestioned, his motivation is another thing. Sanders will be climbing up draft boards everywhere!

NFL -Cedric Benson goes 2 weeks without getting arrested - changes name.

June 30- (AP) Cedric Benson, formally of the Bears, has reportedly gone 2 weeks without getting arrested. "I'm a changed man," Benson declared. "I've given my life over to God. It's definitely for the best." Benson also announced he's adopting the "Pacman" moniker since it's no longer being used by Adam Jones. "With this new life change I felt it was time to throw the name Cedric by the wayside. It was only dragging me down," Benson said.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

We wish Pacman Benson all the best in his new career at Home Depot.

Note to any prospective IDP Survivor contest folks:

A winning entry in a contest for the "other" contest will make you ineligible for competition in the IDP contest, as message boarders cannot compete in both contests.

Error on my part. Message boarders may enter both contests.

Captain Quinoa said:

Joe Bryant sells stake in Footballguys to pursue restaurant dream.

Source: Tipsy McStagger, BlackEyed Joe's BBQ, LLC

Co-founder Joe Bryant today sold his share of Footballguys to Carlton Gray in order to pursue his dream of owning his own BBQ shack in rural Tennessee.

"I felt the time was right to make the move," said Bryant. "My heart just wasn't in it anymore. I'm watching Tom Brady throw to Randy Moss and all I can think about is the 10 beautiful Boston butts on the smoker outside." (editor's note: NTTAWWT)

Joe plans to open the restaurant in the coming months, offering traditional BBQ fare such as pulled pork, ribs, and baked beans. Even that nasty vinegar-based North Carolina style will likely have a home here. He's hoping some of the thousands of FBG members will maintain their allegiance and help his restaurant get off the ground.

A contest will be held to help Joe come up with a slogan, with the grand prize being a 3 year membership in the BlackEyed Joe's Sticky Fingers Club (value: $79.95). 10 runners up will receive BlackEyed Joe's bibs and wetnaps (value: priceless).

With Gray moving into an ownership role, Aaron Rudnicki was promoted to, ummmm... whatever it is Carlton does around here.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Joe, wait. We need the key to the thermostat cage and the password to your Larry_Boy account.

Is he gone?

Ok, turn off that ### #### ###### ####### piece of #### stupid ### language filter that giant ###### ### insisted on having to block out even the tiniest ###### ####### slightly off color words. ######## goody two shoes #######.

Click to expand...

early leader in the clubhouse

Sigmund Bloom travels to India; gets jump start on 2018 Bloom 100!

In a move that can only be construed as ingenious, Sigmund Bloom has seen the future of Pro Football. That future has led NFLdraftguys and Footballguys writer Sigmund Bloom to Mumbai, India and his name is Maitreya Suresh. Known as "Little Ghandi," 12 year old Suresh has shown a remarkable aptitude for reading complex NFL defenses. "I remember the first time I broke down tape of a 3-4 defense. Identifying a corner blitz is a feeling I've never felt before," Suresh said speaking through a translator. Suresh is being recruited by several colleges including James Madison and Howard.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Here at footballguys.com we go to the ends of the earth to bring you the very best in football news. Remember you heard of "Little Ghandi" here first. This is the type of in depth news you can expect for your $26.95.

NFL - Goodell to Retire as NFL Commissioner, to be Replaced by Brett Favre

National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell has announced he will retire in July after just two seasons. Further, he has announced that former Packers quarterback Brett Favre will succeed him. This surprising development comes in the midst of another NFL offseason filled with off-the-field player news that continues to plague the league, from DUIs and BUIs to hit-and-runs and Vegas beat downs.

Said Goodell in a brief news conference, "I'm mentally worn out. I'm tired of spending my time playing judge and jury, trying to uphold the image of the league. I thought my get tough policy would make a difference, but this league is so full of troublemakers that I just don't want to deal with it any more. It's been two years of hell, man. If it's not Pacman and Chris Henry, it's Belichick and Benson and Lynch. It just never stops. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I feel like I'm cracking up, and now I'm seeing a shrink. So screw it, I quit. Time for some golf." After a brief pause to wipe away tears, he continued "Oh yeah, and Brett Favre has agreed to take over. He said he thought it'd be fun. Yeah right. Fun."

Reaction from around the league has been mixed. Here's a sampling: Brett Favre - "When he first called, it was right after I retired and I couldn't decide if I wanted the job. At first I didn't, then I thought maybe yeah. Then no. Then maybe. No again. Then... uh, where was I?" Al Davis - "Who? Name sounds familiar. Memory isn't what it used to be." Pacman Jones - "Dude's gonna be a civilian now? Oh yeah. 'Scuse me, I gotta make me some calls..." Bill Belichick - "OK. Fine. It's over. Whatever. We've moved on." Jon Gruden - "I love the man. How can you not love the man? I really love the man. I love everybody." Drew Rosenhaus - "Next question."

Paul Tagliabue could not be reached for comment, but was photographed on his yacht in the Caribbean giving some sort of hand signal as he shouted "This is for you, NFL!"

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Joe Bryant here. I've always wondered if the Commissioner was biting off more than he could chew, worrying so much about non-football concerns and the so-called image of the game in addition to managing actual league matters. It's no secret that in any population there will be some problem children and sometimes you just have to live with them. The NFL has Chris Henry and Ricky Williams, we have Jeff Pasquino and Sigmund Bloom. What can you do? Anyway, it looks like it was just too much for poor Roger and he's become a basket case much like Dodds just before our magazine goes to press.

I think Favre will be a good Commissioner. With no law background and not a whole lot of book-larnin' of any kind, he'll probably audible most of his decisions. Some common sense in the NFL could be a good thing. One thing we know for sure -- as long as Brett keeps the job, he won't ever miss a day of work.

NY – NFL Front Office Announces Ban on Applause

Source: The Daily New Yorkian

In a move aimed at keeping the sport as clean and safe as possible, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced yesterday that applause will now be banned in all NFL Arenas. This move comes on the heels of a ban allowing players to have long hair, one preventing coaches from wearing suits on the sidelines (unless they are branded by the NFL) and another to prohibit excessive celebrations after scoring plays.

“Applause has long been a major distraction to the teams on the field, the referees, and our sponsors. By eliminating this spontaneous distraction, we feel we will enhance the average NFL viewers’ game-watching experience,” Said Goodell.

The league is reportedly looking at another series of bans including: No more than 12 letters allowed on the back of any jersey (sorry Roethlisberger), No left-handed quarterbacks (the counter-clockwise spin on the ball was found to be distracting to 3% of viewers in a focus group), and lastly, no tackling of the quarterback will be allowed unless the quarterback provides written permission to the opposing player prior to the play.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

It’s about time. We will get to work on our projections of all right-handed QB’s who are currently backing up lefties. You know our motto, you can never be too prepared.

OAK – Russell Has Heavy Competition At QB

Source: Oakland Tribune

With the recent addition of Jared “The Hefty Lefty” Lorenzen, the Raiders are attempting to tip the scales toward success. When asked why he thought the Raiders signed him, Lorenzen replied, “The equipment guy only ordered one size of QB pads, so it was either me or Shrek."

From all appearances, Al’s latest genius-like off-season move has created the camp’s first intense position battle. This morning at the Raider’s onsite cafeteria, Russell displayed his cat like reflexes and snatched the last biscuit off the counter just as Lorenzen was reaching for it. Knowing he had to make a immediate statement to save face in front off his new team, Lorenzen promptly drank the all the remaining gravy.

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Save your league entry fees this year and invest the cash in Krispy Kreme Donut Shops in the Oakland area. You’ll make a killing.

Charles E Ridenour Files Class-Action Lawsuit against Bryant Analytics

Source: Tommy Milsap (The Monroe County Advocate)

A group of business owners has hired attorney Charles E. Ridenour to file a Class-Action lawsuit against Bryant Analytics. Bryant Analytics is the owner and operator of the world’s premier fantasy football website, Footballguys.com.

The suit alleges that Footballguys.com is responsible for the “decrease in productivity of the corporate office”. Many companies have been forced to invest “millions” on internet filters as employees waste away up to 50 minutes each day on the Footballguys.com website.

Of course this has no chance of success, as Footballguys.com has the finances available to withstand a lawsuit of this type. The biggest impact this reporter can see, is a slight increase in the $26.95 yearly membership fee.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

This lawsuit will not impact the quality or quantity of the material you expect from Footballguys.com. When you’re the best at what you do, you anticipate people coming after you. We are fully prepared to defend ourselves and see no reason for changes in cost or content. If you would like to help in our fight against corporate America, donation can be sent via PayPal to dodds@footballguys.com

Brett Favre to Play in All Green Bay Packer Games

Source: Brett Favre, Self-proclaimed Awesomeness

Brett Favre will return the NFL to play for all Green Bay Packer opponents. When asked how he would learn all those offensive systems, he replied "They will learn the Brett Favre system." Brett Favre commented on the teams he would be playing for. "Chicago beat me all the time. You know what they say, if you can't beat 'em... Minny will be fun, run Berrian, run because the ball is coming. Detroit will give me less time, but I'll just chuck it down the field 2 seconds after the snap. Atlanta, same thing. Tampa Bay, I think I can upgrade dirt, Tennessee I can bring from pretender to contender in one game with just the TE, New Orleans will see so many fast passes it will seem like Katrina is back, Dallas can just have its QBs sit back with their girlfrends and watch the show. Seattle will see a game with all receivers catching passes, even the handicappable ones, Carolina, Houston, Jacksonville I'm going to win throwing shuttle passes, and that kid in Indy isn't better than me, because everyone knows I'm better at winning than everybody." Brett Favre was also quoted as saying "I could get more chicks than Brady, Montana wears Brett Favre Pajamas, and he doesn't really care for cheese." Rumor also has it he is considering being the commissioner too and playing for both superbowl teams. Madden 10 will feature Brett Farve on the cover...as all the teams QBs...and cheerleaders.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

We think Brett is looking to spread his cult for 2012 elections. A Madden Favre ticket.

Mike Williams bulking up for a new role with the Titans.

Source: AP

After a long documented struggle with his playing weight, Titans WR Mike Williams has decided to take advantage of his physical gifts. The Titans have announced today that he will be reassigned to play right tackle. Instead of fighting to get down to a playing weight of 225 he will be adding weight to get to the 300 pound mark. Fortunately for the Titans, they do not expect the change to take long as Mike has shown his dedication to training.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

We are a bit surprised with the move to OL. We’ve long expected a move to TE as long as he could develop his blocking skills. Now he’ll just have to remember to report himself as an eligible receiver on each play. I guess if your league scores for OL, he could finally have some value.

Tom Brady retires from NFL; to become Rapper!

In a shocking development Tom Brady has abruptly retired from the NFL to pursue a career as a rapper. "It's been my dream ever since I was a little guy from the bay area. You feel me? How else am I going get paid? You know what I'm saying!" said Brady. Brady, who's rap nickname is B-Lite Dawg, relates to the struggles of being a white rapper - "I was a 6th round draft pick. I've lived the struggle. Can't no one tell me nothing until you walked in my shoes." Brady's errr B-Lite Dawg's first album, "F Dem Giants," drops October 3rd.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

2007 has seen a lot of the NFL's elite retire: Brett Favre, Michael Strahan, Jonathan Ogden, Larry Allen, Junior Seau and Warren Sapp. This has to be the biggest shock of them all. B-Lite Dawg we'll truly miss you. You were one of the All-Time greats.

John Madden to Host New Show on Food Network

In a surprising announcement, the Food Network’s fall lineup will include a new show, Pork & Beans, hosted by John Madden. The former NFL coach and announcer will prepare exquisite cuisines such as his classic Thanksgiving Turduken and newer, more original dishes, like the signature Madden Shoosig, which is a goose, stuffed inside a pig, stuffed inside a sheep and deep fried. It is expected the show will often feature former NFL players and coaches as guest chefs, including Brett Favre, Brett Favre, and Brett Favre.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

This is a shrewd move by the Food Network. Pairing Madden’s comedic genius with the down home country charm of Brett Favre should appeal to a whole new untapped segment of potential viewers.

Jene Bramel said:

Note to any prospective IDP Survivor contest folks:A winning entry in a contest for the "other" contest will make you ineligible for competition in the IDP contest, as message boarders cannot compete in both contests.

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Miscommunication between David and I.Message boarders may enter both contests. My apologies.

GB - Favre Drafts Self #1 Overall in Local FF League

Source: Bus Cook, Bus Cook Sports

Former (?) Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre has reportedly drafted himself #1 overall in a recent fantasy football draft held in his hometown of Gulfport, Mississippi. Favre's local league was formed three years ago with old high school friends and family members as a means to distract Favre from the stress of the will-he-or-won't-he retirement game he played the past several offseasons. Every year of the redraft league's existence had Favre taking himself in round one of the draft, but this year it seriously raised some eyebrows now that he has officially retired from the NFL.

"What are we counting pick up games in your backyard now?" quipped Brett's brother Scott, the two-time defending Gulfport Goons League champion, "or are you trying to tell us something?" Brett just smiled coyly and prepped for his set of picks at the 2nd/3rd round turn (he went Jennings/Driver). Nothing else of note came out of the draft until high school friend Bubba Smith snagged Aaron Rodgers in the 7th round. "Nice pick," smarmed Favre, "a very nice pick indeed." Which Favre then followed up with a stiff jab to Bubba's gut.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Consider the source here folks. Bus Cook has been angling all offseason for Favre to return to the game. Whether or not Brett's FF draft really means anything in terms of reality here is hard to say, but this is something that I definitely thought everyone should know. What is clear is that Favre isn't yet a Hall of Famer in fantasy football.

Reggie Bush Found After Three Day Search

In a bizzare turn of events, New Orleans Saints runningback Reggie Bush was found after a 3 day police search that started and ended in the same place. After being reported missing by girlfriend Kim Kardashian, police returned to her Los Angeles home to find Mr. Bush had been lodged in Miss Kardashian's gigantic ### the entire time. "I don't know how this happened", Kardashian said. "I sat on the couch and realized Reggie was missing. I didn't realize I had sat on him". Mr. Bush was noticeably woozy following his discovery. "I was asleep on the couch, next thing you know I wake up in something I can only describe as a dark cave". Police will be doing a full investigation into the ### of Miss Kardashaian, as rumors immediately surfaced that there may be other missing people up there. Jimmy Hoffa has not been ruled out.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

This can not be good news for Bush's fantasy owners. Bush had hoped to bulk up during the offseason, but has lost 20 pounds being stuck in that cavernous booty. Bush has vowed to get back into his offseason workout regimen which will consist of gaining back the weight he lost and staying away from any place his girlfriend sits.

BusMan said:

GB - Favre Drafts Self #1 Overall in Local FF League

Source: Bus Cook, Bus Cook Sports

Former (?) Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre has reportedly drafted himself #1 overall in a recent fantasy football draft held in his hometown of Gulfport, Mississippi. Favre's local league was formed three years ago with old high school friends and family members as a means to distract Favre from the stress of the will-he-or-won't-he retirement game he played the past several offseasons. Every year of the redraft league's existence had Favre taking himself in round one of the draft, but this year it seriously raised some eyebrows now that he has officially retired from the NFL.

"What are we counting pick up games in your backyard now?" quipped Brett's brother Scott, the two-time defending Gulfport Goons League champion, "or are you trying to tell us something?" Brett just smiled coyly and prepped for his set of picks at the 2nd/3rd round turn (he went Jennings/Driver). Nothing else of note came out of the draft until high school friend Bubba Smith snagged Aaron Rodgers in the 7th round. "Nice pick," smarmed Favre, "a very nice pick indeed." Which Favre then followed up with a stiff jab to Bubba's gut.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Consider the source here folks. Bus Cook has been angling all offseason for Favre to return to the game. Whether or not Brett's FF draft really means anything in terms of reality here is hard to say, but this is something that I definitely thought everyone should know. What is clear is that Favre isn't yet a Hall of Famer in fantasy football.

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And we have a winner!

Salmonella Scare is false alarm at Rams Camp

Mequon, WI (AP) - Several members of the Rams offensive line were rushed to a local hospital for emergency intravenous hydration and antibiotic treatment this afternoon. Emergency workers responding to the initial call, speaking anonymously, confirm that ambulances and early response members of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention arrived prior to the Rams afternoon practice to a scene described by one EMT as "a scene straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie." At least seven players were discovered laying incapacitated in the training center, rolling across the floor to avoid the overflow from the toilet facilities. "The stench was unbearable," commented Battalion Chief Sid Kolowski, "the amount of offal covering the floors and stall walls, it was worse than the feed yards at the Roberts Dairy plant."

Officials with the CDC were called in to investigate the possibility of a Salmonella outbreak. Early reports suggested that tainted tomatoes had been delivered to the Rams camp but these have proven to be inaccurate. Interviews with the players and employees at Charlatan Chiropractic Center revealed that running back Steven Jackson purchased colonics for his teammates after receiving a treatment last week. Jackson discussed his experience with colon cleansing during an interview with Michael Silver of Yahoo Sports, stating "Once you get it all out of you, your body feels great. You get a boost of energy, and you feel like you can accomplish anything." It is believed that Jackson felt that the treatment would provide similar results to his teammates, and giving the lineman colonics could improve the running game by opening larger holes.

[[[[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]]]]

Certainly Jackson's heart was in the right place but episodes like this are guaranteed to raise the ire of his teammates and the coaching staff. An audio clip from Coach Linehan's interview with FBG Cecil Bloom colorfully demonstrates the level of concern circulating through the coaching staff, as he is heard to say, "Wrecked 'em? Dang near killed them." Our thoughts and prayers are with the affected players and the janitorial staff of Concordia College.

Osama bin Laden tapped for Madden 2010 Cover

Source: Amanda Huginkiss, Daily Times

John Madden, exasperated by the intelligence community's inability to find the international terrorist, has decided to put the infamous jinx to good use. Working with the US military, Madden has put an authenticated image of bin Laden on the cover, which has a 98% chance of causing bin Laden to trip on his robes and smash his head on a rock outcropping. Senior military officials were quoted "We were left with only two remaining options, using the Madden curse, or launching Chuck Norris from a satellite in outer space. Due to theatre-wide damage caused by a Norris strike, we felt the surgical Madden option was more prudent"

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

We've been saying this for quite a while. We'll keep an eye on this for you and see how it plays out, but for now its safe to drop Osama down your draft boards. Unless its a death pool, in which case he would be, you know, shooting up. Stay tuned.

RB Kevin Jones Opts For Experimental Cybernetic Legs Procedure

Source: AP

Kevin Jones, the talented yet often injured running back battling knee and foot injuries throughout his young career, has elected to have an experimental but promising procedure done on his legs. Thanks to advances in biotechnology, Kevin Jones will have both legs removed at the hips and replaced with robotic replacements. "I'm so excited, I can't wait to have this procedure done", said the former Detroit Lions ball carrier, "My new cybernetic legs will be wired into my central nervous system. I will have full control of them like they were my own natural legs. The only exception is they will be much more durable, quicker, stronger, and explosive than my current legs. The NFL isn't going to know what hit them."

Roger Goodell, however, did speak of some concerns against the procedure, "While this isn't technically against the rules... there really is no rule banning players from using synthetic legs. Unfortunately, the risk is imposed upon us of Kevin Jones sparking an NFL legs race. If this procedure is successful, we may see many other players scrambling to get the latest and greatest robotic legs available. We will have to wait and see how this plays out."

Kevin Jones will have the procedure done next week. He will miss the 2008 season, but will be ready for training camp in 2009.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

It appears the NFL may be entering into a transitional stage. One where rigorous weight training and conditioning are replaced with the latest robotics and biotechnologies. We will be sure to keep you informed of how this affects the NFL and fantasy football

Kitna makes new prediction for the Lions

Source: Detroit Free Press

Earlier today, Jon Kitna, the starting Quarterback for the Detroit Lions, made a new, bold prediction. Last season he predicted 10 wins, and fell a few short, despite starting the season off smoking hot.

"I've looked into a crystal ball this year, and I can see a record-breaking season. I was a little off last year. But during the offseason I went to Psychics Clown School, and they taught me a lot. I think the biggest thing I pulled from it was to not try and make predictions while tagging along with the Detroit Police during a drug bust. I thought I caught a whiff of something that smelled like marijuana, but didn't think much of it. As it turns out, it was marijuana, and later that day was when I made that prediction. So I think you can see how I made that prediction. I was simply high."

When pressed for what he thought the Lions could do this season, Kitna laughed and forecasted the following:

"We're going 0-fer. We're going to accomplish what the Dolphins couldn't do last year. They tried so hard to complete such a monumental task, but failed. We are going to do it, and do it as the grand underachievers that we are. Matt Millen over the years has made sure that we do this through drafts and free agency. He has done this masterfully and shown the football world what a genius he is. I also predict that the fans will be psyched and behind us 100% as we attempt this epic flop."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Ummm, we're not entirely sure what to make of it. Does Kitna actually think the Lions will win no games this year, or is he just trying to do some sort of reverse psychology thing where if they win games this year, he can say "See? I was just playing with you!" Knowing the Lions and how badly they have been over the years, we are tempted to agree with Kitna that they won't win anything in 2008.

DET - RB Kevin Jones signs 3 year deal

Source: Tom Kowalski, MLive.com

Former Detroit Lions running back Kevin Jones was re-signed today following his Saturday workout where he sprinted and cut only five months after his major knee injury. Jones was cut in March with only one month remaining on his contract, but today signed a three year guaranteed contract for $14 Million. “His workout was unbelievable so we thought that he deserved a similarly unbelievable contract,” Lions CEO Matt Millen stated.

Owner William Clay Ford replied that the although the move was unorthodox as it cost the Lions a lot of their cap space. When compared to Millen’s worst in the NFL record of 31-81 over his seven years of leadership or his previous drafts in 02 of QB Joey Harrington 3rd overall, 03 of WR Charles Rogers 2nd overall, and 05 WR Mike Williams at 10th overall, it is actually one of his best moves ever.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

The Lion running game is supposed to be improved in 08 and will definitely be stressed more by Coach Rod Marinelli, but with rookie Kevin Smith, holdover Tatum Bell, and now Kevin Jones returning, the odds of a RBBC being employed by the Lions are very good. The Lions backfield should definitely be avoided until very late in your fantasy drafts.

Marshawn Lynch to Teach Driver's Education at Local High School.

Source: Buffalo News

After pleading gulity to being the driver in a downtown Buffalo hit and run accident, Buffalo Bills running back Marshawn Lynch is making up for his mistakes with community service. Lynch, is now serving as a driver's education instructor at a high school close to his suburb home. "I passed my road test my first time, I want to be able to teach these kids how to properly drive a vehicle." Lynch said. "Marshawn is a real sweet dude, he shows us how to avoid traffic lights and where cops shoot radar, the places to speed and the places to actually follow the speed limit. He likes to call it Beast Mode Driving" One student said.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Well it looks like Lynch is trying to make things right after his hit and run incident. We don't know what really goes on in those student cars. Pay close attention this off season to any accidents involving students of Lynch or Lynch himself while instructing.

Verbal Kint said:

Osama bin Laden tapped for Madden 2010 Cover

Source: Amanda Huginkiss, Daily Times

John Madden, exasperated by the intelligence community's inability to find the international terrorist, has decided to put the infamous jinx to good use. Working with the US military, Madden has put an authenticated image of bin Laden on the cover, which has a 98% chance of causing bin Laden to trip on his robes and smash his head on a rock outcropping. Senior military officials were quoted "We were left with only two remaining options, using the Madden curse, or launching Chuck Norris from a satellite in outer space. Due to theatre-wide damage caused by a Norris strike, we felt the surgical Madden option was more prudent"

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

We've been saying this for quite a while. We'll keep an eye on this for you and see how it plays out, but for now its safe to drop Osama down your draft boards. Unless its a death pool, in which case he would be, you know, shooting up. Stay tuned.

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LOL

Denver, CO - Coors Looking Pretty Good, Experts Say

Source: Rocky Mountain Times

Ever since he was draughted, Coors Light has been lauded by the Broncos coaching staff as light on his feet, with a running style that is "full of hops". This may be the first time since his born on date that he gets a chance to prove himself. "Light has been playing pretty well now. It's a little early to name a starter, although I'm leaning towards the nachos". Other players that Denver is rumored to be interested in included Wings, an unrestricted free agent from Buffalo, Cole Slaw, and Beans, about whom assistant Steve DeBerger said, "I want the two of them on my side". Unfortunately, Jim Drunkenmiller announced he would be sidelined for the season after weaving around the practice field and making a nasty spin move. He later told reporters that this would never happen again, and that he "loved you guys".

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

We've been telling you for months that Coors would get a lot of attention this summer. Even if he doesn't get the starting job, it seems Coors always has good value for last place teams near the trading deadline. Remember to draft responsibly, and that friends don't let friends draft Drunkenmiller.

rzrback77 said:

DET - RB Kevin Jones signs 3 year deal

Source: Tom Kowalski, MLive.com

Former Detroit Lions running back Kevin Jones was re-signed today following his Saturday workout where he sprinted and cut only five months after his major knee injury. Jones was cut in March with only one month remaining on his contract, but today signed a three year guaranteed contract for $14 Million. “His workout was unbelievable so we thought that he deserved a similarly unbelievable contract,” Lions CEO Matt Millen stated.

Owner William Clay Ford replied that the although the move was unorthodox as it cost the Lions a lot of their cap space. When compared to Millen’s worst in the NFL record of 31-81 over his seven years of leadership or his previous drafts in 02 of QB Joey Harrington 3rd overall, 03 of WR Charles Rogers 2nd overall, and 05 WR Mike Williams at 10th overall, it is actually one of his best moves ever.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

The Lion running game is supposed to be improved in 08 and will definitely be stressed more by Coach Rod Marinelli, but with rookie Kevin Smith, holdover Tatum Bell, and now Kevin Jones returning, the odds of a RBBC being employed by the Lions are very good. The Lions backfield should definitely be avoided until very late in your fantasy drafts.

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Bengals in Hot Water with Goodell

Source: Cincinnati Enquirer

Fans of the Cincinnati Bengals are used to seeing the Bengal players get in trouble with Commissioner Goodell. But this time the culprit is the owner of the Bengals himself, Mike Brown. And the infraction is rather embarrassing. It seems that Brown was caught hiding in a laundry basket in the Cleveland Brown locker room. When questioned, Brown admitted that he was looking for towels that had "that staff infection on them." Apparently Mr. Brown was looking for an easy way to get rid of the current Bengal coaching staff without inciting the ire of fans. When informed that the problem that the Browns are having is actually a "staph infection" and a legitimate medical condition, Brown hung his head in shame. The Commissioner has scheduled a meeting with Mike Brown on Tuesday to discuss any punishment.

[[[[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]]]]

This shouldn't have any fantasy effect on Bengal players, but you have to feel for Bengal fans on this one. Maybe they should send a book of Marge Schott quotes to Brown and hope for the best.

Hester Offically Named Superman of Bears

AFter watching 5 weeks of Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton combine for a now typical 'bearesque' 6 TD's to go with 8 interceptions, Head Coach Lovie Smith went to Devin Hester as his quarterback for the second half of the Bears game against the Lions. The Bears came back from a 13 point deficit with 3 TD's by Hester, all rushing, to win 31-27. After the game, Hester proclaimed his desire to remain at the position. "Our receivers didn't run the routes real well, so I had to run, but luckily it worked out. They'll get better as they get to know my style." Lovie Smith added, "We're going to have to work with Devin a little bit on the playbook as we had some issues, but we will go with our best option. Devin is our quarterback."

OUR VIEW

The Bears looked like Tony Romo in the Diet Pepsi ad, as the linemen and receivers went one way, as Hester went the other, but it worked out well for the Bears this week. You must keep in mind they were playing the equivalent of a bad Division II college defense in the Lions, so try to temper your expectations some. By next week, Devin may not even remember that he played quarterback. Stay tuned.

Sept. 4, 2008

Goodell suspends the entire League for the year

Peyton Manning was arrested in Knoxville Saturday jaywalking across the street while on his way to attend his alma mater's opener. This arrest marked the 500th arrest of an NFL player in 2008, a threshold limit pre-set for the year by commissioner Roger Goodell. Goodell promptly cancelled the rest of the season. "I've had enough... my patience with the league's players has run out. Maybe if the players take a year off and realize what they are missing, they will learn to stay out of trouble and we can play football again. Teams can re-open their facilities for OTA's in May 2009."

[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]

####, We will add one year to everyone's subscription. Looking on the brighter side, we will have plenty of time to have all 1343 prospective 2009 draftees thoroughly scouted by April. From their day-night 40-time splits in relation to their shoe size, from their preferred pre-game meal to how many times they poop per day, we WILL be ready for the 09 draft!

I hope I'm not stealing thunder from anyone else, but I can't resist having fun like this

Benson Opens "Cruise Your Blues Away" Tours



Source: Megan Manfull, Houston Chronicle

Cedric Benson is looking to capitalize on his newly found free time. Working on his other passion, sailing and enjoying his times on the waters, Benson is inviting his fellow Texans to "Sail Away to a Better Day" with Benson Boating Tours. When asked about recent events and what inspired Benson to start this enterprise, he said "There's no crying in sailing." There you have it.

[[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]

Bryant Boats has not been contacted for any particular pricing and availability, but stay tuned.

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Martz's Mind Always Turning - Two QBs At Once?

Source: Matthew Barrows, Sacramento Bee

For those of you out there who have been wondering if it will be Alex Smith or Shaun Hill to win the starting job for the 49ers, Mike Martz has apparently given us the answer.

Yes.

In an effort to always be a cutting edge coach, Martz plans on employing a new formation this year that uses not just one but TWO QBs on the field at the same time. Dubbed the "double barreled shotgun", it looks like a one-back shotgun formation but has both Smith and Hill lined up seven yards back of the center. The 49ers were spotted at OTAs working on the details of motioning Gore to the slot or splitting Vernon Davis out wide, but the center has the option of snapping the ball to either quarterback based on verbal and visual signals from Smith.

"It takes some getting used to," Smith said, "but Martz has been successful in producing good offense, so who is to argue?" Martz later commented that "laterals are still legal plays, and expect that to be in the mix."

[[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]

I'm not sure if I have ever seen this before, but it is interesting. We may see for the first time two quarterbacks on the field at once - and neither may get up after the same play. J.T. O'Sullivan better stay loose, and Trent Dilfer should keep his caller ID on for his cellphone.

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My favorite:

Goodell Petitions To Sell Buffalo, NY To Canada



Source: Gene Warner, Buffalo News

Today citizens of Buffalo, New York woke up as members of the United States, but that could all change if new legislation passes this fall.

In an effort to find more economic stimuli, Senator Arlen Spector introduced a bill co-sponsored by Sen. Hillary Clinton to sell Buffalo, New York to Canada. Buffalo would become one of the largest and most southern points in all of the Province of Ontario. Financial terms were not disclosed in the bill.

When asked to their collective reasoning, Spector said that he had "given up on SpyGate but had been hearing how popular the Bills were in Canada" during his investigations and meetings with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Mrs. Clinton issued a brief statement that "she had newfound time on her hands and that Republicans were infiltrating Buffalo anyway, so this kills two birds with one stone."

New York Governor David A. Paterson was quoted as saying "The United States and the New York economies need invigoration. What better way can we do just that but to capitalize on the desire of Canada to expand and also inject their strong dollars into our coffers?"

Canadian officials were all watching hockey and unavailable to comment on the bill.

[[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]

The first permanent settlers in present day Buffalo were Cornelius Winney and "Black Joe" Hodges, who set up a log cabin store there in 1789 for trading with the Native American community. That doesn't really relate much to the story, but "Black Joe" sounds so close to "Black-Eyed Joe" I just couldn't resist.

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NFL Negotiating With Vince McMahon

Source Jason Cole, Yahoo! Sports

This sounds like an April Fool's Day joke but we assure you that it is true. While college football is considered by many to be the minor league system for the NFL, the NFL is the only one of the major sports without a true minor league system to develop players. NFL Europe was a flop so they will try again on American soil.

The XFL will be run much like the NBADL. The most interesting rule is that suspended players MUST play in the XFL before reinstatement is considered. Roger Goodell feels this will help keep players out of trouble. "Would you drive drunk if it meant you had to play in the XFL?" Goodell asked as he shook his head an then added, "I know I wouldn't."

[[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]

Gotta love the tactic by Goodell to threaten embarrassment to get players to straighten up. Rumor has it that Adam Jones canceled a night out at the strip club when he heard the news.

NE - Patriots Change Brady's Injury Designation

Source: Mike Reiss, Boston Globe

After the tragic car accident in which superstar athelete Tom Brady died in last Saturday, Mike Reiss of the Boston Globe is reporting that the the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick have released a statement: "We are greatly saddened by the events of this past Saturday. Right now we are going through all of the information and reviewing the medical examiner's report. At this time, we regret to report that we have made the difficult decision to make Tom Brady doubtful with a shoulder injury for Week 1 of the regular season. We will re-evaluate his status as Week 1 approaches. We will have no further comment at this time and just wish to move forward."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

For years the Patriots have played games with the injury report, but this seems to be begging for discipline from the Commissioner's office. It seems like a slap in the face not only to the fans, but to the memory of Tom Brady as well. Frankly, we're appalled at this behavior. However, Goodell's response seems to indicate that no punishment will be forthcoming:

"I'm convinced that the New England Patriots have turned over all information regarding this situation. As I said before, I'm not sure how it got shredded, burned and then sent into orbit on the space shuttle, but I'm convinced that there was nothing incriminating there and that the Patriots have been punished enough." - Roger Goodell

Marinelli Adds To Coaching Staff

Source: Detroit News

Rod Marinelli added a new strength and conditioning coach yesterday, Gina Marinelli. Gina

(pronounced jine-uh) fills the role recently vacated by Malcolm Blacken. Rod Marinelli stated:

"She's the toughest person I know. The fact that she is my daughter had no bearing on my

decision."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

This was bound to happen. Rod Marinelli already had his son-in-law Joe Barry on staff as

Defensive Coordinator. There had to be jealousy brewing amongst siblings.