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Yankee23Fan

Member Since 14 Apr 2003
Offline Last Active Yesterday, 08:07 PM
****-

Posts I've Made

In Topic: Boss trying to set me up on a date...

Yesterday, 02:44 PM

This has the potential to be an epic thread. Do yourself a favor and game plan this thing for the weekend. Research some of the old greats, maybe read a story telling for dummies book. Plan it then execute.

In Topic: Marriage...When is it over?

Yesterday, 12:31 PM

 

 

 

 

You mentioned that this has been going on since 2010ish - what happened that year that could have been a trigger?  death, sibling married, best friend affair, new boss, etc etc.  Something most likely changed if to you there is some form of clear start (in rough terms obviously) to the point at which things started going south.

 

Next, you said you've been trying to make her happy since that point.  Initially - how have you been trying.  

 

Next, stop whatever you were trying because I am going to assume that you are letting her control things, doing more around the house so she doesn't have to and filing in on mommy and wife roles while she is not doing one of the primary wife roles.  Basically she is being rewarded for her behavior and that needs to stop.  Again, assumption based on what the answer to the second question is.

 

Your first step at this moment, beyond answering the questions, is start focusing on you.  Do what you want to do.  Are the guys getting together and you want to join?  Then join.  Don't ask for permission, just tell her you are going.  Obviously if the kids need you for some reason fine but the point is that if she in any way controls your schedule simply because she is wife and there isn't a good reason, that stops.  Did you have a hobby or play a sport you were good at and enjoyed that you have let lax since she started this spiral?  If so, do that again.  

 

Do not, under any circumstances start or continue any passive agressive nonsense.  It never works and makes you feel worse.  Do what you need to and want to do to make you happy.  Get in shape if you aren't, try to eat a little better.  When she starts on a tirade or putting you down you firmly tell her to knock it off, that type of talk will no longer be tolerated and if she continues you leave the room and ignore her.  You make it known that you will not be a part of her hysterics and you aren't playing her game anymore.

 

As for when you know a marriage is over - I would argue yours is on about the last part of life support it could be.  So your choice in this moment is to stay in the midst of the mess or better yourself.  And by bettering yourself one of two things will happen - 1. she will come along, respond and join you or 2. she won't, you will realize it and from there when you finally do get divorced you will be in a much better position in life to move forward.

 

This is a fantastic post :thumbup:

nice work YF

 

If she was a stay at home mom, I'd agree. OP says she works, so most of Yankee's reply is kind of strange, old-school misogynist clap-trap, IMO... and also passive aggressive avoidance.

 

Huh?  I would love to know, truly, how my saying that you should not do anything passive agressive is, in fact, passive agressive avoidance?

 

avoiding her... even if she doesn't abide by his rules :shrug:

 

but I didn't read through initially- didn't see the laying down of those rules in the first place (non-passive aggressive)... just saw you saying to avoid her (passive-aggressive).

 

Then you misinterpret or I wasn't clear.

 

You don't avoid her as in, hide from the confrontation or conversation necessary.  You tackle it head on.  If she starts you firmly say you aren't taking part in a conversation where she belittles you.  If she can't speak to her husband like an adult then she doesn't get to be treated like an adult and you leave the conversation and refuse to take part in it.  It's really that simple.  That's not avoidance.


In Topic: Marriage...When is it over?

Yesterday, 12:22 PM

 

 

If no sex means your marriage is over then I have been unmarried for the last 24 years.  Damn, someone should have sent me the memo a few years ago.

Seriously?

 

I exaggerated a little - but since my wife went through the cancer scare 4 years ago and had a complete hysterectomy (weird for someone so young, but part of surviving her cancer) it was a game changer.  And because of her cancer she cannot take the hormones that would normally be prescribed which means, not a lot of physical intimacy.  Sucks because my libido didn't change - but I'd rather have her alive with less intimacy than dead.

 

Ah, completely understandable then.  I agree.  If in a similar situation, I too would do the same.  


In Topic: Marriage...When is it over?

Yesterday, 12:20 PM

 

 

You mentioned that this has been going on since 2010ish - what happened that year that could have been a trigger?  death, sibling married, best friend affair, new boss, etc etc.  Something most likely changed if to you there is some form of clear start (in rough terms obviously) to the point at which things started going south.

 

Next, you said you've been trying to make her happy since that point.  Initially - how have you been trying.  

 

Next, stop whatever you were trying because I am going to assume that you are letting her control things, doing more around the house so she doesn't have to and filing in on mommy and wife roles while she is not doing one of the primary wife roles.  Basically she is being rewarded for her behavior and that needs to stop.  Again, assumption based on what the answer to the second question is.

 

Your first step at this moment, beyond answering the questions, is start focusing on you.  Do what you want to do.  Are the guys getting together and you want to join?  Then join.  Don't ask for permission, just tell her you are going.  Obviously if the kids need you for some reason fine but the point is that if she in any way controls your schedule simply because she is wife and there isn't a good reason, that stops.  Did you have a hobby or play a sport you were good at and enjoyed that you have let lax since she started this spiral?  If so, do that again.  

 

Do not, under any circumstances start or continue any passive agressive nonsense.  It never works and makes you feel worse.  Do what you need to and want to do to make you happy.  Get in shape if you aren't, try to eat a little better.  When she starts on a tirade or putting you down you firmly tell her to knock it off, that type of talk will no longer be tolerated and if she continues you leave the room and ignore her.  You make it known that you will not be a part of her hysterics and you aren't playing her game anymore.

 

As for when you know a marriage is over - I would argue yours is on about the last part of life support it could be.  So your choice in this moment is to stay in the midst of the mess or better yourself.  And by bettering yourself one of two things will happen - 1. she will come along, respond and join you or 2. she won't, you will realize it and from there when you finally do get divorced you will be in a much better position in life to move forward.

 

This is a fantastic post :thumbup:

nice work YF

 

If she was a stay at home mom, I'd agree. OP says she works, so most of Yankee's reply is kind of strange, old-school misogynist clap-trap, IMO... and also passive aggressive avoidance.

 

Huh?  I would love to know, truly, how my saying that you should not do anything passive agressive is, in fact, passive agressive avoidance?


In Topic: Marriage...When is it over?

Yesterday, 12:10 PM

If no sex means your marriage is over then I have been unmarried for the last 24 years.  Damn, someone should have sent me the memo a few years ago.

Seriously?