I swing the bathroom door open with a flourish and step out sideways into the main room where the hot tub is. She turns around and sees me and I go to spin 90 degrees and swing the Legend into a head-on attack position when it happens.
As I spin into position (I'm nothing if not a showman) - the cigarette I had lit and had in my mouth hits the door frame, ever so slightly. Just hard enough to knock the cherry off of it, which falls..............................down...................... I see it............wait..........................oh no..............................
*SIZZLE*
It lands right on the head of my ####, direct hit. A laser guided cruise missile couldn't have been more accurate. It took a split second with the sound of burning flesh in my ears before I kind of half screamed/half yelped in agony and began spinning around in circles in a blind panic. Just then, my eyes settle on a glass of ice water that my GF had poured herself, so instinctually, I grabbed it and jammed my rapidly deflating column of love into it. The odd sensation I felt was not that of relief, but of even more intense burning. That's when I realized I had just ####ed her vodka on the rocks.
