Is it wrong to deal with loss/tragedy by using humor? (1 Viewer)

[ghostguy123]

If you’re posting jokes on a public message board are you really coping? Or just looking for attention.

Does anyone here need to cope?

 

[Hoh]

If you’re posting jokes on a public message board are you really coping? Or just looking for attention.

Does anyone here need to cope?

The title said ”deal with”

 

[Scoresman]

If you’re posting jokes on a public message board are you really coping? Or just looking for attention.

I made this thread with the intent of it being about humor to cope with tragedy in general, not just message boards. But I think even on forums, it depends on the jokes. On a public message board you just need to make damn sure you aren't targeting anyone affected. Someone up thread made a good point, laugh with others not at them. I think that would apply.

 

[Gawain]

If you’re posting jokes on a public message board are you really coping? Or just looking for attention.

Does anyone here need to cope?

I have to cope with a world where 535 women and children can drown in the Med Sea with little mention and then listen to news across the spectrum spend the past 4 days on 5 people who fell victim to their own hubris. I have to cope with my own hypocrisy; living my comfy middle class lifestyle while people starve to death. I doubt anyone here is coping with the deaths, but we all should have to struggle with our role in the world and what the past 4 days say about us.

 

[ghostguy123]

If you’re posting jokes on a public message board are you really coping? Or just looking for attention.

Does anyone here need to cope?

I have to cope with a world where 535 women and children can drown in the Med Sea with little mention and then listen to news across the spectrum spend the past 4 days on 5 people who fell victim to their own hubris. I have to cope with my own hypocrisy; living my comfy middle class lifestyle while people starve to death. I doubt anyone here is coping with the deaths, but we all should have to struggle with our role in the world and what the past 4 days say about us.

Yeah. People suck, and they suck more a each day passes

 

[Ridgeback]

If you’re posting jokes on a public message board are you really coping? Or just looking for attention.

Does anyone here need to cope?

I have to cope with a world where 535 women and children can drown in the Med Sea with little mention and then listen to news across the spectrum spend the past 4 days on 5 people who fell victim to their own hubris. I have to cope with my own hypocrisy; living my comfy middle class lifestyle while people starve to death. I doubt anyone here is coping with the deaths, but we all should have to struggle with our role in the world and what the past 4 days say about us.

Very well said. We're supposed to feel bad for a billionaire who chose to have a joyride that others warned him about? Yes, it's sad what happened, but a tragedy compared to so many other events? Please. Again, all things need perspective.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Now I see why that thread got locked.

 

[Bracie Smathers]

Is it wrong to deal with loss/tragedy by using humor?​

---

If you have to ask...
We all have seen where one comment that leans towards offensive but isn't opens doors for people who cross a line.
It happens to a point it is a pattern.
Long time ago I learned this lesson when a 'practical joke war' got seriously out of hand when bystanders got involved and went nuclear.
...Started out tame.
I was the head waiter at a hotel restaurant on a slow night when I got a room service order which came with an automatic service charge so I rushed it up and knocked on the door, but no one came.
My buddy was working the front desk. I came down and he's laughing because the order was for him.
The war began, one thing lead to another but it was between us and fairly tame and fun, UNTIL others got involved and they crossed the line by messing with my buddy's car.
I went to my buddy and called a truce, he said.
"I'm glad you said that" as he held up a vile what looked like black ink. I was thinking poison or something sinister.
It kinda was little bit sinister.
Long story short, the practical joke war ended when the lead instigator's teeth turned green for a month with special Mexican food coloring that my buddy sent away for.
That guy who went overboard never showed up for work or picked up his last check due to shame.
...Saw him a year later at college and said 'Hey GREEEN TEETH! HOW'S IT GOING?'
He sidled up to me and said. "You guys got me real good."
He explained how he kept brushing his teeth and after two weeks he figured it would never come out.
He got a pretty good scare, but it was well deserved karma.
You may be hysterical with your tragic comedy and never cross the line, but you can't control others and some people need to be taught some lessons.

 

[jvdesigns2002]

I don’t think that using humor to deal with a loss/tragedy is wrong—but it only works if it’s executed perfectly. Otherwise, I think it’s a strategy that has a lot of downside risk. I think it can rub other people that are grieving from the loss/tragedy the wrong way. I also think that it can also be viewed as being narcissistic as it can come across as being dismissive of the tragedy in order to promote one’s humorous personality. Even if it’s well intended—I think the optics of using humor to deal with tragedy can be very challenging. I think the conditions, the crowd, people’s familiarity with you, the context—all play a part in if it can be executed perfectly. I think this is why maybe well known comedians can sometimes get away with doing it. First off—most people are aware that their profession is to make jokes—so some context is established. Secondly—a lot of people are familiar with the style and humor of various comedians—so that also plays in their favor. With that said—a lot of comedians also fully admit that most comedians have narcissistic qualities. So basically—I don’t think it’s wrong to deal with tragedy/loss using humor—-but I do think that utilizing that strategy is like walking the tightest of ropes—and to only attempt it in front of others if you think that you can execute it perfectly.

 

[AAABatteries]

From our AI overlords:

The way people cope with loss and tragedy can vary greatly from person to person. Humor is a common coping mechanism for many individuals, as it can provide a temporary release from pain, lighten the mood, and help alleviate some of the emotional burden. However, whether or not using humor to deal with loss or tragedy is "wrong" depends on the context and the individuals involved.

It's important to consider the sensitivities and feelings of others when using humor in such situations. What may be appropriate and comforting for one person may be hurtful or disrespectful to another. It's crucial to exercise empathy and tact when using humor as a coping mechanism, being mindful of the potential impact on others who may be grieving or affected by the tragedy.

Additionally, humor should not be used as a way to avoid or suppress emotions entirely. It's important to acknowledge and process the pain and sadness that come with loss or tragedy. While humor can provide temporary relief, it shouldn't be the sole or primary means of addressing the underlying emotions.

Ultimately, each person should be allowed to cope in a way that feels most comfortable and authentic to them, as long as it doesn't harm others or invalidate their feelings. Seeking support from friends, family, or professional counselors can also be beneficial in navigating the complexities of loss and tragedy.

 

[massraider]

I made this thread with the intent of it being about humor to cope with tragedy in general, not just message boards. But I think even on forums, it depends on the jokes. On a public message board you just need to make damn sure you aren't targeting anyone affected. Someone up thread made a good point, laugh with others not at them. I think that would apply.

Yep.

I made light of the story when it happened, and personally I don't think this qualifies as a tragedy (500 people on a boat, everyone knew where they were, and they were all allowed to drown? That's a tragedy). But that doesn't mean I am 'correct' or that no one is allowed to be offended because this is how I feel. Someone posted in the thread about how this was personal to them, whether through their profession or whatnot, and that's valid. I joke a LOT, but being mean-spirited about it, even if the target deserves it, isn't really that much fun, and certainly doesn't go anywhere fun.

It bothers me that someone might be bothered by a joke I make, so I would rather not make that joke to them.

If you joke to cope, you should not have to defend yourself, the same way someone being bothered by the jokes should not have to defend their feelings about it.

 

[jvdesigns2002]

I made this thread with the intent of it being about humor to cope with tragedy in general, not just message boards. But I think even on forums, it depends on the jokes. On a public message board you just need to make damn sure you aren't targeting anyone affected. Someone up thread made a good point, laugh with others not at them. I think that would apply.

Yep.

I made light of the story when it happened, and personally I don't think this qualifies as a tragedy (500 people on a boat, everyone knew where they were, and they were all allowed to drown? That's a tragedy). But that doesn't mean I am 'correct' or that no one is allowed to be offended because this is how I feel. Someone posted in the thread about how this was personal to them, whether through their profession or whatnot, and that's valid. I joke a LOT, but being mean-spirited about it, even if the target deserves it, isn't really that much fun, and certainly doesn't go anywhere fun.

It bothers me that someone might be bothered by a joke I make, so I would rather not make that joke to them.

If you joke to cope, you should not have to defend yourself, the same way someone being bothered by the jokes should not have to defend their feelings about it.

Your point is understandable- but my pushback would be why it’s necessary for someone to use humor as a coping method publicly? That same method of coping (humor) done privately or within the confines of a smaller group of people that know you can be equally (if not more effective) than putting it out there for masses of strangers who have zero context about who you are and what your grieving style is. To someone that doesn’t know you- humor as a sense of grievance can easily be misinterpreted as being narcissism, or just using a tragedy as a vehicle to promote oneself through putting “hot takes” out there. Keep in mind- I have zero idea about comments made in the submersible thread as I haven’t touched that thread since the news of the implosion came out.

 

[Scoresman]

I made this thread with the intent of it being about humor to cope with tragedy in general, not just message boards. But I think even on forums, it depends on the jokes. On a public message board you just need to make damn sure you aren't targeting anyone affected. Someone up thread made a good point, laugh with others not at them. I think that would apply.

Yep.

I made light of the story when it happened, and personally I don't think this qualifies as a tragedy (500 people on a boat, everyone knew where they were, and they were all allowed to drown? That's a tragedy). But that doesn't mean I am 'correct' or that no one is allowed to be offended because this is how I feel. Someone posted in the thread about how this was personal to them, whether through their profession or whatnot, and that's valid. I joke a LOT, but being mean-spirited about it, even if the target deserves it, isn't really that much fun, and certainly doesn't go anywhere fun.

It bothers me that someone might be bothered by a joke I make, so I would rather not make that joke to them.

If you joke to cope, you should not have to defend yourself, the same way someone being bothered by the jokes should not have to defend their feelings about it.

Your point is understandable- but my pushback would be why it’s necessary for someone to use humor as a coping method publicly? That same method of coping (humor) done privately or within the confines of a smaller group of people that know you can be equally (if not more effective) than putting it out there for masses of strangers who have zero context about who you are and what your grieving style is. To someone that doesn’t know you- humor as a sense of grievance can easily be misinterpreted as being narcissism, or just using a tragedy as a vehicle to promote oneself through putting “hot takes” out there. Keep in mind- I have zero idea about comments made in the submersible thread as I haven’t touched that thread since the news of the implosion came out.

I don't think your idea of humor in this context is what I or others are talking about.

For example, when my wife's grandmother passed, I and a few others spent a lot of the time in the days after retelling a lot of the jokes she used to tell. She had an amazing sense of humor even at her age and she was always telling jokes, and it was amazing to remember her that way. There was just as much laughing as there was crying and it was very healing, and it's what she would've wanted. There were no "hot takes" or promoting or whatever that even means. It's all about the context and using appropriate humor as a healing mechanism, not about being Jerry Seinfeld and doing a standup act.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

I made this thread with the intent of it being about humor to cope with tragedy in general, not just message boards. But I think even on forums, it depends on the jokes. On a public message board you just need to make damn sure you aren't targeting anyone affected. Someone up thread made a good point, laugh with others not at them. I think that would apply.

Yep.

I made light of the story when it happened, and personally I don't think this qualifies as a tragedy (500 people on a boat, everyone knew where they were, and they were all allowed to drown? That's a tragedy). But that doesn't mean I am 'correct' or that no one is allowed to be offended because this is how I feel. Someone posted in the thread about how this was personal to them, whether through their profession or whatnot, and that's valid. I joke a LOT, but being mean-spirited about it, even if the target deserves it, isn't really that much fun, and certainly doesn't go anywhere fun.

It bothers me that someone might be bothered by a joke I make, so I would rather not make that joke to them.

If you joke to cope, you should not have to defend yourself, the same way someone being bothered by the jokes should not have to defend their feelings about it.

Your point is understandable- but my pushback would be why it’s necessary for someone to use humor as a coping method publicly? That same method of coping (humor) done privately or within the confines of a smaller group of people that know you can be equally (if not more effective) than putting it out there for masses of strangers who have zero context about who you are and what your grieving style is. To someone that doesn’t know you- humor as a sense of grievance can easily be misinterpreted as being narcissism, or just using a tragedy as a vehicle to promote oneself through putting “hot takes” out there. Keep in mind- I have zero idea about comments made in the submersible thread as I haven’t touched that thread since the news of the implosion came out.

I don't think your idea of humor in this context is what I or others are talking about.

For example, when my wife's grandmother passed, I and a few others spent a lot of the time in the days after retelling a lot of the jokes she used to tell. She had an amazing sense of humor even at her age and she was always telling jokes, and it was amazing to remember her that way. There was just as much laughing as there was crying and it was very healing, and it's what she would've wanted. There were no "hot takes" or promoting or whatever that even means. It's all about the context and using appropriate humor as a healing mechanism, not about being Jerry Seinfeld and doing a standup act.

It's probably a good idea to distinguish between:

a) "Let's look back on grandma's life and laugh together about some of the moments that we all shared. Those were good times." vs.

b) "Let's talk about how grandma 'deserved it' and also interrogate our hypocrisy for mourning her passing when there's so much suffering the world."

The first is a completely normal, human response to a family member's passing. The second is a strong indicator of sociopathy.

 

[Scoresman]

I made this thread with the intent of it being about humor to cope with tragedy in general, not just message boards. But I think even on forums, it depends on the jokes. On a public message board you just need to make damn sure you aren't targeting anyone affected. Someone up thread made a good point, laugh with others not at them. I think that would apply.

Yep.

I made light of the story when it happened, and personally I don't think this qualifies as a tragedy (500 people on a boat, everyone knew where they were, and they were all allowed to drown? That's a tragedy). But that doesn't mean I am 'correct' or that no one is allowed to be offended because this is how I feel. Someone posted in the thread about how this was personal to them, whether through their profession or whatnot, and that's valid. I joke a LOT, but being mean-spirited about it, even if the target deserves it, isn't really that much fun, and certainly doesn't go anywhere fun.

It bothers me that someone might be bothered by a joke I make, so I would rather not make that joke to them.

If you joke to cope, you should not have to defend yourself, the same way someone being bothered by the jokes should not have to defend their feelings about it.

Your point is understandable- but my pushback would be why it’s necessary for someone to use humor as a coping method publicly? That same method of coping (humor) done privately or within the confines of a smaller group of people that know you can be equally (if not more effective) than putting it out there for masses of strangers who have zero context about who you are and what your grieving style is. To someone that doesn’t know you- humor as a sense of grievance can easily be misinterpreted as being narcissism, or just using a tragedy as a vehicle to promote oneself through putting “hot takes” out there. Keep in mind- I have zero idea about comments made in the submersible thread as I haven’t touched that thread since the news of the implosion came out.

I don't think your idea of humor in this context is what I or others are talking about.

For example, when my wife's grandmother passed, I and a few others spent a lot of the time in the days after retelling a lot of the jokes she used to tell. She had an amazing sense of humor even at her age and she was always telling jokes, and it was amazing to remember her that way. There was just as much laughing as there was crying and it was very healing, and it's what she would've wanted. There were no "hot takes" or promoting or whatever that even means. It's all about the context and using appropriate humor as a healing mechanism, not about being Jerry Seinfeld and doing a standup act.

It's probably a good idea to distinguish between:

a) "Let's look back on grandma's life and laugh together about some of the moments that we all shared. Those were good times." vs.

b) "Let's talk about how grandma 'deserved it' and also interrogate our hypocrisy for mourning her passing when there's so much suffering the world."

The first is a completely normal, human response to a family member's passing. The second is a strong indicator of sociopathy.

I dont know how anybody could read my OP and come away thinking I'm in any way talking about the B scenario. That's not even humor.

But I feel like there are people who look at scenario A and think any kind of laughter or expressing anything other than grief after a tragedy is wrong.

 

[jvdesigns2002]

I made this thread with the intent of it being about humor to cope with tragedy in general, not just message boards. But I think even on forums, it depends on the jokes. On a public message board you just need to make damn sure you aren't targeting anyone affected. Someone up thread made a good point, laugh with others not at them. I think that would apply.

Yep.

I made light of the story when it happened, and personally I don't think this qualifies as a tragedy (500 people on a boat, everyone knew where they were, and they were all allowed to drown? That's a tragedy). But that doesn't mean I am 'correct' or that no one is allowed to be offended because this is how I feel. Someone posted in the thread about how this was personal to them, whether through their profession or whatnot, and that's valid. I joke a LOT, but being mean-spirited about it, even if the target deserves it, isn't really that much fun, and certainly doesn't go anywhere fun.

It bothers me that someone might be bothered by a joke I make, so I would rather not make that joke to them.

If you joke to cope, you should not have to defend yourself, the same way someone being bothered by the jokes should not have to defend their feelings about it.

Your point is understandable- but my pushback would be why it’s necessary for someone to use humor as a coping method publicly? That same method of coping (humor) done privately or within the confines of a smaller group of people that know you can be equally (if not more effective) than putting it out there for masses of strangers who have zero context about who you are and what your grieving style is. To someone that doesn’t know you- humor as a sense of grievance can easily be misinterpreted as being narcissism, or just using a tragedy as a vehicle to promote oneself through putting “hot takes” out there. Keep in mind- I have zero idea about comments made in the submersible thread as I haven’t touched that thread since the news of the implosion came out.

I don't think your idea of humor in this context is what I or others are talking about.

For example, when my wife's grandmother passed, I and a few others spent a lot of the time in the days after retelling a lot of the jokes she used to tell. She had an amazing sense of humor even at her age and she was always telling jokes, and it was amazing to remember her that way. There was just as much laughing as there was crying and it was very healing, and it's what she would've wanted. There were no "hot takes" or promoting or whatever that even means. It's all about the context and using appropriate humor as a healing mechanism, not about being Jerry Seinfeld and doing a standup act.

Oh right on. I somehow misinterpreted the thread then. In the context that you brought up and clarified for me—that to me seems like a very reasonable example of using humor as a way of dealing or coping with a tragedy. My misinterpretation was more along the lines of when people are dealing with really stressful situations/and or losses—-and sometimes somebody close to the situation will say a well timed joke that cuts through some of the tension and can bring a moment of happiness and light in otherwise what can be a dark and sad time. I do think that these types of situations exist and can be helpful—but I think the breeding ground for them is not online. I find that the situations that I’m describing tend to exist more in smaller/intimate settings where the people involved know each other and context is fully understood and established.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

I made this thread with the intent of it being about humor to cope with tragedy in general, not just message boards. But I think even on forums, it depends on the jokes. On a public message board you just need to make damn sure you aren't targeting anyone affected. Someone up thread made a good point, laugh with others not at them. I think that would apply.

Yep.

I made light of the story when it happened, and personally I don't think this qualifies as a tragedy (500 people on a boat, everyone knew where they were, and they were all allowed to drown? That's a tragedy). But that doesn't mean I am 'correct' or that no one is allowed to be offended because this is how I feel. Someone posted in the thread about how this was personal to them, whether through their profession or whatnot, and that's valid. I joke a LOT, but being mean-spirited about it, even if the target deserves it, isn't really that much fun, and certainly doesn't go anywhere fun.

It bothers me that someone might be bothered by a joke I make, so I would rather not make that joke to them.

If you joke to cope, you should not have to defend yourself, the same way someone being bothered by the jokes should not have to defend their feelings about it.

Your point is understandable- but my pushback would be why it’s necessary for someone to use humor as a coping method publicly? That same method of coping (humor) done privately or within the confines of a smaller group of people that know you can be equally (if not more effective) than putting it out there for masses of strangers who have zero context about who you are and what your grieving style is. To someone that doesn’t know you- humor as a sense of grievance can easily be misinterpreted as being narcissism, or just using a tragedy as a vehicle to promote oneself through putting “hot takes” out there. Keep in mind- I have zero idea about comments made in the submersible thread as I haven’t touched that thread since the news of the implosion came out.

I don't think your idea of humor in this context is what I or others are talking about.

For example, when my wife's grandmother passed, I and a few others spent a lot of the time in the days after retelling a lot of the jokes she used to tell. She had an amazing sense of humor even at her age and she was always telling jokes, and it was amazing to remember her that way. There was just as much laughing as there was crying and it was very healing, and it's what she would've wanted. There were no "hot takes" or promoting or whatever that even means. It's all about the context and using appropriate humor as a healing mechanism, not about being Jerry Seinfeld and doing a standup act.

It's probably a good idea to distinguish between:

a) "Let's look back on grandma's life and laugh together about some of the moments that we all shared. Those were good times." vs.

b) "Let's talk about how grandma 'deserved it' and also interrogate our hypocrisy for mourning her passing when there's so much suffering the world."

The first is a completely normal, human response to a family member's passing. The second is a strong indicator of sociopathy.

I dont know how anybody could read my OP and come away thinking I'm in any way talking about the B scenario. That's not even humor.

I know. I think that's why we need to make this distinction.

 

[Dr. Octopus]

Glibert Godfried famously was fired as the AFLAC Duck mascot for tweeting out (following a Tsunami that killed many in Japan): "The Japanese are so advanced, they don't go to the beach, the beach comes to them."

Was that in poor taste? Perhaps, but those defending him at the time pointed out how comedy is supposed to be uncomfortable sometimes and by laughing at a tragedy it helps the healing.

 

[FreeBaGeL]

I really really suck at talking to grieving people. I just don't know what to say. I'm so worried about saying the wrong thing I tend to just say "I'm so sorry for your loss", and then kind of sit there. Even just being there is tough for me sometimes as I'm constantly thinking in the back of my mind "what if there is someone they're closer to that they'd rather have here, and I'm just getting in the way?". I try to be so careful not to say/do the wrong thing that I just end up being useless.

When I'm on the other side of things, and I've experienced a loss, by far the people that help the most are the ones that talk to me like they would any other day. Making jokes, saying things that seem risky in terms of crossing boundaries, not acting mopey, etc.

For instance my brother worked for SVB. If something tragic happened to him I can almost guarantee one of my friends or his friends would say something like "well at least there won't be any more bank runs for a while", which I would laugh at and find more helpful than just the 30th person repeating "I'm sorry for your loss". But I would never have the stones to be the one that made that joke.

 

[Scoresman]

Glibert Godfried famously was fired as the AFLAC Duck mascot for tweeting out (following a Tsunami that killed many in Japan): "The Japanese are so advanced, they don't go to the beach, the beach comes to them."

Was that in poor taste? Perhaps, but those defending him at the time pointed out how comedy is supposed to be uncomfortable sometimes and by laughing at a tragedy it helps the healing.

I'm on the fence with that one. I am of the opinion that comedians take too much crap for what they say most of the time and that we're getting too offended in general as a society. Yes, it is offensive on some level and that's the point. It doesn't mean he's somehow glad all those people died. I'm also not naïve enough the think he tweeted that with the intent of helping people heal.

Also, that's probably one of the least uncomfortable and offensive things Gilbert Godfried ever said. I don't know who AFLAC thought they were getting when hiring him in the first place.

 

[massraider]

Glibert Godfried famously was fired as the AFLAC Duck mascot for tweeting out (following a Tsunami that killed many in Japan): "The Japanese are so advanced, they don't go to the beach, the beach comes to them."

Was that in poor taste? Perhaps, but those defending him at the time pointed out how comedy is supposed to be uncomfortable sometimes and by laughing at a tragedy it helps the healing.

I'm on the fence with that one. I am of the opinion that comedians take too much crap for what they say most of the time and that we're getting too offended in general as a society. Yes, it is offensive on some level and that's the point. It doesn't mean he's somehow glad all those people died. I'm also not naïve enough the think he tweeted that with the intent of helping people heal.

Also, that's probably one of the least uncomfortable and offensive things Gilbert Godfried ever said. I don't know who AFLAC thought they were getting when hiring him in the first place.

I love Gilbert, but that was a not funny joke about an "act of God" weather event, and the best job he ever had his entire life was for a insurance company, who uhm, might not want the voice of their INSURANCE company making tsunami jokes that were in poor taste, at best.

Big believer in freedom of speech is not the same as freedom of consequences. I think GG is awesome, but I woulda fired him twice.

 

[Scoresman]

Glibert Godfried famously was fired as the AFLAC Duck mascot for tweeting out (following a Tsunami that killed many in Japan): "The Japanese are so advanced, they don't go to the beach, the beach comes to them."

Was that in poor taste? Perhaps, but those defending him at the time pointed out how comedy is supposed to be uncomfortable sometimes and by laughing at a tragedy it helps the healing.

I'm on the fence with that one. I am of the opinion that comedians take too much crap for what they say most of the time and that we're getting too offended in general as a society. Yes, it is offensive on some level and that's the point. It doesn't mean he's somehow glad all those people died. I'm also not naïve enough the think he tweeted that with the intent of helping people heal.

Also, that's probably one of the least uncomfortable and offensive things Gilbert Godfried ever said. I don't know who AFLAC thought they were getting when hiring him in the first place.

I love Gilbert, but that was a not funny joke about an "act of God" weather event, and the best job he ever had his entire life was for a insurance company, who uhm, might not want the voice of their INSURANCE company making tsunami jokes that were in poor taste, at best.

Big believer in freedom of speech is not the same as freedom of consequences. I think GG is awesome, but I woulda fired him twice.

For sure, but what did they think they were getting when hiring him? He was one of the most offensive comedians out there.

 

[JohnnyU]

Interesting story breaking now about how the Navy heard the implosion on a system used for detecting enemy submarines

They weren’t sure it was an implosion but suspected it was. You can’t announce that at the time and suddenly call off the search. There are lots of sounds coming from the ocean and for all they know it could have been an earthquake.

 

[Dr. Octopus]

I love Gilbert, but that was a not funny joke

To be fair that was based on memory and the joke may have been somewhat different. I chuckled at it at the time but understood some backlash.
And I agree free speech does not equal no repercussions. It’s one of the most misunderstood and/or corrupted doctrines.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I really really suck at talking to grieving people. I just don't know what to say. I'm so worried about saying the wrong thing I tend to just say "I'm so sorry for your loss", and then kind of sit there.

I have some thoughts on this.

First off, everyone sucks at talking to grieving people.

Because there is no "magic" thing we can say that'll make everything fine. Or better.

You said you "don't know what to say". None of us know what to say.

I've found without question, the best thing to say is simply, "I'm sorry". I don't add much more to it. I don't say "for your loss" as that's obvious. I don't say I know what it feels like because I'm pretty sure I don't. I don't compare it to anything else. I don't mention it could have been worse. My faith is something very important to me but I don't talk about that because I have no idea how they're feeling about this as it relates to their feelings there. And I don't ever ever ever mention about looking to the "bright side" of anything.

I just sit with them. And be there. And do what it takes to let them know I'm with them.

As someone who's lost a younger brother and a mother, I promise you that's the best thing you can do for people.

 

[JohnnyU]

I really really suck at talking to grieving people. I just don't know what to say. I'm so worried about saying the wrong thing I tend to just say "I'm so sorry for your loss", and then kind of sit there.

I have some thoughts on this.

First off, everyone sucks at talking to grieving people.

Because there is no "magic" thing we can say that'll make everything fine. Or better.

You said you "don't know what to say". None of us know what to say.

I've found without question, the best thing to say is simply, "I'm sorry". I don't add much more to it. I don't say "for your loss" as that's obvious. I don't say I know what it feels like because I'm pretty sure I don't. I don't compare it to anything else. I don't mention it could have been worse. My faith is something very important to me but I don't talk about that because I have no idea how they're feeling about this as it relates to their feelings there. And I don't ever ever ever mention about looking to the "bright side" of anything.

I just sit with them. And be there. And do what it takes to let them know I'm with them.

As someone who's lost a younger brother and a mother, I promise you that's the best thing you can do for people.

The best thing to do for grieving people is be a good listener. Sometimes all they want is for someone to listen to them.

 

[bigbottom]

I really really suck at talking to grieving people. I just don't know what to say. I'm so worried about saying the wrong thing I tend to just say "I'm so sorry for your loss", and then kind of sit there.

I have some thoughts on this.

First off, everyone sucks at talking to grieving people.

Because there is no "magic" thing we can say that'll make everything fine. Or better.

You said you "don't know what to say". None of us know what to say.

I've found without question, the best thing to say is simply, "I'm sorry". I don't add much more to it. I don't say "for your loss" as that's obvious. I don't say I know what it feels like because I'm pretty sure I don't. I don't compare it to anything else. I don't mention it could have been worse. My faith is something very important to me but I don't talk about that because I have no idea how they're feeling about this as it relates to their feelings there. And I don't ever ever ever mention about looking to the "bright side" of anything.

I just sit with them. And be there. And do what it takes to let them know I'm with them.

As someone who's lost a younger brother and a mother, I promise you that's the best thing you can do for people.

Great post. I have some thoughts on this, but mostly it's for the grieving people.

 

[Ilov80s]

I really really suck at talking to grieving people. I just don't know what to say. I'm so worried about saying the wrong thing I tend to just say "I'm so sorry for your loss", and then kind of sit there.

I have some thoughts on this.

First off, everyone sucks at talking to grieving people.

Because there is no "magic" thing we can say that'll make everything fine. Or better.

You said you "don't know what to say". None of us know what to say.

I've found without question, the best thing to say is simply, "I'm sorry". I don't add much more to it. I don't say "for your loss" as that's obvious. I don't say I know what it feels like because I'm pretty sure I don't. I don't compare it to anything else. I don't mention it could have been worse. My faith is something very important to me but I don't talk about that because I have no idea how they're feeling about this as it relates to their feelings there. And I don't ever ever ever mention about looking to the "bright side" of anything.

I just sit with them. And be there. And do what it takes to let them know I'm with them.

As someone who's lost a younger brother and a mother, I promise you that's the best thing you can do for people.

That’s good advice. I also usually say I know there’s nothing I can likely do or say to help but if you want someone to talk to or just be with, I’m there for you. Like you said, sometimes just being with them goes a long way. Same for a hug, holding hand , etc (assuming you have the type of relationship where that would make sense).

 

[AAABatteries]

I spent some time thinking about this and the more I think about it I’m not sure I would describe jokes like what you are referring to as me coping or dealing with loss as much as I just use humor to deal with this crazy world and life in general along with having a joking personality. I think that is a more accurate depiction of what is going on here rather than the idea that we are coping with this (or other tragedies).

 

[massraider]

I just use humor to deal with this crazy world

Hey, me too, 1000%.

Ask yourself, isn't that just the way you cope with this crazy world? 'Coping' doesn't have to always be serious, like a tragedy. for many people it might be the exact same definition as 'deal with'.

 

[Ilov80s]

I absolutely use humor to deal with tragedy but you have to know your audience and have a sense of timing/feeling for it. It can obviously go very wrong. Safest bet is to not do it.

 

[Bracie Smathers]

those defending him at the time pointed out how comedy is supposed to be uncomfortable sometimes and by laughing at a tragedy it helps the healing.

Not everyone is a comedian and not everyone who is grieving wants to be made to feel uncomfortable.
We don't live in a world where comedians have green lights to say anything because comedy is 'supposed' to make us uncomfortable.
I don't recall when it was decided that comedians got Carte Blanche to say whatever they wanted. Same applies to the majority of anonymous on-line wanna-be comedians who aren't as funny as they like to assume.

 

[Kal El]

I believe humor is important in that it helps us process our emotions, but I don’t outright make fun of people directly involved in a given situation. In this case, I don’t really find anything funny beyond people wasting money for a particularly dangerous sightseeing trip. The fact it ended poorly also isn’t humorous for me