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How many unanswered calls w/ your loved one before you get worried? (1 Viewer)

YSR

YSR

Footballguy
Generally speaking, I have a idea of where my husband and/or kids are at all points of the day. But there are times when I know he's at, say, Wal-Mart, with both kids and doesn't answer. In my rational brain, that's fine... he's probably on the phone or something. But I then start to wonder if something has happened and if his phone accurately reflects me as his contact and oh-my-god-who-is-taking-care-of-my-kids?

But after, say, 3 calls to his number in a 1-hour period and no answer, I tend to get worried.

This is meant to be an adult conversation, but go ahead and bring on the "he's cheating on you" and "you're controlling" type posts. BOOM. You're so funny.

 
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He's cheating on you, and you're too controlling.

ETA: No need to worry though, Mr. Pack is there for you.

 
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Long Ball Larry said:
Why do you need to call your husband when he is at Wal-Mart?
Click to expand...
I don't usually. But we stay in pretty decent contact over the course of the day, so when I know that he is out and about with our two small children and I can't get in touch with him, that is a little worrisome. My initial question was regarding the level of alarm that most people feel when they can't get in touch with their SOs.

 
I guess it depends where they are. A trip to the store like Walmart, I just assume they don't hear their phone or whatever. Two hours would probably be my worrying point, but it wouldn't be a deep worry......all the life insurance policies are current.

 
Does it work the other way? When I try to call my wife on her cell, if she is not expecting it, she rarely answers. This has largely to do with her keeping it on vibrate (from work) and in her purse. Therefore she doesn't hear it, nor feel it.

I find texting works better, since she is more likely to pull the phone out and Candy Crush while waiting or now during busy season, check work email.

 
To be clear, I'm not asking you to weigh in on my particular situation.

I'm asking if any of you have a threshold where you start to get worried. what if you didn't hear from your wife for 17 hours? What if you didn't hear from your daughter/son for 12 hours? I'll try to edit the title.

 
YSR said:
Generally speaking, I have a idea of where my husband and/or kids are at all points of the day. But there are times when I know he's at, say, Wal-Mart, with both kids and doesn't answer. In my rational brain, that's fine... he's probably on the phone or something. But I then start to wonder if something has happened and if his phone accurately reflects me as his contact and oh-my-god-who-is-taking-care-of-my-kids?

But after, say, 3 calls to his number in a 1-hour period and no answer, I tend to get worried.

This is meant to be an adult conversation, but go ahead and bring on the "he's cheating on you" and "you're controlling" type posts. BOOM. You're so funny.
Click to expand...
When you call him up are you usually asking him to do something for you? Are you usually putting stress on him? If you aren't calling him up just to say something sweet or tell him good news than I am not surprised he doesn't pick up.

Girls marry guys and become super needy, it is annoying.

 
If you're husband is shopping at Wal-Mart chances are you guys cheat on each other on the regular with people of questionable taste and enormous girth.

Call TLC and tell them you are interested in doing a reality show.

 
popsecret said:
YSR said:
Generally speaking, I have a idea of where my husband and/or kids are at all points of the day. But there are times when I know he's at, say, Wal-Mart, with both kids and doesn't answer. In my rational brain, that's fine... he's probably on the phone or something. But I then start to wonder if something has happened and if his phone accurately reflects me as his contact and oh-my-god-who-is-taking-care-of-my-kids?

But after, say, 3 calls to his number in a 1-hour period and no answer, I tend to get worried.

This is meant to be an adult conversation, but go ahead and bring on the "he's cheating on you" and "you're controlling" type posts. BOOM. You're so funny.
Click to expand...
When you call him up are you usually asking him to do something for you? Are you usually putting stress on him? If you aren't calling him up just to say something sweet or tell him good news than I am not surprised he doesn't pick up.

Girls marry guys and become super needy, it is annoying.
Click to expand...
And they never call with positive messages about being white. Why is that? Why is everyone so afraid to just be white?

 
My son....weeks. he's at school

wife daughter 12 hours

unless one of us is away

 
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Ilov80s said:
I think you mean how long before your SO doesn't text back that you become worried
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That's actually not what I mean at all. I am married with two small children and my husband and I communicate pretty regularly. Which means that the times when I try to reach him and am unsuccessful, it can be unnerving, especially when he has our 20-month-old and 6.5-month-old.

But thank you.

 
wife usually calls around 7:00 when leaving work (90 minute commute home). if i don't hear from her by 9:00 i'll call just to see what's up.

all other communication during the day is text or email. so much easier that way.

 
YSR said:
Long Ball Larry said:
Why do you need to call your husband when he is at Wal-Mart?
Click to expand...
I don't usually. But we stay in pretty decent contact over the course of the day, so when I know that he is out and about with our two small children and I can't get in touch with him, that is a little worrisome. My initial question was regarding the level of alarm that most people feel when they can't get in touch with their SOs.
Click to expand...
He's probably not answering because he's busy dealing with too small kids and Walmart people. Just text him....

 
I view a phone call from my wife as a nuisance and she does the same with me. 99.99999% of our intra-day communication is via email/text. If I've got kids and am out shopping, a phone call is the last thing I want as I suck at multitasking and hate talking on the phone to people I live with. Unless it's an emergency or every important, why not just text?

 
General Malaise said:
I view a phone call from my wife as a nuisance and she does the same with me. 99.99999% of our intra-day communication is via email/text. If I've got kids and am out shopping, a phone call is the last thing I want as I suck at multitasking and hate talking on the phone to people I live with. Unless it's an emergency or every important, why not just text?
Click to expand...
Because I still enjoy talking to my husband and when I get home at night, it's filled with putting down two kids who are under 2 years old. Baths, teeth brushing, tantrums, etc. I work full-time and by the time that's all over with, I have a small window of time to spend with my husband. We still text plenty over the course of the day, but sometimes it's nice to speak to the person you've married.

Again, though, this thread isn't about me. It's a question for the masses regarding their own loved ones. I'm simply curious about the level of alarm that most feel when they can't reach a loved one.

 
YSR said:
Ilov80s said:
I think you mean how long before your SO doesn't text back that you become worried
Click to expand...
That's actually not what I mean at all. I am married with two small children and my husband and I communicate pretty regularly. Which means that the times when I try to reach him and am unsuccessful, it can be unnerving, especially when he has our 20-month-old and 6.5-month-old.

But thank you.
Click to expand...
When I've got both kids and I'm solo... phone is much less of a priority than keeping them from killing each other or themselves.

When the wife has both kids and doesn't pick up, I assume she has her hands full. I'll text for to call me if urgent (it never is).

I don't think I've ever gotten concerned when she doesn't pick up or reply right away, or even until much later. No... scratch that- in the last couple of months I got the hebeejebees for no reason.

 
YSR said:
General Malaise said:
I view a phone call from my wife as a nuisance and she does the same with me. 99.99999% of our intra-day communication is via email/text. If I've got kids and am out shopping, a phone call is the last thing I want as I suck at multitasking and hate talking on the phone to people I live with. Unless it's an emergency or every important, why not just text?
Click to expand...
Because I still enjoy talking to my husband and when I get home at night, it's filled with putting down two kids who are under 2 years old. Baths, teeth brushing, tantrums, etc. I work full-time and by the time that's all over with, I have a small window of time to spend with my husband. We still text plenty over the course of the day, but sometimes it's nice to speak to the person you've married.

Again, though, this thread isn't about me. It's a question for the masses regarding their own loved ones. I'm simply curious about the level of alarm that most feel when they can't reach a loved one.
Click to expand...
I get all that, but are these urgent matters that need a voice on voice conversation? Or are you just calling to chat? Going back to your example, if he's shopping with two kids at Walmart, that's a chore. Is that really the best time for a chat from his perspective? By himself, sure, pick up and talk. But using your example, I wouldn't answer unless it was urgent and if my wife called three times in succession just to have a chat, I'd be annoyed.

 
To answer the question, if I called my wife and she didn't immediately call back, I'd text. If I didn't get a text back (almost never happens) then I'd assume her phone was dead. But if she didn't return to the house at the general time frame established - and I mean excessively late, not just a few minutes - then I might start to worry. Late at night would cause more worry than daytime, which I think was touched on earlier.

 
GF and I text 95% of the time. She'll call me if she's in the car driving and can't text.

If I get a call from her during the day while she's at work my heart sinks because I assume something is wrong.

I rarely actually call her unless it's kind of important and need to explain something that would be too difficult over text, or is time sensitive.

ETA: If she doesn't pick up or answer I wouldn't be worried unless it gets to the 2+ hour mark. I just assume she's at work and stuck in a meeting, or phones dead.

 
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I probably worded this post incorrectly or just suck at wordsmithing.

I DON'T NEED VALIDATION/CRITIQUES on my relationship with my husband, but man have all of your "I'm a tough guy, my ##### don't need to hear from me" PMs have been enlightening.

 
YSR said:
Generally speaking, I have a idea of where my husband and/or kids are at all points of the day. But there are times when I know he's at, say, Wal-Mart, with both kids and doesn't answer. In my rational brain, that's fine... he's probably on the phone or something. But I then start to wonder if something has happened and if his phone accurately reflects me as his contact and oh-my-god-who-is-taking-care-of-my-kids?

But after, say, 3 calls to his number in a 1-hour period and no answer, I tend to get worried.

This is meant to be an adult conversation, but go ahead and bring on the "he's cheating on you" and "you're controlling" type posts. BOOM. You're so funny.
Click to expand...
I do most of the shopping anymore. When I'm at a a big box store (WalMart, Sam's, Lowes, etc) my phone signal is horrible. I've missed many calls and texts featuring "Oh crap we are out of _________." If I don't get the message before I'm in the car, I don't respond...I don't fiddle with my phone while driving.

My wife drives a bit for her job. she visits satellite offices 3-4 times a month driving between 1-2 hours. She texts me upon arrival to and from. Often busy, she sometimes forgets. I usually end up texting her (if she hasn't contacted me) about an hour after her planned arrival.

She's great at returning calls/texts. Me, not so much.

 
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YSR said:
General Malaise said:
I view a phone call from my wife as a nuisance and she does the same with me. 99.99999% of our intra-day communication is via email/text. If I've got kids and am out shopping, a phone call is the last thing I want as I suck at multitasking and hate talking on the phone to people I live with. Unless it's an emergency or every important, why not just text?
Click to expand...
Because I still enjoy talking to my husband and when I get home at night, it's filled with putting down two kids who are under 2 years old. Baths, teeth brushing, tantrums, etc. I work full-time and by the time that's all over with, I have a small window of time to spend with my husband. We still text plenty over the course of the day, but sometimes it's nice to speak to the person you've married.
Click to expand...
You had me right up to here.

 
I don't generally get worried unless it's late. If I call/text and don't hear from her, odds are her phone is in her purse and she's completely oblivious. If she calls/texts and doesn't hear from me, I think the answer to your question is 45 seconds.

 
This is why you go with the wife training program. Never answer the first call during a time when you generally don't want to be called. Answering the phone at Walmart is tantamount to saying please call me at Walmart. if you answer the phone during a meeting at work you might as well end the call with "please feel free to interrupt me at any time".

Same thing goes for voice mail. My voice mail inbox has been full for about six years now. I don't want to press buttons and listen for two minutes to hear that you were just checking in and youll call me back later.

do this for a while and you'll notice a change. First you'll hear I tried calling you and you didn't answer is everything OK. Then I tried calling you where were you. Then how come you never answer when I call.

But then something magical happens and her "should I call or send a text" logic starts to change. And if you respond to texts quickly (not all texts, but all texts that are ready to answer when you're not driving or busy) she will learn to prefer texting. and now when that phone rings it will be a rare enough occurrence that you'll say, hey, I gotta take this, she never calls me at work. And that's both of your goals.

 
Havent read the thread but second call inside of 5 minutes or third call since ive been home = drop everything and answer.

 
General Malaise said:
YSR said:
General Malaise said:
I view a phone call from my wife as a nuisance and she does the same with me. 99.99999% of our intra-day communication is via email/text. If I've got kids and am out shopping, a phone call is the last thing I want as I suck at multitasking and hate talking on the phone to people I live with. Unless it's an emergency or every important, why not just text?
Click to expand...
Because I still enjoy talking to my husband and when I get home at night, it's filled with putting down two kids who are under 2 years old. Baths, teeth brushing, tantrums, etc. I work full-time and by the time that's all over with, I have a small window of time to spend with my husband. We still text plenty over the course of the day, but sometimes it's nice to speak to the person you've married.

Again, though, this thread isn't about me. It's a question for the masses regarding their own loved ones. I'm simply curious about the level of alarm that most feel when they can't reach a loved one.
Click to expand...
I get all that, but are these urgent matters that need a voice on voice conversation? Or are you just calling to chat? Going back to your example, if he's shopping with two kids at Walmart, that's a chore. Is that really the best time for a chat from his perspective? By himself, sure, pick up and talk. But using your example, I wouldn't answer unless it was urgent and if my wife called three times in succession just to have a chat, I'd be annoyed.
Click to expand...
I love my wife, don't have a secret cheating confession to make in the deleted? thread, and still would be annoyed if she called me simply to chat while I was alone shopping, much less with the kids.

Stop being co-dependent and enjoy personal time by yourself once in awhile, it makes you more attractive.

 
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bostonfred said:
This is why you go with the wife training program. Never answer the first call during a time when you generally don't want to be called. Answering the phone at Walmart is tantamount to saying please call me at Walmart. if you answer the phone during a meeting at work you might as well end the call with "please feel free to interrupt me at any time".

Same thing goes for voice mail. My voice mail inbox has been full for about six years now. I don't want to press buttons and listen for two minutes to hear that you were just checking in and youll call me back later.

do this for a while and you'll notice a change. First you'll hear I tried calling you and you didn't answer is everything OK. Then I tried calling you where were you. Then how come you never answer when I call.

But then something magical happens and her "should I call or send a text" logic starts to change. And if you respond to texts quickly (not all texts, but all texts that are ready to answer when you're not driving or busy) she will learn to prefer texting. and now when that phone rings it will be a rare enough occurrence that you'll say, hey, I gotta take this, she never calls me at work. And that's both of your goals.
Click to expand...
Why go through training games? They aren't like some dog that needs to go through training. Just simply say only text me in the day unless it's an emergency.

 
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