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Funny things your spouse has said (1 Viewer)

kentric

kentric

Footballguy
I thought I'd open it up to see if people have some spouse-isms which are worth a good chuckle.

Was a great Memorial Day weekend. Got to spend time with the kids, the wife and her family. The wife also provided a couple of good ones. In a five minute timeframe she came up with:

Barbeque friendly;

She says that she's more likely to get food poisoning from sushi when she's on her period.

 
kentric said:
She says that she's more likely to get food poisoning from sushi when she's on her period.
Click to expand...
Her sushi is bad when she's on her period but not sure why a restaurants would be.

 
Years ago, before traveling north from Chicago to the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area, my wife got worried about the possible time zone change.

 
tri-man 47 said:
Years ago, before traveling north from Chicago to the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area, my wife got worried about the possible time zone change.
Click to expand...
While I'm all for poking fun at the wimmins, and while it's not true in your case, there are plenty of places in the US where traveling north will incur a time zone change.

 
Last night she said, "hey remote genius, you need help with that?" when I failed to start fast forwarding through commercials.

 
My wife thought a rim and coke was called a roman coke.

We dated all thru college...on our honeymoon i went to order drinks and she asked me get her a roman coke.

 
Keerock said:
tri-man 47 said:
Years ago, before traveling north from Chicago to the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area, my wife got worried about the possible time zone change.
Click to expand...
While I'm all for poking fun at the wimmins, and while it's not true in your case, there are plenty of places in the US where traveling north will incur a time zone change.
Click to expand...
True, but she wasn't asking in that context (e.g., the oddity of NW Indiana). She's directionally challenged and just wasn't thinking.

 
"You put your turn signal on too early, car behind will think you're turning into Arby's instead of the bank." Arby's is right next door to the bank.

 
I've told this one here before but some friends and i used to call Chick-fil-A "chick fill uh". After a year or so of this she told he what a stupid name that was and what does fill uh even mean.

 
tri-man 47 said:
Keerock said:
tri-man 47 said:
Years ago, before traveling north from Chicago to the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area, my wife got worried about the possible time zone change.
Click to expand...
While I'm all for poking fun at the wimmins, and while it's not true in your case, there are plenty of places in the US where traveling north will incur a time zone change.
Click to expand...
True, but she wasn't asking in that context (e.g., the oddity of NW Indiana). She's directionally challenged and just wasn't thinking.
Click to expand...
Carry on.

 
sublimeone said:
Last night she said, "hey remote genius, you need help with that?" when I failed to start fast forwarding through commercials.
Click to expand...
Jesus. My wife is the same way. She goes nuts if I forget to fast forward through commercials. We typically fight to NOT have to have the remote. I'll have a fork in one hand, knife in another, cutting my dinner and about to take a bite and she'll look over and just say, "Fast Forward?" So I have to put down my utensils, and fast-forward for 20 seconds or so. So frustrating. I'm a slow enough eater as it is. It's like, yes...I'm mid-bite. My dinner is more important than avoiding watching another Progressive commercial.

 
Fat Nick said:
sublimeone said:
Last night she said, "hey remote genius, you need help with that?" when I failed to start fast forwarding through commercials.
Click to expand...
Jesus. My wife is the same way. She goes nuts if I forget to fast forward through commercials. We typically fight to NOT have to have the remote. I'll have a fork in one hand, knife in another, cutting my dinner and about to take a bite and she'll look over and just say, "Fast Forward?" So I have to put down my utensils, and fast-forward for 20 seconds or so. So frustrating. I'm a slow enough eater as it is. It's like, yes...I'm mid-bite. My dinner is more important than avoiding watching another Progressive commercial.
Click to expand...
How about movie previews. My wife won't let me FF through them. I stopped trying after the first few attempts.

 
kentric said:
Fat Nick said:
sublimeone said:
Last night she said, "hey remote genius, you need help with that?" when I failed to start fast forwarding through commercials.
Click to expand...
Jesus. My wife is the same way. She goes nuts if I forget to fast forward through commercials. We typically fight to NOT have to have the remote. I'll have a fork in one hand, knife in another, cutting my dinner and about to take a bite and she'll look over and just say, "Fast Forward?" So I have to put down my utensils, and fast-forward for 20 seconds or so. So frustrating. I'm a slow enough eater as it is. It's like, yes...I'm mid-bite. My dinner is more important than avoiding watching another Progressive commercial.
Click to expand...
How about movie previews. My wife won't let me FF through them. I stopped trying after the first few attempts.
Click to expand...
Nah...my wife wants to fast forward through everything not immediately relevant to what she is watching. If a show starts with a recap of the last episode, that's also FF territory.

 
Watching a WR going over the middle and getting crushed my wife, after a few cold ones, says "That guy is laying the wood" :lmao:

 
Pulled a great Northern Pike from the lake last summer, I am not experienced at cleaning fish but decided to give it a shot.

Told my wife I needed to kill it, she asked if I was going to drown it...

 
Wife said she wanted to take a cruise to Alaska, my sister said we should drive.

Wife: How are we going to drive to an Island, smart guy?

Sister: It's not an Island, smart guy.

Wife: Have you ever looked at a map, you dumb #####?

 
Watching baseball with my wife and son. Wife says in a know it all kind of voice that "the next pitch is either going to be a ball or a strike".

Since then, my son has made it his mission to break that saying out (or some variation of it) every game we've watched together with her since than. I will admit that she has picked up a remarkable amount of knowledge regarding baseball over the last twenty years. I just finally got her to stop referring to runs in baseball as "points".

 
tri-man 47 said:
Keerock said:
tri-man 47 said:
Years ago, before traveling north from Chicago to the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area, my wife got worried about the possible time zone change.
Click to expand...
While I'm all for poking fun at the wimmins, and while it's not true in your case, there are plenty of places in the US where traveling north will incur a time zone change.
Click to expand...
True, but she wasn't asking in that context (e.g., the oddity of NW Indiana). She's directionally challenged and just wasn't thinking.
Click to expand...
Maybe. like many Chicagoans, she ha heard how traveling to Wisconsin was like taking a step back in time.

 
Spouse - "how come the Indian people call themselves Asians?"

Me - "because India is in Asia"

Spouse - "well, they don't look like Asians"

Me - "I think you mean Orientals"

Spouse - "what's an oriental?"

Uggghhh

 
Brunell4MVP said:
Spouse - "how come the Indian people call themselves Asians?"

Me - "because India is in Asia"

Spouse - "well, they don't look like Asians"

Me - "I think you mean Orientals"

Spouse - "what's an oriental?"

Uggghhh
Click to expand...
you told her it was a ********, right?

 
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