We need to bring back great football nicknames. Whatever happened to great football nicknames, anyways?
There was a time when nicknames personified the player or illustrated their alter-ego or was synonymous with the player’s play style:
The Minister of Defense
Mean Joe Greene
The Nigerian Nightmare
Too Tall Jones
The Galloping Ghost (very old school but truly iconic)
Sweetness (my personal favorite because it literally illustrated the style of the player)
And back in the day, they didn’t even limit great nicknames to individuals; entire units got in on the act:
The Steel Curtain
The Purple People Eaters
Monsters of the Midway
The Electric Company (probably one of the most creative ever, named for the Bills o-line that “turned the Juice (OJ Simpson) on”).
These nicknames are so creative and iconic that it is almost impossible to hear them and not stir up very vivid memories of entire teams and styles of play.
But in today’s world? These are pitiful. Every “nickname” seems to be nothing more creative or inspiring than simple initials.
SJAX,DJAX and…FJAX…-Boy, didn’t see that last one coming.
TRICH, CJ, AP, -What’s good enough for the Jacksons is good enough for the Richardsons, Johnsons, and Petersons.
AJ-What’s good enough for the Petersons is good enough for about 4 guys with the initials AJ.
Kaep, Fitz, Gronk-Heck, half of us can’t spell these long names so let’s just cut them in half.
ARod-Wow, one of our top 5 players gets nothing more than a stolen nickname from baseball…Baseball, people! We are STEALING from baseball! Baseball is now more creative than football and we must steal from it!
And when we do get “creative”?
The Muscle hamster-This one makes my 7 year old niece giggle every time I say it. Pathetic.
We have some of the greatest collective talent playing in the NFL right now. They DESERVE great nicknames. So, here’s our assignment. Create some danged good nicknames for these guys and start using the power of the Internet to get it out there.
Here’s one we could start with. I wish I had thought of it but it’s not original.
Hence forth, Doug Martin is no longer the name that makes 7 year old Abby laugh and flex, and then roll in a ball. He is now “The Dougernaut”. Comic book guys will get this immediately and its perfect. An unstoppable force of power under a helmet. The Dougernaut. Let’s go people…be the guy that penned the awesome nickname on one of your favorite players and lets put the Sesame Street era of nicknames behind us.