It's an awful disease especially when the round trips to the hospital, snf and assisted living become frequent. My bff mother has it. I've been with them through it all. I'd say the toughest part besides putting her in assisted living is the times she doesn't look so bad. She knows she's not home. She always has since July 2016 when she left her home.
It's a disease with ups and downs. Last Oct we were all summoned to her bedside to say bye. Hospice said no more than 2 weeks left. She made it. Then it became Thanksgiving, Christmas. Not only did she live but once bedridden now she could sit in a wheelchair and go to the dining room for dinner. No more pureed food. And she fed herself. Not long after that she could rise from the chair and slowly go to the bathroom close by without a walker and go all by herself. Even washed her hands! She went from hallucinating and being confused much of the time to no more hallucinations and lucid more often. Docs are stunned. She came off hospice. One thing we noted is once some medications were lowered or stopped she was doing better.
She's 93, dxd in 2015. Her druggie son has always lived with her and my bff moved in Jan 2016 to help. She was just falling too much. She wore a diaper at night but with dementia she thought she could get out of bed to go to the bathroom and wind up on the floor. She's also not a nice person to my bff and is irrationally blamed for everything bad. That's where I'd get called over since she loves me and her daughter is mean and evil. But we couldn't keep picking her off the floor. Bathing her on a chair in the tub was very difficult because she's not a baby and can do it. We spent time before it was getting too impossible to find an assisted living that was clean with a caring staff. Found one close to us across the street from her docs and hospital. It was kicking and screaming. She tried to escape. One time they found her in the street hoping to get run down. It's only now that she doesn't have much strength that she can't get past her doorway.
The moods swing. She's nice to me all the time and attacks her daughter much less if I'm there. Once in awhile she like her. But since she always loves to see me I am called when things are bad.
I'd suggest have a place in mind. Some places have waiting lists. Who does she seem to be closest too. Have that person available for the bad days. It kind of comes on suddenly. You've been doing it 24/7 and all of the sudden it's I can't, at least in this situation. Unless you hire 24/7 care which is costly assisted living it is. It was considered for 5 minutes, not just the cost but the stress of seeing her demise.
For awhile we went to visit daily. Eventually she liked the staff and even made some friends. Yay! It was a good decision because social interaction, doing activities with non family members stimulates the brain. Plus they get home care which includes PT. We hear get me out of here much less because staff is very kind and caring. So now we visit less because she's ok and for our own mental health.
It's a tough decision. I'd go as long as you can and she is also safe and otherwise doing ok like eating ok. Make sure the assisted living has a memory care unit. That way she can stay put when things get bad. When the mother becomes combative she eats in their dining room. They try to not keep her in her room all the time. They need interaction with people. I'd also get the power of attorney in place, advanced directive, polst, etc if you haven't yet. Some folks go down fast while others can linger for years.
Best wishes. Xx