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Funny things your kid has said (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter Sack-Religious.
- Start date
jhib
Footballguy
Driving home from visiting family for Christmas, we had to stop for a bathroom break. I went with my 6 year old son and waited while he did his business, and then noticed that he was wiping with his left hand.
I asked, "Do you always use your left hand when you wipe?"
He answered matter-of-factly, "Yeah, 'cause I use my right hand all the time when I eat, so I do all the gross stuff with this hand. Like I pick my nose with my left hand, too."
I asked, "Do you always use your left hand when you wipe?"
He answered matter-of-factly, "Yeah, 'cause I use my right hand all the time when I eat, so I do all the gross stuff with this hand. Like I pick my nose with my left hand, too."
GroveDiesel
Footballguy
Team Tosh
Footballguy
Over Christmas I was sitting around with my nieces playing different Christmas music on my lap top. One of the songs that came on was a song about wanting a hippopotamus for Christmas. At the same time my 4 yr old niece was singing "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth." Once she heard the word hippopotamus she started singing "all I want for Christmas is my ALL front teeth."
Later on the same niece was sitting around watching us play board games and she started cheering and sticking her thumb up saying "upper boo." I guess thumbs down always means boo.
Later on the same niece was sitting around watching us play board games and she started cheering and sticking her thumb up saying "upper boo." I guess thumbs down always means boo.
Socrates11
Footballguy
My sister-in-law is a "free spirit" who is 30 but still thinks she's 21, and of course has the requisite tramp stamps. Not just one, like 3 or 4 tats on the small of her back. Anyhoo she was wrestling with my 4 yo son and when he saw the tats he said "Auntie, did someone spank you with dirty hands?"
Mrs DaVinci
Footballguy
Part of my 8 year old daughters homework today was to decorate the name tag for her desk. She just showed me her work and instead of the peace sign she accidentally put the Mercedes symbol. The "awesome" apple does not fall far from the "awesome" tree. 
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
AwesomePart of my 8 year old daughters homework today was to decorate the name tag for her desk. She just showed me her work and instead of the peace sign she accidentally put the Mercedes symbol. The "awesome" apple does not fall far from the "awesome" tree.
Verbal Kint
Footballguy
I walk into the family room with my 5 yo son on Saturday. My wife has flipped the channel to some ice skating thing. My son looks at it and says "Is that a guy or a girl" (The dude was wearing the requisite flowery costume). When my wife replies "That's a man", my son says "Oh... where's his husband?"
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
Your awesome apple doesn't fall far from your awesome tree, either.
Verbal Kint
Footballguy
Your awesome apple doesn't fall far from your awesome tree, either.
Early_10
footballgoddess
Sweet J
Footballguy
Ok, I'll share. Wife and I were having a conversation in the front street about some neighbors. She mentioned that they go to United Church of Christ.
My 5 year old girl says from the back seat, "Momma, you said a bad word!"
My 8 year old then pipes in: "I'm pretty sure it's only bad when Dad says it."
My 5 year old girl says from the back seat, "Momma, you said a bad word!"
My 8 year old then pipes in: "I'm pretty sure it's only bad when Dad says it."
chet
Footballguy
My wife was driving with my daughter (~3 at the time). A car with Indiana plates throws a coffee cup from the car, and my wife honks and says, "If you want to litter, go back to Indiana."
My daughter then says, "Can you litter in Indiana?"
My MIL has written down funny things my kids have said since they started talking. I read the notebook over the break, and it's priceless.
My daughter then says, "Can you litter in Indiana?"
My MIL has written down funny things my kids have said since they started talking. I read the notebook over the break, and it's priceless.
Mrs. BSR
Footballguy
Sweet J said:Ok, I'll share. Wife and I were having a conversation in the front street about some neighbors. She mentioned that they go to United Church of Christ.My 5 year old girl says from the back seat, "Momma, you said a bad word!"My 8 year old then pipes in: "I'm pretty sure it's only bad when Dad says it."
Idiot Boxer
Footballguy
Boxer Jr. purchased himself a "fart whistle" which is exactly what it sounds like, a whistle that makes a pooting sound when you blow into it. He has begun the practice of going up to someone, blowing the whistle, and then dramatically going "ooooooh, [NAME] That smells."
So Boxer Jr. goes up behind Boxer princess and blows the whistle and announces "Ooooooh, Boxer princess, that smells"
To which Boxer princess quickly replies, matter-of-factly, "It couldn't have been me, when I fart, I laugh."
So Boxer Jr. goes up behind Boxer princess and blows the whistle and announces "Ooooooh, Boxer princess, that smells"
To which Boxer princess quickly replies, matter-of-factly, "It couldn't have been me, when I fart, I laugh."
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
Your 8 y.o. is a smart one.Sweet J said:Ok, I'll share. Wife and I were having a conversation in the front street about some neighbors. She mentioned that they go to United Church of Christ.My 5 year old girl says from the back seat, "Momma, you said a bad word!"My 8 year old then pipes in: "I'm pretty sure it's only bad when Dad says it."
Someone's been watching Sid the Science kid.My 4 1/2 year old had a non sequitur gem the other day:
"Daddy, you know what's in my nose?
Boogers and molecules."
pigskinliquors
Dr. Parrothead
I've got one to add:
We drove by a nasty car crash last week, which had a car upside-down, and on fire. Mrs. Liquors told my daughters (3 and 7) to say a prayer for those that were involved. Our 7 yo says her prayer out loud "I hope everyone in the accident is safe, and that they had good comprehensive insurance .
We drove by a nasty car crash last week, which had a car upside-down, and on fire. Mrs. Liquors told my daughters (3 and 7) to say a prayer for those that were involved. Our 7 yo says her prayer out loud "I hope everyone in the accident is safe, and that they had good comprehensive insurance
.
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
I've got one to add:We drove by a nasty car crash last week, which had a car upside-down, and on fire. Mrs. Liquors told my daughters (3 and 7) to say a prayer for those that were involved. Our 7 yo says her prayer out loud "I hope everyone in the accident is safe, and that they had good comprehensive insurance
No way!
pats3in4
Footballguy
Thank you for alleviating my sense of deja vu. My daughter and I were watching that episode last week so now I know why that line sounded familiar.Someone's been watching Sid the Science kid.My 4 1/2 year old had a non sequitur gem the other day:
"Daddy, you know what's in my nose?
Boogers and molecules."
regularguy
Footballguy
My wife saw our 3 year old son yesterday picking his nose. She asked him "were you picking your nose?" He replies "No, I was just pretending."
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
Took the kids to breakfast this morning. As we were leaving we walked by a young couple. Guy had long hair and the girl was really pretty. My son decides there was something wrong with this picture and said the following...
Trev: (looks at girl and then guy) How did you get her? Cut your hair, man.
Guy:
Girl:
Me:
McKayla:
Trev:
ETA: Also... On our way to the truck....
Trev: Look at me. I have long hair because I want to look like my girlfriend. (in girl voice)
Me: :shakeshead: Get in the truck, boy.
Trev: What?
McKayla:
Trev: (looks at girl and then guy) How did you get her?
Cut your hair, man.Guy:
Girl:
Me:
McKayla:
Trev:
ETA: Also... On our way to the truck....
Trev: Look at me. I have long hair because I want to look like my girlfriend. (in girl voice)
Me: :shakeshead:
Get in the truck, boy.Trev: What?
McKayla:
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GroveDiesel
Footballguy
Your son is awesome!Took the kids to breakfast this morning. As we were leaving we walked by a young couple. Guy had long hair and the girl was really pretty. My son decides there was something wrong with this picture and said the following...Trev: (looks at girl and then guy) How did you get her?Cut your hair, man.Guy:
ETA: Also... On our way to the truck....Trev: Look at me. I have long hair because I want to look like my girlfriend. (in girl voice)Me: :shakeshead:
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
Thank you.Your son is awesome!Took the kids to breakfast this morning. As we were leaving we walked by a young couple. Guy had long hair and the girl was really pretty. My son decides there was something wrong with this picture and said the following...Trev: (looks at girl and then guy) How did you get her?
He tends to draw attention everywhere he goes. I am not exactly sure where he gets most of what he says.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
My oldest last night: "Gee Daddy, thanks for coming home."
Reg Lllama of Brixton
Footballguy
"working late" a lot these days?
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Nathan R. Jessep
Footballguy
Nathan R. Jessep
Footballguy
Took the kids to breakfast this morning. As we were leaving we walked by a young couple. Guy had long hair and the girl was really pretty. My son decides there was something wrong with this picture and said the following...Trev: (looks at girl and then guy) How did you get her?
Verbal Kint
Footballguy
I demand pics before I ascertain whether you're kid is funny or not.Bankerguy said:
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
Sunday morning, I stub my toe while my wife is sleeping and I'm in the kitchen and my 21 month old son is playing with some toys near me.
SJ96: Aw F###!Peter: F###, f###, f###, f###, f###, f###. FUUUUUUU##!hew:
Bankerguy
Footballguy
One other story from my 3 year old.
Background:
A boy at his day care was saying some bad words and my son was quite interested in the whole topic.
At the same time, he often mentioned not liking one of the teachers. Lets call her Miss Nancy.
(At the dinner table)
Me: How was your day today at school.
Son: Miss Nancy was mean to me.
Me: Aw, why, what happened?
Son: Miss Nancy said a bad word to me.
Me: Really, what did she say?
Son: Its a bad word.
Me: OK, I understand, but what did Miss Nancy actually say to you?
Son: (Non responsive)
Me: Its OK, you wont get in trouble for saying it, even if its a bad word (I am thinking he heard damn, stupid, or shut up-as I have never heard him swear yet).
Son: (looking at me square in the eyes) Fxxk it. He blurts out
Me: (While my wife is silently laughing and biting her lip out of his line of sight) Thank-you for telling Daddy and I am glad you know its a bad word and we dont say those things in our family.
Son: Nodding (While wife is still laughing)
Obviously my son was making up the story and got to try out the new word. <_<
The good news is that we have not heard it since.
Background:
A boy at his day care was saying some bad words and my son was quite interested in the whole topic.
At the same time, he often mentioned not liking one of the teachers. Lets call her Miss Nancy.
(At the dinner table)
Me: How was your day today at school.
Son: Miss Nancy was mean to me.
Me: Aw, why, what happened?
Son: Miss Nancy said a bad word to me.
Me: Really, what did she say?
Son: Its a bad word.
Me: OK, I understand, but what did Miss Nancy actually say to you?
Son: (Non responsive)
Me: Its OK, you wont get in trouble for saying it, even if its a bad word (I am thinking he heard damn, stupid, or shut up-as I have never heard him swear yet).
Son: (looking at me square in the eyes) Fxxk it. He blurts out
Me: (While my wife is silently laughing and biting her lip out of his line of sight) Thank-you for telling Daddy and I am glad you know its a bad word and we dont say those things in our family.
Son: Nodding (While wife is still laughing)
Obviously my son was making up the story and got to try out the new word. <_<
The good news is that we have not heard it since.
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Verbal Kint
Footballguy
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
Easy there, bud. Don't pop a vessel.
Verbal Kint
Footballguy
Easy there, bud. Don't pop a vessel.
E-Z Glider
Footballguy
My 7yo recently got braces and is taking it very seriously. She walks around the house telling anyone who will listen all the different rules of having braces; what she can eat, what she cant eat, how she must brush, etc. My 5yo has obviously heard it a few times. I was brushing my teeth this morning when she came strolling into the bathroom...
5yo: Dad, its a good thing you're brushing your teeth.
Me: :mouthfull: :(
5yo: Because if you don't, then stuff will build up on them.
Me: :mouthfull:
5yo: And if too much stuff builds up on them, your teeth will get black (blaque)
Me:
5yo: Dad, its a good thing you're brushing your teeth.
Me: :mouthfull: :(
5yo: Because if you don't, then stuff will build up on them.
Me: :mouthfull:
5yo: And if too much stuff builds up on them, your teeth will get black (blaque)
Me:
Foosball God
Foos
Conversation in the car last night:
(leading up to this we had been talking about my nephew who is now two 1/2, and what he ate as a baby.)
4 yo daughter: Where does the milk come from?
Me: The mommy makes it in her body.
6 yo son: Yeah, when you get bigger and get married you'll have a baby and it will suck on your boob and get milk.
4 yo daughter: Really?
Me: (trying not to laugh) He's right.
4 yo daughter: Ewww
(leading up to this we had been talking about my nephew who is now two 1/2, and what he ate as a baby.)
4 yo daughter: Where does the milk come from?
Me: The mommy makes it in her body.
6 yo son: Yeah, when you get bigger and get married you'll have a baby and it will suck on your boob and get milk.
4 yo daughter: Really?
Me: (trying not to laugh) He's right.
4 yo daughter: Ewww
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
Reg Lllama of Brixton
Footballguy
Early_10
footballgoddess
My mom does this too. When my youngest boy was just starting to talk, just under 2, he was in the back seat of my moms car one day along with his then 4 year old brother. As they drove past McDonalds he called out excitedly "ACK DONALDS! GO ACK DONALDS!"He says it a couple of more times and when my mom continues to ignore him he says to his brother Austin (who has my mom wrapped around his little finger) in a very authoritative voice, "AUTIN, Ack Donalds."Doesn't read nearly as funny but believe me, hearing a less than 2 year old boss his big brother into bossing nan was priceless.
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
I thought this was funny:
Trev: Mom, you know why I am so great?
Mom: Why is that, bud?
Trev: Because I am part of you.
Mom: awwww you are so sweet. :hugs:
McKayla: then why am I such a pain in the butt?
Trev: Because you are a girl
McKayla:
Me:
wait...
Trev: Mom, you know why I am so great?
Mom: Why is that, bud?
Trev: Because I am part of you.
Mom: awwww you are so sweet. :hugs:
McKayla: then why am I such a pain in the butt?
Trev: Because you are a girl
McKayla:
Me:
wait... 
clampino
Footballguy
I have no kids, but my nephew said something funny when he was about 6 or so. They lived near an Amish community and they would shop in the same town. When my nephew first saw Amish people he says, "wrecked em? Darn near killed em'! " -lol j/k He yells out, "look mom, real life Pilgrims." Yes I was with them, it was hilarious.
ffjunk
Footballguy
Talking at work today with some of the guys and one told a story of how years ago when his daughter was little she stayed at her Aunt's house for a sleepover. She walked in the bathroom as the Aunt was getting into the shower and when she got home she told her parents that her "Aunties front bum had grown a beard!" 
Bankerguy
Footballguy
Front bum....oh jeebus.Talking at work today with some of the guys and one told a story of how years ago when his daughter was little she stayed at her Aunt's house for a sleepover. She walked in the bathroom as the Aunt was getting into the shower and when she got home she told her parents that her "Aunties front bum had grown a beard!"
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Two year-old daughter: "My hash browns are brown."
Me: "Your hash browns? You don't have any hash browns, sweetheart."
Daughter: "Right here." (pointing abover her eye).
Me: "Sweetie, you don't have any hash browns on your face."
D: "My hairs are brown."
Me: "You mean your eye brows?"
D: "Yeah, eye browns. They're brown."
Me: "Your hash browns? You don't have any hash browns, sweetheart."
Daughter: "Right here." (pointing abover her eye).
Me: "Sweetie, you don't have any hash browns on your face."
D: "My hairs are brown."
Me: "You mean your eye brows?"
D: "Yeah, eye browns. They're brown."
