What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Funny things your kid has said (3 Viewers)

At the beginning of the school year our third grader (8yo) was showing my wife her assignment book. She has to write down all of her homework for each night. My wife asked if the teacher writes everything on the chalkboard or if she just reads it out and the kids have to write it down, to which my daughter says "mom, this isn't the olden days, we use dry-erase boards, not chalkboards".

My wife was speechless.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
porkins said:
At the beginning of the school year our third grader (8yo) was showing my wife her assignment book. She has to write down all of her homework for each night. My wife asked if the teacher writes everything on the chalkboard or if she just reads it out and the kids have to write it down, to which my daughter says "mom, this isn't the olden days, we use dry-erase boards, not chalkboards". My wife was speechless.
Click to expand...
Dry erase boards are going the way of the olden days, too. My son's kindergarten uses a smartboard. All electronic, no markers, ink, erasers, etc. It also doubles as the TV to watch the movies or morning announcements on.Anyway, he was telling me how in gym yesterday they did crunches and I said those are good for your abs. He asked what were abs and I pointed to mine. I tightened them up and told him to punch me so I could show him why you want your abs to be strong. He gives me a typical 6 year-old punch and I don't even flinch. He looks up at me in awe and, 100% serious, asks, "Why don't you play football for the Eagles?"
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Tar Heel Boy said:
Our son is only 17 months old, so naturally his vocabulary is pretty limited. He is trying to say "fork" right now, but needless to say it sounds like the f bomb. We had to put it on video the other night. My new favorite saying is "Fork You"
Click to expand...
Lol. When my son was 3 he was really into Thomas the Train and one of his favorites was Percy but it sounded like ...slang for the female body part. Oh his uncles had fun with that one.
 
iamsmilin said:
Tar Heel Boy said:
Our son is only 17 months old, so naturally his vocabulary is pretty limited. He is trying to say "fork" right now, but needless to say it sounds like the f bomb. We had to put it on video the other night. My new favorite saying is "Fork You"
Click to expand...
Lol. When my son was 3 he was really into Thomas the Train and one of his favorites was Percy but it sounded like ...slang for the female body part. Oh his uncles had fun with that one.
Click to expand...
I had a friend's kid say it that way as well. Of course, my friend then extends the joke to liking "Teen-Age Percy", "Bald Percy", etc. Cinders & Ashes!
 
My daughter who just turned 3:

"Daddy, I want a (something food)"

"I'm cooking and it's almost done"

"Daddy, you're not listening to me"

Whenever my youngest doesn't get what she wants she says "Daddy, you're not listening to me."

Same daughter, woke up from nap and crapped her bed and I was cleaning it up, she points to her little Care Bear and says "Daddy, I pooped on my Care Bear"

 
Took my 5 year old to the Rams Packers game on Sunday. We had to leave at the beginning of the 3rd quarter because he could not stand the noise anymore. So, later that night when I am reading him his good night book he asks me if the Rams won. I told him that now the Rams lost to the Packers. He looks up at me and says "Man, I knew those Rams did't have anything at all." I just laughed. Even my 5 year old knows the Rams suck this year.

 
Playing soccer with my four year old boy. I kick the ball a few feet past him to his left.

He rolls his eyes and says - "dad, you're killing me."

 
walnutz said:
Took my 5 year old to the Rams Packers game on Sunday. We had to leave at the beginning of the 3rd quarter because he could not stand the noise anymore. So, later that night when I am reading him his good night book he asks me if the Rams won. I told him that now the Rams lost to the Packers. He looks up at me and says "Man, I knew those Rams did't have anything at all." I just laughed. Even my 5 year old knows the Rams suck this year.
Click to expand...
2 weekend notes from my 7 yr old daughter:Saturday, flipped on the Buckeye game- "Daddy, they're not bad like the Brownies (Browns) are they?"Sunday at the Browns Backer Club- "Daddy, everyone's mad because the Brownies play like a bunch of girls."
 
iamsmilin said:
Tar Heel Boy said:
Our son is only 17 months old, so naturally his vocabulary is pretty limited. He is trying to say "fork" right now, but needless to say it sounds like the f bomb. We had to put it on video the other night. My new favorite saying is "Fork You"
Click to expand...
Lol. When my son was 3 he was really into Thomas the Train and one of his favorites was Percy but it sounded like ...slang for the female body part. Oh his uncles had fun with that one.
Click to expand...
I have a 16 month oud daughter and she has been trying to say "sock" when I leave mine on the floor. Only she can't make the s sound and it comes out as a c. So she picks up a sock and walks around the house saying ####.
 
Kid is outside running around. He has the longest snot trails coming out of both nostrils. They are hanging past his mouth. He looks down at them and then sniffs in really hard and the suck right back up into his nose. Then...

"Oh! They're cold!!!!"

....

"they" lol

 
This is probably a lot more creepy than funny, but...

Driving in the car the other day, my son drops this gem.

"I'm so thirsty I could drink the blood of 100 humans."

Wife and I asked just what he meant, and he gives us a further explanation.

"Well, I don't really want to drink their blood, but I'm so thirsty I COULD drink that amount of something"

:shrug: :shrug:

 
It was cold last night in Michigan so in the morning there was frost on the ground and frost residue covering up some of the windows.

After my 4 year old son gets up, he looks at the window in his room and says to me "Hey daddy look at my window, it's all jacked up!"

Don't know where he caught on to using that term but I thought it was pretty funny that he used it to describe the condition of his window.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
skillz said:
It was cold last night in Michigan so in the morning there was frost on the ground and frost residue covering up some of the windows.After my 4 year old son gets up, he looks at the window in his room and says to me "Hey daddy look at my window, it's all jacked up!"Don't know where he caught on to using that term but I thought it was pretty funny that he used it to describe the condition of his window.
Click to expand...
jack frost jacked it up?
 
Orange Whip said:
While my family and I are overseas, our best friends are watching Emma, our golden retriever -- and Cougar and Cleo, our two cats... Here's a funny email we got from our friend (the mom)... Julie is their four-year-old daughter.__________Julie has been asking me when Emma is going to have her babies. I told her that she doesn't have a husband so she can't have any babies. Julie says that you have to find a husband for her. So there you go. Also, Julie has asked me whether or not Cougar and Cleo are married. I've been humming and hawing on this one. If they are in fact married, Julie will be asking daily when Cleo's babies will be coming and if they are not married, does that mean that they are living in sin??
Click to expand...
Tell her the truth...dogs don't get married
 
"For Those About To Rock" came on the radio on the way to Cal's soccer game Saturday. When we got home he asked me to pull it up on the computer so he could listen to it again. I went to You Tube so he could watch some video too.

Cal: Why isn't he (Angus) wearing a shirt?

Me: He's a rock star. He doens't have to wear a shirt.

Cal: When I'm a rock star I'm wearing a shirt.

 
UOFI_316 said:
iamsmilin said:
Tar Heel Boy said:
Our son is only 17 months old, so naturally his vocabulary is pretty limited. He is trying to say "fork" right now, but needless to say it sounds like the f bomb. We had to put it on video the other night. My new favorite saying is "Fork You"
Click to expand...
Lol. When my son was 3 he was really into Thomas the Train and one of his favorites was Percy but it sounded like ...slang for the female body part. Oh his uncles had fun with that one.
Click to expand...
I have a 16 month oud daughter and she has been trying to say "sock" when I leave mine on the floor. Only she can't make the s sound and it comes out as a c. So she picks up a sock and walks around the house saying ####.
Click to expand...
wait until your brothers/friends think it's funny to have your kid scream out "I love sock" in a store. I've never been so red in the face as when my BIL made my son say "I love Percy" to a sale associate.
 
He really didn't say anything so much as he just laughed, but my 1.5 year old had a most devilish little laugh as he stood up in the bathtub, turned, and started peeing on his 3 y.o. sister. Fun times.

 
A couple of weeks ago I had the whole family in the car and we were close to our old hood. I haven't seen our old house in 3-4 years and decided to drive by. Now it was a very, very modest abode but the neighborhood was nicely kept.

As we are driving through, the place looks pretty much the same and maybe even a little better. Until we get to our old house. The privacy fence had somehow fallen down. The white awnings were really dirty. The landscaping looks like it hadn't been cut in years. The basketball backboard and garage door had all of the paint flaking off it.

Cal: Why are we looking at that house?

SLB: That's where Mom & Dad used to live.

Cal: Wow. That's terrible.

 
My 2 1/2 yo son is doing really well with potty training...so yesterday morning, I take him to sit on the toilet right when he wakes up...I'm half asleep, and he's having a hard time going poo...only did a little...and I'm wondering if he's just milking hanging out in there...

Me: Okay kid...time to wrap it up.

Peter: No Dad! I still have to poo!

Me: You already did a little poo...that's enough for now.

Peter: But I gotta BIG poo.

Then he grabs the side of his toilet...goes red in the face and grunts and pushes...I hear a big splash...

Me: Wow! That was a big one! You all done?

Peter: No...Dad...turn on the fan please!

Me: :rolleyes: :lmao: :lmao:

 
For some reason Cal, our 5.5 yo son, got up early at around 6 am Sunday, went downstairs and turned on some cartoons.

About 6:30 he came upstairs, wakes up Mrs. SLB and tells he he's sorry. Never good. She asked him what he did and the conversation goes like this:

Cal: I tried to help you our but something went wrong.

Mrs. SLB: What went wrong?

Cal: I saw the Swivel Sweeper on TV and I thought it would help you clean.

Mrs. SLB: So.....what happened?

Cal: The girl said "call now" to get one so I called her.

Mrs. SLB & SLB:

Cal: I gave her our address but she just kept talking, and talking, and talking.

Mrs. SLB & SLB: Please don't use the phone again without our permission.

Cal: I don't think she is sending us a Swivel Sweeper.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
We had my BIL and his wife over for dinner last night.

After the meal and two helpings of dessert, I said that I could feel my belly growing. My 5 y.o. says "your butt?" There's some laughter and I reply that, yes my butt is probably growing as well. He replies "well, my crotch is growing," then proceeds into a fit of giggles.

 
Two weekends ago, I was in Wisconsin, on a business thing. The day we arrived, I called home to check in with my almost-4-year old, Jake.

"Um, Dad? Where is you?"

I'm in Wisconsin, son, on a big ol' bus.

"Um, Dad? Yer in Consin? On a school bus??"

No, Jake, I'm on a different kind of bus. I'll send you a picture of it when I get off.

"Don't get off afore it stops!"

Cut to this past Thursday. Jake and I are taking a walk in the neighborhood, and a plane goes by overhead.

"Look, Dad! A airplane!"

'AN airplane,' Jake.

"'Swat I said, Daddy. A airplane."

You're right, buddy. Hey, you know, I was just on a airplane last week.

"You were? Why was you on it?"

I went to Wisconsin, remember?

"Yeah. On a plane to Consin. When you was gone, I went to KID-Consin, and it was just little boys and little girls, and we was on a airplane, too."

Yeah? Coo-ooool, buddy. Did you have a nice trip?

"Yeah, Dad, better than you..."

:thumbup:

He does this kind of thing all the time. Sometimes it scares me.

 
Mrs. SLB told Cal the "Why didn't the skeleton cross the road" joke for Halloween. He changed to the punchline to "becuase he didn't have the nuts."

 
Orange Whip said:
My family left Aussie and headed back to Austin (miss them terribly.) I hear that my boy went out as Buzz Lightyear. Whenever someone would open the door and say, "It's Buzz Lightyear," he would remind them that he was Connor, not really Buzz Lightyear.
Click to expand...
:) Cal was doing that too.

 
My 4.5 year old son mention he wanted to go see his Aunt in Abu-Dhabi and that he needed to take a Helicopter and a taxi to get there.

 
Two from today:

3 yr old daughter: Dad, why didn't the chicken not end up crossing the road?

Me, chuckling: Why hun?

daughter: Cause he didn't have any guns!!! [cracks herself up]

Later at dinner:

daughter: Dad, what day is it?

Me: It's Wednesday.

daughter: Dad, if I eat a good dinner can I have a little Wednesday?

Me: Huh?

daughter: You know, with whip cream and chocolate sauce?

:moneybag:

 
Worm said:
Two from today:3 yr old daughter: Dad, why didn't the chicken not end up crossing the road?Me, chuckling: Why hun?daughter: Cause he didn't have any guns!!! [cracks herself up]Later at dinner:daughter: Dad, what day is it?Me: It's Wednesday.daughter: Dad, if I eat a good dinner can I have a little Wednesday?Me: Huh?daughter: You know, with whip cream and chocolate sauce? :hifive:
Click to expand...
:moneybag:
 
RudiStein said:
Worm said:
Two from today:3 yr old daughter: Dad, why didn't the chicken not end up crossing the road?Me, chuckling: Why hun?daughter: Cause he didn't have any guns!!! [cracks herself up]Later at dinner:daughter: Dad, what day is it?Me: It's Wednesday.daughter: Dad, if I eat a good dinner can I have a little Wednesday?Me: Huh?daughter: You know, with whip cream and chocolate sauce? :lol:
Click to expand...
:moneybag:
Click to expand...
Skeleton/no guts joke confusion? Sundae/Wednesday? Maybe more cute than lolz but they made me laugh. :hifive:
 
My two year old son, watching me drink a beer: "Papa, some beer please?"

Me: "No, Adam, I already gave you a sip and you only get one right now."

him: "Maybe some wine then?"

 
My wife and I are at our lawyers office, going over and signing the final copies of our wills.

I didn't know this going into it, but in the will the word "issue" means child/dependant. My wife and I were discussing this choice of word and she says, "I only have one issue" and points at our 5 y.o. son.

Our son doesn't even look up from his colouring book and deadpans "Ummm, Momma, you have LOTS of issues" and just keeps colouring.

:)

 
We had my Uncle's wake last night and they have that book you sign to show you attended.

About half an hour later I hear Cal say to his 12 y.o. cousin "we signed that book a long time ago, when is our food going to get here?"

 
Sheriff Bart said:
We had my Uncle's wake last night and they have that book you sign to show you attended. About half an hour later I hear Cal say to his 12 y.o. cousin "we signed that book a long time ago, when is our food going to get here?"
Click to expand...
:blackdot: literally.
 
My 4 year old this morning.

me: "C'mon we have to get going, let's get your coat on:

her: "Daddy, slow down your horses"

me: :hifive: :)

 
Conversation my 5 yr old daughter and I had this morning while listening to Christmas songs:

Daughter: Daddy, why does Vader want Pumpkin pie? How does he get it through the Black mask?

Me: Huh?

Daughter: Like the song says....

I realize we're listening to Rockin' around the Christmas Tree and they said "LATER we'll have some pumpkin pie...".

The force is strong with this one. :thumbup:

 
I was reading a bedtime story to my 3.5 year old that mentioned the "African Plains".

Before he'd let me turn the page he examined it closely and then asked me, "Where is it Daddy?"

I asked, "Where is what Connor?"

His response... "The freakin' plane!" :-)

 
My 2-year-old son at wife's parents for Thanksgiving. We're all sitting watching football after eating lunch.

My son goes to use the potty, comes back, scans the room and says to my father-in-law:

"Pop, you sure do have a big, fat tummy....

...and I sure have a big, fat, tee-tee."

:goodposting: :lmao:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
We have the star wars lego game for wii... And there is the part on hoth where you fight those machines that are attacking the rebel base... He calls them bees, bears and big foots... Well he is 5 and mis pronounces things and we were in the car and he starts saying over and over again "daddy likes big butts, daddy likes big butts" I was freaking thinking, how does he know... Then he said and bears and bees and I knew what he was talking about

 
My daughter recently got her learner's permit and my wife and I are teaching her to drive. We tell her that she can learn a lot about driving from the passenger seat as well as the driver's seat and have encouraged her to ask questions when one of us is behind the wheel. After several weeks, I am frustrated with her because she's not asking me any questions when I am driving and that means that she's not really taking this seriously.

So the other day we're almost home, I'm driving, and once again she hasn't asked any questions.

Me: "How come you never ask me any questions about driving? Mommy says that you ask her questions when she is driving."

Her: "That's because everything that you do on the road makes perfect sense."

Me: :moneybag: :eek:

 
This weekend I got up with my 1.5 year old and made coffee and when I set my coffee mug down she pointed at it and said "Beer."

I'm not sure if I should be proud.

 
slimjayz said:
We have the star wars lego game for wii... And there is the part on hoth where you fight those machines that are attacking the rebel base... He calls them bees, bears and big foots... Well he is 5 and mis pronounces things and we were in the car and he starts saying over and over again "daddy likes big butts, daddy likes big butts" I was freaking thinking, how does he know... Then he said and bears and bees and I knew what he was talking about
Click to expand...
The correct reply your son was looking for: "Don't want none unless they got buns hun".HTH
 
Last edited by a moderator:
The half of the phone conversation I could hear between my 3 year-old daughter and my MIL.

"No. We had to go back to the house because mommy forgot to bring my blocks."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Because mommy's crAAAzy."

 
I was helping babysit a set of three year old twins this weekend. I asked the little boy, "Where does Santa live?"

He stopped, thought about it for a second, and then responded, "The mall."

 
Mommy's in the kitchen holding 1yr old boy while cooking. 1yr old farts.

3yr old comes running in from the play room pointing "haaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa mommy farted out of her butttttttttt"

:unsure:

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

parasaurolophus
Kid bullying my daughter.
2
Replies
57
Views
1K
Mrs. Rannous
Mrs. Rannous
coyote5
Hail damage - getting new roof, what questions should I have?
Replies
5
Views
346
The Z Machine
The Z Machine
belljr
Tips to get your teen more organized/responsive/on top of things?
Replies
31
Views
689
Ilov80s
Ilov80s

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 4 (members: 0, guests: 4)
Top