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Funny things your kid has said (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter Sack-Religious.
- Start date
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
My son was up early this morning and ate breakfast with me while my wife was still sleeping. As I was cleaning up our breakfast dishes, he goes into our room to wake her. For once, he's somewhat nice about it and doesn't burst in and turn the light on. Instead he crawls up onto the bed and gives her a hug and kiss. I'm walking up the stairs at this point and I hear "Ugggh, you've got death breath...but I love you anyway."
3 year old son comes running upstairs for dinner the other night. Hops in his chair and is ready to eat. I look over and he has no pants on. He had gone to the bathroom downstairs(he is completely potty trained). I ask him where his pants are. He looks at me, does one of these 
literally and then yells "my pants." Jumps out of the chair, runs downstairs and puts his pants back on. When he comes back up they are all on backwards.
literally and then yells "my pants." Jumps out of the chair, runs downstairs and puts his pants back on. When he comes back up they are all on backwards.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
I forgot about this one.
Christmas Day somebody gave Cal a train whistle.
He unwraps it and says "Cool! Now we have four of them!"
ETA
It was quite embarrassing.
Christmas Day somebody gave Cal a train whistle.
He unwraps it and says "Cool! Now we have four of them!"
ETA
It was quite embarrassing.
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McJose
Footballguy
3 year old son comes running upstairs for dinner the other night. Hops in his chair and is ready to eat. I look over and he has no pants on. He had gone to the bathroom downstairs(he is completely potty trained). I ask him where his pants are. He looks at me, does one of theseliterally and then yells "my pants." Jumps out of the chair, runs downstairs and puts his pants back on. When he comes back up they are all on backwards.
cstu
Footballguy
The Noid
Avoid me!
6 year-old overheard talk about how some medication can turn people into "zombies."
Him: Are zombies real?
Me: Nah, it's just an expression. They're only pretend.
Him: Well, if they were real and were chasing me, I would kick them in the penis. And if it was a girl zombie, I would kick her in the hole.
Him: Are zombies real?
Me: Nah, it's just an expression. They're only pretend.
Him: Well, if they were real and were chasing me, I would kick them in the penis. And if it was a girl zombie, I would kick her in the hole.
The Noid
Avoid me!
6 year-old in the tub:
Him: Daddy, is there a bone in my penis?
Me: No, just tissue and blood vessels.
Him: Then why does it feel hard like a bone?
Me: That's just the blood vessels getting filled with blood. When it's all full like that, it just feels like a bone. Not all of your body parts have bones. Like your ear lobes. Or your butt cheeks.
Him: [rubbing his butt cheek with one hand and his ear lobe with the other] How come I can't get these to feel like a bone?
Him: Daddy, is there a bone in my penis?
Me: No, just tissue and blood vessels.
Him: Then why does it feel hard like a bone?
Me: That's just the blood vessels getting filled with blood. When it's all full like that, it just feels like a bone. Not all of your body parts have bones. Like your ear lobes. Or your butt cheeks.
Him: [rubbing his butt cheek with one hand and his ear lobe with the other] How come I can't get these to feel like a bone?
General Malaise
Footballguy
McJose
Footballguy
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
Peeing in the shower is wrong?
Tecumseh
Footballguy
Then I don't want to be right.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Two nights ago the boys were taking a bath and I hear "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DYLAN QUIT PEEING ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
Should have hit him with the Green Dinosaur
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Raptor Peebus
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
The puppy has claimed that as his own and is chewing the hell out of it.Should have hit him with the Green Dinosaur
Thorn
Footballguy
McJose got ended?
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
It's not even newsworthy anymore.
strykerpks
Footballguy
At least it's off the bathroom floor now, right?The puppy has claimed that as his own and is chewing the hell out of it.Should have hit him with the Green Dinosaur
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Yeah, guess who finally picked it up and put it in the toy box.
BoltThrower
Footballguy
Wife and 6yo son at the doctor. Not sure how/why this came up.
Dr: Does he urinate a lot?
Wfie: No, not really.
Son (to Dr): Maybe you should give me a prostate exam.
Dr: Does he urinate a lot?
Wfie: No, not really.
Son (to Dr): Maybe you should give me a prostate exam.
Seymour Corn
it=info
About a month ago, I was doing some work about the house. I was up on a ladder, and my almost 2 year old son was watching me. I proceeded to fall off the ladder, hurt my foot, and say a few choice words. A week later, he's asleep in the car. We arrive at our destination. I get him out of his seat, and he wakes up, looks at me, and says 'F-word sakes crayons'.
The other day, he was really thirsty. I gave him some juice. He got a big smile on his face and said 'Tastes good for baby.' He chugged the entire cup. Looked back at me and said 'Party Time'.
The other day, he was really thirsty. I gave him some juice. He got a big smile on his face and said 'Tastes good for baby.' He chugged the entire cup. Looked back at me and said 'Party Time'.
GTBilly
Footballguy
Thanks. that one has the wife wondering why the hell I'm laughing at the computer.
Seymour Corn
it=info
He's my first kid, and he cracks me up constantly. He came into the bedroom Sunday and threw a sealed tub of paint at/to me and said 'Football game! Touch....down!'
bills025
Footballguy
The other day I pick my 10 yr old girl and 5 yr old son from school, and as we're driving the Imma Be song from the Black Eyed peas is playing on the radio. After a minute the 5 yr old asks me, " What kind of bee is he?"
Me "What do you mean?"
Son "Is he a honey bee or a bumble bee?"
Me "He doesnt mean it that way."
Daughter "I bet he means the B word. The one you can't say."
I lost it.
Me "What do you mean?"
Son "Is he a honey bee or a bumble bee?"
Me "He doesnt mean it that way."
Daughter "I bet he means the B word. The one you can't say."
I lost it.
Michael Fox Fan
Footballguy
Nothing sophisticated, since my kids are 18 months old. But my daughter has started saying "shake your booty". No idea where this came from (probably the 26 year old nanny).
She was walking around today shaking a plastic container repeatedly and saying "shake your booty".
She was walking around today shaking a plastic container repeatedly and saying "shake your booty".
D_House
Footballguy
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Ned
Footballguy
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
"Gay is when something bad happens and two guys are involved."
BoltThrower
Footballguy
6 y.o.: How come you and mommy have to work so far from home? Can't you get a closer job -- like at McDonalds?
me: well, McDonald's doesn't pay very much.
6yo:
me: when you are young, like 16, you can work at McDonald's and make a couple hundred bucks and that's fine. But when you have to pay for a house and stuff you need a job that pays more money.
6yo: Oh. Like Sonic?
me: well, McDonald's doesn't pay very much.
6yo:
me: when you are young, like 16, you can work at McDonald's and make a couple hundred bucks and that's fine. But when you have to pay for a house and stuff you need a job that pays more money.
6yo: Oh. Like Sonic?
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
I came home from work the other day and asked my wife how her day was. Since she basically works from home she doesn't get that coworker-to-coworker interaction that most of us do. Sometimes she forgets that I don't work for the same company that she does. Not that I don't care or love her but I really don't need to know ever detail of every order/contact she made during the day.
So she's in the middle of "...so I was able to bring the price down to $X...and this is all happening Thursday...remember he's the area director that was fired...but 15% was too high so I had to call her back..."
and I glance over at my 15 year old who is sitting on the couch behind and out of the view of my wife. He looks at me and gives me one of these..
He's learning quickly.
So she's in the middle of "...so I was able to bring the price down to $X...and this is all happening Thursday...remember he's the area director that was fired...but 15% was too high so I had to call her back..."
and I glance over at my 15 year old who is sitting on the couch behind and out of the view of my wife. He looks at me and gives me one of these..
He's learning quickly.
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
Took my 3 yo son to the mall on Saturday...before we left, I bought him an ice cream cone and we sat together on a bench while he ate it.This was all one conversation...
Out of the mouths of babes...and about babes...Peter: Dad, I'm happy!SJ96: Oh yeah? Why are you happy?Peter: I'm happy for the baby in Mommy's belly! [she's not pregnant that we know of although we're trying.]SJ96: Oh yeah?Peter: But...I'm sad...SJ96: Really? Why are you sad?Peter: The two babies are in heaven. There's no baby in Mommy's belly. [We've had two miscarriages in the last two years.]SJ96:Peter: Daddy, I like ice cream!!!SJ96: Oh yeah?Peter: [Looks up at three teenage girls walking towards us less than five feet away.]Peter: Yeah...I like ice cream and GIRLS!!!!SJ96:
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Mom's side job.
Mrs DaVinci
Footballguy
Yesterday I was testing my son on the different types of figurative sentences (alliteration, hyperbole, idiom, etc) and having him make up examples for each type of sentence. His example for a sarcastic sentence was, "My mom is making chicken pot pie tonight for dinner. Oh, I'm so excited."
I admit that I do not enjoy cooking as I am not very good at it, but that did sting a bit.
I admit that I do not enjoy cooking as I am not very good at it, but that did sting a bit.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Not mine but my GB's daughter about 7 years ago when she was a junior in high school. A really expensive high school.
GB:Kate, did you do your homework?
Kate: Dad! You know I don't do homework.
GB:
Next Day....
GB: (Calls Kate on her cell phone) Kate, I need you to go by the house and let the dog out.
Kate: Dad...be quiet..I'm in detention.
GB:Kate, did you do your homework?
Kate: Dad! You know I don't do homework.
GB:
Next Day....
GB: (Calls Kate on her cell phone) Kate, I need you to go by the house and let the dog out.
Kate: Dad...be quiet..I'm in detention.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Cal right now.
Me: It's time for bed.
Cal: Aw, I don't want to go now! Mom said I can watch another program! This is stupid!
Me: Now, what have I told you about being nice?
Mrs. SLB: I told you that you could watch another program 20 minutes ago.
Cal:
Me: Cal, maybe if you were nicer she would let you watch another one. How about if you said "Mom, can I watch another program? I'll go to bed quietly as soon as it's over."
Cal: That's good. Write it down for me, that will work another time.
Me: It's time for bed.
Cal: Aw, I don't want to go now! Mom said I can watch another program! This is stupid!
Me: Now, what have I told you about being nice?
Mrs. SLB: I told you that you could watch another program 20 minutes ago.
Cal:
Me: Cal, maybe if you were nicer she would let you watch another one. How about if you said "Mom, can I watch another program? I'll go to bed quietly as soon as it's over."
Cal: That's good. Write it down for me, that will work another time.
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RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
Cal right now.Me: It's time for bed.Cal: Aw, I don't want to go now! Mom said I can watch another program! This is stupid!Me: Now, what have I told you about being nice?Mrs. SLB: I told you that you could watch another program 20 minutes ago.Cal: <_<Me: Cal, maybe if you were nicer she would let you watch another one. How about if you said "Mom, can I watch another program? I'll go to bed quietly as soon as it's over."Cal: That's good. Write it down for me, that will work another time.
BoltThrower
Footballguy
BoltThrower
Footballguy
from the 6yo last night: "Daddy, do you think mommy's private parts are 'jackpot'?"
C P 3 O
Footballguy
Little Ham did what many FBGs wanted to do for a long time. I like this kid.We were at a New Orleans tourism office across from the French Market today. I'm playing with my kid and holding his hands, twisting him around. I let go and without any hesitation he goes all kung foo... Not much of a windup, because that could have left me prepared... Just a sudden ####### ninja forward chop right into my left nut that could have broken a stack of boards. I audibly "OOOF"ed and then yelled at him and pulled him outside with about fifteen peopleand
Couple of new ones for ya...
My 3 year old son is sitting at the table with his mom and me. He asks mom "who is daddies girlfriend?" Wife looks at me and then says to him - Daddies girlfriend is mom. It better be. I was left
My 5 year old son is writing sentences in class. They had to write something about what happens first, then second, then third. So, I find his hanging on the wall amongst the rest of the kids in his class. He says
How to train a lion. First - you get the whip. Second - you run around. Third - You hit the lion.
My 3 year old son is sitting at the table with his mom and me. He asks mom "who is daddies girlfriend?" Wife looks at me and then says to him - Daddies girlfriend is mom. It better be. I was left
My 5 year old son is writing sentences in class. They had to write something about what happens first, then second, then third. So, I find his hanging on the wall amongst the rest of the kids in his class. He says
How to train a lion. First - you get the whip. Second - you run around. Third - You hit the lion.
Senor Schmutzig
Footballguy
I have relocated to South Florida but my wife and 5-year old son are still in Georgia until they sell the house. I know it's difficult on my son to not have me around considering I used to work from home and was around all of the time. I talk to them every night on the phone and last night when he was ready to pass over the phone to my wife, he yelled out "Daddy, I love you all of the way to Hong Kong!!!!" as he threw the phone and was running away.
Not sure where he got that from but it made me chuckle.
Not sure where he got that from but it made me chuckle.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Senor Schmutzig
Footballguy
He's doomed. Good luck with that one.
zander_s
Footballguy
They get sunny stickers for that??
Senor Schmutzig
Footballguy
Well yeah, you don't want to make the kid feel bad for saying something naughty. Remember, this is the 2000's, they don't keep score either.
Sensitivity is the answer.
