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Funny things your kid has said (2 Viewers)

Friday morning, we're at breakfast and my 7 yr old, Austin uses the last of the milk. When my 4 yr old goes to pour up his cereal, the carton is empty.

"AHHH! WHO DRANK ALL THE MILK!!"

Austin smiles evilly.

We have a 23 month old and 12 month old sisters living with us since they were born. Sunday was the 12 month olds birthday. Friday afternoon as we're picking them up from a visit with their mom, my 4 yr old says "guess who's having a birthday on Sunday!" and their mom answers "Stacy!"

He's :angry: that she knew and starts questioning the whole dynamic.

"How did she know it's Stacy's birthday?"

"Cause she knows when Stacy came out of her belly. She's Stacys mom."

"If she's her mom, did Stacy drink milk from her boobies?"

"No, Stacy lives at our house so she has milk in her bottle."

"Why can't she drink milk from your boobies?"

"Cause there's no milk in my boobies anymore."

"Austin drank it all, didn't he? :lmao: "

 
Let me preface this by saying I don’t typically talk around my kids when they have a potentially uncomfortable question, but sometimes the timing just isn’t right.

On the way in to the dentist with my 5 year old, Lady Gaga’s LoveGame came on the car radio. My 5 year old was pretty quiet when we got into the dentist office lobby, which of course was full of people. We checked in and sat down and had the following conversation:

Son: Hey Dad? What’s a disco stick?

Me: …

Son: Dad?

Me: …

Son: DAD??? What’s a disco stick???

Me, panicking: I don’t know, disco is a dance. It must be a stick you dance a disco with. Now shhh…

Son: Oh, so it’s a stick you dance with.

Me: Yeah. Yeah. Shhh…

Son: …

Me …

Son, about 2 minutes later: But you ride on a disco stick too?

#### you, Lady Gaga. We listened to classic rock on the way home.

 
Angry Beavers said:
St. Louis Bob said:
Jaysus said:
P.S. :lmao: @ . I figured it was the dog since they tend to rumble a lot
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The puppy like to steal toys and food from him. He doesn't put up with that #### but ends up getting bitten a lot in the process.
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:goodposting:
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Meh, he is a gentle dog but has to do something when a crazy 3 year old tackles him, puts him in a head lock and starts beating the hell out of him until he drops whatever he has stolen. I'm trying to fix this but I will say they seem to have earned each others respect.

 
Finally have something cute to add to this

My daughter will be 3 next month

Last month, my wife told her that they had to stop into Lowes. When she got inside, my daughter said that it is Lowes on the outside but Home Depot on the inside. I laughed

 
My neighbor's facebook post:

My 6 year old Luke is playing Super Mario Wii with his friend Timmy. I was just sitting there watching. Timmy asked if he could play this one small part of getting the Gold Star, but they had already gotten it earlier so now it was blue and didn't count for anything if you got it. Timmy DID get the star and Luke said, 'Timmy, you said that if you get the blue stars you're an a&&hole...' I was surprised...

 
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Early_10 said:
Friday morning, we're at breakfast and my 7 yr old, Austin uses the last of the milk. When my 4 yr old goes to pour up his cereal, the carton is empty. "AHHH! WHO DRANK ALL THE MILK!!"Austin smiles evilly. We have a 23 month old and 12 month old sisters living with us since they were born. Sunday was the 12 month olds birthday. Friday afternoon as we're picking them up from a visit with their mom, my 4 yr old says "guess who's having a birthday on Sunday!" and their mom answers "Stacy!"He's ;) that she knew and starts questioning the whole dynamic. "How did she know it's Stacy's birthday?""Cause she knows when Stacy came out of her belly. She's Stacys mom.""If she's her mom, did Stacy drink milk from her boobies?""No, Stacy lives at our house so she has milk in her bottle.""Why can't she drink milk from your boobies?""Cause there's no milk in my boobies anymore.""Austin drank it all, didn't he? :thumbdown: "
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:lol:
 
As my wife is getting out of the shower last week, my son apparently had never noticed pubic hair before.

"Mommy, I sure do like your brown tee-tee."

:shrug:

 
Our nephews (5 yo Alex and 3 yo Mitchel) were over playing with our girls. Hailey (5 yo) said, "When I get older I'm going to marry Mitchel."

My wife said the obligatory, "You can't marry your cousin."

Mitchel replies, "When I get older I'm going to marry a boooyyyy (drawn out)."

His dad :kicksrock:

 
My wife and I were driving through a torrential downpour with our 8-year old son in the back. I notice him intently looking out the window when we hear him say "Sucks to be a squirrel." Wife: :popcorn: Me: :rolleyes:

 
Tonite at dinner, my 3 year old girl and wife went to the ladies room together. After washing their hands, Emily (my little girl) told her mom to push the door to the trash can open. After mom did it, Emily tossed her paper towel in yelling "Emily shoots and scores!" :shrug:

 
My wife has allergies so blows her nose a LOT.

Yesterday, this guy (now 4 months older), started going to the kleenex box and instead of just pulling them all out one after the other like usual, started to hold them up to his mouth and go phbbbbt into it. Had me cracking up. Scary how much they pick up.

 
A friend told me this over the weekend.

She was with her 5 year old son, who just completed Kindergarten, and they were looking for a card to give his teacher...

Son: "Do they have one that says "Sorry for being so much trouble and not listening to you" card?

Mother: "Really?" :goodposting:

Son: "Just kidding Mom.. Gotcha ya"

:lmao:

 
I smashed my car up and dropped it off at the shop this morning. In return, they gave me a Kia Spectra to use until my car is ready.

Mrs. SLB went out to meet some friends for dinner so I thought it would be fun to take them to see Toy Story 3. As we are walking from the parking lot, Cal says "Dad, is everybody going to laugh at you when we get out of the movies?" I reply "why would they laugh at me?" To which Cal replies "for driving a girl car."

:confused: jerkoff

 
St. Louis Bob said:
I smashed my car up and dropped it off at the shop this morning. In return, they gave me a Kia Spectra to use until my car is ready. Mrs. SLB went out to meet some friends for dinner so I thought it would be fun to take them to see Toy Story 3. As we are walking from the parking lot, Cal says "Dad, is everybody going to laugh at you when we get out of the movies?" I reply "why would they laugh at me?" To which Cal replies "for driving a girl car." :excited: jerkoff
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:lmao:Having sons will keep you humble for many, many years.
 
This might be TMI for some:

When my son was ~3 1/2, my wife was about tp explain that his penis is different from mine (he's not circumcised).

Wife: Your penis is different from daddy's.

Son: Yeah--his has fur on it.

 
Son (8), and daughter (5) were bickering over something in the back seat on the way home from dinner with my dad and I'd heard enough.

Me: If you two don't knock that off I'm going to warm up your backsides with my hand!

(about a 5 second pause in the hostilities)

Daughter: Daddy? Just how hot is your hand?

 
We're driving to the airport and my five year old has just been talking nonstop. My wife says to him to stop talking and that he can only speak if he needs help.

One minute later:

Son: "Mommy, I need help."

Wife: "What is it? "

Son: "I need help knowing why there's only one juice in my bag"

:goodposting:

 
Conversation in car yesterday.

Daughter (5): "Daddy, I have an imaginary friend who is sitting next to me. Her name is [something I forget]."

Son (7): "Oh yeah? I've got an imaginary gun and I just shot your friend."

 
my nearly 2 year old daughter is now speaking in sentences

wife was out watering the garden the other day.

daughter: "momma. adelaide water the pastas! (squeaky voice) YES! OK! :excited"

wife: the what?

daughter: WATER THE PASTAS!!!!!

wife: ohhhhhhhhhhhh.... the hostas. the plants? you want to water the plants?

daughter: :mellow: !YES!OK! WATER THE PASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!"

:lmao: :lmao: :P

 
Playing golf earlier today with my 9 year old. Local par 3 course.

He had just gotten a legit biride and was totally jacked. The hole was about a 100 yards long and he darn near had a hole in one. Anyway, hehas to pee and we are no where near a port o potty. I tell him to go pee behind a tree. While peeing he proclaims loudly enough for not only me to hear but also the twosome in front of us who are standing on the tee box waiting to tee off...

"Man, I can pee really really far"

:shrug:

 
In an elevator with my 3 year old son...and as it starts to rise, I stand in the centre and pretend it's really wobbly...WOOOAH...

He backs up against the wall and puts his bum against the wall and shouts, "LOOK DAD, MY BUM IS ON THE WALL! WOOOOAH!"

I roar back with laughter and he says, "That's funny, right Dad?"

:lmao:

 
The other day my son, 3 this month, was lying on the couch. Out of nowhere, he says "I have a big penis."

How does he come to this conclusion? How does he know this is something to brag about? How does he know this is something to have and be proud of?

 
When the twins were 3 Alex was caught drinking dirty toilet water with a "silly straw" after Zack finished his business. His mother said...Alex don't ever do that again you can get really sick! Alex replied, "uh-huh I didn't get sick last time!"

 
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Clown Car said:
The other day my son, 3 this month, was lying on the couch. Out of nowhere, he says "I have a big penis."How does he come to this conclusion? How does he know this is something to brag about? How does he know this is something to have and be proud of?
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Has he seen you changing?? Maybe he was just comparing.
 
My Mom is watching my 3 1/2 year old son (every Monday) and he usually dictates an email message for her to type for me, and another for Mommy.Today, he insisted on typing it out himself.My Mom explained how to use the space bar between each word, and she told him when to hit the Enter key.

hi daddyi love youmy stomic is oklovepeter
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Here is my response.
Hi Peter, I love you too!Oh, and it is spelled "stomach".Love,Daddy
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St. Louis Bob said:
I smashed my car up and dropped it off at the shop this morning. In return, they gave me a Kia Spectra to use until my car is ready. Mrs. SLB went out to meet some friends for dinner so I thought it would be fun to take them to see Toy Story 3. As we are walking from the parking lot, Cal says "Dad, is everybody going to laugh at you when we get out of the movies?" I reply "why would they laugh at me?" To which Cal replies "for driving a girl car." :unsure: jerkoff
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:jawdrop: Little chip off the ole jerk.
 
5 yr old was at my parents house a few weeks ago and starts arguing with his little friend. Dad tells them firmly to stop it. "You won't like me when I'm angry. "

5 yr old - "I don't like you very much now. "

 
Friends of ours are potty training their son (just turned 3). They've had conversations about "holding it" if you have to go until you get to the toilet.

The other night they're at a restaurant and the mom takes the little guy and his sister (6) to the washroom and they do their business. Shortly after they return to the table the little guy gets and urgent, shocked look on his face and says "GO POTTY!!" and his mother replies with "Really? We just went" immediately followed by him making his "poop face."

He then reaches behind him (over his pants, thank God) and grabs onto something and proudly declares for all to hear "I HOLDING MY POOP!"

 
My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:

"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."

He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

 
My wife gave me this one. The other day my 5 year old son began to throw a fit on his way to summer camp. Screamed his head off all the way there. When they go to summer camp my wife offers him a few minutes to pull himself together and asked him if he wanted his new friends to see him this way. They then get out of the car and head in. My 5 year old walks off in a huff to the gym to get breakfast. My wife turns to my 2 year old and tell shim half jokingly - Don't you ever act that way ok. My 2 year says "Oh no mommy, I am the good one." There was a teacher walking down the hall who laughed out loud.

 
Radical Larry said:
My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".
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Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
 
UOFI_316 said:
Radical Larry said:
My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".
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Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
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He's not 80 or Indiana Jones, therefore there should be no Fedora's.
 
GTBilly said:
UOFI_316 said:
Radical Larry said:
My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".
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Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
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He's not 80 or Indiana Jones, therefore there should be no Fedora's.
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Did you miss the "ska" part?
 
walnutz said:
My wife gave me this one. The other day my 5 year old son began to throw a fit on his way to summer camp. Screamed his head off all the way there. When they go to summer camp my wife offers him a few minutes to pull himself together and asked him if he wanted his new friends to see him this way. They then get out of the car and head in. My 5 year old walks off in a huff to the gym to get breakfast. My wife turns to my 2 year old and tell shim half jokingly - Don't you ever act that way ok. My 2 year says "Oh no mommy, I am the good one." There was a teacher walking down the hall who laughed out loud.
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That is funny ... but I will caution you that kids hear and begin to believe the labels you give them. So if your older kid can be a pain, and your younger one is good to the point where he has obviously heard himself described before as "the good one" then you can believe the older one has heard himself described in opposite terms. You just don't want him starting to believe that you expect his role to be opposite of "the good one."
 
UOFI_316 said:
Radical Larry said:
My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".
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Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
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At least he isn't giving free crank jobs in the alley like your prodigy.
 
My dad tell's my little girl (2 1/2) "I love you to pieces!" She responds "Papaw, I'm not breakable???"

This week she has also busted out an amazingly intricate "ballet dance" that nobody knows where it came from. If you ask her though, she says "Daddy taught me!" :bag:

 
***I posted this in the epic/life changing "GM's Thread about Nothing" thread, but it clearly belongs here.***

So for the 4th of July weekend, I took my 3 year old, Jackson, to the Adirondacks where we stayed at my Uncle's summer home with about a dozen other relatives. Jackson and I went to an amusement / water park which was lovely until the kiddie pool was shut down because some kid (not mine) pooped in the pool. I didn't see the actual poop, but I have no reason to believe they would lie about it. So we go back to the house and every time one of my relatives asks Jackson about the park, he tells them, with an intense look on his face, "someone pooped in the pool".

Now a couple hours later we go out to dinner and at the end of dinner, Jackson whispers to me that he has to do a poop. Now for some reason, he has regressed over the last month when it comes to doing #2 on the potty. He will go #1 in the potty with no issues, but he now refuses to sit on the potty and drop the kids off at the pool. So when the urge strikes, he asks to put on a pull-up so he can drop. So he and I leave early and go back to the house so he can put on his pull-up and do his thing. Just as I finished changing him, everyone else comes back to the house from dinner. My cousin, who was golfing all day but heard about the "poop in the pool" story has the following exchange with my son:

Cousin: "hey Jackson, did someone poop in the pool today?"

Jackson (very matter-of-factly): "Not me, I pooped in my pants"

Apparently he felt he was being accused of being the "pool pooper" and felt the need to defend himself by providing a poop alibi. I've never been so proud.

 
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