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Funny things your kid has said

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My wife and I were driving through a torrential downpour with our 8-year old son in the back. I notice him intently looking out the window when we hear him say "Sucks to be a squirrel." Wife: :kicksrock: Me: :lmao:

:lmao::lmao:

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A friend told me this over the weekend.

She was with her 5 year old son, who just completed Kindergarten, and they were looking for a card to give his teacher...

Son: "Do they have one that says "Sorry for being so much trouble and not listening to you" card?

Mother: "Really?" :goodposting:

Son: "Just kidding Mom.. Gotcha ya"

:lmao:

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My wife and I were driving through a torrential downpour with our 8-year old son in the back. I notice him intently looking out the window when we hear him say "Sucks to be a squirrel." Wife: :lmao: Me: :lmao:

:lmao::lmao:
:mellow::lmao:

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I smashed my car up and dropped it off at the shop this morning. In return, they gave me a Kia Spectra to use until my car is ready.

Mrs. SLB went out to meet some friends for dinner so I thought it would be fun to take them to see Toy Story 3. As we are walking from the parking lot, Cal says "Dad, is everybody going to laugh at you when we get out of the movies?" I reply "why would they laugh at me?" To which Cal replies "for driving a girl car."

:confused: jerkoff

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I smashed my car up and dropped it off at the shop this morning. In return, they gave me a Kia Spectra to use until my car is ready. Mrs. SLB went out to meet some friends for dinner so I thought it would be fun to take them to see Toy Story 3. As we are walking from the parking lot, Cal says "Dad, is everybody going to laugh at you when we get out of the movies?" I reply "why would they laugh at me?" To which Cal replies "for driving a girl car.":excited: jerkoff

:lmao:Having sons will keep you humble for many, many years.

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This might be TMI for some:

When my son was ~3 1/2, my wife was about tp explain that his penis is different from mine (he's not circumcised).

Wife: Your penis is different from daddy's.

Son: Yeah--his has fur on it.

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Son (8), and daughter (5) were bickering over something in the back seat on the way home from dinner with my dad and I'd heard enough.

Me: If you two don't knock that off I'm going to warm up your backsides with my hand!

(about a 5 second pause in the hostilities)

Daughter: Daddy? Just how hot is your hand?

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We're driving to the airport and my five year old has just been talking nonstop. My wife says to him to stop talking and that he can only speak if he needs help.

One minute later:

Son: "Mommy, I need help."

Wife: "What is it? "

Son: "I need help knowing why there's only one juice in my bag"

:goodposting:

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Conversation in car yesterday.

Daughter (5): "Daddy, I have an imaginary friend who is sitting next to me. Her name is [something I forget]."

Son (7): "Oh yeah? I've got an imaginary gun and I just shot your friend."

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my nearly 2 year old daughter is now speaking in sentences

wife was out watering the garden the other day.

daughter: "momma. adelaide water the pastas! (squeaky voice) YES! OK! :excited"

wife: the what?

daughter: WATER THE PASTAS!!!!!

wife: ohhhhhhhhhhhh.... the hostas. the plants? you want to water the plants?

daughter: :mellow: !YES!OK! WATER THE PASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!"

:lmao: :lmao: :P

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Playing golf earlier today with my 9 year old. Local par 3 course.

He had just gotten a legit biride and was totally jacked. The hole was about a 100 yards long and he darn near had a hole in one. Anyway, hehas to pee and we are no where near a port o potty. I tell him to go pee behind a tree. While peeing he proclaims loudly enough for not only me to hear but also the twosome in front of us who are standing on the tee box waiting to tee off...

"Man, I can pee really really far"

:shrug:

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In an elevator with my 3 year old son...and as it starts to rise, I stand in the centre and pretend it's really wobbly...WOOOAH...

He backs up against the wall and puts his bum against the wall and shouts, "LOOK DAD, MY BUM IS ON THE WALL! WOOOOAH!"

I roar back with laughter and he says, "That's funny, right Dad?"

:lmao:

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The other day my son, 3 this month, was lying on the couch. Out of nowhere, he says "I have a big penis."

How does he come to this conclusion? How does he know this is something to brag about? How does he know this is something to have and be proud of?

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Conversation in car yesterday.Daughter (5): "Daddy, I have an imaginary friend who is sitting next to me. Her name is [something I forget]."Son (7): "Oh yeah? I've got an imaginary gun and I just shot your friend."

:coffee:

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When the twins were 3 Alex was caught drinking dirty toilet water with a "silly straw" after Zack finished his business. His mother said...Alex don't ever do that again you can get really sick! Alex replied, "uh-huh I didn't get sick last time!"

Edited by SHIZNITTTT

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The other day my son, 3 this month, was lying on the couch. Out of nowhere, he says "I have a big penis."How does he come to this conclusion? How does he know this is something to brag about? How does he know this is something to have and be proud of?

Has he seen you changing?? Maybe he was just comparing.

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My Mom is watching my 3 1/2 year old son (every Monday) and he usually dictates an email message for her to type for me, and another for Mommy.Today, he insisted on typing it out himself.My Mom explained how to use the space bar between each word, and she told him when to hit the Enter key.

hi daddyi love youmy stomic is oklovepeter

Here is my response.

Hi Peter, I love you too!Oh, and it is spelled "stomach".Love,Daddy

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I smashed my car up and dropped it off at the shop this morning. In return, they gave me a Kia Spectra to use until my car is ready. Mrs. SLB went out to meet some friends for dinner so I thought it would be fun to take them to see Toy Story 3. As we are walking from the parking lot, Cal says "Dad, is everybody going to laugh at you when we get out of the movies?" I reply "why would they laugh at me?" To which Cal replies "for driving a girl car." :unsure: jerkoff

:jawdrop: Little chip off the ole jerk.

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5 yr old was at my parents house a few weeks ago and starts arguing with his little friend. Dad tells them firmly to stop it. "You won't like me when I'm angry. "

5 yr old - "I don't like you very much now. "

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5 yr old was at my parents house a few weeks ago and starts arguing with his little friend. Dad tells them firmly to stop it. "You won't like me when I'm angry. "5 yr old - "I don't like you very much now. "

:unsure: burn

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Friends of ours are potty training their son (just turned 3). They've had conversations about "holding it" if you have to go until you get to the toilet.

The other night they're at a restaurant and the mom takes the little guy and his sister (6) to the washroom and they do their business. Shortly after they return to the table the little guy gets and urgent, shocked look on his face and says "GO POTTY!!" and his mother replies with "Really? We just went" immediately followed by him making his "poop face."

He then reaches behind him (over his pants, thank God) and grabs onto something and proudly declares for all to hear "I HOLDING MY POOP!"

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:

"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."

He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

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My wife gave me this one. The other day my 5 year old son began to throw a fit on his way to summer camp. Screamed his head off all the way there. When they go to summer camp my wife offers him a few minutes to pull himself together and asked him if he wanted his new friends to see him this way. They then get out of the car and head in. My 5 year old walks off in a huff to the gym to get breakfast. My wife turns to my 2 year old and tell shim half jokingly - Don't you ever act that way ok. My 2 year says "Oh no mommy, I am the good one." There was a teacher walking down the hall who laughed out loud.

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
He's not 80 or Indiana Jones, therefore there should be no Fedora's.

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:

"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."

He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
That part doesn't make sense.

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
He's not 80 or Indiana Jones, therefore there should be no Fedora's.
Did you miss the "ska" part?

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My wife gave me this one. The other day my 5 year old son began to throw a fit on his way to summer camp. Screamed his head off all the way there. When they go to summer camp my wife offers him a few minutes to pull himself together and asked him if he wanted his new friends to see him this way. They then get out of the car and head in. My 5 year old walks off in a huff to the gym to get breakfast. My wife turns to my 2 year old and tell shim half jokingly - Don't you ever act that way ok. My 2 year says "Oh no mommy, I am the good one." There was a teacher walking down the hall who laughed out loud.

That is funny ... but I will caution you that kids hear and begin to believe the labels you give them. So if your older kid can be a pain, and your younger one is good to the point where he has obviously heard himself described before as "the good one" then you can believe the older one has heard himself described in opposite terms. You just don't want him starting to believe that you expect his role to be opposite of "the good one."

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
At least he isn't giving free crank jobs in the alley like your prodigy.

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My dad tell's my little girl (2 1/2) "I love you to pieces!" She responds "Papaw, I'm not breakable???"

This week she has also busted out an amazingly intricate "ballet dance" that nobody knows where it came from. If you ask her though, she says "Daddy taught me!" :bag:

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***I posted this in the epic/life changing "GM's Thread about Nothing" thread, but it clearly belongs here.***

So for the 4th of July weekend, I took my 3 year old, Jackson, to the Adirondacks where we stayed at my Uncle's summer home with about a dozen other relatives. Jackson and I went to an amusement / water park which was lovely until the kiddie pool was shut down because some kid (not mine) pooped in the pool. I didn't see the actual poop, but I have no reason to believe they would lie about it. So we go back to the house and every time one of my relatives asks Jackson about the park, he tells them, with an intense look on his face, "someone pooped in the pool".

Now a couple hours later we go out to dinner and at the end of dinner, Jackson whispers to me that he has to do a poop. Now for some reason, he has regressed over the last month when it comes to doing #2 on the potty. He will go #1 in the potty with no issues, but he now refuses to sit on the potty and drop the kids off at the pool. So when the urge strikes, he asks to put on a pull-up so he can drop. So he and I leave early and go back to the house so he can put on his pull-up and do his thing. Just as I finished changing him, everyone else comes back to the house from dinner. My cousin, who was golfing all day but heard about the "poop in the pool" story has the following exchange with my son:

Cousin: "hey Jackson, did someone poop in the pool today?"

Jackson (very matter-of-factly): "Not me, I pooped in my pants"

Apparently he felt he was being accused of being the "pool pooper" and felt the need to defend himself by providing a poop alibi. I've never been so proud.

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
He's not 80 or Indiana Jones, therefore there should be no Fedora's.
Did you miss the "ska" part?
No didn't miss it at all just think the Fedora should only be on Indy or 80 year old men. As with all things Hot Women can wear whatever the hell they want.

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Somehow my daughter (7) and I got on the topic of our lineage:

Me: So we are part Italian, part Irish, and some other stuff mixed in.

Daughter: :rolleyes: I'm part Irish??

Me: Yup

Daughter: No wonder I can dance like an Irishman!!

At this point she begins to rip a hilarious River Dance-esque maneuver that would make Michael Flatly proud.

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
He's not 80 or Indiana Jones, therefore there should be no Fedora's.
Did you miss the "ska" part?
No didn't miss it at all just think the Fedora should only be on Indy or 80 year old men. As with all things Hot Women can wear whatever the hell they want.
Actually it's more of a pork pie now that I look at it.

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at my in-laws cottage.. feeding daughter "cheese whips" over 4th of july weekend.

she's 2 and picking up language quickly but had never heard the word "whips" before.

my mother in law is Sicilian and very proud of it.

furleywife: (daughter) do you want cheese whips?

daughter (quickly destroys the cheese whip): want more cheese whops

furley: :banned:

daughter: more CHEESE WHOPS! :mellow: I WANT WHOPS! WHOPS!

furleyMIL: :bag:

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exchange last week between my wife and my 3 yr. old Lily...

Lily: "Mommy, will I have a husband some day?"

Mom: "Sure sweetheeart, probably."

Lily: "Will he be a weirdo like your husband?"

:mellow:

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Lately, my 3 1/2 yo son has been prone to (1) car sickness and (2) bouts of insane tantrums...

Also, his latest kick is he wants to do everything himself, such that he'll throw a fit, then undo what you did, and then do it himself.

If you help him with his shoes, he'll put them back on and then take them off himself. Carry him up the stairs? He'll climb back down then go up himself.

Anyway, it's nice that he wants to be independent, but when you're in a hurry, and he gets in a fit about you helping him...look out.

So we go to get in the car, and he's goofing off as he gets into his seat, so my wife just lifts him up and in and starts buckling him up, and he starts having a fit, but we're in a hurry, so too bad.

Amidst his wailing, I get him to listen to me for two seconds, long enough to use a trick I use when he says he is feeling carsick.

I tell him to take a deep breath, count backwards from 10, and then take another deep breath, then I ask him if he feels better, and boom, car sickness is gone, or the tantrum pretty much stops. Works like a charm.

So he takes a deep breath, starts counting backwards, and my wife starts counting with him.

"NO NO NO!!!! I WANTED TO COUNT BACKWARDS BY MYSELF! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

She says OK, but it's too late, and he basically screamed the whole car ride.

So in essence, he threw a temper tantrum because he wanted to use his anger management technique by himself, which I told him to use because he was having a temper tantrum because he wanted to get into his car seat by himself.

Fun. Times.

ETA: The first time he threw one of his epic tantrums happened to be days after he got a vaccine, so I joked with my wife, "Look at him freaking out, he's getting autism before our very eyes."

Peter stops crying, wipes his tears and picks himself up off the ground and says, "Daddy, did you say I'm getting awesome?"

SJ96: "Um...lol...yeah bud, I did say you are getting awesome."

Peter: "Thanks Dad, I love you."

And he hugs me and gets back to playing normally.

Edited by SuperJohn96

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Peter stops crying, wipes his tears and picks himself up off the ground and says, "Daddy, did you say I'm getting awesome?"

:moneybag:

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exchange last week between my wife and my 3 yr. old Lily...Lily: "Mommy, will I have a husband some day?"Mom: "Sure sweetheeart, probably."Lily: "Will he be a weirdo like your husband?" :moneybag:

:lmao: One of my new faves. Thanks.

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Had new son July 2. Went away on business from the 7th to 14th. While away, my 4-and-a-half-year-old who is used to all of the attention understandably acted out a bit. Nothing too bad, just not listening well, being hyper and not stopping when told, starting sassing and talking back to his mother for the first time. Yesterday, he was acting out and slammed the car door. My wife's hand was in the jam and got a good smashing. (Swelling is down today.)

When I got home, I took my son aside and said sternly, "Connor, you are a good boy. What is going on with you!"

He looked as sincere as sincere could be, threw his hand out to his sides and said, with urgency, "I'm totally out of control!"

I lost it immediately. :unsure:

Edited by Mr. Ham

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
At least he isn't giving free crank jobs in the alley like your prodigy.
Prodigy may not be the word you're looking for... Edited by Sack-Religious

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Peter stops crying, wipes his tears and picks himself up off the ground and says, "Daddy, did you say I'm getting awesome?"

:popcorn:
:lmao::lmao::lmao:

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Last night, my 5 year old son "tarted"on his 2 year old sister (that's how she says farted). My wife reprimanded him and told him that he was teaching her poor manners. He said "I'm sorry. It has a mind of its own."

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Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.

He's not 80 or Indiana Jones, therefore there should be no Fedora's.
Did you miss the "ska" part?
No didn't miss it at all just think the Fedora should only be on Indy or 80 year old men. As with all things Hot Women can wear whatever the hell they want.
Actually it's more of a pork pie now that I look at it.
When did Sinatra wear pork pie hats?

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My 15 year old just walked in the door from summer school. He's going through this semi-Ska phase. He's wearing a grey suit jacket and a fedora-type hat. So I say:"Hey, what's up, Sinatra."He comes back with "Hey, what's up.......uh....loser face".

Sucks to be you. Your son looks like Sinatra, and you look like a loser.
At least he isn't giving free crank jobs in the alley like your prodigy.
Prodigy may not be the word you're looking for...
Oh no, the real father is very intelligent.

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Had new son July 2. Went away on business from the 7th to 14th. While away, my 4-and-a-half-year-old who is used to all of the attention understandably acted out a bit. Nothing too bad, just not listening well, being hyper and not stopping when told, starting sassing and talking back to his mother for the first time. Yesterday, he was acting out and slammed the car door. My wife's hand was in the jam and got a good smashing. (Swelling is down today.)

When I got home, I took my son aside and said sternly, "Connor, you are a good boy. What is going on with you!"

He looked as sincere as sincere could be, threw his hand out to his sides and said, with urgency, "I'm totally out of control!"

I lost it immediately. :confused:

As opposed to having an old son????:lmao:

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Exchange between my 11 yo daughter and 2 yo son (but he will be 3 in a month) while she was helping him get dressed:

3yo son: "want to see my penis?"

11yo daughter: "No, thanks. I don't need to."

Son: "Yes you do, want to see my penis?"

Daughter: "No, I am good."

Son: "Want to see my butt? Its cute!"

We all laughed. Sad part is I know this line will work on some county girl someday.

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