E-Z Glider
Footballguy
8yo daughter after extreme giggle-fit... "sometimes when Daddy kisses me on the top of the head it feels like there's butterflies in my butt."
8yo daughter after extreme giggle-fit... "sometimes when Daddy kisses me on the top of the head it feels like there's butterflies in my butt."
Love this one. Simple and witty.The boy turned 10 yesterday. He had a party on Saturday, so we were trying to decide if we should bother with another cake on Sunday. Over brunch, my wife asked him if he wanted her to make cupcakes. In between bites he answered, "Well, right now, let's just focus on the bacon."
Then I forgot to set the alarm last night, so woke him up for school with, "C'mon, get up. We have to get moving quickly. I overslept."
His immediate groggy response was, "I underslept."
I can't pinpoint one thing anymore. My daughter is 6 and she just comes up with the "adult" sentences out of nowhere.For example: Shoe wakes me up Sunday morning. "Daddy, it's time to get up this is not one of your regular sleep in days, we have things we need to do" Just cracks me up every time.Although she calls the spot behind your knee"knee pits""Daddy don't tickle my knee pits, they tickle bad."
Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers."
Kid of the year.Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers."
This is genuinely one of the wittiest and creative original lines that I have ever heard let alone from a child. Tell me you wet yourself laughing and then felt mighty damn proud.Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers."
It happened about 10 days ago on a Sunday evening. We all still laugh so hard about it.It was also completely out of the blue. He had come downstairs to get his food and was on his way back up to eat and play his video games.I took him in this morning for his three month checkup. His doctor was I'm sure it made his day.Also, it's the first time ever that he verbally admitted to having it.This is genuinely one of the wittiest and creative original lines that I have ever heard let alone from a child. Tell me you wet yourself laughing and then felt mighty damn proud.Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers."
I agree. How old is he? Priceless.This is genuinely one of the wittiest and creative original lines that I have ever heard let alone from a child. Tell me you wet yourself laughing and then felt mighty damn proud.Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers."
He's 23.And as I type this, mom just made hamburgers again for the first time since then.I agree. How old is he? Priceless.This is genuinely one of the wittiest and creative original lines that I have ever heard let alone from a child. Tell me you wet yourself laughing and then felt mighty damn proud.Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers."
While getting dinner (for 4 kids)ready yesterday I was getting my 7 year old son a glass of milk and he said:"I wish I was an only child so I could get faster service."
My 3 yo daughter saw me peeing and she pulls up her shirt and pinched her belly button. I just laughed and said 'yes, belly button'.I was getting changed in front of my almost 3 yr old son. He points to my willy and says what's that? I said that's my peepee, you have one too. He says, you have a big one, I have a tiny one.
Unless she is home schooled, I assure you your six-year-old has already received a comprehensive education on toilet humor from her male classmates.going on record here: I really don't know where she learned this... I have never pretended to do this to her.So my daughter likes to wrestle. She's 6 and getting a bit heavy for the powerbombs off the couch.She likes to wrestle on our bed because I can drop her without getting hurt.Anyway - she's does one of her punches and I pretend she knocks me down and I'm hurt.I'm on the bed, she jumps up, sits on my head and tells me."Daddy, smell my delicious farts" me: What?her: When you fall down, I'm going to sit on your head so you can smell my delicious farts