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Funny things your kid has said

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I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???" :pickle::clap:

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little bastard, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

You quit beer?
Gonna give it a shot, yeah. I had a little ER scare after a 3 day bender in San Francisco last month. Thought my appendix or liver or pancreas or something was about to explode. Went on some meds to clear up an infetion in my stomach, had to quit drinking for 10 days while on the meds and kinda liked it. So...for now, I'm on the wagon.

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I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???" :loco::loco:

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little bastard, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

You quit beer?
Gonna give it a shot, yeah. I had a little ER scare after a 3 day bender in San Francisco last month. Thought my appendix or liver or pancreas or something was about to explode. Went on some meds to clear up an infetion in my stomach, had to quit drinking for 10 days while on the meds and kinda liked it. So...for now, I'm on the wagon.
:lmao:

Here I thought my plan to stop drinking during the week and for the month of February was crazy.

GLGB

Also, my 3.5 year old has been know to voluntarily bring me a beer every once in a while. He hands it to me while doing this, :bow:, and says "Daddy you like beeeerrrr??" :yes:

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I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???" :lmao::lmao:

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little bastard, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

You quit beer?
Gonna give it a shot, yeah. I had a little ER scare after a 3 day bender in San Francisco last month. Thought my appendix or liver or pancreas or something was about to explode. Went on some meds to clear up an infetion in my stomach, had to quit drinking for 10 days while on the meds and kinda liked it. So...for now, I'm on the wagon.
:lmao:

Here I thought my plan to stop drinking during the week and for the month of February was crazy.

GLGB

Also, my 3.5 year old has been know to voluntarily bring me a beer every once in a while. He hands it to me while doing this, :yes:, and says "Daddy you like beeeerrrr??" :yes:

My 3.5 year old not only brings beer, but opens them with a bottle opener, throws the cap in the garbage and puts the opener back in the drawer.

When Flags saw that, well....

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said 'no no no'....

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I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???" :lmao::lmao:

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little bastard, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

You quit beer?
Gonna give it a shot, yeah. I had a little ER scare after a 3 day bender in San Francisco last month. Thought my appendix or liver or pancreas or something was about to explode. Went on some meds to clear up an infetion in my stomach, had to quit drinking for 10 days while on the meds and kinda liked it. So...for now, I'm on the wagon.
:lmao:

Here I thought my plan to stop drinking during the week and for the month of February was crazy.

GLGB

Also, my 3.5 year old has been know to voluntarily bring me a beer every once in a while. He hands it to me while doing this, :yes:, and says "Daddy you like beeeerrrr??" :yes:

My 3.5 year old not only brings beer, but opens them with a bottle opener, throws the cap in the garbage and puts the opener back in the drawer.

When Flags saw that, well....

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said 'no no no'....

Yikes.

I could see how that could get you in trouble.

I hardly drink beer around the house which is funny. It is usually whisky. :bag:

Of course I generally wait until the boys are in bed. So that makes it alright.

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I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???" :lmao::lmao:

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little bastard, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

You quit beer?
Gonna give it a shot, yeah. I had a little ER scare after a 3 day bender in San Francisco last month. Thought my appendix or liver or pancreas or something was about to explode. Went on some meds to clear up an infetion in my stomach, had to quit drinking for 10 days while on the meds and kinda liked it. So...for now, I'm on the wagon.
:lmao:

Here I thought my plan to stop drinking during the week and for the month of February was crazy.

GLGB

Also, my 3.5 year old has been know to voluntarily bring me a beer every once in a while. He hands it to me while doing this, :yes:, and says "Daddy you like beeeerrrr??" :yes:

My 3.5 year old not only brings beer, but opens them with a bottle opener, throws the cap in the garbage and puts the opener back in the drawer.

When Flags saw that, well....

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said 'no no no'....

Good luck with it. I gave up Diet Coke Crack at the end of November. Going really well. Much easier that I thought it'd be.

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I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???" :loco::loco:

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little bastard, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

You quit beer?
Gonna give it a shot, yeah. I had a little ER scare after a 3 day bender in San Francisco last month. Thought my appendix or liver or pancreas or something was about to explode. Went on some meds to clear up an infetion in my stomach, had to quit drinking for 10 days while on the meds and kinda liked it. So...for now, I'm on the wagon.
:lmao:

Here I thought my plan to stop drinking during the week and for the month of February was crazy.

GLGB

Also, my 3.5 year old has been know to voluntarily bring me a beer every once in a while. He hands it to me while doing this, :bow:, and says "Daddy you like beeeerrrr??" :yes:

My 3.5 year old not only brings beer, but opens them with a bottle opener, throws the cap in the garbage and puts the opener back in the drawer.

When Flags saw that, well....

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said 'no no no'....

Good luck with it. I gave up Diet Coke Crack at the end of November. Going really well. Much easier that I thought it'd be.
It's been a few days. No problems. As I get older, every time I drink too much, my stomach takes a beating and the recovery lasts much longer. So, we'll see how this goes. I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

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I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

Any chance you'll make a documentary about this event?

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I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???" :loco::bow:

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little bastard, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

You quit beer?
Gonna give it a shot, yeah. I had a little ER scare after a 3 day bender in San Francisco last month. Thought my appendix or liver or pancreas or something was about to explode. Went on some meds to clear up an infetion in my stomach, had to quit drinking for 10 days while on the meds and kinda liked it. So...for now, I'm on the wagon.
:loco:

Here I thought my plan to stop drinking during the week and for the month of February was crazy.

GLGB

Also, my 3.5 year old has been know to voluntarily bring me a beer every once in a while. He hands it to me while doing this, :yes:, and says "Daddy you like beeeerrrr??" :yes:

My 3.5 year old not only brings beer, but opens them with a bottle opener, throws the cap in the garbage and puts the opener back in the drawer.

When Flags saw that, well....

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said 'no no no'....

Good luck with it. I gave up Diet Coke Crack at the end of November. Going really well. Much easier that I thought it'd be.
It's been a few days. No problems. As I get older, every time I drink too much, my stomach takes a beating and the recovery lasts much longer. So, we'll see how this goes. I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.
:lmao:

I hope you have a contingency plan for your e-mail duties.

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I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

Any chance you'll make a documentary about this event?
well, I am writing a book.....

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I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???" :loco::bow:

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little bastard, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

You quit beer?
Gonna give it a shot, yeah. I had a little ER scare after a 3 day bender in San Francisco last month. Thought my appendix or liver or pancreas or something was about to explode. Went on some meds to clear up an infetion in my stomach, had to quit drinking for 10 days while on the meds and kinda liked it. So...for now, I'm on the wagon.
:loco:

Here I thought my plan to stop drinking during the week and for the month of February was crazy.

GLGB

Also, my 3.5 year old has been know to voluntarily bring me a beer every once in a while. He hands it to me while doing this, :yes:, and says "Daddy you like beeeerrrr??" :yes:

My 3.5 year old not only brings beer, but opens them with a bottle opener, throws the cap in the garbage and puts the opener back in the drawer.

When Flags saw that, well....

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said 'no no no'....

Good luck with it. I gave up Diet Coke Crack at the end of November. Going really well. Much easier that I thought it'd be.
It's been a few days. No problems. As I get older, every time I drink too much, my stomach takes a beating and the recovery lasts much longer. So, we'll see how this goes. I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.
:lmao:

I hope you have a contingency plan for your e-mail duties.

Worry not, my friend. I'm meeting with another attorney to redraft my will. The forrestmail distribution list and supply line will be left in the hands of Harry Beanbag, forrestmail contributor since 2003...

We're all set here.

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My six year old nephew picked his nose and was trying to wipe his treasure on the rug. I told him not to do that and he in turn mentioned how my son wipes his on his bedroom wall. My daughter confirms this and I go upstairs with my four year old son and lo-and-behold, next to his bed must be 20-25 little pieces of nose candy. I'm trying to act mad (even though I'm astounded at the volume he's produced) and say to him, "Kel. What the hell do you think you're doing wiping your boogies all over the wall?" His reply, "I'm making a spaceship." Any attempt at seriousness went out the door with that comment as I started rolling on the ground laughing.

While on vacation, I let my beard grow a bit. I was considering keeping it after vacation so asked my then five y.o. son his opinion:

Me: Kel. What do you think of daddy's beard.

Kel: Daddy, you look hideous

Me (holding back my laugh): How about if I just keep a mustache?

Kel: nope, still hideous.

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son@age 3 (while counting on the potty) "21..22..23...my penis is 23 inches long daddy"

son@age 5 (after repeating a request a number of times) "what, am I speaking French here?"

daughter @ age 3 (after getting soap in her mouth) "tastes like chicken"

daughter @ age 3 (answering questions about animal sounds) "what do cows say?" "moo" "...and what do mommies say?" "don't"

daughter @ age 3 (to mom) "I'v got a cute little bottom, you've got a big butt"

:thumbup:

This reminded me of another one my almost 3 year old said recently.

We were lying in bed watching Go, Go Diego and he starts complaining:

"Daddy, my penis hurts...it's too BIG. I want it little." :hot::eek::lmao:

I suspect he had sprung wood in his underwear and it wasn't sitting right for him. I'll have to teach him the art of "adjusting" :mellow:

Edited by Warpig

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I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

Would it be possible for me to fund a temp. life insurance policy on you with me as the beneficiary? Is that legal? I seriously don't know.

j/k You ought to start a thread about your training regimen to entertain us help you stay on track.

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My six year old nephew picked his nose and was trying to wipe his treasure on the rug. I told him not to do that and he in turn mentioned how my son wipes his on his bedroom wall. My daughter confirms this and I go upstairs with my four year old son and lo-and-behold, next to his bed must be 20-25 little pieces of nose candy. I'm trying to act mad (even though I'm astounded at the volume he's produced) and say to him, "Kel. What the hell do you think you're doing wiping your boogies all over the wall?" His reply, "I'm making a spaceship." Any attempt at seriousness went out the door with that comment as I started rolling on the ground laughing.While on vacation, I let my beard grow a bit. I was considering keeping it after vacation so asked my then five y.o. son his opinion:Me: Kel. What do you think of daddy's beard.Kel: Daddy, you look hideousMe (holding back my laugh): How about if I just keep a mustache?Kel: nope, still hideous.

:coffee::angry::bag::lmao::lmao:

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My six year old nephew picked his nose and was trying to wipe his treasure on the rug. I told him not to do that and he in turn mentioned how my son wipes his on his bedroom wall. My daughter confirms this and I go upstairs with my four year old son and lo-and-behold, next to his bed must be 20-25 little pieces of nose candy. I'm trying to act mad (even though I'm astounded at the volume he's produced) and say to him, "Kel. What the hell do you think you're doing wiping your boogies all over the wall?" His reply, "I'm making a spaceship." Any attempt at seriousness went out the door with that comment as I started rolling on the ground laughing.While on vacation, I let my beard grow a bit. I was considering keeping it after vacation so asked my then five y.o. son his opinion:Me: Kel. What do you think of daddy's beard.Kel: Daddy, you look hideousMe (holding back my laugh): How about if I just keep a mustache?Kel: nope, still hideous.

:coffee:The booger story reminds me of my son (3.5 now). He's discovered the joys of nosepicking and instead of wiping it on a tissue we keep in his pocket he'll keep it on his index finger come up to us and say "I found a booger." My wife's had about enough of this, so last night at dinner she tells him that if he didn't start using the tissue she was going to save up all the boogies he gave her that day and sprinkle them in his dinner. The look of abject horror on his face when she suggested this was hilarious.He's still picking his nose today.

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I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

Would it be possible for me to fund a temp. life insurance policy on you with me as the beneficiary? Is that legal? I seriously don't know.

j/k You ought to start a thread about your training regimen to entertain us help you stay on track.

It really shouldn't be illegal, but I'm thinking it would be incredibly expensive. I couldn't run half a block right now without doubling over.

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About a year ago, my son (about 2 1/2 at the time) was told to go have a pee before bed. He was tired and cranky, and didnt want to have a pee...

When I asked why he didnt want to pee he said:

"My penis is too tired to pee"

I almost peed myself....

lol

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When my son was 3 we were watching the NBA on TNT. The following exchange occured:

Son: "Who's that?"

Me: "That's Charles Barkley. He used to play basketball."

Son: "He's really big."

Me: "Uh huh."

Son: "You can't pick him up." :thumbup:

The next year we're camping on Cape Cod. A military helicopter flies over the campground.

Me: "Check out that helicopter!"

Son: "Whoa, he's flying really low!"

Me: "What do you think he's doing?"

Son: "Probably running some errands."

"Yeah, Honey? I need to go pick up a few things at the store. No, leave the car in the garage, I'll just fire up the Huey..."

We stop at the Smokey Mountain welcome center near Cherokee NC. PBS is filming a movie about the first Cherokee encounter with the settlers. The head of the colony is holding a musket at his side. Above the two actors is a boom mike with a large yellow wind guard over it. My now-8-year-old son looks out the front window of the car, surveys what he sees, and completely straight faced says:

"I think that guy is going to kill that mop." :lmao:

We're listening to 1980s music on the computer at home. "Pass the Dutchie" comes on. There's a line in the song that sounds like "How does it feel when you got no shoes?" My son says "I like how it feels when I don't wear shoes!" Not more than one minute later, he's getting out a bowl from the pantry shelf and drops it on his foot. He says "owwww!" and my daughter says, without missing a beat, "NOW how does it feel when you got no shoes?" :popcorn:

My all time favorite, though, is one that one of my coworkers related. He and his family were seated at the middle table in a small pizza restaurant and his son goes to the bathroom. he returns to the table and triumphantly states in a rather loud voice:

"Well, I'm back. And guesssssss what? My pee pee was so big I could hardly even bend it!"

He said that the entire restaurant just absolutely *lost* it.

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I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

Would it be possible for me to fund a temp. life insurance policy on you with me as the beneficiary? Is that legal? I seriously don't know.

j/k You ought to start a thread about your training regimen to entertain us help you stay on track.

He's welcome to join us in the running thread and regale us with his daily training pursuits. :lmao: He'd have the prospect of the shame of being outdone by Furley to motivate him. :no:

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Last night at the dinner table, my daughter asks me how this one kid was able to be on the varsity b-ball team. She said, "I know he's good and all but how did he get to be on the team?" Then says, "Must be the hair."

I couldn't help it and busted out laughing. :ptts:

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My son is a late talker and at 3 he still has issues with pronunciation. He loves Thomas the train and all the characters and likes to say their names. At drop off/pick up he will say loudly the name of the train he wants to play with. One day when my husband picks him up, he says, "Pus-sy daddy!". The other father and the teachers all turns around and gives my husband the :goodposting: . My husband's response was "He means Percy."

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My son is a late talker and at 3 he still has issues with pronunciation. He loves Thomas the train and all the characters and likes to say their names. At drop off/pick up he will say loudly the name of the train he wants to play with. One day when my husband picks him up, he says, "Pus-sy daddy!". The other father and the teachers all turns around and gives my husband the :goodposting: . My husband's response was "He means Percy."

If I had a son, I think I'd just smile proudly."Soon enough, my boy. Soon enough."

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My son is a late talker and at 3 he still has issues with pronunciation. He loves Thomas the train and all the characters and likes to say their names. At drop off/pick up he will say loudly the name of the train he wants to play with. One day when my husband picks him up, he says, "Pus-sy daddy!". The other father and the teachers all turns around and gives my husband the :confused: . My husband's response was "He means Percy."

If I had a son, I think I'd just smile proudly."Soon enough, my boy. Soon enough."
At home my husband encourages it for laughs. But it is a little embarassing when he starts to shout it in public.

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I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

Any chance you'll make a documentary about this event?
well, I am writing a book.....
Oh, sure, casually throw out a "You wanna co-write a book?" and then go on writing it by yourself. I see how you are. One of these days I'm going to find a way to get rich that somebody else hasn't thought of. Maybe a light that will help people driving at night see where they're going. :confused:

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"o-o-o-o-h... agerrr... agerrr... ummah"Had me :lmao: (she's 8 months old)

My little boy (also 8 months) makes really funny faces and noises when he's filling up his diaper. First he's all grunty and :ptts:, then even more grunty and :loco: then finally he sighs and gives me the big :D It's about the cutest thing ever. :wub: then I have to go change him and it's not as cute anymore.

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Before Christmas we had some topiaries outside our front door in front of our side lights. The UPS guy drops off a packages and rings the bell and leaves. My daughter runs to the door looks out the sidelight and yells "It's a tree!".

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I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

Any chance you'll make a documentary about this event?
well, I am writing a book.....
Oh, sure, casually throw out a "You wanna co-write a book?" and then go on writing it by yourself. I see how you are. One of these days I'm going to find a way to get rich that somebody else hasn't thought of. Maybe a light that will help people driving at night see where they're going. :confused:
We WILL co-write a book, GB! But this one's a little personal and, uh...well let's just say being authored under a pseudonym. :confused:

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About a year ago, my son (about 2 1/2 at the time) was told to go have a pee before bed. He was tired and cranky, and didnt want to have a pee...When I asked why he didnt want to pee he said:"My penis is too tired to pee"

I hear that.

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We stop at the Smokey Mountain welcome center near Cherokee NC. PBS is filming a movie about the first Cherokee encounter with the settlers. The head of the colony is holding a musket at his side. Above the two actors is a boom mike with a large yellow wind guard over it. My now-8-year-old son looks out the front window of the car, surveys what he sees, and completely straight faced says:"I think that guy is going to kill that mop." :wub:

:unsure:

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My oldest son when he was like 5 or 6 told me that he wasn't ever going to get married so I asked him why. He then told me that he couldn't because then all of the girls that didn't get to marry him would be too sad.

We were traveling down to my inlaws and were driving through Lodi, CA which to those of you who have been through there it has a bunch of cattle lots that make that section of the freeway pretty unpleasant. To get a rise out of my wife and older boys I rolled my window down a bit and asked what that aroma was and my 21 mo. old daughter blurts out, "Ca-ca!" with a disgusted look on her face. It had us rolling.

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One day, when my kid was about 5 or 6, we were riding in the car. A cover of "Mrs. Robinson" came on the stereo (Lemonheads?). My kid asks "Is this country music?"

I tell him "No...why?"

He replies "because it talks about Jesus"

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My 7 year old comes up with some lines. When he was 18 months old, we had a very fat waiter waiting on our table. My son wasn't really talking at this point, but the waiter (and his huge belly specifically) was right behind my son. My son turned around, did a double take at this belly, and then poked him right in the belly button while going "thppppt" (the tongue spitting noise thing). Thankfully he was a good sport about it.

When he was 5, we walked into a WalMart that has a greeter who is a "little person" in a wheelchair. The guy is very friendly and always speaks. He told my son "Hey, I like your hat (Alabama hat of course, he's being raised properly)" My son replies "Hey, I really like your wheels". I was mortified beyond belief, but again the guy was very good about it. The innocence of children allow them to get away with stuff.

Last thing to come to mind was last year we were at the mall. There was a pack of young punks walking in front of us. One of them was talking about something and used the phrase "stupid mo fo" in it's full capacity. My son said "Dad, did you hear that" and I said "Yes buddy...". I was going to tell him that we don't use words like that, but he interrupted me and said "That guy shouldn't say stupid". I said, "You're right buddy". I was :fishing:

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Last year, I'm taking my 5 year old son to swimming lessons at a local high school (12 week course). You don't stay for the lesson, but just help them change into swimsuits before class and bring them to the pool area and the opposite afterward. After 6 weeks, there is a problem with the pool and lessons get scheduled at another high school. The first class is over and I bring him into the boys locker room to change. As he's drying off and changing, he looks up at the locker across from him and written in black marker on the locker is F--- THIS. He says this out loud, casually like he's reading a book. It took all I had not to burst out laughing. :lmao: I told him that it was a bad word and not to say it. He felt bad that he said it.

2 months ago, we are watching TV and "That Thing You Do" is on. So were watching with both boys (4 and 7). There's one part that comes up where one guy says to the other, "I'll kick your ###". Both of them laugh at this and think it's funny. Skip to a few days later, we're at my wife's parents for dinner. My father-in-law is rough housing with the boys on the floor of the living room. My father-in-law is holding the 4 year old down and tickling him, he lets him go and the 4 year old gets up, stares him down with a mean face, points to him and says, "Papa, I'm gonna kick your ###!".

:lmao:

Hilarity ensues.

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I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

Any chance you'll make a documentary about this event?
well, I am writing a book.....
Oh, sure, casually throw out a "You wanna co-write a book?" and then go on writing it by yourself. I see how you are. One of these days I'm going to find a way to get rich that somebody else hasn't thought of. Maybe a light that will help people driving at night see where they're going. :thumbdown:
We WILL co-write a book, GB! But this one's a little personal and, uh...well let's just say being authored under a pseudonym. :thumbdown:
If you don't know I'm yankin' your chain by now...

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"o-o-o-o-h... agerrr... agerrr... ummah"Had me :lmao: (she's 8 months old)

My little boy (also 8 months) makes really funny faces and noises when he's filling up his diaper. First he's all grunty and :unsure:, then even more grunty and :loco: then finally he sighs and gives me the big :D It's about the cutest thing ever. :wub: then I have to go change him and it's not as cute anymore.
My fun used to do a poop face too. It was the cutest thing! Now he's potty training and doesn't want to go number two on the toilet. So when I sit him down, I say, try to poo poo ok? He sits and makes the grunting sounds and the face but is obviously not trying.

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2 months ago, we are watching TV and "That Thing You Do" is on. So were watching with both boys (4 and 7). There's one part that comes up where one guy says to the other, "I'll kick your ###". Both of them laugh at this and think it's funny.

:wub::bow: :bow:

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Oh, sure, casually throw out a "You wanna co-write a book?" and then go on writing it by yourself. I see how you are. One of these days I'm going to find a way to get rich that somebody else hasn't thought of. Maybe a light that will help people driving at night see where they're going. :mellow:

We WILL co-write a book, GB!
The Misadventures of Huck and Finn?

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"o-o-o-o-h... agerrr... agerrr... ummah"Had me :eek: (she's 8 months old)

My little boy (also 8 months) makes really funny faces and noises when he's filling up his diaper. First he's all grunty and :mellow:, then even more grunty and :loco: then finally he sighs and gives me the big :D It's about the cutest thing ever. :wub: then I have to go change him and it's not as cute anymore.
My fun used to do a poop face too. It was the cutest thing! Now he's potty training and doesn't want to go number two on the toilet. So when I sit him down, I say, try to poo poo ok? He sits and makes the grunting sounds and the face but is obviously not trying.
Apparently, my 2.5 year old decided he likes his privacy while pooping as he tells me to "GO AWAY, DADDY" when I try to check and see if he needs help. I about lost it :eek: the first time he did this. Now, he knows it's funny so all we hear is "go away _______".

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I'm doing a half marathon in April and want to train for it. Giving up the beer should make that a little easier, though I'm certain I'll die doing this regardless.

Any chance you'll make a documentary about this event?
well, I am writing a book.....
Oh, sure, casually throw out a "You wanna co-write a book?" and then go on writing it by yourself. I see how you are. One of these days I'm going to find a way to get rich that somebody else hasn't thought of. Maybe a light that will help people driving at night see where they're going. :mellow:
We WILL co-write a book, GB! But this one's a little personal and, uh...well let's just say being authored under a pseudonym. :eek:
If you don't know I'm yankin' your chain by now...
:eek:

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I've got the same name as my Dad and my Dad remarried a woman who had a son with the same name. So there's 3 men in the house all with the same name and my little brother is born (obviously with a different first name). He's in preschool one day and they're talking about what everyone wants to be when they grow up. There's the standard policeman and fireman sort of answers and they get to my little brother and he answers, "A David!" Poor kid probably thought all grown men were named David.

I'm visiting with my sister and her husband takes their daughter into a public restroom. She comes out and very proudly says, "Mom, I know what the difference between boys and girls is" and my sister asks, "What's that?" and my niece says, "Boys have tails."

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"o-o-o-o-h... agerrr... agerrr... ummah"Had me :lmao: (she's 8 months old)

My little boy (also 8 months) makes really funny faces and noises when he's filling up his diaper. First he's all grunty and :unsure:, then even more grunty and :loco: then finally he sighs and gives me the big :D It's about the cutest thing ever. :wub: then I have to go change him and it's not as cute anymore.
My fun used to do a poop face too. It was the cutest thing! Now he's potty training and doesn't want to go number two on the toilet. So when I sit him down, I say, try to poo poo ok? He sits and makes the grunting sounds and the face but is obviously not trying.
Apparently, my 2.5 year old decided he likes his privacy while pooping as he tells me to "GO AWAY, DADDY" when I try to check and see if he needs help. I about lost it :lmao: the first time he did this. Now, he knows it's funny so all we hear is "go away _______".
He likes to "read" toy catalogs while he sits so I have the cutest picture of my son on the potty. I can't wait til he brings home his first gf.

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Family vacation to Hawaii....wifey gets ua a smokin' deal on plane tickets from a contact that works for American Airlines that lives in Hawaii...older lady 60 - 65...wifey sets up a lunch date with the lady at a fancy restaurant to see her ,buy her lunch, and thank her for the 2 out of 4 comp plane tickets...

My boys are 6 and 10 at the time..

Wifey's friend..." Do you boys play sports?"

Boys..." yah... we play Little League"

Wifey's friend..."Nice, well I have Grandkids here on the island that are into sports..as a matter of fact, they play soccer and are really good at it "

My 6 year old .." My Dad says soccer is Gay"

Wifey with horrified look on her face "Uhhhhhh"

:confused:

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Family vacation to Hawaii....wifey gets ua a smokin' deal on plane tickets from a contact that works for American Airlines that lives in Hawaii...older lady 60 - 65...wifey sets up a lunch date with the lady at a fancy restaurant to see her ,buy her lunch, and thank her for the 2 out of 4 comp plane tickets...My boys are 6 and 10 at the time..Wifey's friend..." Do you boys play sports?"Boys..." yah... we play Little League"Wifey's friend..."Nice, well I have Grandkids here on the island that are into sports..as a matter of fact, they play soccer and are really good at it "My 6 year old .." My Dad says soccer is Gay"Wifey with horrified look on her face "Uhhhhhh" :thumbdown:

:rolleyes:

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A few years ago, we're all out having sushi. My stepson (three at the time) is watching our waitress pretty intently every time she comes to the table. She notices it too and leans over to him halfway through the meal and says, "How are you tonight?"

He looks up at her and says, "Swweeeeet boobs."

I have NO idea where he got it from, but the wife and I were wrecked for the remainder of the night.

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A few years ago, we're all out having sushi. My stepson (three at the time) is watching our waitress pretty intently every time she comes to the table. She notices it too and leans over to him halfway through the meal and says, "How are you tonight?"He looks up at her and says, "Swweeeeet boobs."

:confused:

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After seeing Dan Zanes in concert, we took my 3 1/2 year old to Little 5 Points Pizza for lunch. This particular pizza place is staffed by tattooed death metal freaks and they are blaring some ungodly speed/thrash blare at top volume. My kid turns to me and says:"Dada, what is THIS song about?"Couldn't. Stop. Laughing.

Mellow Mushroom?

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Just the other day my almost 3 year old said the following as we were sitting at the dinner table eating lunch while he was digging in his ear and pulled out a clump of ear wax:"It's a booger...it lives in my ear"He was so serious as he sat there examining it before he flicked it across the room.:shrug:

lol...he's probably already tasted it and found out its nowhere near as satisfying as a booger.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?Kids won't eat broccoli.

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My mother wrote this into Reader's Digest when they had some kind of, "Kids say the darndest things" section and won $50.

When I was 7 and making my communion I was going bezerk about having to wear a suit. I wanted nothing to do with wearing a suit and was being a real pain in the *ss about it. Finally my mother said, "Fine. Fine. We'll just get you a sports coat."

I said, "A sports coat? Why didn't you just say that in the first place? Make mine a Mets!" :D

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