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Nigel Tufnel

A note to my coworker ...

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Dear Dynamic Duo Sitting Across From Me At The Meeting Table:

I cannot stop imagining what the child would look like if you two mated. One of you looks like someone took a potato, put designer glasses on it, and placed it on a golf tee while the other looks like a mosquito wearing 20/400 glasses for that extra bug-eyed look with a cow catcher for a chin and a $100 reverse mullet haircut. Putting your two mugs into that "what the baby would look like" software would cause their server to instantaneously combust.

Whatever that mutant offspring looks like, I pray it takes after the golf potato, who at least seems cool, as opposed to Ms. Mosquitofacecowcatcher's irritatingly chirpy know-it-all attitude.

Thanks!

me.

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Dear Dynamic Duo Sitting Across From Me At The Meeting Table:I cannot stop imagining what the child would look like if you two mated. One of you looks like someone took a potato, put designer glasses on it, and placed it on a golf tee while the other looks like a mosquito wearing 20/400 glasses for that extra bug-eyed look with a cow catcher for a chin and a $100 reverse mullet haircut. Putting your two mugs into that "what the baby would look like" software would cause their server to instantaneously combust. Whatever that mutant offspring looks like, I pray it takes after the golf potato, who at least seems cool, as opposed to Ms. Mosquitofacecowcatcher's irritatingly chirpy know-it-all attitude. Thanks!me.

lol, would the kid be known as a posquito

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Dear Lady Boss,

I understand that times are tough and we need to do all we can to make the company money. I think you telling us this while never looking at us while scratching off a stack of lottery tickets really got the point across.

Back to work,

TD32

p.s. Wax your lip.

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Dear Woman who answers the phone in our other office,

The faxes that come in are supposed to be treated like incoming mail, not sit there for 3 weeks untouched.

You are also not being paid to read the bible when you are supposed to be answering phones and working on files.

Mrs. BSR

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Overheard at work:

Danny: Hey Phyllis, what does "unwavering" mean?

Phyllis: It means you are steady or consistent. You never wave.

:lmao:
Let's just blame this Monday afternoon gaffe on Phyllis' "advanced" age...

Phyllis: John, you have a call waiting on line 5. I think it's your Dad.

SJ96: Um, he died last September. You even sent the flowers from everyone at work.

Phyllis: Oh dear, I meant your Mom, I think it's your Mom on line 5. Sorry.

SJ96: That's ok. [picks up line 5] Hey Mom, what's going on?

Carmella: Oh, I'm sorry, is this SuperJohn96?

SJ96: Um, yeah....

Carmella: This is Carmella from Copie Time, your binder is ready to be picked up.

SJ96: LOL...ok thanks.

Edited by SuperJohn96

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Overheard at work:

Danny: Hey Phyllis, what does "unwavering" mean?

Phyllis: It means you are steady or consistent. You never wave.

:lmao:
Let's just blame this Monday afternoon gaffe on Phyllis' "advanced" age...

Phyllis: John, you have a call waiting on line 5. I think it's your Dad.

SJ96: Um, he died last September. You even sent the flowers from everyone at work.

Phyllis: Oh dear, I meant your Mom, I think it's your Mom on line 5. Sorry.

SJ96: That's ok. [picks up line 5] Hey Mom, what's going on?

Carmella: Oh, I'm sorry, is this SuperJohn96?

SJ96: Um, yeah....

Carmella: This is Carmella from Copie Time, your binder is ready to be picked up.

SJ96: LOL...ok thanks.

:sonova:

Dear Annoying Me,

You forgot to pick up the binder on Monday. Way to go moron.

Regards,

Yourself

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How in the frack do you fail at box numbering????Box 9 of 1Box 9 of 2Box 9 of 3...at least you got box 9 right. :shrug:

:lmao: sad

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Overheard at work:

Danny: Hey Phyllis, what does "unwavering" mean?

Phyllis: It means you are steady or consistent. You never wave.

:shrug:
Let's just blame this Monday afternoon gaffe on Phyllis' "advanced" age...

Phyllis: John, you have a call waiting on line 5. I think it's your Dad.

SJ96: Um, he died last September. You even sent the flowers from everyone at work.

Phyllis: Oh dear, I meant your Mom, I think it's your Mom on line 5. Sorry.

SJ96: That's ok. [picks up line 5] Hey Mom, what's going on?

Carmella: Oh, I'm sorry, is this SuperJohn96?

SJ96: Um, yeah....

Carmella: This is Carmella from Copie Time, your binder is ready to be picked up.

SJ96: LOL...ok thanks.

Even in an advanced age how can someone not be able to tell if a male or female calls?

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Dear immature coworker,

At the age of 24 you do not know everything. It's OK to make mistakes, there is no need to go pout for an hour when someone points out a mistake that was made. Although it is a nice quiet hour.

Love,

Aquateen

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dear person with sprinkler ###,

not sure how you get little pockets of #### on the back and sides of the toilet bowl, but you need to see a doctor. seriously.

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Overheard at work:

Danny: Hey Phyllis, what does "unwavering" mean?

Phyllis: It means you are steady or consistent. You never wave.

:goodposting:
Let's just blame this Monday afternoon gaffe on Phyllis' "advanced" age...

Phyllis: John, you have a call waiting on line 5. I think it's your Dad.

SJ96: Um, he died last September. You even sent the flowers from everyone at work.

Phyllis: Oh dear, I meant your Mom, I think it's your Mom on line 5. Sorry.

SJ96: That's ok. [picks up line 5] Hey Mom, what's going on?

Carmella: Oh, I'm sorry, is this SuperJohn96?

SJ96: Um, yeah....

Carmella: This is Carmella from Copie Time, your binder is ready to be picked up.

SJ96: LOL...ok thanks.

Even in an advanced age how can someone not be able to tell if a male or female calls?
LOL...no, she could tell, it was a slip of the tongue. She clearly meant to say my Mom, but for some reason said my Dad. Also, Carmella is like a 70 year old woman who can barely speak english, and my 57 year old but young sounding Mom, born in Greece and coming to Canada in 1972, speaks so well, some people don't hear her slight accent. So that was even more weird.

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Ugly,

I shouldn't have to close my ####### door to hear my radio which is right ####### behind me because of your loud annoying mouth that won't SHUT THE #### UP!!! I can't believe you haven't broken all the windows in the office with your high pitched screeching that seems to go on and on and on and on and on....

Love,

wg

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If dlFunction.Text = "Manage Casting Schedule" Then

If User = "tryrer" Or User = "tert" Or User = "ettetet" Then

GoTo CONT1

lblSelectDate1.Visible = True

cal1.Visible = True

Else

Say("You are not authorized to proceed")

Exit Sub

End If

CONT1:

lblSelectDate1.Visible = True

cal1.Visible = True

End If

FIXED :goodposting:

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Dear Godzillette,

I assume you're a fortysomething virgin by the way you look, but applying enough cheap perfume that it can be smelled before the freaking elevator doors even open does not make you more attractive, and some might even say it makes the 17 floor elevator ride somewhat eye-scorchingly painful.

Never breed,

Scissors

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Dear loud mouthed idiot,

Move your fat ### out of my doorway and please take your loud voice and stupid conversation with the guy in the next office somewhere else. Do you have no concept of the term "inside voice"??

Quietly Yours,

WYB

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Top 30 Most Annoying Places to Work on FBGs*:

##. Posts / Poster01. 127 = Nigel Tufnel02.  74 = Shooter McGavin03.  73 = mr. furley04.  52 = Sack-Religious05.  40 = SuperJohn9606.  36 = Print Is Dead07.  33 = Mrs. BSR08.  32 = bakes09.  27 = General Malaise10.  24 = Keys Myaths11.  24 = Cunk12.  23 = TommyGilmore13.  23 = Running with scissors14.  23 = belljr15.  21 = Captain Quinoa16.  20 = wadegarrett17.  19 = St. Louis Bob18.  18 = perry14719.  18 = fo shizzle20.  17 = JEB21.  16 = Thorn22.  16 = TheAristocrat23.  16 = Wild Young Billy24.  14 = shuke25.  14 = eoMMan26.  13 = GroveDiesel27.  13 = SKribbles28.  12 = SeveredHorseHeads29.  12 = joffer30.  12 = McJose

* Without combining scores from posters and their aliases.

Edited by SuperJohn96

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:thumbup::lmao: :lmao:

was just about to add something here but SJ's post derailed me :lmao:

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:mellow::lmao: :lmao:was just about to add something here but SJ's post derailed me :lmao:

You're just trying to pull ahead of me, guy. Nice attempt. :confused:

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Top 30 Most Annoying Places to Work on FBGs*:

##. Posts / Poster01. 127 = Nigel Tufnel02.  74 = Shooter McGavin03.  73 = mr. furley04.  52 = Sack-Religious05.  40 = SuperJohn9606.  36 = Print Is Dead07.  33 = Mrs. BSR08.  32 = bakes09.  27 = General Malaise10.  24 = Keys Myaths11.  24 = Cunk12.  23 = TommyGilmore13.  23 = Running with scissors14.  23 = belljr15.  21 = Captain Quinoa16.  20 = wadegarrett17.  19 = St. Louis Bob18.  18 = perry14719.  18 = fo shizzle20.  17 = JEB21.  16 = Thorn22.  16 = TheAristocrat23.  16 = Wild Young Billy24.  14 = shuke25.  14 = eoMMan26.  13 = GroveDiesel27.  13 = SKribbles28.  12 = SeveredHorseHeads29.  12 = joffer30.  12 = McJose

* Without combining scores from posters and their aliases.

I wonder how many in the Top 30 really work at home, alone.

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:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:was just about to add something here but SJ's post derailed me :lmao:

You're just trying to pull ahead of me, guy. Nice attempt. :bowtie:
:coffee:

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Top 30 Most Annoying Places to Work on FBGs*:

##. Posts / Poster01. 127 = Nigel Tufnel02.  74 = Shooter McGavin03.  73 = mr. furley04.  52 = Sack-Religious05.  40 = SuperJohn9606.  36 = Print Is Dead07.  33 = Mrs. BSR08.  32 = bakes09.  27 = General Malaise10.  24 = Keys Myaths11.  24 = Cunk12.  23 = TommyGilmore13.  23 = Running with scissors14.  23 = belljr15.  21 = Captain Quinoa16.  20 = wadegarrett17.  19 = St. Louis Bob18.  18 = perry14719.  18 = fo shizzle20.  17 = JEB21.  16 = Thorn22.  16 = TheAristocrat23.  16 = Wild Young Billy24.  14 = shuke25.  14 = eoMMan26.  13 = GroveDiesel27.  13 = SKribbles28.  12 = SeveredHorseHeads29.  12 = joffer30.  12 = McJose

* Without combining scores from posters and their aliases.

I wonder how many in the Top 30 really work at home, alone.
I assure you, my workplace is exactly as described. At the moment, two idiots are doing a conference call at extremely high volume at one lady's desk, and earlier today, I was treated to some highlights of the four topics that the crazy(est) lady in my room talks about -- Weight watchers, and her grandkids. Apparently there was no time to discuss the price of jicama at local stores or the fact that she's from California. Kill me.

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I wonder how many in the Top 30 really work at home, alone.

I assure you, my workplace is exactly as described. At the moment, two idiots are doing a conference call at extremely high volume at one lady's desk, and earlier today, I was treated to some highlights of the four topics that the crazy(est) lady in my room talks about -- Weight watchers, and her grandkids. Apparently there was no time to discuss the price of jicama at local stores or the fact that she's from California. Kill me.
The insane part for me is that I love my job, but most of my coworkers are nuts.And as much as I complain, it's like have courtside seats to a reality show based on The Office.

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Hey coworker next door. Why don't you just mind your own business and stop staring at my monitors when you walk by. And Joan, I can't believe you went to Harvard. You seem like such an idiot. A nice idiot though. Sandy, please stop running down the hall to see your buddy, my neighbor. I dread that thumping coming up and down the hall.

Also Jeremy, the IT guy. Um, the small plug in your ear lobe and the earring in the mid-part of your ear just ain't workin'.

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Dear idiot coworker and office mate.

You are a pretentious clod and the most ignorant and repulsive human being I have ever been around. I have more in common with a %$^# Lebanese goat that you moreover the goat can program better than you. The discussion this morning on the implications of foreign manufacturing on our business had nothing to do with politics; however like any other subject in the world that is discussed you immediately turn it into a Obama bashing/right wing nutcase/anti-environmental diatribe spewing idiotic nonsense. I can see now how you have been getting laid off everywhere you go. I will now clue you in.

1. You have a freaking Bachelors Degree in CS and a MBA also have 10 more years experience than me but we work at the same 'type" job.

Reason: My four year old niece has more mental range than you.

Example: When you sent me this code today:

If dlFunction.Text = "Manage Casting Schedule" Then

If User = "tryrer" Or User = "tert" Or User = "ettetet" Then

GoTo CONT1

Else

Say("You are not authorized to proceed")

Exit Sub

End If

CONT1:

lblSelectDate1.Visible = True

cal1.Visible = True

End If

And did not know what CONT1: was. I thought you were joking. It turns out I was wrong again. The same thing with the sql code and not understanding a case statement. Anyone with a month of working around VB and SQL code would know these things.

This reminds me of a time when I first started at my current company, some dude was there forever and I was new.

Anyway I built something in one of our clients (real basic cbl program :X ) that we took part of the code and put into another program for it run. Worked great, everyone happy. A week later Manager and guy have a meeting with me, can I send the code to the guy, he wants to put it in a client that he works on ( it was requested).

Me: Sure no problem, all you have to do is take this snippet of code and put it in program X. You don't have to do anything special but compile the program.

Him: Great thanks.

About 1-2 weeks go by and my manager comes to me. Can you look at "guys" code, he said it's not working.

me: sure, no problem.

I look at the code and I have no idea WTF he did. He said I tried to do A, B, C to make it do this, that and the other thing.

me: Oh, they wanted it changed?

guy: No, I just wanted to code it in there.

me: All you had to do was copy and paste my email.

guy: It didn't work

me: Takes code, copies it program, compile, runs fine.

guy: :boxing:

Me: Should be good to go.

guy: Thanks... :shrug::angry:

Manager took me out to lunch :lmao:

This reminds me when I was a co-op student working for IBM. They had just hired this Indian guy that had his PhD in CS (might have been EE-CS at the time). His manager asked him to put this card into the PC, he takes the card like so:

___Downside

Left[...............]Right

___Upside

and tries to put it into the PC with the pins sticking UP. His boss tells him, no. You want to put it in the other way, so then he tries to put the card in like this:

___Downside

Right[...............]Left

___Upside

STILL upside down :wall:

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Dear Ms. Incompetentpoliticalhackleftoverfromthepreviousadministration:Thank you for sending us this email:

In preparation for the Workforce Reduction mandated by the Governor and the Division of the Budget, the Bureau of Personnel is sending an Employee Information Verification Form to all Department employees. You should receive this form at your home address within the next couple days. The signed and dated response is due to Personnel by April 15th. If you do not have the form by April 14, it is critical that you call the Personnel office at...

I have three comments:1. Might I suggest you trade in your petticoat and sporty Locomobile roadster and enter the 21st century, where these documents are generally sent via email? 2. Did you notice the dates in the above email, and consider that a good portion of the people who work here will be out of the office during Easter school break and possibly away from their homes, unable to receive let alone submit this form?3. Did you notice that we are in a fiscal crisis? Because if you did, you maybe would have reconsidered spending countless thousands of dollars that we don't have in postage (see point #1).Hoping your name appears at the top of the layoff list,Me.

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Dear Godzillette,I assume you're a fortysomething virgin by the way you look, but applying enough cheap perfume that it can be smelled before the freaking elevator doors even open does not make you more attractive, and some might even say it makes the 17 floor elevator ride somewhat eye-scorchingly painful.Never breed, Scissors

Hey Water Buffalo, No really, I was serious.YIC, Scissors

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Dear ugly fat disgusting woman (i think),

If I walk by your desk one more time and see you picking your enormous Fred Flintstone feet and then smelling your fingers I am going to stick my foot so far up your ###, your colon is going to come out of your ######......

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Dear ugly fat disgusting woman (i think),

If I walk by your desk one more time and see you picking your enormous Fred Flintstone feet and then smelling your fingers I am going to stick my foot so far up your ###, your colon is going to come out of your ######......

what the mother f..........

:confused:

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Dear ugly fat disgusting woman (i think),

If I walk by your desk one more time and see you picking your enormous Fred Flintstone feet and then smelling your fingers I am going to stick my foot so far up your ###, your colon is going to come out of your ######......

what the mother f..........

:confused:

Checking for Cheetos?

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Good afternoon annoying bastard,

I know you're a fan of the Rays, but if you put one more effin' bobblehead on your desk I'm gonna take that foam finger you

have on top of your cabinet shove it down your throat and make you choke to death on your own vomit.

Edited by HERBERT THE HIPPO

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Hey there #######,

I know it was a bit chilly this morning but that puffy ski jacket you wore makes you look like a real effin chooch. It's now 75 degrees this afternoon, did you forget that you live in Florida you big doooooosh......

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Have a great evening Ms. You probably looked pretty decent 30 years ago but now you look like a frying pan head,

Stop wearing low cut blouses, as much as I love breasts I don't want to see those spongy saggy blobs of fat peeking out at me.

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Good morning Ms. "I lost some weight so now I think I look hot",

First off, major props on losing a nice chunk of weight. The problem here is that going from the size of a Sumatran elephant to the size of a Tibetan yak is good but it doesn't give you the right to wear tight fitting clothes. All of that excess loose hanging fat stuffed into a tight skirt makes you look like the Michelin man. Oh and one more thing sweetie, losing weight doesn't hide the ugly.

Sincerely,

HTH

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Good morning Ms. "I lost some weight so now I think I look hot",

First off, major props on losing a nice chunk of weight. The problem here is that going from the size of a Sumatran elephant to the size of a Tibetan yak is good but it doesn't give you the right to wear tight fitting clothes. All of that excess loose hanging fat stuffed into a tight skirt makes you look like the Michelin man. Oh and one more thing sweetie, losing weight doesn't hide the ugly.

Sincerely,

HTH

:lmao:

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You're killing me, moron.

Secretary: ...so then we wouldn't want them to be rewriting the wheel.

HS: Reinventing

Secretary: Reinventing what?

HS: The wheel.

Secretary: What are you talking about?

HS: I think you meant 'reinventing the wheel.'

Secretary: No, I said what I meant. Weren't you listening?

HS: Carry on.

Edited by HoldSteady

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This is a post from my co-workers sitting around me addressed to me:

Hey dumb###, stop laughing so ####### loud at all of Herbert the Hippos posts from today and yesterday. We are trying to either sleep or get work done...........

Edited by Winning IS Everything

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This is a post from my co-workers sitting around me addressed to me:Hey dumb###, stop laughing so ####### loud at all of Herbert the Hippos posts from today and yesterday. We are trying to either sleep or get work done...........

:no:

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Top 30 Most Annoying Places to Work on FBGs*:

##. Posts / Poster01. 127 = Nigel Tufnel02.  74 = Shooter McGavin03.  73 = mr. furley04.  52 = Sack-Religious05.  40 = SuperJohn9606.  36 = Print Is Dead07.  33 = Mrs. BSR08.  32 = bakes09.  27 = General Malaise10.  24 = Keys Myaths11.  24 = Cunk12.  23 = TommyGilmore13.  23 = Running with scissors14.  23 = belljr15.  21 = Captain Quinoa16.  20 = wadegarrett17.  19 = St. Louis Bob18.  18 = perry14719.  18 = fo shizzle20.  17 = JEB21.  16 = Thorn22.  16 = TheAristocrat23.  16 = Wild Young Billy24.  14 = shuke25.  14 = eoMMan26.  13 = GroveDiesel27.  13 = SKribbles28.  12 = SeveredHorseHeads29.  12 = joffer30.  12 = McJose

* Without combining scores from posters and their aliases.

In fairness, I (Captain Q) don't work at the place that spawned most of my posts anymore. And it wasn't as bad after the most annoying guy was found dead in his house.

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Seriously, dude? You're really having a 20 minute phone conversation with your wife about when you're going to put fertilizer on your yard?

I mean ####ing seriously?

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Note: I work 10 minutes outside Toronto...

Bendy (on the phone): Hey John, are we on the West Coast or the East Coast?

SJ96: :lmao:

Bendy: :blackdot:

SJ96: OMG, you're serious?

Bendy: Yes, c'mon, I'm on the phone...

SJ96: Oh, sorry, well, some people think Arizona is on the West Coast, but it's not. It's in the Western US, but not actually on the coast. :lol:

Bendy: You're not helping.

SJ96: We're on the West Coast.

Bendy (to the person on the phone): "We're on the West Coast."

SJ96: :teehee:

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Dear Old Bitty Teacher-lady from the class next door:

Why the frick do you stand over my computer and watch me send emails? Have you no sense?

Also, to my extra fat kid: SHOWER.

And to my Amazon-lady teacher next door on the other side... Can you please clean your amateur spackle job from the toilet after you go? thanks.

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