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Nigel Tufnel

A note to my coworker ...

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I'm gonna be a killjoy here.

A woman who works in one of our offices in another city is going through chemo, and everyone in the store had their head shaved to match her look.

Her desk is near the front counter, so she can see everyone, and a wife of one of the salespeople is a hair stylist, so she came in the back and everyone secretly took turns going and getting their head shaved.

About 4 or 5 people in, she finally looks up, and is completely :shuked: and then :towelwave:

Good for them.

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I'm gonna be a killjoy here.A woman who works in one of our offices in another city is going through chemo, and everyone in the store had their head shaved to match her look.Her desk is near the front counter, so she can see everyone, and a wife of one of the salespeople is a hair stylist, so she came in the back and everyone secretly took turns going and getting their head shaved.About 4 or 5 people in, she finally looks up, and is completely :shuked: and then :hot:Good for them.

why not get shaved too? just tell her you decided to show your support by grooming your junk:lol:

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I just went in the bathroom and the smell about knocked me down but i have had 3 cups of coffee and a big project due soon so I didn't want to come back. You and I flushed at the same time and while i was getting myself all situated you flew out the door. I don't care that you had to #### at work, it happens to everyone sometimes. Wash your fing hands. It won't be awkward...I won't even make eye contact. The one time i didn't look at the shoes too.

SuperJohn, that story choked me up a bit. So sweet.

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Dear coworker:

1. Obama is not the antichrist.

2. Drudge report is not the best way to get your news.

3. Evolution is not a disguised attack on Christianity.

4. Global warming is happening and is not a conspiracy to institute a larger leftist socialist government in the US.

5. The above listed ideas do not sound anymore rational if they are repeated every morning.

Perry

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Dear coworker: 1. Obama is not the antichrist. 2. Drudge report is not the best way to get your news. 3. Evolution is not a disguised attack on Christianity. 4. Global warming is happening and is not a conspiracy to institute a larger leftist socialist government in the US. 5. The above listed ideas do not sound anymore rational if they are repeated every morning.Perry

you work with Jim11?

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I'm gonna be a killjoy here.

A woman who works in one of our offices in another city is going through chemo, and everyone in the store had their head shaved to match her look.

Her desk is near the front counter, so she can see everyone, and a wife of one of the salespeople is a hair stylist, so she came in the back and everyone secretly took turns going and getting their head shaved.

About 4 or 5 people in, she finally looks up, and is completely :shuked: and then :hifive:

Good for them.

why not get shaved too? just tell her you decided to show your support by grooming your junk

:own3d:

TMI Alert

Mrs. SJ96 already took care of my holiday trim* a few weeks ago.

I suppose I could this lady I did it in advance, but that'd be weird.

* FYI...a Holiday Trim does not = bald.

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I just went in the bathroom and the smell about knocked me down but i have had 3 cups of coffee and a big project due soon so I didn't want to come back. You and I flushed at the same time and while i was getting myself all situated you flew out the door. I don't care that you had to #### at work, it happens to everyone sometimes. Wash your fing hands. It won't be awkward...I won't even make eye contact. The one time i didn't look at the shoes too.

SuperJohn, that story choked me up a bit. So sweet.

Not me. I have never shat in any public restroom in my entire life. The only thing close would be the bathrooms at the dorms in college.

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I just went in the bathroom and the smell about knocked me down but i have had 3 cups of coffee and a big project due soon so I didn't want to come back. You and I flushed at the same time and while i was getting myself all situated you flew out the door. I don't care that you had to #### at work, it happens to everyone sometimes. Wash your fing hands. It won't be awkward...I won't even make eye contact. The one time i didn't look at the shoes too.SuperJohn, that story choked me up a bit. So sweet.

I never feel awkward dropping a deuce at work. Not even when I stop up the toilet, which is often. :thumbup:

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I just went in the bathroom and the smell about knocked me down but i have had 3 cups of coffee and a big project due soon so I didn't want to come back. You and I flushed at the same time and while i was getting myself all situated you flew out the door. I don't care that you had to #### at work, it happens to everyone sometimes. Wash your fing hands. It won't be awkward...I won't even make eye contact. The one time i didn't look at the shoes too.SuperJohn, that story choked me up a bit. So sweet.

I never feel awkward dropping a deuce at work. Not even when I stop up the toilet, which is often. :thumbup:
I'm always kind of freaked out by the guys who make it a part of their day to fire one out at work. When I was in my early 20s, I was working a job that paid hourly. One of my coworkers made it his routine to pretty much drop everything right around 9:30 (we started at 9:00), print out a couple articles from the internet to read, and head off to the bathroom. No shame whatsoever. I think part of the thrill for him was knowing that he was getting paid to honk one out.

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Dear Middle-Management Heifer,

The fact you have somehow ascended to a position of authority in this organization despite your abrasive personality doesn't make you some sort of fashionista.

I would have thought this was obvious given you are incapable of wearing anything other than a muumuu due to your weight. Just because I wear a pair of dark sneakers with my suit doesn't mean I am breaching a dress code of 'smart casual', despite the fact these breach our 'HR guidelines'. These guidelines are obviously put in place for morons like you who would otherwise show up to work looking even more slovenly, not for those of us who know how to dress ourselves.

BTW, may be an idea to change your management style now you're no longer in charge of 12 year olds. HTH.

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I think part of the thrill for him was knowing that he was getting paid to honk one out.

Exactly. Getting paid to take a dump is one of the simple pleasures in life.

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Dear Middle-Management Heifer,

The fact you have somehow ascended to a position of authority in this organization despite your abrasive personality doesn't make you some sort of fashionista.

I would have thought this was obvious given you are incapable of wearing anything other than a muumuu due to your weight. Just because I wear a pair of dark sneakers with my suit doesn't mean I am breaching a dress code of 'smart casual', despite the fact these breach our 'HR guidelines'. These guidelines are obviously put in place for morons like you who would otherwise show up to work looking even more slovenly, not for those of us who know how to dress ourselves.

BTW, may be an idea to change your management style now you're no longer in charge of 12 year olds. HTH.

:unsure:

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Dear Middle-Management Heifer,

The fact you have somehow ascended to a position of authority in this organization despite your abrasive personality doesn't make you some sort of fashionista.

I would have thought this was obvious given you are incapable of wearing anything other than a muumuu due to your weight. Just because I wear a pair of dark sneakers with my suit doesn't mean I am breaching a dress code of 'smart casual', despite the fact these breach our 'HR guidelines'. These guidelines are obviously put in place for morons like you who would otherwise show up to work looking even more slovenly, not for those of us who know how to dress ourselves.

BTW, may be an idea to change your management style now you're no longer in charge of 12 year olds. HTH.

:thumbup:
:ph34r:

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

Wow, who would do that?Where the hell have you been, by the way?

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TMI Alert

Mrs. SJ96 already took care of my holiday trim* a few weeks ago.

I suppose I could this lady I did it in advance, but that'd be weird.

* FYI...a Holiday Trim does not = bald.

:loco:

:pokey:

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Dear Oblivious Teacher Woman,

There is a problem with your nomination for one of the 8th grade awards. The Kappa Alpha (or whatever) award is to go to this year's outstanding student of African-American heritage. I know you were really hoping it would go to Sascha Tate but she's not black. Sorry.

Mr. Lllama

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Dear Oblivious Teacher Woman,

There is a problem with your nomination for one of the 8th grade awards. The Kappa Alpha (or whatever) award is to go to this year's outstanding student of African-American heritage. I know you were really hoping it would go to Sascha Tate but she's not black. Sorry.

Mr. Lllama

this?

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Dear Oblivious Teacher Woman,

There is a problem with your nomination for one of the 8th grade awards. The Kappa Alpha (or whatever) award is to go to this year's outstanding student of African-American heritage. I know you were really hoping it would go to Sascha Tate but she's not black. Sorry.

Mr. Lllama

this?
No

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

Wow, who would do that?Where the hell have you been, by the way?
Question 1 answer: A ##### bag would do that. I still don't know who, but I'm gonna find out...Question 2 answer: I've been around, here and there. Real life has distracted me somewhat, but I appreciate that someone remembers me.

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

A reasonable company should let employees leave early every once in a while as long as it's cleared in advance and doesn't cause undue hardship. You left early without getting this cleared? If one of my employees did this their job would be in jeopardy. Rightly so, IMO.

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

A reasonable company should let employees leave early every once in a while as long as it's cleared in advance and doesn't cause undue hardship. You left early without getting this cleared? If one of my employees did this their job would be in jeopardy. Rightly so, IMO.
I left early twice, once to take my 2 older boys to the dentist, and the other to take my daughter to kindergarten screening. Both times, I told my direct report that I was leaving early. My direct report is not my manager.I also worked through lunch every day that week to more than make up for it. The ##### bag who reported me is just that, a ##### bag. Anonymously reporting a coworker when you don't know the facts is bull####.

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

A reasonable company should let employees leave early every once in a while as long as it's cleared in advance and doesn't cause undue hardship. You left early without getting this cleared? If one of my employees did this their job would be in jeopardy. Rightly so, IMO.
I left early twice, once to take my 2 older boys to the dentist, and the other to take my daughter to kindergarten screening. Both times, I told my direct report that I was leaving early. My direct report is not my manager.I also worked through lunch every day that week to more than make up for it. The ##### bag who reported me is just that, a ##### bag. Anonymously reporting a coworker when you don't know the facts is bull####.
Agreed!

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

A reasonable company should let employees leave early every once in a while as long as it's cleared in advance and doesn't cause undue hardship. You left early without getting this cleared? If one of my employees did this their job would be in jeopardy. Rightly so, IMO.
I left early twice, once to take my 2 older boys to the dentist, and the other to take my daughter to kindergarten screening. Both times, I told my direct report that I was leaving early. My direct report is not my manager.I also worked through lunch every day that week to more than make up for it. The ##### bag who reported me is just that, a ##### bag. Anonymously reporting a coworker when you don't know the facts is bull####.
Wouldn't the coworker get in trouble when the manager discovered that you were authorized to leave early?

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This isn't really venting, but an apology.

I didn't know you were standing behind me early yesterday morning when I was filling up my water bottle, felt a little tummy rumbling, and decided to let one slide.

It didn't smell, but it certainly was a little akward when I turned around and you were standing right behind me. I'm not used to people here as early as I am.

I apologize.

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This isn't really venting, but an apology.I didn't know you were standing behind me early yesterday morning when I was filling up my water bottle, felt a little tummy rumbling, and decided to let one slide. It didn't smell, but it certainly was a little akward when I turned around and you were standing right behind me. I'm not used to people here as early as I am.I apologize.

Oops, fart.

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

Do you use IM at your office? Any chance the boss caught you red handed? If you told your direct report, when your boss said something, didn't you tell him/her that you cleared it with so-and-so?

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Dear New Guy:

I understand that English is your second language and are trying your best to communicate, and appreciate that. But what's with the random clicking? You're halfway through a sentence and if you can't think of the work you make this damnable clicking noise. At least once every sentence. It's like being in a meeting with an old 8-track player that's on the fritz. Stop it. Please.

Yer Capn.

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

A reasonable company should let employees leave early every once in a while as long as it's cleared in advance and doesn't cause undue hardship. You left early without getting this cleared? If one of my employees did this their job would be in jeopardy. Rightly so, IMO.
Are your employees salary or hourly? If they are salary, having to clear it with anyone is garbage as long as they get their job done. But I guess it depends largely on the industry as well.

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Hey new secretary,

No, I haven't done something about your e-mail that you sent yesterday afternoon. It's 9:21 in the morning, and looking at my task list, I have 6 things to do before noon already that are a much higher priority than taking someone off an e-mail list. And now, I'm so pissed I have to rant here instead of getting my other stuff done. Please don't come by my office and try to strike up a 30 minute conversation. E-mail me if you'd like to follow up. Or call, so I can push the button that makes you go away.

Look, I'm grateful that you helped take this project from me. But, it's a very, very simple administrative thing now that I've set it up--and you've asked 67 questions about it (yes, I counted!). Think for yourself, please. I've spent more time on this than I ever have--and I'm not even doing it anymore.

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Hey coworker,

You might want to turn down the volume on your computer when you open your emails. Although the entire office did get a great giggle when all the sudden we hear your computer screaming, "Hey guys! I am looking at gay porn!!" On second thought, turn it up. Turn it up loud.

Thank you,

jamyp

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Dear budget officer,

So when I recently sent you a spreadsheet to develop and submit your operating budget for next year, that information I put in the email about the Board keeping operating budgets flat next year was pretty clear. "Flat" means "no increase." So if you're going to return your budget to me with a 25% increase, you at least might want to either (a) acknowledge that you totally ignored my message and the Board's mandate, and/or (b) apologize for the hassle you've now dumped on me.

Controller-man

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

Wow, who would do that?

Where the hell have you been, by the way?

Question 1 answer: A ##### bag would do that. I still don't know who, but I'm gonna find out...

Question 2 answer: I've been around, here and there. Real life has distracted me somewhat, but I appreciate that someone remembers me.

Really? There's a 4-page thread titled "Where's T-Fox?" over at the three-digiter board.

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

Wow, who would do that?

Where the hell have you been, by the way?

Question 1 answer: A ##### bag would do that. I still don't know who, but I'm gonna find out...

Question 2 answer: I've been around, here and there. Real life has distracted me somewhat, but I appreciate that someone remembers me.

Really? There's a 4-page thread titled "Where's T-Fox?" over at the three-digiter board.
Thanks. I'll check it out next time I'm there.

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

Wow, who would do that?

Where the hell have you been, by the way?

Question 1 answer: A ##### bag would do that. I still don't know who, but I'm gonna find out...

Question 2 answer: I've been around, here and there. Real life has distracted me somewhat, but I appreciate that someone remembers me.

Really? There's a 4-page thread titled "Where's T-Fox?" over at the three-digiter board.
Mother ####er! :thumbup:

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To the nurses I work with. I am married I know girls #### stinks. It is not necessary to dump a gallon of chlorine into the toilet to try and disguise your stink.

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Dear Oblivious Teacher Woman,There is a problem with your nomination for one of the 8th grade awards. The Kappa Alpha (or whatever) award is to go to this year's outstanding student of African-American heritage. I know you were really hoping it would go to Sascha Tate but she's not black. Sorry.Mr. Lllama

Okay that's funny.

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To the creepy guy my office-mates all believe will one day kill and cannibalize us all.

Even though it often smells like all the port-a-potties at Ozzfest on a hot summers day, I can understand that you brush your teeth in the office bathroom. What I don't get, is that after you brush your teeth, you use your toothbrush with whatever residual toothpaste is left on it to clean your travelmug that held this morning's coffee.

Thanks for that

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To the creepy guy my office-mates all believe will one day kill and cannibalize us all.Even though it often smells like all the port-a-potties at Ozzfest on a hot summers day, I can understand that you brush your teeth in the office bathroom. What I don't get, is that after you brush your teeth, you use your toothbrush with whatever residual toothpaste is left on it to clean your travelmug that held this morning's coffee. Thanks for that

Ewww

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Dear Outside Salesguy

I understand you're over 70, so I'm not surprised that working the VCR that YOU brought for your presentation might be difficult for you.

But after I fixed it, I have to confess to being a bit :shuked: at your response of,

"Thanks, but me and these electronics...it's...it's....

...it's like computers to me."

Regards,

SJ96

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To the co-worker who says "Dude, you gotta come check this out" 15x a day.

No I don't. All I "gotta" do is sit here and surf the net and do a little work when I feel like it. Leave me the **** alone, dude.

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It should be obvious from the fact that I rolled into work at 10, walked directly into my office and shut my door that I'm painfully hungover. Leave me the hell alone.

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A note to the ##### bag who told my manager that I left work early two days last week: Go #### yourself.

Wow, who would do that?

Where the hell have you been, by the way?

Question 1 answer: A ##### bag would do that. I still don't know who, but I'm gonna find out...

Question 2 answer: I've been around, here and there. Real life has distracted me somewhat, but I appreciate that someone remembers me.

Really? There's a 4-page thread titled "Where's T-Fox?" over at the three-digiter board.
Mother ####er! :shrug:
I have a spare 3 digit alias that I've been saving for a rainy day. You're welcome to it.

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To the creepy guy my office-mates all believe will one day kill and cannibalize us all.Even though it often smells like all the port-a-potties at Ozzfest on a hot summers day, I can understand that you brush your teeth in the office bathroom. What I don't get, is that after you brush your teeth, you use your toothbrush with whatever residual toothpaste is left on it to clean your travelmug that held this morning's coffee. Thanks for that

S&!# and mint smell is worse than S&!# smell alone, I've been a longtime advocate for work bathrooms dedicated to those that want to brush their teeth.

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It should be obvious from the fact that I rolled into work at 10, walked directly into my office and shut my door that I'm painfully hungover. Leave me the hell alone.

Red rover, red rover, the rover's hungover.

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It should be obvious from the fact that I rolled into work at 10, walked directly into my office and shut my door that I'm painfully hungover. Leave me the hell alone.

Red rover, red rover, the rover's hungover.
shhh. you're posting too loud.

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