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Nigel Tufnel

A note to my coworker ...

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Dear Guy who wrote this sentence,

I've never met you. Let's keep it that way. Thank you for your understanding.

Our goal is to promote Diversity & Inclusion using [company]'s core values, to enable employees to speak the same language of diversity and inclusion as well as, to better understand both the business and personal case for diversity, to energize the [company] Diversity Wheel, and to reinforce Diversity Competencies.

You need to post this.
The stupid thing, well one of the stupid things, is that the only one out there is barely readable. I looked for it yesterday, because I was taking online training for this crap.
:lol:

That's awesome. It looks like something that could have been on the walls at Initech. My favorite feature by far is the three empty spokes.

Those are perfect, I can't believe I didn't notice on the 1st look.

:lmao::lmao:

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Dear Guy who wrote this sentence,

I've never met you. Let's keep it that way. Thank you for your understanding.

Our goal is to promote Diversity & Inclusion using [company]'s core values, to enable employees to speak the same language of diversity and inclusion as well as, to better understand both the business and personal case for diversity, to energize the [company] Diversity Wheel, and to reinforce Diversity Competencies.

You need to post this.
The stupid thing, well one of the stupid things, is that the only one out there is barely readable. I looked for it yesterday, because I was taking online training for this crap.
:lmao:

That's awesome. It looks like something that could have been on the walls at Initech. My favorite feature by far is the three empty spokes.

I like how the spokes are either purely white, or shades of grey.

High racial inclusion there.

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I'm no dietician, but if you turn in your expense report, and your boss asks you to list the people who were at dinner with you -- and it was just you -- you might be overeating. this may be contributing to your weight zooming past the 400 lb barrier.

-Q

p.s. you're fat

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Dear Guy who wrote this sentence,

I've never met you. Let's keep it that way. Thank you for your understanding.

Our goal is to promote Diversity & Inclusion using [company]'s core values, to enable employees to speak the same language of diversity and inclusion as well as, to better understand both the business and personal case for diversity, to energize the [company] Diversity Wheel, and to reinforce Diversity Competencies.

You need to post this.
The stupid thing, well one of the stupid things, is that the only one out there is barely readable. I looked for it yesterday, because I was taking online training for this crap.
:lmao:

That's awesome. It looks like something that could have been on the walls at Initech. My favorite feature by far is the three empty spokes.

I'd like to nominate:

- Personal Hygiene

as one of the three empty slots. Can't come up with 2 others right now (jetlagged)

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Not a co-worker but the customer who I am working for:

It's the other side of 40 degrees C with the humidity and you are also bathed in sweat, TURN ON THE FREAKING AC.

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The the greasy-haired 50+ year-old lady who sits in the cube next to me.Consider yourself very lucky that you have worked for the federal government for so long. Your complete and utter lack of ANY employable skills coupled with your inability to do even the most menial of tasks on your own (ie. emailing our manager) would have you out on your ### from any other employer in short order.Also, when you're on the phone talking with your dipstick husband, PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT ask to speak with your mangy f-ing poodle and proceed to try to have a conversation with it using baby-talk. No matter how long you incoherently babble at this little rat-dog it will never talk back to you.Also, when something isn't working properly on your computer, asking it what's the matter isn't going to help. When nooone comes to your aid, asking your computer in a louder voice will not make it answer, either.

I've since moved to a different posting in the organization, but I hear you're retiring. Amazing that you made it to retirement. Colleagues have told me that you've really ramped up the crazy these past few months, when you actually bothered to show up to work, that is. I figured I'd send you a congratulatory email on your upcoming retirement. So, I sent you the email a few days before your last day and you already had your out of office response on saying:

I am retired, hope you have a good time without me.

You won't be missed, but that's brilliant retirement shtick!

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Dear former co-worker, hypochondriac, crazy lady . . .

Yes, you again.So good to hear you had to take the morning off since the hatch of your SUV wouldn't close and it needed to be held shut with a rope/bungee. Did you need to take the morning off to get it to the shop to get it fixed? Nope, you just needed the morning off.Unbelievable.

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Dear closeted gay dude,

It's sad to see you so beaten down by your beard marriage most days. But is good that you're still taking care of your grooming. I know you're, "on the fence. It has been a while since you had a pedi", but it's good to hear you're going for it and splurging for your hair and nail appointment this weekend.

homoerotically yours,

SM

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Dear strange "talks to himself" guy;

Next time, rather than sauntering slowly up to it, nervously shrugging your shoulders and twitching your neck like a geeky teenager about to ask the prom queen out on a date, stride confidently towards one of the urinals. There are people who need to take a freakin' piss here and you're holding up the line. :rant:

Sincerely,

Narrowly Averted Pissing His Pants Guy.

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For the love of God, just shut up for once. Finish a story quickly and be done with it. I don't need the five or six extra "And so anyway then..." addendums for every conversation. Just end it. When you offer to wait and walk to the parking lot at the end of the day, don't keep me there with your endless yammering for 20 minutes after I'm off the clock and want to go home. When I constantly hit the "unlock" button on my car remote every 60 seconds, that should be a clue.

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Dear Guy who wrote this sentence,

I've never met you. Let's keep it that way. Thank you for your understanding.

Our goal is to promote Diversity & Inclusion using [company]'s core values, to enable employees to speak the same language of diversity and inclusion as well as, to better understand both the business and personal case for diversity, to energize the [company] Diversity Wheel, and to reinforce Diversity Competencies.

You need to post this.
The stupid thing, well one of the stupid things, is that the only one out there is barely readable. I looked for it yesterday, because I was taking online training for this crap.
:lmao:

That's awesome. It looks like something that could have been on the walls at Initech. My favorite feature by far is the three empty spokes.

:lmao: Somewhat related is this week's "Respect-o-Gram" email...

Respect is... demonstrating courtesy (e.g., acknowledging, saying good morning, please and thank you) to others.

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Dear Pocahontas:

Who decided that it was a good idea to equip your newly acquired walking cane (a lot cheaper than a healthy lifestyle, I'm sure) with one of those little kid bike bulb-horns? You've fired off that thing fourteen times today so far. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! It's like working with Harpo Marx. Or Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. We can see you. Hell, we can SMELL you. It's hard to miss a polyester clad beach ball with foul tobacco breath and the aroma of a poorly kept stable when it's waddling towards you. We don't need the "hootiehootie" as a reminder. If you're going to go with a warning signal, perhaps a fog horn would be more appropriate. But then you've never let appropriateness dictate your life - after all, you walk around wearing silver and turquoise and have all kinds of dreamcatchers and Indian motifs all over your cubicle but haven't a drop of Native American blood in you.

Kthanksbye.

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Dear Pocahontas:

Who decided that it was a good idea to equip your newly acquired walking cane (a lot cheaper than a healthy lifestyle, I'm sure) with one of those little kid bike bulb-horns? You've fired off that thing fourteen times today so far. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! It's like working with Harpo Marx. Or Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. We can see you. Hell, we can SMELL you. It's hard to miss a polyester clad beach ball with foul tobacco breath and the aroma of a poorly kept stable when it's waddling towards you. We don't need the "hootiehootie" as a reminder. If you're going to go with a warning signal, perhaps a fog horn would be more appropriate. But then you've never let appropriateness dictate your life - after all, you walk around wearing silver and turquoise and have all kinds of dreamcatchers and Indian motifs all over your cubicle but haven't a drop of Native American blood in you.

Kthanksbye.

Wow.

Thanks for bumping this. I meant to write something about a coworker who's lately taken to wearing Silly Bandz. I'm so stupefied by this I can't even come up with something funny to say.

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For the love of God, just shut up for once. Finish a story quickly and be done with it. I don't need the five or six extra "And so anyway then..." addendums for every conversation. Just end it. When you offer to wait and walk to the parking lot at the end of the day, don't keep me there with your endless yammering for 20 minutes after I'm off the clock and want to go home. When I constantly hit the "unlock" button on my car remote every 60 seconds, that should be a clue.

You're wayyyy nicer than I am. I'd interrupt with a "fake answering the phone" maneuver (acting like it was on vibrate) and say "sorry, I've gotta take this" and jump in my car.

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Dear Pocahontas:

Who decided that it was a good idea to equip your newly acquired walking cane (a lot cheaper than a healthy lifestyle, I'm sure) with one of those little kid bike bulb-horns? You've fired off that thing fourteen times today so far. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! It's like working with Harpo Marx. Or Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. We can see you. Hell, we can SMELL you. It's hard to miss a polyester clad beach ball with foul tobacco breath and the aroma of a poorly kept stable when it's waddling towards you. We don't need the "hootiehootie" as a reminder. If you're going to go with a warning signal, perhaps a fog horn would be more appropriate. But then you've never let appropriateness dictate your life - after all, you walk around wearing silver and turquoise and have all kinds of dreamcatchers and Indian motifs all over your cubicle but haven't a drop of Native American blood in you.

Kthanksbye.

Wow.

Thanks for bumping this. I meant to write something about a coworker who's lately taken to wearing Silly Bandz. I'm so stupefied by this I can't even come up with something funny to say.

That Young Siege song is awesome!

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Hi Kathy,

It's been nice having you right across the hall. I commend the fact that you've been working out so much and lost a ton of weight. Only thing is that most of the weight you lost came from the chest area. You were hotter with a couple extra pounds with huge boobs. Sorry but it's true! Please eat some cheesecake again! I want booby back!!!!!

Edited to add they are shrinking as I type this!!!!!!!

STOP!!!!!!!!

( . )( . ) ( . ) ( . ) (.)(.)

Edited by Cunk

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Dear Sick Dude:

I know you have no sick time left. I get that. But for the love of God please get some cough medicine or something and stop hacking every 30 seconds. How about you go see a doctor. Our health benefits really are good. You should use them. It sounds like you are going to lose a lung. I feel for the people that sit near your cubicle and wonder when they are going to catch whatever nasty disease you have. The person two offices over left his office just to see who was hacking so badly and there was an email going around about how disgusted everyone in this entire corner of the floor was getting just wondering how sick we might be getting.

Luckily, I have an office that is far enough away that I feel somewhat safe until of course you come into my office, sit down and start to talk at me about nothing. Please don't visit me when it is obvious that I am buried in paperwork from the recent accquisition and when you are hacking and spraying germs everywhere. Have a little common sense and decency to not get everyone else in the office sick.

Thanks

AB

PS When I suggested that you get that cough checked out while covering my face your comment that you feel fine was not particularly reassuring. Thankfully I was able to get a can of Lysol from one of the women in accounting.

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Dear old guy with silver-white hair and a jet-black pornstache,

Really?

Edited by joffer

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Dear guy across the hall from me. You would think that after the fifth time I remotely reboot your computer you would realize I don't like your taste in music and constantly cranking it up to top volume and trying to play "guess who this is!" with me isn't getting you anywhere. Next time I set your desktop background as Strawberry Shortcake and edit your hosts file so you can't youtube or facebook anymore.

Schlzm

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Dear Bat#### crazy leather faced 40ished divorced skank...

Stop popping Xanax like tic tacs and washing it down with 20oz Redbulls to stay awake and blabber on and on AND ON about a former equally annoying "20-something" Latin co-worker, and how well he is doing at his new company.

He wouldn't plow your pathetic desperate ### while he was here... and he doesnt want you now either. Please stop telling us about all the Facebooking you two do... you're not cool, hip, hot, or interesting. So give it up.

If it were legal, we would gladly set you on fire to end your mental anguish and loneliness.

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Dear Excel (I consider you a co-worker):

I just opened the file to print. Nothing changed. I don't need to save.

TIA.

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Dear Entire Company of Idiots (except 4 people),

When I put in the email to "please call me", that means call me. Does that mean email me? No. It means to pick up the ####### phone and call me.

Thanks

*I sent an email out to the entire company saying to blah blah blah, please CALL ME or other person, if you need this application installed. I received 4 phone calls and 42 emails. No where did it say to email me.

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Dear Excel (I consider you a co-worker):I just opened the file to print. Nothing changed. I don't need to save.TIA.

Seriously, what is that all about?

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If you are a perfectly capable person there should be a law about taking and elevator one flight, ESPECIALLY when the stairs are next to the elevator.

Nothing worse than getting in on the ground floor and having some person jump on board "2 please" ;)

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Dear Excel (I consider you a co-worker):I just opened the file to print. Nothing changed. I don't need to save.TIA.

;) I get the same thing with my version of Word. Sometimes I've got a ton of Word docs open and haven't done anything to them. Pain in the butt to close each one separately when I've done nothing to them.

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If you are a perfectly capable person there should be a law about taking and elevator one flight, ESPECIALLY when the stairs are next to the elevator.Nothing worse than getting in on the ground floor and having some person jump on board "2 please" :angry:

I hate the fact that we can't use the stairs to go up because the door to the stairs is locked. And you can only use them to go down if you are leaving the building. The door to each floor is locked from the outside.So if I'm on the 4th floor and want to go to the third I have to take the elevator. I hate it when that happens and it seems the people in the elevator with me just think I'm lazy. I actually had to explain myself once and I still don't think they got it.

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If you are a perfectly capable person there should be a law about taking and elevator one flight, ESPECIALLY when the stairs are next to the elevator.Nothing worse than getting in on the ground floor and having some person jump on board "2 please" :homer:

I hate the fact that we can't use the stairs to go up because the door to the stairs is locked. And you can only use them to go down if you are leaving the building. The door to each floor is locked from the outside.So if I'm on the 4th floor and want to go to the third I have to take the elevator. I hate it when that happens and it seems the people in the elevator with me just think I'm lazy. I actually had to explain myself once and I still don't think they got it.
Hey there may be circumstance that's fine, that's not the case here though

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If you are a perfectly capable person there should be a law about taking and elevator one flight, ESPECIALLY when the stairs are next to the elevator.Nothing worse than getting in on the ground floor and having some person jump on board "2 please" :own3d:

I hate the fact that we can't use the stairs to go up because the door to the stairs is locked. And you can only use them to go down if you are leaving the building. The door to each floor is locked from the outside.So if I'm on the 4th floor and want to go to the third I have to take the elevator. I hate it when that happens and it seems the people in the elevator with me just think I'm lazy. I actually had to explain myself once and I still don't think they got it.
Hey there may be circumstance that's fine, that's not the case here though
Yeah, most places it's the case. I still see people take the elevator down from the second floor to leave though. In that case you can take the stairs. It takes longer to wait for the elevator than it would be just to take the stairs.

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Dear Entire Company of Idiots (except 4 people),When I put in the email to "please call me", that means call me. Does that mean email me? No. It means to pick up the ####### phone and call me. Thanks*I sent an email out to the entire company saying to blah blah blah, please CALL ME or other person, if you need this application installed. I received 4 phone calls and 42 emails. No where did it say to email me.

So you would've preferred 46 phone calls?

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Dear Entire Company of Idiots (except 4 people),When I put in the email to "please call me", that means call me. Does that mean email me? No. It means to pick up the ####### phone and call me. Thanks*I sent an email out to the entire company saying to blah blah blah, please CALL ME or other person, if you need this application installed. I received 4 phone calls and 42 emails. No where did it say to email me.

So you would've preferred 46 phone calls?
Yes, which is why I put to call me in the email. I need to take control of their computer, install an app on it and then explain a couple things to them. This cannot be done by them emailing me.

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Dear co-worker in another state,

I would much prefer you e-mail me instead of calling whenever you have a question. I may be busy and not want to talk on the phone. Plus with e-mail you can't ask me a question and then interrupt me before I get done answering. If you already have an answer, don't ask!

And if you don't want to work on a certain test, don't try to come up with excuses about how critical one test is versus another. Just admit you're too lazy and work on a different, easier test.

Thank you,

John

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Dear coworker,

Thanks for having your wife drop off some tasty sub sandwiches since her work luncheon got cancelled. They were delicious and free! :goodposting:

Edited by Dexter Manley

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Dear Excel (I consider you a co-worker):

I just opened the file to print. Nothing changed. I don't need to save.

TIA.

:)

I get the same thing with my version of Word. Sometimes I've got a ton of Word docs open and haven't done anything to them. Pain in the butt to close each one separately when I've done nothing to them.

There's always that half-second of panic:

"Oh ####--I don't think I changed anything. Did I just #### up the file? What did I do? I don't think I want to save..."

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Dear Next door Cube person:

3 Options.

1. When you eat Chips, do so with your mouth CLOSED!! :thumbup:

2. Soak your fricken chips in water before you eat them so I don't have to hear CRUNCH!!! every single bite! :goodposting:

3. Don't bring Chips in with your meals!!!

end :lmao:

Edited by snogger

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Hey ####### bosses,

I realize that you own the company, and I'm screwed from the start here, but if I'm up 20% sales, and the owner is down over 30%, while the third part of the company is down over 50% and basically being shut down, do you really think I'm the one you should be laying off right now? I don't care if you intend to call me back in February, I intend to have a new job by next week. You have diabetes and a drinking problem, your wife has cancer and still chain smokes her way through every day.

The only other guy left in the company, yes, he has been here from the start. He's also in his late 50s, pushing 400 pounds and has a grocery list full of ailments, this is who you're hitching your wagon to? There's a good chance in 10 years none of you will be alive.

I realize that this is what you do with your installers every year and they always come back, but for the love of god, please let me find a new job, and not be back here in February.

Also, owners, you hate each other's guts, and you are now 2 of 3 people left at this company. Get the damn divorce and shut this thing down already.

You also have the worst customer service skills of anyone I've ever met. "The customer is always wrong" is a bad policy. Stop suing customers over $300. Your legal fees cost you triple that, and the referral business lost much more. Stop fighting people over a 2% credit card charge. For starters, I don't think it's legal to ask for in the first place, second, if you lose even one repeat deal because of this, it wasn't worth it.

ETA: You should probably stop talking about your Black Friday shopping trip on Friday, when Friday is my last day before being laid off.

Edited by Northern Voice

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I'd like to give thanks that I am a full time telecommuter now. I don't have to put up with:

- You people clipping your nails at work. You're disgusting. Do this at home like civilized people.

- Open mouth chewer. I'm so glad I don't have to listen to you Bugs Bunny your **** carrots every day at lunch anymore.

- Boy Scout/Girl Scout/birthday collections/etc order forms being passed around. F*** Y**.

- Those of you who don't think it's necessary to wash your hands after using the bathroom. Gross.

- Hey sicko, you do realize that Paid Time Off/Sick Days are so you can stay home when you're ill. SO YOU DON'T GET OTHERS SICK. Don't come in because you feel "good enough" to work. You're still contagious.

- The next time I do go into the office and see someone microwaving popcorn, I'm going to urinate on it. At least that will make it smell better.

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Hey ####### bosses,I realize that you own the company, and I'm screwed from the start here, but if I'm up 20% sales, and the owner is down over 30%, while the third part of the company is down over 50% and basically being shut down, do you really think I'm the one you should be laying off right now? I don't care if you intend to call me back in February, I intend to have a new job by next week. You have diabetes and a drinking problem, your wife has cancer and still chain smokes her way through every day. The only other guy left in the company, yes, he has been here from the start. He's also in his late 50s, pushing 400 pounds and has a grocery list full of ailments, this is who you're hitching your wagon to? There's a good chance in 10 years none of you will be alive. I realize that this is what you do with your installers every year and they always come back, but for the love of god, please let me find a new job, and not be back here in February.Also, owners, you hate each other's guts, and you are now 2 of 3 people left at this company. Get the damn divorce and shut this thing down already.You also have the worst customer service skills of anyone I've ever met. "The customer is always wrong" is a bad policy. Stop suing customers over $300. Your legal fees cost you triple that, and the referral business lost much more. Stop fighting people over a 2% credit card charge. For starters, I don't think it's legal to ask for in the first place, second, if you lose even one repeat deal because of this, it wasn't worth it.ETA: You should probably stop talking about your Black Friday shopping trip on Friday, when Friday is my last day before being laid off.

Dear Northern Voice,The "real" reason you are being laid off has nothing to do with your performance; and instead, everything to do with the lack of empathy you display to your fellow employees' with serious medical conditions such as obesity, diabetes and substance abuse.We'll see you back in February pending your cultural sensitivity certification.Thanks,The ####### Bosses

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Hey ####### bosses,I realize that you own the company, and I'm screwed from the start here, but if I'm up 20% sales, and the owner is down over 30%, while the third part of the company is down over 50% and basically being shut down, do you really think I'm the one you should be laying off right now? I don't care if you intend to call me back in February, I intend to have a new job by next week. You have diabetes and a drinking problem, your wife has cancer and still chain smokes her way through every day. The only other guy left in the company, yes, he has been here from the start. He's also in his late 50s, pushing 400 pounds and has a grocery list full of ailments, this is who you're hitching your wagon to? There's a good chance in 10 years none of you will be alive. I realize that this is what you do with your installers every year and they always come back, but for the love of god, please let me find a new job, and not be back here in February.Also, owners, you hate each other's guts, and you are now 2 of 3 people left at this company. Get the damn divorce and shut this thing down already.You also have the worst customer service skills of anyone I've ever met. "The customer is always wrong" is a bad policy. Stop suing customers over $300. Your legal fees cost you triple that, and the referral business lost much more. Stop fighting people over a 2% credit card charge. For starters, I don't think it's legal to ask for in the first place, second, if you lose even one repeat deal because of this, it wasn't worth it.ETA: You should probably stop talking about your Black Friday shopping trip on Friday, when Friday is my last day before being laid off.

Dear Northern Voice,The "real" reason you are being laid off has nothing to do with your performance; and instead, everything to do with the lack of empathy you display to your fellow employees' with self inflicted serious medical conditions such as obesity, diabetes and substance abuse.We'll see you back in February pending your cultural sensitivity certification.Thanks,The ####### Bosses
Fixed

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Dear Next door Cube person:

3 Options.

1. When you eat Chips, do so with your mouth CLOSED!! :rant:

2. Soak your fricken chips in water before you eat them so I don't have to hear CRUNCH!!! every single bite! :rolleyes:

3. Don't bring Chips in with your meals!!!

end :rant:

Yeah, you're tapped.

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If you are a perfectly capable person there should be a law about taking and elevator one flight, ESPECIALLY when the stairs are next to the elevator.

Nothing worse than getting in on the ground floor and having some person jump on board "2 please" :yes:

I hate this about my building. There literally are no stairs that can be used to move up from the ground floor from the lobby. You could enter by the loading dock and use your keycard to get into the emergency exit stairs and go up, but otherwise you must take the elevator, even if you're only going to 2.

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hey cube neighbor,

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A SPEAKER PHONE DOES NOT MEAN YOU HOLD AN ENTIRE CONFERENCE CALL ON SPEAKER. You want to check a voicemail, fine I'll grant it, you want to speaker dial and then pick up if someone answers FINE. BUT TO HOLD AN ENTIRE 1 hour meeting regularly. REALLY ?!? REALLY?!?

GET A ### #### HEADSET... YOU WONDER WHY I KEEP TURNING MY RADIO UP. I didn't think I would have to say something but apparently common manners/sense evades you.

Hope to keep this amicable when I "confront" you.

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Dear Administration

Thank you again for the 22nd reminder that the official date for our holiday parties is tomorrow, and ending every single reminder with a chipper "and remember, no alcoholic beverages are to be brought in or consumed!" It continues to leave open the same loophole I've been exploiting on an annual basis, and every year I get closer to finding out exactly how much rum a rum cake can hold and still be considered a solid.

sincerely, bakes, who remembers when the commissioner used to haul in a keg and enough booze to stock a south side bar for a week.

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Wow. I don’t know what you’ve been eating or what sort of parasite has taken up residence in your intestines but the stench that has been lingering in the men’s room for 30+ minutes now will not go away.

The reek of you evacuating your bowels is so bad that it prevented me from urinating.

Thank you for providing me the opportunity to explore the building to find an alternate restroom. Not really.

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If you are a perfectly capable person there should be a law about taking and elevator one flight, ESPECIALLY when the stairs are next to the elevator.

Nothing worse than getting in on the ground floor and having some person jump on board "2 please" :shrug:

I hate this about my building. There literally are no stairs that can be used to move up from the ground floor from the lobby. You could enter by the loading dock and use your keycard to get into the emergency exit stairs and go up, but otherwise you must take the elevator, even if you're only going to 2.
Same here. Hate it when a non-regular gets in there with me. Feel like I want to explain. Expecially since there are stairs but they are locked from the outside. Of course people not familiar with the building don't know that and just think you're a lazy sob.

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From the department of too much information department:

"Good morning. Well, it is not so good for me. I have been up all night because my dog is sick! She has very bad diarrhea and has had to go out about every hour. I cannot leave her alone – and plan to call the vet as soon as he opens this morning. I can work from home or take a personal day – whichever you prefer I do."

I prefer you not discuss the intestinal distress of your stupid dog (or yourself as you have done in the past). I hope you slip and fall face first into a pile of doggie butt stew.

:toilet:

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My wife and her coworkers got to participate in a mandatory company meeting in which the owner decreed that cell phones would now be prohibited at work stations because employees were wasting too much time taking personal calls and texting. This from the lady who spends the majority of her day cruising npr.org and checking out facebook. Apparently the employees struggled to accept this change - not because it's not valid, but because the owner's cell phone rang throughout her diatribe. And each time it was her son. Who is in college.

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The Soap Opera

J is one of the nicest, most friendly people in the office. I love working with her. Quite honestly, she is my favorite person in the office. If she were 20 years younger and I were single...J's life does have some turmoil. Her grandaughter is in detention. Her oldest son just got out of jail but was refused at the rehab place so he is drinking again. The youngest son is in his 7th year of college and just got his gf pregnant. Her mother was just placed in a nursing home and she was the primary person/suppport for her. J was handling all of this pretty well, even when she and her husband seperated. She was planning on retiring this year when she got her settlement.

Now the soap opera becomes a tragedy.

Dear Secretary,Really! Really? You've been having an affair with J's husband for a year and a half? WTF? She's the one that helps you with both of your son's issues and goes to every IEP meeting with you. Hell, she even watched your kids for you when you needed help after your divorce. That's just how nice J is. Really! Now, J won't even come into the office, because she is afraid she will tell you what a backstabbing ##### you are and get fired before she can retire. So, she is forced to sit at home and burn through her sick/vacation days, while you come to work every day and act like nothing happened.Really! How the !@#$% and I supposed to talk to you in the office and be friendly? Could you please go on vacation and/or transfer to anohter department. Pretty sure the other 10 of us here in the office would appreciate it.Signed,Disbelieving Coworker

Edited by george

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