Well, yes. but from here on out. No more reading those.
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Marital Advice - Friendly camping trip too friendly? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Man in the yellow hat
- Start date
General Malaise
Footballguy
People > Hello! I'm General Malaise. I'm sorta a big deal around here. Welcome and please see my blog.
Link to blog please? I'm getting tired of reading Herbert The Hippo's blog which hasn't been updated in nearly a year.
Dragons
Delusions of Grandeur
5 4 3 more to 2900, and then another hundy. I'm not going anywhere.
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
:e: might be betteri've heard worse suggestions.LSD is a known truth serum
Dragons
Delusions of Grandeur
I can see how that'd get boring.
Kit Fisto
Footballguy
Animal House...Germans?Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...I thought this was over.
the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
Peak
Footballguy
Forget it, he's rollingGermans?Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...I thought this was over.
the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
B-Deep
Footballguy
TDOSS is $$$
Peak
Footballguy
so should we expect a finger pointing to the phone instead of
It would be tough, but I think I could forgive my wife if it happened. That's easy for me to say now becuase she's never done anything like this, and I'd be shocked if she ever did. I disagree with that last bolded sentence. My wife and my marriage are definitely worth it.
Warhogs
Footballguy
Agree with wildbill. I would be interested in knowing the long term relationship history of all those who scream it is not worth it. I would think the majority of those who have a long term relationship would me more willing to try to forgive and repair things to save the relationship.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Animal House...Germans?Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...I thought this was over.
the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
GB the "sharks".18 Years for me. Not worth it to me meaning: The agonizing. I know how I am and I am not as forgiving as some and to put 18 years in and and know something like this has happened where does that leave you? 18 years down the drain or what? I have contemplated this many times and cannot see me clearing it out of my head. Can you honestly say you could forgive truly and clear the slate?
General Malaise
Footballguy
I don't really have a blog.
Being cheated on would hurt, but I think losing my wife would hurt even more. Marriages weaker than ours have survived infidelity.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Let's talk about our camping trip and how we're going to potty at the same time. frequently.Sooooooooooooo, what do ya guys wanna do now?
General Malaise
Footballguy
I'm willing to endure a lot of hurt if it saves my sons the hurt of growing up in a broken home.
Mrs. BSR
Footballguy
Let's talk about our camping trip and how we're going to potty at the same time. frequently.Sooooooooooooo, what do ya guys wanna do now?
Flags does have the boobage!
ScottNorwood
Footballcutie
:heartofgold:
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
Sometimes I think I even outdo myself...so should we expect a finger pointing to the phone instead of
ttp:
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flufhed
Footballguy
JAA
Footballguy
late to the party, im not going to read many of the responses but:Your wife doesnt feel the repercussions of her actions. She felt it was ok to get drunk and "cheat" on you because of how she felt about someone else. I have no problem with her having a crush on Steve, but acting on those actions, taking the chance to #### up her marriage is not ok. My guess is she feels you will always forgive her. She is in scared mode right now, but depending on how you handle the situation will depend on whether or not she will consider something like this in the future.Good luck
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
Pick
Footballguy
HOT!
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
I PM'd JB to see how we could get this to happen.flufhed said:Sometimes I think I even outdo myself...ttp:
Please make this happen. That is really the only thing this thread lacks, is giving birth (no pun intended
General Malaise
Footballguy
Did she REALLY even cheat? I mean, this sounds like a silly drunk woman stepping a touch over the line, but if we take the words of Steve at face value, they didn't kiss, they knew others were around, there was no junk grabbing as earlier speculated, there was no can exposure. It sounds like horseplay that wasn't good judgement, but was far far far away from a full blown affair.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Animal House...Germans?Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...I thought this was over.
the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!GB the "sharks".
Man in the yellow hat
Footballguy
Nothing really new to report here. Though my wife's behavior right now is confusing me a bit. She just doesn't seem interested in this coming back up again at all. She's just kind of going on like none of it matters at this point. That bothers me a bit.
In any case, I started looking around for marriage counseling today. But, I felt kind of silly. Would you all recommend this as a next step?
In any case, I started looking around for marriage counseling today. But, I felt kind of silly. Would you all recommend this as a next step?
flufhed
Footballguy
Man in the yellow hat
Footballguy
Here's the thing. After actually reading about the potential therapists, I felt pretty stupid. They seem to be dealing with some pretty hardcore stuff, and I felt like what I'm dealing with is pretty minor by camparison. I just wanted to a little affirmation on the decision to do this. Sorry. I guess it couldn't hurt no matter what.
Sabertooth
Footballguy
It's not confusing to you. You know this. I'd read Tdoss' post again. He nails it.
Koya
Footballguy
Hmmmm... not sure what to make of this, but I can't say it is good news. But again, I don't want to overeact. Even if all that happened was some inappropriate touching/flirting and such, she may feel ashamed enough to think that rises to the extent of actual sex... hence she wants to avoid it. The fact that her memory is not totally clear (at least that is what she claims) may also mean that she remembers some "bad things" happening, but nothing TOO bad, and wonders if perhaps more did happen even if it did not.Regardless, you need to get to counseling and you need to have her communicate. In the end, whatever happened in that bathroom will not end your relationship. However, not communicating, not getting over this issue and not building a real trust for the future WILL do just that.So let her know that as worried as you are about what may or may not have happened between her and steve, the fact that she is unwilling to really discuss or acknowledge it will do far more harm than the inappropriate actions themselves.
Challenge Everything
Footballguy
From reading only your updates and few other responses I would say the next step for you would be to bring it up one more time with the wife... clear the air and let it go. Might take some gumption from you to do so, but letting your wife know you will not bring it up again will be a relief to her as well as yourself.The only solution I have would be to get rid of Steve as a friend. You know his past and if you are not comfortable with him than let him go. Your wife can talk to his wife and so forth because they have that recent history but that is about it. Any functions you go to and Steve is there pretend he is not. Your wife should understand that you will not want to do anything around Steve from now on as well... at least she should.
Koya
Footballguy
A good chance at some level of infidelity, even minor is enough reason to seek counseling, especially if you are not able/willing to confront the issue and work it out on your own. Having that professional 3rd party will ensure that these issues are brought into the open.The fact that your wife is trying to shove this under the rug as if nothing at all happened, and that lack of communication/openness on an issue that does indeed end marriages is ABSOLUTELY enough reason to seek outside help.
M
MelvinTScupper
Guest
Although the initial feeling was sick to my stomach, I think you're overdoing it with counseling. Unless she SERIOUSLY did something, like actual fondling, I would just forget it.Unless you think Steve is that much of a #####, I doubt much went down. If you think it did, I would cut ties with Steve altogether, because if it did, it's a "friendship wrecker" or a "marriage wrecker." -- you choose.
Dragons
Delusions of Grandeur
And the push to 3000 posts is on!
Therapists deal with a wide range of issues, but they're going to advertise their experience with and the ability to handle the very worst. While your situation may seem minor in regards to other potential relationship issues, you shouldn't feel silly, because your issue can realistically have a very serious effect on your relationship. If you're concerned that they'll only handle the very worst and laugh and send you packing after the first visit, then briefly spell out your problem before hand to make sure they're interested in handling something 'so minor'. I'm sure you won't find one therapist to turn you down.
Therapists deal with a wide range of issues, but they're going to advertise their experience with and the ability to handle the very worst. While your situation may seem minor in regards to other potential relationship issues, you shouldn't feel silly, because your issue can realistically have a very serious effect on your relationship. If you're concerned that they'll only handle the very worst and laugh and send you packing after the first visit, then briefly spell out your problem before hand to make sure they're interested in handling something 'so minor'. I'm sure you won't find one therapist to turn you down.
General Malaise
Footballguy
It might be minor in the grand scheme of things, but this is obviously a major deal to you and the fact that your wife refuses to see it that way is troubling you tremendously. Therapists, at least those I've dealt with, don't make verdicts on the serverity of the troubles. They are there to listen, help the two of you talk to each other, discuss events openly and allow you to bring to the table all the troubles you have at full value. Often times, a spouse will discount your emotional feelings, which is what is happening here. Her shrugging this off is another way of saying you aren't entitled to feel so strongly about this anymore. Well, that's not her call and at the very least, a therapist will help lend validity to what's eating you up inside.And chances are you only go a few times. It's really just a starting off point. The real work needs to be done at home. Tdoss has some very good points. I'd pay close attention to the fact that she wanted to forget this whole thing immediately, wouldn't give you any help in deciphering what went down, was callous about it and, most importantly, is giving indications that she finds attention of other men appealing (I cite the comments she made in the car on the way back from the wedding).Good luck man. I admire your desire to do what it takes to fix this. Proves to me how very much you love her. I just hope she sees the same thing.
Dragons
Delusions of Grandeur
To be clear, the point of counseling is not simply to get over what happened on the camping trip. There are already several additional issues that you've discovered as a result of that situation that should be addressed if you don't want them biting you in a different way down the road.
Eagle Eye
Footballguy
Do you really expect her to bring it up? YOU need to tell her that the conversation isn't over tell her more about how this is making you feel. Going to counseling without trying to talk first about it seems like more passive behavoirfrom you, like you want the therapist to do the heavy lifting for you. Talk to your wife.
PsychoMan
Footballguy
i do not understand your wife's actions whatsoever ... is she always this careless about your feelings? i would be kinda pissed.
ETA - maybe you're not communicating what you think to your wife well enough? either way, i agree with the guy above me - TALK TO YOUR WIFE!
ETA - maybe you're not communicating what you think to your wife well enough? either way, i agree with the guy above me - TALK TO YOUR WIFE!
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glumpy
breeze
Whether directly related to your feelings about this particular incident or not--some general "relationships counseling" can be beneficial in any case. I know I appreciated going through some personal counseling years ago; it was with a psychologist--not a psychiatrist--and was designed to deal with life and interpersonal relationships in general as opposed to personal problems of any kind. In order to be most beneficial, though, it would have to be something that you both think worthwhile, and it would have to be positive and proactive rather than incriminatory and reactive if you are looking for that kind of benefit. (Given the circumstances here--that feeling might not be possible?)I would think if you so decide that these items highlighted below might be a starting point:
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Peak
Footballguy
I PM'd JB to see how we could get this to happen.flufhed said:Sometimes I think I even outdo myself...so should we expect a finger pointing to the phone instead of
I tend to think you may not need counseling. But I do think you need closure here. If it were me, I'd have a sit down with the wife, alone, no kids or distractions around....and I'd tell my wife point blank how this is tearing me up inside, and she is just blowing it off. I'd probably mention that this event could even be a marriage wrecker and see how seriously she wants to work this thing out. I'd hope that my wife would understand my feelings and try to get pass this obstacle. I'd think that more than likely nothing that serious happened, but even if something happened, I'd want to make sure that this situation never arose again and that we're both in this relationship for the long haul, meaning there will be no inappropriate behavior ever.
(HULK)
(Smash)
If you've made it clear to her how much this affecting you, thats kinda cold of her.Have you made it clear?
