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Exactly. With my wife and two kids are in the house you can explain what you are doing there after you are incapacitated. Particularly in this city. Crap, some guy broke in and raped an 80 year old woman last year two streets from me.
I'd #### him up with a candlestick in the kitchen.
You really need to get a clue.I'd #### him up with a candlestick in the kitchen.
How many times have you woke up and punched one of your mirrors on accident?
She buys books, Bob, so she probably isn't your type of gal.
I would never do that. Never.
You really need to get a clue.I'd #### him up with a candlestick in the kitchen.
Why, was she a stripper?
That was just schtick but my wife won't allow me to date so don't worry about it.She buys books, Bob, so she probably isn't your type of gal.
That's some sic #### isn't it? They busted the guy a couple of days later when he tried to break into another home.
I'm a pretty moderate guy but I think that's when you just drive the guy out to some field or quarry and shoot him like a rabid dog.That was just schtick but my wife won't allow me to date so don't worry about it.She buys books, Bob, so she probably isn't your type of gal.That's some sic #### isn't it? They busted the guy a couple of days later when he tried to break into another home.
My girlfriend. Her name is Anna Faris.
Umm, wha?
BooooYou really need to get a clue.I'd #### him up with a candlestick in the kitchen.
I don't think Fullback Fro would do that.WTF.
I'm a heavy sleeper, so I don't know what woke me, but I woke up about an hour ago and crawled out of bed and ran smack into a guy in my apartment outside my bedroom. I was still groggy from sleep so it took me a second to clue in to what was going on; I thought maybe someone had drunkenly walked into the wrong apartment or something, which has happened before. I ask the guy what the hell he is doing in my apartment, he freezes stiff and mumbles something about "sleeping." As I start to wake up a bit more I'm getting annoyed and angry, so I ask him who the hell he is and how he got in here. He tells me his name is "Mike" but I ask again, angrier this time and he says "Mike Schellenberg." It's basically pitch black in my apartment so I can't see the guy but I can tell he is either drunk or scared ####less. I live on the third floor of a three story condo building, and I've been warned about leaving my balcony door open due to the potential fro theft, so I demand he tell me how he got in -- did he climb up? He mumbles something about "his friends." By this time my son has awakened from the commotion and starts yelling for me, and I wake up fully and realize this guy needs to get out of my apartment, now. I tell him he needs to get the #### out before I call the police, escort him to the door, and shove him out.
My son, four years old, was wondering of course what's going on; I told him someone made a mistake and went into thew wrong apartment. My adrenalin is flowing by this point but I needed to calm him down and get him back to sleep. He told me he was scared; I told him it would be okay, it was just a mistake and I'm here to protect him.
So, like I said, WTF. I looked around and nothing had been taken yet. Should I bother calling the police? I think the guy was being honest about his name.I looked him up on facebook and yes, I think this is him, though I never got a good look at him in my haste to get him out of my apartment and ensure my kid was safe. He was just a skinny youth so throwing him out was no problem; right now I'm just glad it didn't get uglier because I realize if the guy had had a weapon or been more serious about what he was doing, both I and my son could have been in a great deal of danger.
So did he explain why he was there?
I think he came by to pick up the stuff he left the night before.
By "stuff", did that include . . . ?
Yeah, as suspected, he's friends with some kids in the building and wandered in here by mistake. Apparently I left the door unlocked.
Most of it...
Did he replace your Twinkies?
You bought this?
You bought this?Yeah, as suspected, he's friends with some kids in the building and wandered in here by mistake. Apparently I left the door unlocked.
He was in the building all morning at his friends' place... I left a note on the building billboard telling him or his friends to phone me, and he did half an hour later and was over in less than a minute. Maybe he was really aiming to rip me off, but he didn't, and he was so f'ed up I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
That's the part that doesn't make sense, but I didn't ask. He took his eyeglasses off at the doorway and walked past my entertainment centre, computer, and Xbox games without so much as disturbing them. Doesn't sound like burglar behavior to me. I'm seriously starting to wonder if I hallucinated the flashlight thing.
were you on acid?
Last night? No. I thought I saw light as I got out of bed and in my grogginess thought that he had switched it off when I came out of my bedroom. He had frozen in the doorway to another room and was hoping I wouldn't see him, but I was sure he was holding a flashlight the whole time. But I was barely conscious at the time, and high on adrenalin when I sat down and recalled the whole thing, so there you have it.
They never came. I called back and told them not to bother. They told me when I called that they might not come until tomorrow or even sometime during the week.
Maybe he wasn't after electronics. Maybe he had a particular loot in mind. Maybe he was after........the family jewels!
Most of it. I been jonesin'.
He was in your place a second time and you still didn't kill him? I heard people get deported from Texas for this kind of thing.
Quarrys are a great place to get rid of a body.
WTF do you live in Mayberry?
Cops here in what I call the Baltimore of the North have real emergencies to deal with. As Canadian cities go, there's a lot of crazy gun violence in this town; drive by shootings almost every weekend all summer long. I imagine my case -- no emergency, nothing stolen, etc. would be pretty low priority.St. Louis Bob said:
A) I didn't contact him via facebook. I left a message on a dry erase board inside our condo building telling him or his friends to call me. He did, within an hour.B) Why would anyone who needs eyeglasses take them off while robbing someone's house and leave them on the floor?
East St. Louis of the north sounds more appropriate.If breaking and entry is a low priority for the cops I would really consider moving. But hey, that's just me.
He may have dropped the eyeglasses by mistake. Him having a flashlight blows my mind, so I'm not 100% sold on his story.Either way, glad it ended in you and your son being okay.
Me too.
I don't know. I'm siding more with the Stoner Claus interpretation of Schellenberg. I mean look at the guy. He's got Jack Sikma's hair from circa '81, and he didn't hesitate to post a profile pic where he's clearly stoned out of his mind.
How'd things work out with the cop?
