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So you screwed up and let your wife quit her job. (1 Viewer)

matuski

matuski

Footballguy
Sorry this went longer than I intended.

I am doing alright in my career, and the prospects for the near future are even better... but I'm not there yet. And so the following played out...

My wife had a job in HR making $60k/yr. We have 2 boys, 6 and 4. About the time our second was born, my wife made a solid pitch to me about letting her quit her job and work part time. The timing seemed great, my best friend need someone to run his office part time... so she wanted to do that. Seemed to make sense - she would have more time for the kids, they would be in daycare halftime instead of full time, we could apparently afford the loss of income... happy wife happy life, right?

Early on it could not have been better, she got really into being a mommy, seemed to enjoy her job, was happy with me ( :pickle: ).

Fast forward 4 years. She hates her job (even though she only works 15 hours/week), has decidedly less interest in the mommy role, put our youngest back into full time daycare (oldest in K now), and now spends her downtime spending money. And more money. And more. The last 17 weeks (when she put youngest in full time dc) she has averaged $786.23/week. That is $13k+ in the last four months.... and rising.

I am usually great at broaching topics without a fight... I get paid to make people like me better than the next guy. I have reached the point where every time I open my bank statement I want to break something. I have brought it up subtely, I have brought it up directly, i have yelled about it, I have begged her to stop. What the hell is going on? I honestly fear where this could lead, as the topic has now reached a level of sensitivity with her that the second I go anywhere near it she goes nuclear on me. I am "trying to control her", I "never want her to have things", none of her friends "get this grief from their husbands". All of my friends are high flyers.. 3 surgeons, uber lawyer, dentist, etc. None of their wives work, and of course they live charmed lives. Through the years, of course, their wives are now my wife's friends. My wife is caught up with keeping up with the Joneses... only the Joneses she has chosen are millionaires. I can't keep up.

In 4 months what i can actually point to as a result of this $13k spending spree - a new scarecrow in our frontyard, a new tree topper for a christmas tree we don't have yet, both of my kids seem to have on new clothes everyday... that is it. The rest is eating out at the coolest restaurants for lunch each day, we always seem to have expensive wine in the fridge (instead of her longtime favorites like Woodbridge and Cavit)... just spending more for the sake of spending more.

I don't know where this post is going, but I guess I wanted to put it out there. Frustrated and I don't know how to reign this in.

Happy Thursday! :yes:

 
Had the same issue. Turned the finances over to my wife. Spending decreased substantially.

 
The spending is to cover up or lash out against something else. YOu have to find out what that is and "Fix The Problem". The spending is just the problem manifesting itself.

 
'matuski said:
Sorry this went longer than I intended.

I am doing alright in my career, and the prospects for the near future are even better... but I'm not there yet. And so the following played out...

My wife had a job in HR making $60k/yr. We have 2 boys, 6 and 4. About the time our second was born, my wife made a solid pitch to me about letting her quit her job and work part time. The timing seemed great, my best friend need someone to run his office part time... so she wanted to do that. Seemed to make sense - she would have more time for the kids, they would be in daycare halftime instead of full time, we could apparently afford the loss of income... happy wife happy life, right?

Early on it could not have been better, she got really into being a mommy, seemed to enjoy her job, was happy with me ( :pickle: ).

Fast forward 4 years. She hates her job (even though she only works 15 hours/week), has decidedly less interest in the mommy role, put our youngest back into full time daycare (oldest in K now), and now spends her downtime spending money. And more money. And more. The last 17 weeks (when she put youngest in full time dc) she has averaged $786.23/week. That is $13k+ in the last four months.... and rising.

I am usually great at broaching topics without a fight... I get paid to make people like me better than the next guy. I have reached the point where every time I open my bank statement I want to break something. I have brought it up subtely, I have brought it up directly, i have yelled about it, I have begged her to stop. What the hell is going on? I honestly fear where this could lead, as the topic has now reached a level of sensitivity with her that the second I go anywhere near it she goes nuclear on me. I am "trying to control her", I "never want her to have things", none of her friends "get this grief from their husbands". All of my friends are high flyers.. 3 surgeons, uber lawyer, dentist, etc. None of their wives work, and of course they live charmed lives. Through the years, of course, their wives are now my wife's friends. My wife is caught up with keeping up with the Joneses... only the Joneses she has chosen are millionaires. I can't keep up.

In 4 months what i can actually point to as a result of this $13k spending spree - a new scarecrow in our frontyard, a new tree topper for a christmas tree we don't have yet, both of my kids seem to have on new clothes everyday... that is it. The rest is eating out at the coolest restaurants for lunch each day, we always seem to have expensive wine in the fridge (instead of her longtime favorites like Woodbridge and Cavit)... just spending more for the sake of spending more.

I don't know where this post is going, but I guess I wanted to put it out there. Frustrated and I don't know how to reign this in.

Happy Thursday! :yes:
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cut up credit cards
 
Make her go back to work full time. Kids in school and full time daycare anyway.

She'll bring in more money and have less time to spend it.

 
'Abraham said:
Had the same issue. Turned the finances over to my wife. Spending decreased substantially.
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Not a bad strategy here. If she sees she's bleeding the well dry then she might get it in check. Or, she might be wanting a divorce and might take pleasuring in milking you for all you're worth (without realizing she's spending half her own money).
 
Tough spot man. I don't envy you. If your wife continues to hang out with super rich women, shes going to spend money. I don't think there is any way around it. There are certainly things I would try, but it sounds like you've tried them.

Sit down with a budget to help her see whats happening. Appeal to her rational side (as if that exists in women) regarding the future of your kids. Show her that at the rate she is going, she will eat up a college education for both kids in just a couple years, etc.

 
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'gmbacm said:
'matuski said:
Sorry this went longer than I intended.

I am doing alright in my career, and the prospects for the near future are even better... but I'm not there yet. And so the following played out...

My wife had a job in HR making $60k/yr. We have 2 boys, 6 and 4. About the time our second was born, my wife made a solid pitch to me about letting her quit her job and work part time. The timing seemed great, my best friend need someone to run his office part time... so she wanted to do that. Seemed to make sense - she would have more time for the kids, they would be in daycare halftime instead of full time, we could apparently afford the loss of income... happy wife happy life, right?

Early on it could not have been better, she got really into being a mommy, seemed to enjoy her job, was happy with me ( :pickle: ).

Fast forward 4 years. She hates her job (even though she only works 15 hours/week), has decidedly less interest in the mommy role, put our youngest back into full time daycare (oldest in K now), and now spends her downtime spending money. And more money. And more. The last 17 weeks (when she put youngest in full time dc) she has averaged $786.23/week. That is $13k+ in the last four months.... and rising.

I am usually great at broaching topics without a fight... I get paid to make people like me better than the next guy. I have reached the point where every time I open my bank statement I want to break something. I have brought it up subtely, I have brought it up directly, i have yelled about it, I have begged her to stop. What the hell is going on? I honestly fear where this could lead, as the topic has now reached a level of sensitivity with her that the second I go anywhere near it she goes nuclear on me. I am "trying to control her", I "never want her to have things", none of her friends "get this grief from their husbands". All of my friends are high flyers.. 3 surgeons, uber lawyer, dentist, etc. None of their wives work, and of course they live charmed lives. Through the years, of course, their wives are now my wife's friends. My wife is caught up with keeping up with the Joneses... only the Joneses she has chosen are millionaires. I can't keep up.

In 4 months what i can actually point to as a result of this $13k spending spree - a new scarecrow in our frontyard, a new tree topper for a christmas tree we don't have yet, both of my kids seem to have on new clothes everyday... that is it. The rest is eating out at the coolest restaurants for lunch each day, we always seem to have expensive wine in the fridge (instead of her longtime favorites like Woodbridge and Cavit)... just spending more for the sake of spending more.

I don't know where this post is going, but I guess I wanted to put it out there. Frustrated and I don't know how to reign this in.

Happy Thursday! :yes:
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cut up credit cards
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Check card.Only credit cards we have are used for my business expenses.

 
'[icon] said:
The spending is to cover up or lash out against something else. YOu have to find out what that is and "Fix The Problem". The spending is just the problem manifesting itself.
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Seriously :goodposting:Edited to add: Thank GAWD my bride is the anti-spender. She stresses over almost any expenditure. To the point where it actually makes some things difficult. But at least I don't have the matuski's problem...
 
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so she doesnt watch the kids and only works 15 hours a week..

what is she doing the rest of the time? shopping?

get some baby powder on your hand and SLAP DA *****

 
Yeah this seems like a symptom not the disease. The disease is the peer pressure. It seems apparent that her new peer group spends money with no care and she feels the need to fit in. The only way to do that is to spend your money. It's probably time to get very serious. Sit her down and let her know you can't support the spending and if she doesn't curb it you will take whatever steps you need to. If it includes calling it a day so be it. You need to get her attention dramatically and quickly.

 
'the moops said:
What the hell is she buying?
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A large chunk is nothing more than the daily lunches with friends.They can never go somewhere normal.. you would never find them at Chili's. She spends $50+ on these lunches easily. When she isn't working these lunches include wine/margaritas, etc... runs up the tab real quick.

ALSO - she somehow feels the need to pick up the tab for the others quite often. When I see this, we have the sweetest little arguments.

 
'shader said:
'Abraham said:
Had the same issue. Turned the finances over to my wife. Spending decreased substantially.
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Very interesting idea and one I might consider personally.
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:goodposting: Though I'm concerned that I would do this and three months later have ruined credit, jacked up interest rates, and foreclosure proceedings on a house that's no longer getting water or electricity. I think I'll continue working on getting my wife on board with managing our finances responsibly without actually handing over the keys yet.
 
'NCCommish said:
Yeah this seems like a symptom not the disease. The disease is the peer pressure. It seems apparent that her new peer group spends money with no care and she feels the need to fit in. The only way to do that is to spend your money. It's probably time to get very serious. Sit her down and let her know you can't support the spending and if she doesn't curb it you will take whatever steps you need to. If it includes calling it a day so be it. You need to get her attention dramatically and quickly.
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I'm not ready to leave her. At the end of the day, we still are fine on finances... it is just seriously crippling the plan to "get ahead".I recognize the money is only a symptom, and this is why I can't find a way to get through to her. Talking about money and the like goes in one ear, out the other. She has now framed this as a an issue with me. I am just not understanding of her needs, that she just wants our kids to have a good life (they do)... she is really big on this "control" thing. Like I am trying to ruin her life.We have a great marriage overall, great family, great house, great friends. This issue is literally all that bars me from calling my life perfect right now... but man when it comes up it really can get ugly.
 
'matuski said:
'the moops said:
What the hell is she buying?
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A large chunk is nothing more than the daily lunches with friends.They can never go somewhere normal.. you would never find them at Chili's. She spends $50+ on these lunches easily. When she isn't working these lunches include wine/margaritas, etc... runs up the tab real quick.

ALSO - she somehow feels the need to pick up the tab for the others quite often. When I see this, we have the sweetest little arguments.
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Well you've reached the root of the problem, its the friends and the lack of a job.The friends are costing you 250 a week just for lunch, which is just insane.

The lack of a job costs money in two ways. First, obviously the lack of a paycheck. But second, women that don't work get bored around the house and leave the house. When my wife leaves the house, the only thing she can do is go spend money.

Its kind of like the conversation a parent has to have with their kids when they get made fun of by rich kids for not having the most expensive clothes. In the words of the Fresh Prince's mother "If they are laughing you don't need em cuz they're not real friends". She's probably worried that if she cuts these daily lunches down to just friday's that they won't like her. But it's the daily lunches or its your children. 12k a year on lunches is insane and could do a lot for your children's future.

 
'Cold Dead Hands said:
'shader said:
'Abraham said:
Had the same issue. Turned the finances over to my wife. Spending decreased substantially.
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Very interesting idea and one I might consider personally.
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I did the same thing. She spends nothing but stresses about money to the point that I can't buy anything either. More stress equals less :pickle: It is a trade off.
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Mine used to stress about how much money we had while I carried that stress as well as my daily load of running a business. Now the stress is more equitable.
 
'matuski said:
'NCCommish said:
Yeah this seems like a symptom not the disease. The disease is the peer pressure. It seems apparent that her new peer group spends money with no care and she feels the need to fit in. The only way to do that is to spend your money. It's probably time to get very serious. Sit her down and let her know you can't support the spending and if she doesn't curb it you will take whatever steps you need to. If it includes calling it a day so be it. You need to get her attention dramatically and quickly.
Click to expand...
I'm not ready to leave her. At the end of the day, we still are fine on finances... it is just seriously crippling the plan to "get ahead".I recognize the money is only a symptom, and this is why I can't find a way to get through to her. Talking about money and the like goes in one ear, out the other. She has now framed this as a an issue with me. I am just not understanding of her needs, that she just wants our kids to have a good life (they do)... she is really big on this "control" thing. Like I am trying to ruin her life.

We have a great marriage overall, great family, great house, great friends. This issue is literally all that bars me from calling my life perfect right now... but man when it comes up it really can get ugly.
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Well of course hopefully it doesn't come to that. But I have a wife that likes to pull out the control card as well. And I am very much not a control guy. I usually let her do what she wants when she wants. But when it gets to be a problem then it has to be dealt with. The only way I have found to break through that mindset is to let her know just how serious I am about the behavior being modified. Got nearly 25 years in no divorce yet.
 
'matuski said:
'NCCommish said:
Yeah this seems like a symptom not the disease. The disease is the peer pressure. It seems apparent that her new peer group spends money with no care and she feels the need to fit in. The only way to do that is to spend your money. It's probably time to get very serious. Sit her down and let her know you can't support the spending and if she doesn't curb it you will take whatever steps you need to. If it includes calling it a day so be it. You need to get her attention dramatically and quickly.
Click to expand...
I'm not ready to leave her. At the end of the day, we still are fine on finances... it is just seriously crippling the plan to "get ahead".I recognize the money is only a symptom, and this is why I can't find a way to get through to her. Talking about money and the like goes in one ear, out the other. She has now framed this as a an issue with me. I am just not understanding of her needs, that she just wants our kids to have a good life (they do)... she is really big on this "control" thing. Like I am trying to ruin her life.We have a great marriage overall, great family, great house, great friends. This issue is literally all that bars me from calling my life perfect right now... but man when it comes up it really can get ugly.
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Do you have access to software (like quicken) where you can sit down and show her some easy to understand charts that show your finances at the 10/20/30 year marks with and without her spending? WHen she sees that you retire as millionaires at 55 WITHOUT it or She's got a job as a walmart greeter at 65 WITH it, she might change her tune. Try to schedule a time to go over it. Say "What night this week can you give me 1 hour to talk about this like rational adults?" Offer to find a compromise... see if she can agree to (and stick to) a budget. LEt he know you recognize and understand her desire to socialize with her friends... but there has to be a happy medium where you're both happy. Marriage is a partnership.Frame it like a negotiation. With each give and take you guys can slide the budget-o-meter on quicken (or whatever) and see where you guys are at in the future. Work with her... teamwork. NO matter how crazy she gets stay calm. Smile. Work TOGETHER.
 
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She needs to get a job again. If you're going to not work in a relationship to take care of the children, then you do that. But you don't quit your job and then send the kids to daycare and go and spend money and expect it to be ok. Unless she married you for you to support her fully, this is just unacceptable unless you're ok with it.

As mentioned above, not having a purpose in life and nothing to do only leads to this. If she's not happy in her part-time job, then she needs to find another or she needs to get back into the career she had earlier. Working sucks but it's part of life. Why is she allowed to avoid that while you do the work if she isn't going to pull her fair share at home? Offer to quit your job and take care of the kids full-time and see what she says.

The longer this goes on, the harder it is going to be to reel it in. You need to nip this in the bud even though it seems well past that point.

 
Sorry to hear this...wife and I certainly have our issues, but we are pretty much on the same page financially. My wife actually has the better job, and while she has many friends who do not work, she takes a lot of pride in what she does (she is a VP at a very large medical software company). While I did not have to put this specific seed in her mind, I certainly "praise" her for the fact she works. In fact, I will often make comments about moms who do not work (no offense meant to those with wives who do not work), about how much I respect what she as done and accomplishes on a given day. You guys may be in a somewhat fragile spot, but if you make subtle comments about how you appreciate her working and even comment on how you respect other friends who have wives that work (I am sure you have a couple), it could go a long way.

 
'matuski said:
'NCCommish said:
Yeah this seems like a symptom not the disease. The disease is the peer pressure. It seems apparent that her new peer group spends money with no care and she feels the need to fit in. The only way to do that is to spend your money. It's probably time to get very serious. Sit her down and let her know you can't support the spending and if she doesn't curb it you will take whatever steps you need to. If it includes calling it a day so be it. You need to get her attention dramatically and quickly.
Click to expand...
I'm not ready to leave her. At the end of the day, we still are fine on finances... it is just seriously crippling the plan to "get ahead".I recognize the money is only a symptom, and this is why I can't find a way to get through to her. Talking about money and the like goes in one ear, out the other. She has now framed this as a an issue with me. I am just not understanding of her needs, that she just wants our kids to have a good life (they do)... she is really big on this "control" thing. Like I am trying to ruin her life.

We have a great marriage overall, great family, great house, great friends. This issue is literally all that bars me from calling my life perfect right now... but man when it comes up it really can get ugly.
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You won't get anywhere without rocking the boat. It's awesome that you have a "great house", but how long will that last with your wife spending $13,000 every 4 months? You can afford to blow through $39,000 a year? For how long?Bottom line is this- if she has framed the issue as you controlling her or whatever, then you need to re-frame it.

I'd go scorched-earth on her if I was you.

 
When the arguments change from "your controlling me" to "you're a jerk" then you'll know you have some problems. It sounds like your wife's friends are talking in her ear and her spending isn't going to change the sentiments. Getting your wife back to work will achieve one more thing, separating her from her friends. There is something on your wife's mind, don't let her formulate it; fix the situation.

 
Your wife only works 15 hours a week, and you let her put your kid in daycare full time? WTF? Based on most of my friends, mothers are trying like crazy to minimize daycare and stay home with the kids (even though it means less income). You really need to nut up and bring her back to reality.

 
Sounds like she's caught the "Princess" disease though... that's not good. For some reason many women buy into the marketing (or word of mouth through friends like hers) that they are on a pedestal... that they should be able to do what they want, when they want, and buy whatever they want and their husband's job is to cater to them. They DESERVE to drive a mercedes... they DESERVE that rack of 50 pairs of shoes and those 20 coach bags. How dare you try to deny them. Some of it starts with daddies spoiling the #### out of them.

That is damaged goods if it's really gotten there.

 
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Her perspective is way out of whack. Start working a homeless soup kitchen with the family once a month. Also volunteer at a children's hospital. If that doesn't change her perspective on money and time with her children, she's a calloused #####.

ETA- I don't get everyone saying, "well sit down and talk rationally with this woman." It's obvious she isn't. She's past talking, charts, future implications.

 
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sit down together and determine how much she should be allowed to spend on misc things like lunches. Find a number that is reasonable for both of you. don't try to get her to cut it out cold turkey, just bring the spending down to rational, sustainable levels. You say it's $250/week for lunches - if asked, she probably thinks it's closer to $100/week; I doubt she even realizes the financial damage she is doing.

so, take that rational spending level and convert it to a cash basis. No debit cards, no credit cards. She can spend as much as she wants - provided she has cash in her wallet. When the cash runs out, no more spending until the next pay cycle.

you have to get in on this cash cycle too. It should be approached as a new family spending system, not something she sees as punitive.

we've done this in the past and frankly, I think we need to get back on this plan. My wife is getting a bit spendy lately too.

 
i'm sorry this is happening to you.

that really sucks.

I don't have a good solution for you, so i won't pretend to try.

But I hope it comes to a resolution for you without divorce.

Keeping up with the Jones is a terrible terrible disease.

I guess i'm glad that i only have friends that make less money than me, and my wife is a teacher, so we make more than basically every family she interacts with on a regular basis.

My only problem is some of my wife's college friends make similar to less money than we do, but they have an aggressive spending goal rather than an aggressive savings goal... so it makes us look poor by comparison.. thankfully we interact with them rarely enough that it can be forgotten.

 
'moleculo said:
sit down together and determine how much she should be allowed to spend on misc things like lunches. Find a number that is reasonable for both of you. don't try to get her to cut it out cold turkey, just bring the spending down to rational, sustainable levels. You say it's $250/week for lunches - if asked, she probably thinks it's closer to $100/week; I doubt she even realizes the financial damage she is doing.so, take that rational spending level and convert it to a cash basis. No debit cards, no credit cards. She can spend as much as she wants - provided she has cash in her wallet. When the cash runs out, no more spending until the next pay cycle.you have to get in on this cash cycle too. It should be approached as a new family spending system, not something she sees as punitive.we've done this in the past and frankly, I think we need to get back on this plan. My wife is getting a bit spendy lately too.
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:goodposting:There's so much wrong in this situation that it goes WAY beyond her spending--Was your plan years ago for you to fully support your family while she didn't work?--These "friends" are causing some serious damage--Kids in full time daycare with a wife working 15 hours a week is ridiculous. I'd be most upset about this and it's not from a financial standpoint.--Not being able to talk rationally about this without resorting to blaming on you is signs of a much bigger problem.--We joke about it here a lot, but if this doesn't change soon, she will be cheating on you. I know, it could never happen to you......She needs to:1) Take the kids out of full-time daycare or go back to a full-time job2) Sit down and realize that she's costing her kids a year's worth of college education on lunches every few months3) Start to hold up her end of the partnership that marriage is4) Understand that this current situation is completely unacceptable even if the rest of your life and marriage is "perfect".
 
My ex-wife did a similar thing. While she was a full-time stay-at-home mom, she ran up over $10k in credit card debt without my knowledge. When I found out and we sat down to discuss a resolution, we resolved that she would work part-time, like every other weekend, in her old job as a visiting nurse, to get the card paid down... and then stop using the cards. Problem was, she spent 100% of what she made... 6 months later, the balance had not been paid down at all; in fact, it had gone up some. She started working more to make more to pay down the cards... she spent more when she was working mroe. Eventually, she was working every weekend. And I was working M-F, often coming home 7:00pm or later... basically, we got in a spot where we were hardly seeing each other because of work schedules. Communication broke down... we went through a number of marriage counselors. Budgeting didn't work, working more didn't work, and working less didn't work. Eventually we got divorced, I went to China and found a wife who is happy living on what I make, never says no in the bedroom, and who is a great step-mom to my kids. if only she could drive better.

Best wishes to you, fella... hope yours works out better than mine did. But if it doesn't, my advice is to go to China once you're single.

 
IT could be entertaining to work up a budget.

YOU: Okay honey... here's what you've been spending every week. I've broken it down and it comes to roughly $800 a week.

HER: Whatever

YOU: Okay.. now looking at this there are some good expenses in here...$185 on johnny's clothing. Cool. That leaves $600 in discretionary spending.. lunches mostly

HER: NOt true... no way I spend that much

YOU: (points at monitor) Actually...yes... $185 at Chez ########.... $120 at Chez Ripoff....

HER: Fine fine fine... it was a busy week...

YOU: Well..previous weeks kinda match up (points at chart). So what I'm seeing is about $600/week in discretionary spending.

HER: (silence)

YOU: At $2400 a month... since this is a partnership, I guess I should have that much set aside for my discretionary income too.

HER: :o

YOU: SO for $2400/month I'm going to buy a new Porsche 911, and hire a professional masseuse to come to my office for a 2 hour long sweedish every friday.... and I'll have enough left over to spend a week in Hawaii over the christmas holiday.

HER: :eek:

YOU: Unfortunately it looks like I'll be going solo since you're blowing through your share of discretionary spending. On the upside though I'll let you take my 911 to your lunches with the girls while I'm in hawaii.

HER: :hot:

YOU: enjoy your lunches! :P

Oh and have her blind taste test her newfound favorite $200 bottles of wine against solid $30 bottles. She will fail. I get dropping a couple bills on a bottle while dining out on occasion. But stocking pricey wine for your own personal consumption at home is foolish.

 
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It mostly stems from boredom IMO. My wife works full time but is off 8 weeks in the summer. In those 8 weeks she probably spends more than she does the rest of the year. If there is a sale anywhere she is there,bringing home tons of stuff that we don`t really need.

Then when she goes back to work the spending comes to a halt.

 
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'Da Guru said:
It mostly stems from boredom IMO. My wife works full time but is off 8 weeks in the summer. In those 8 weeks she probably spends more than she does the rest of the year. If there is a sale anywhere she is there,bringing home tons of stuff that we don`t really need.Then when she goes back to work the spending comes to a halt.
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Yeah, my end goal is to get her back to working full time. Would solve the spending in a hurry.
 
'matuski said:
'Da Guru said:
It mostly stems from boredom IMO. My wife works full time but is off 8 weeks in the summer. In those 8 weeks she probably spends more than she does the rest of the year. If there is a sale anywhere she is there,bringing home tons of stuff that we don`t really need.

Then when she goes back to work the spending comes to a halt.
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Yeah, my end only goal is to get her back to working full time. Would solve the spending in a hurry.
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Nothing good happens when non working mothers get together. Atleast she works part time, but... free time and a woman just don't go well together.

 
'matuski said:
We have a great marriage overall,
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Glad you think that. It won't last. This is going to fester in you and only get worse over time if it doesn't get fixed. Trust me. Me ex used to be the same way. I'm now married to a non-spender and 10,000 times happier.
 
'Da Guru said:
If there is a sale anywhere she is there,bringing home tons of stuff that we don`t really need.
Click to expand...
Woman's brain: BUT HONEY!! I SAVED $300!!! GO ME!Man's brain: We are $450 poorer and you now have a 9th purse and a dress that will sit with tags on in the closet and never see the light of day.
 
I put her on a budget. Told her if she doesnt stop spending our money things would only end one way. We had many fights and she has not always been perfect since then but things have gotten a world better.

 
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