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timschochet

Lies About Hitler

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Once got stabbed because of his Nazi haircut

Edited by msommer

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Came up with the term "nazi" when he combined the two words that described the most annoying and painful thing he could think of: nasal zits.

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1 hour ago, TheIronSheik said:

Came up with the term "nazi" when he combined the two words that described the most annoying and painful thing he could think of: nasal zits.

Was how his grandmother pronounced nuts in the mother tongue. Which were also his reason for invading Poland.

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Was against stealing catcher's signs in baseball.  Thought it was the worst thing a human could do.  

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Felt that stores should be closed on Black Friday and only online shopping should be open.  It pissed him off to know that people suffered by having to get up and go to work Friday.  

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On 11/7/2019 at 11:00 AM, Walking Boot said:

Fired the reichssportführer, Hans von Tschammer und Osten, from the 1936 Berlin Olympics Committee, because he wouldn't "stick to sports"

 

:kicksrock:

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Started an investigation over “It’s okay to be Jewish” signs found at the University of Munchen.

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His Airing of Grievances from Festivas 2010 has over a million you tube views.

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1 hour ago, TheIronSheik said:

Could text 8 FBGers from his phone.  40,000+ if he texted through WhatsApp.

This one I believe.

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1 hour ago, -fish- said:

Preferred can-shaped cranberries.  

Well as has been said before, he wasn't all bad.

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Avoided talking about politics at Thanksgiving dinner.

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Hitler was kicked off the Frankfurt Galaxy for painting his hand black while playing quarterback to better deceive the defense.  Bob Costas was suspended for pointing it out.

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A frustrated Hitler once called Churchill “fat” and challenged him to a push-up contest as a means of settling World War II.

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1 minute ago, Walking Boot said:

Really screwed up a golden marketing opportunity when he didn't have any "Puppy Blondi" toys available to sell in time for Christmas 1941.

Himmler would've killed for one of those.

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On 11/27/2019 at 2:34 PM, Tom Servo said:

Avoided talking about politics at Thanksgiving dinner.

But was always adamant about only serving white meat.

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2 hours ago, Terminalxylem said:

I just met a real person whose first name is Hitler. Seemed like a nice guy.

I think we found the person worse than Hitler.  The parent that named their kid Hitler.

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Did all his Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve.   Gave everyone the same gift.  

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After watching them lose to the Eagles, rethought his decision to call the Cowboys "Germany's Team."

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49 minutes ago, TheIronSheik said:

After watching them lose to the Eagles, rethought his decision to call the Cowboys "Germany's Team."

Hitler's dream Super Bowl has always been Dallas/New England.

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Hitter's Star Wars rankings:

1. Attack of the Clones

2. Phantom Menace

3. The Last Jedi

4. Solo

5. Revenge of the Sith

6. Return of the Jedi

7. Rise of Skywalker

8. Force Awakens

9. New Hope

10. Rogue One

11. Empire Strikes Back

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Really, really liked tipping. Truly made him feel part of the master race....

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Tried to get his people to call it the "Superior" Race because he felt that the word "Master" could be looked at in a bad light.  

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Hitler punted on 4 and 1, up by 3, with a minute left while coaching a playoff game against the Berlin Büffel. Because he knew it’s better to make the Büffel drive 60 yards rather than 20. 

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Posted (edited)
On 11/27/2019 at 1:37 PM, Olaf said:

Secretly starred in a gay porn entitled “Battle of the Bulge”.

Rommel earned the name “Desert Fox” because Hitler thoughts Erwin Rommel was a handsome man and admired his look in the African sun

Edited by Jules Winnfield
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Hilter secretly loved a nice, comforting matza ball soup. 

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Hitler loved the Eagles. 

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13 hours ago, Tom Servo said:

Hitler loved the Eagles. 

But also felt their reunion tour was unnecessary. 

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43 minutes ago, TheIronSheik said:

But also felt their reunion tour was unnecessary. 

Not those Eagles, chief.

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17 minutes ago, Tom Servo said:

Not those Eagles, chief.

Hitler knew what you were referencing.

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Hitler was visibly upset and seen throwing items across his office over the fact that the Patriots might not offer Brady an extension.  

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Hitler part of an ownership group that's trying to get an expansion XFL team in Israel.

 

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Refuses to turn off his Christmas lights till after Easter,  just to piss off his neighbors.

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When playing KOTOR, Hitler always chose the path of the Jedi because he wanted to see what the big deal was about being "good." 

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Hitler and Himler secretly colluded to win their 1939 Fantasy Baseball League.  

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14 hours ago, jon_mx said:

Hitler and Himler secretly colluded to win their 1939 Fantasy Baseball League.  

They avoided using the word "syndicate", for obvious reasons.

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Hitler blamed QAnon for hacking his IP and ordering the invasion of Poland.  

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