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7 minutes ago, Smack Tripper said:

Not gonna help you tonight, but in that case, I can also tell you past experience tells me hiking was a big turning point for me. Think recent clinical work showed this had a pretty strong positive impact. 

It does.  I hesitate to mention this since I'm such a hiking nut, and I don't want to make it seem like I'm just recommending "my" thing, but you're right about the studies.  Endorphines, fresh air, I don't know what.  Get out and about, HF.

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1 minute ago, krista4 said:

It does.  I hesitate to mention this since I'm such a hiking nut, and I don't want to make it seem like I'm just recommending "my" thing, but you're right about the studies.  Endorphines, fresh air, I don't know what.  Get out and about, HF.

Cruise.  Open air.  Ocean breeze. Books.  Food.  Rock climbing wall. I'm all about it.

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####, sorry to hear HF. My panic attacks have thankfully become much less frequent, can't imagine living in a constant state like that. Unable to offer much advice since my anxiety is extremely mild in comparison, but probably the best thing I've started doing is just developing some tunnel vision when handling some of my responsibilities. I easily get overwhelmed if I focus on the bigger picture too much, so as cliche and impossible as it sounds, I've just been lowering my head and taking things on one project, one assignment, one shift at a time. Not always a good idea since some things do take some foresight, but where applicable, I think it's really helped me. 

Ts & Ps your way, just keep hanging on until vacation.

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9 hours ago, Henry Ford said:

Between trying to prep for a vacation, a case I'm working for a client I really like that's falling apart, having 4 outstanding appeals, waiting to hear on 3 motions for summary judgment, a client's suicide last Sunday and, you know, being generally vaguely mentally ill all the time, I'm living in a state of constant panic attack right now.  Which is... Let's say less than ideal.

I haven't slept in days. Work can't tell yet, since (thankfully?) I've been here before so I know how to still make it rain while in this state, including getting a very favorable settlement today. Nothing terribly important to do til next week, thankfully, but I'm really white knuckling this.  Though I can still remember things get better.  I guess that's progress.

There are days when I feel like I can do anything in the world except make the chattering monkeys in my own head shut up.

#### mental illness.  In the face.  With a telephone pole. 

Sorry to hear Henry and I feel your pain.  Just remember that this too shall pass.  Keep your head up.

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21 minutes ago, Johnnymac said:

Sorry to hear Henry and I feel your pain.  Just remember that this too shall pass.  Keep your head up.

Thanks.  

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Any type of stress will only be amplified by lack of sleep. My suggestion would be to take up running. Tire yourself to the point that even an active mind can't compete. Many other good suggestions but I think actually getting sleep should be your first step/goal.

 

Good luck HF and the rest that continue to fight.

Edited by jamny
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11 hours ago, Judge Smails said:

Define chattering monkeys.  I have #### pop in my head all the time.  Usually it's the urge to blurt out something really politically incorrect in a group setting.  I wonder if other people have that. I've never done it.  Have no idea if it's some sort of defense mechanism or what - or if it's somewhat normal and other people deal with it.

 

You're not alone, Judge.

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12 hours ago, Judge Smails said:

Define chattering monkeys.  I have #### pop in my head all the time.  Usually it's the urge to blurt out something really politically incorrect in a group setting.  I wonder if other people have that. I've never done it.  Have no idea if it's some sort of defense mechanism or what - or if it's somewhat normal and other people deal with it.

Hang in there man.  You don't think of successful people dealing with this ####...

Chattering monkeys = those constant self-depricating and self-doubt voices in one's head reminding one of every single stupid, thoughtless, incorrect, mean-spirited, or otherwise ####ty thing one has done over one's lifetime.

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15 hours ago, Henry Ford said:

Between trying to prep for a vacation, a case I'm working for a client I really like that's falling apart, having 4 outstanding appeals, waiting to hear on 3 motions for summary judgment, a client's suicide last Sunday and, you know, being generally vaguely mentally ill all the time, I'm living in a state of constant panic attack right now.  Which is... Let's say less than ideal.

I haven't slept in days. Work can't tell yet, since (thankfully?) I've been here before so I know how to still make it rain while in this state, including getting a very favorable settlement today. Nothing terribly important to do til next week, thankfully, but I'm really white knuckling this.  Though I can still remember things get better.  I guess that's progress.

There are days when I feel like I can do anything in the world except make the chattering monkeys in my own head shut up.

#### mental illness.  In the face.  With a telephone pole. 

Awe, I'm sorry to hear that big guy. You'll be alright, venting about this #### is the healthiest thing you can do, imo.

 

Hope things get better. 

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5 minutes ago, Eminence said:

Awe, I'm sorry to hear that big guy. You'll be alright, venting about this #### is the healthiest thing you can do, imo.

 

Hope things get better. 

Undoubtedly they will.  Thanks. 

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God I miss posting at this place. Threads like this are a prime example of why fbg is such an awesome site filled with people who are trying to help one another while passing the day.

 

HF, you sound like a great individual, I'm glad you are sharing your feelings with us instead of only internalizing them. From one attorney to another, I wish you the best of luck.

Edited by biggamer3
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22 minutes ago, biggamer3 said:

God I miss posting at this place. Threads like this are a prime example of why fbg is such an awesome site filled with people who are trying to help one another while passing the day.

 

HF, you sound like a great individual, I'm glad you are sharing your feelings with us instead of only internalizing them. From one attorney to another, I wish you the best of luck.

Best of luck to you, too.  Unless you're a civil defense attorney.  Then please lose a series of cases that lead to new precedents that allow me to make a huge amount of money.

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10 minutes ago, Henry Ford said:

Best of luck to you, too.  Unless you're a civil defense attorney.  Then please lose a series of cases that lead to new precedents that allow me to make a huge amount of money.

I'm so good even if I tried to throw cases I would still win. Kidding, I suck, but I'm a newly admitted attorney.

Also, I don't do civil defense so can't help you with any precedents, but if I could I would!

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I have no clue being good at small talk but that's okay.

My new favorite activity has been going for long hikes.

It has helped some what with fighting off brain fog. 

Throwing myself out there and keep on trying. :thumbup:

Edited by wazoo11
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10 hours ago, Henry Ford said:
22 hours ago, Judge Smails said:

Define chattering monkeys.  I have #### pop in my head all the time.  Usually it's the urge to blurt out something really politically incorrect in a group setting.  I wonder if other people have that. I've never done it.  Have no idea if it's some sort of defense mechanism or what - or if it's somewhat normal and other people deal with it.

Hang in there man.  You don't think of successful people dealing with this ####...

Chattering monkeys = those constant self-depricating and self-doubt voices in one's head reminding one of every single stupid, thoughtless, incorrect, mean-spirited, or otherwise ####ty thing one has done over one's lifetime.

oh. dammit. I was thinking more literally.

 

yeah. I have the simian horde howling away most days too.

sorry to hear you're going through a rough spot, but glad to hear/know you have the perspective to get the perspective of it's temporary state. I hope you continue to head to that place of more quiet and peace. sea air, etc sounds like a great decompression spot.

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28 minutes ago, wazoo11 said:

I have no clue being good at small talk but that's okay.

My new favorite activity has been going for long hikes.

It has helped some what with fighting off brain fog. 

Throwing myself out there and keep on trying. :thumbup:

good stuff wazoo... can't have big talk without small talk... so it will come.  Just keep moving forward!

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11 minutes ago, El Floppo said:

oh. dammit. I was thinking more literally.

 

yeah. I have the simian horde howling away most days too.

sorry to hear you're going through a rough spot, but glad to hear/know you have the perspective to get the perspective of it's temporary state. I hope you continue to head to that place of more quiet and peace. sea air, etc sounds like a great decompression spot.

Thanks.  Me too. 

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9 hours ago, biggamer3 said:

I'm so good even if I tried to throw cases I would still win. Kidding, I suck, but I'm a newly admitted attorney.

Also, I don't do civil defense so can't help you with any precedents, but if I could I would!

Good luck with the legal career.  It's worth it if you figure out what you love to do in it.

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I'm a frequent lurker but rare poster, thanks for letting me post my thoughts here.

I'm 36 and once again unemployed. I've attempted to start several businesses but have failed at each turn. I was an attorney at one time but was unhappy and felt like I wasn't a capable lawyer, I let my license lapse. There have been other failings but I don't want to take up too much space. Suffice to say I'm stuck and don't know which direction to head. I'm broke and have been forced to move back in with my parents. 

Anxiety has been a constant force in my life, the medication helps at times but sometimes it feels like putting a pebble in front of a waterfall. I've had on and off issues with depression. Suicidal feelings have come up occasionally, but in the recent days have become much more acute and concrete. I feel overwhelmed and worthless. 

I feel like if I could get some forward momentum I could change my outlook, but it seems far away, and after repeated failures I'm far from optimistic. I live in a relatively small town, given my past I'm not sure I can stomach starting at the bottom for a job I'm overqualified for(I don't think I'm better than anyone, just education wise). 

I know this is probably insufferable woe is me crap but thanks for reading, any advice welcome. Everyone who posts in here seem like good people, thanks for being empathetic and good luck to all of those who are struggling. 

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Adderall, I'm not real good at this, but it sounds like taking any job at this point might be a good thing. Heck, maybe even if it's bartending or waiting tables at a local spot. It will get you out of the house and meeting some new folks, at least for the time being. Or, just go ahead and start at the bottom of a job you are over qualified for. You may move up very quickly, and that will be a big boost to your self confidence. 

It sounds like you need to do *something*. Any job is a start.

Best of luck to you. Glad to have you posting :thumbup:

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adderall i am lousy with advice but i wish you the best and i bet that better days are ahead have hope and hang in there 

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Quote

I was an attorney at one time but was unhappy and felt like I wasn't a capable lawyer

If Jimmy McGill can be a capable lawyer then why can't you?  Maybe consider expanding your client base.

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I feel like if I could get some forward momentum I could change my outlook, but it seems far away, and after repeated failures I'm far from optimistic.

Quote

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. Thomas A. Edison
 

 

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20 minutes ago, Adderall Slim said:

I'm a frequent lurker but rare poster, thanks for letting me post my thoughts here.

I'm 36 and once again unemployed. I've attempted to start several businesses but have failed at each turn. I was an attorney at one time but was unhappy and felt like I wasn't a capable lawyer, I let my license lapse. There have been other failings but I don't want to take up too much space. Suffice to say I'm stuck and don't know which direction to head. I'm broke and have been forced to move back in with my parents. 

Anxiety has been a constant force in my life, the medication helps at times but sometimes it feels like putting a pebble in front of a waterfall. I've had on and off issues with depression. Suicidal feelings have come up occasionally, but in the recent days have become much more acute and concrete. I feel overwhelmed and worthless. 

I feel like if I could get some forward momentum I could change my outlook, but it seems far away, and after repeated failures I'm far from optimistic. I live in a relatively small town, given my past I'm not sure I can stomach starting at the bottom for a job I'm overqualified for(I don't think I'm better than anyone, just education wise). 

I know this is probably insufferable woe is me crap but thanks for reading, any advice welcome. Everyone who posts in here seem like good people, thanks for being empathetic and good luck to all of those who are struggling. 

It's not "woe is me." It's "give me something I can use to get through the next 24 hours if you can." And there is nothing to be ashamed of in that request.  Nothing to apologize for.

I recommend bartending or waiting tables.  Seriously.  You're overqualified, sure, but someone who meant a lot to me once told me: "don't do something for a living just because you're really good at it." You don't have to do an educated job just because you have have education. Just do something you suck at that doesn't really matter for awhile.

I don't know your whole story, but I am a lawyer.  And if I lost my license I guarantee you I'd be losing my ####.  And I know I'd end up in restaurants.

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21 minutes ago, Adderall Slim said:

I'm a frequent lurker but rare poster, thanks for letting me post my thoughts here.

I'm 36 and once again unemployed. I've attempted to start several businesses but have failed at each turn. I was an attorney at one time but was unhappy and felt like I wasn't a capable lawyer, I let my license lapse. There have been other failings but I don't want to take up too much space. Suffice to say I'm stuck and don't know which direction to head. I'm broke and have been forced to move back in with my parents. 

Anxiety has been a constant force in my life, the medication helps at times but sometimes it feels like putting a pebble in front of a waterfall. I've had on and off issues with depression. Suicidal feelings have come up occasionally, but in the recent days have become much more acute and concrete. I feel overwhelmed and worthless. 

I feel like if I could get some forward momentum I could change my outlook, but it seems far away, and after repeated failures I'm far from optimistic. I live in a relatively small town, given my past I'm not sure I can stomach starting at the bottom for a job I'm overqualified for(I don't think I'm better than anyone, just education wise). 

I know this is probably insufferable woe is me crap but thanks for reading, any advice welcome. Everyone who posts in here seem like good people, thanks for being empathetic and good luck to all of those who are struggling. 

I'm 37 and have had to battle similar struggles work-wise because of internal struggles. Each feeds off each other. It helped me to hear about what other people go through and know you're not alone. Things can get bad and feel bleak. The key is to talk about it and trust the support of others to ride it out.

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Sorry to see you in here suffering, Adderall Jim. I agree with the others. Get a job that gets you around people. Being home and I'm guessing with your parents just makes you more depressed and anxiety ridden. Hang out more with friends. Get out of the house even if it's by yourself, if you are in too much- like working out at the gym. If you don't have friends you like to hang with then support groups are great way to connect. Best wishes to you. Hope to see a post saying you're doing better soon. :)

Edited by CurlyNight

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13 hours ago, Adderall Slim said:

I'm a frequent lurker but rare poster, thanks for letting me post my thoughts here.

I'm 36 and once again unemployed. I've attempted to start several businesses but have failed at each turn. I was an attorney at one time but was unhappy and felt like I wasn't a capable lawyer, I let my license lapse. There have been other failings but I don't want to take up too much space. Suffice to say I'm stuck and don't know which direction to head. I'm broke and have been forced to move back in with my parents. 

Anxiety has been a constant force in my life, the medication helps at times but sometimes it feels like putting a pebble in front of a waterfall. I've had on and off issues with depression. Suicidal feelings have come up occasionally, but in the recent days have become much more acute and concrete. I feel overwhelmed and worthless. 

I feel like if I could get some forward momentum I could change my outlook, but it seems far away, and after repeated failures I'm far from optimistic. I live in a relatively small town, given my past I'm not sure I can stomach starting at the bottom for a job I'm overqualified for(I don't think I'm better than anyone, just education wise). 

I know this is probably insufferable woe is me crap but thanks for reading, any advice welcome. Everyone who posts in here seem like good people, thanks for being empathetic and good luck to all of those who are struggling. 

 

13 hours ago, kutta said:

Adderall, I'm not real good at this, but it sounds like taking any job at this point might be a good thing. Heck, maybe even if it's bartending or waiting tables at a local spot. It will get you out of the house and meeting some new folks, at least for the time being. Or, just go ahead and start at the bottom of a job you are over qualified for. You may move up very quickly, and that will be a big boost to your self confidence. 

It sounds like you need to do *something*. Any job is a start.

Best of luck to you. Glad to have you posting :thumbup:

 

hi slim,

when was the last time you talked to a doc about your meds? maybe it's time to adjust the medication or dosage? 

also- as someone who has stumbled and deals with the anxiety/depression combo (albeit at what might be a lesser and currently non-medicated degree)- my devil wants me to sludge to a stop... and that's where things start compounding in terms of the depression. I totally agree with kutta regarding movement, action and momentum. even the tiniest step towards something (or away from that stasis)... like posting on a message board... is a help for me. put enough of those tiny steps together and *wala*- less anxiety and depression, more happy.

gl, slim- please keep checking in and please know that you have all of our unconditional support.

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14 hours ago, Adderall Slim said:

I'm a frequent lurker but rare poster, thanks for letting me post my thoughts here.

I'm 36 and once again unemployed. I've attempted to start several businesses but have failed at each turn. I was an attorney at one time but was unhappy and felt like I wasn't a capable lawyer, I let my license lapse. There have been other failings but I don't want to take up too much space. Suffice to say I'm stuck and don't know which direction to head. I'm broke and have been forced to move back in with my parents. 

Anxiety has been a constant force in my life, the medication helps at times but sometimes it feels like putting a pebble in front of a waterfall. I've had on and off issues with depression. Suicidal feelings have come up occasionally, but in the recent days have become much more acute and concrete. I feel overwhelmed and worthless. 

I feel like if I could get some forward momentum I could change my outlook, but it seems far away, and after repeated failures I'm far from optimistic. I live in a relatively small town, given my past I'm not sure I can stomach starting at the bottom for a job I'm overqualified for(I don't think I'm better than anyone, just education wise). 

I know this is probably insufferable woe is me crap but thanks for reading, any advice welcome. Everyone who posts in here seem like good people, thanks for being empathetic and good luck to all of those who are struggling. 

The bright side is you have a place to move back into while you are trying to find a new direction. Have you considered learning a trade or going back to school for something else?

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Sorry to see so many good fbg'ers struggling with this. Has anyone ever tried GABA here? It's an amino acid. I used to have alot of trouble getting off to sleep just because of my mind always racing reviewing my day, what I could have done better, bills coming up, etc. I've found that GABA really has helped me in this area when taken on an empty stomach before I go to bed. Definitely don't want to recommend something that could interfere with meds or cause harm, but just wanted to say it has helped my nighttime anxiety greatly.

 

Please hang in there people and fight the good fight.

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7 minutes ago, dfsguy said:

The bright side is you have a place to move back into while you are trying to find a new direction. Have you considered learning a trade or going back to school for something else?

that is so true.

 

I just found out an acquaintance (good friend of a good friend) went from MBA, finance job with beautiful wife (one of my exes) and two kids, to divorced, alcoholic and homeless within 10 years. recently ended up in jail and thanks to our mutual friend and a couple of others, got put in a half-way house, rehab and a couple of jobs (cashier at sandwich shop, etc) upon his release from jail. I asked my friend about any other home- parents, etc- for him... nothing. mom in a retirement home, brother a recovering alcholic who gave him numberous chances before closing the door on him.

I was struck by how close so many of us could be to something similar- without a support structure in place.

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Check with your doc if you're considering taking GABA or other more 'natural' depression/anxiety relievers. I'm pretty sure if you are diagnosed with bipolar or uni polar depression you shouldn't take this. It also can have serious side effects if you take too much. Always best especially when you are on meds and/or have medical conditions to check with the doc to make sure the supps/herbs you are looking at are ok for you to try.

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On ‎4‎/‎27‎/‎2016 at 9:18 PM, El Floppo said:

oh. dammit. I was thinking more literally.

 

yeah. I have the simian horde howling away most days too.

sorry to hear you're going through a rough spot, but glad to hear/know you have the perspective to get the perspective of it's temporary state. I hope you continue to head to that place of more quiet and peace. sea air, etc sounds like a great decompression spot.

I don't consider myself chronically down, just going through a terrible time with my 16 year old daughter right now that is pretty much dragging down our whole family, but Henry's monkeys comment is spot on. Why does our brain do that? My brain's favorite trick is to, out of blue, play some video memory of something stupid I said or a situation where I made a fool of myself. Every time it happens, I physically jerk my head quickly to the left--like I have to clear that thought out or something. People probably think I am some kind of madman when I do that. It happened to me driving this morning and I practically went into the other lane and this was a video of something stupid I said probably 25 years ago to a group of friends. My wife says I have a photographic memory and I am guessing she is right, because boy, are these clips all in 4K HD when they play.

It doesn't happen every day (thank god), but now that I am going through all this crap and I am not sleeping to boot, it has been coming out every couple few hours or so.

As a terrible aside, my co-worker called out today. Yesterday, her 16 year old nephew, left a suicide note, his phone and his inhaler and jumped off a bridge. The kid survived, but broke every bone in both his legs. Just terrible..... 

Edited by Courtjester

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On 7/6/2014 at 5:25 PM, El Floppo said:

Just found out a gb committed suicide last week.

The most charming, intelligent, handsome, funny ####er you could ever hope to meet. Also a lifelong pathological liar. Before I met him in HS (he went to a different school), I always thought that term applied to people who lied a lot... and then I met him and understood the "pathology" part; he couldn't help himself- even over the most benign, mundane and meaningless things.

Unfortunately, this also applied to huge, life-defining things like: college, gradschool, jobs, lovelife. I had the pleasure of knowing him in HS, for a period during college when he was living with friends at UCSB while attending SB City College. I then ran into him here in NYC where he had moved after gradschool. By this time, his resume included anything from Oregon, Cal, Stanford and Harvard (dual graduate MBA and public policy degree).

He was working for a hedgefund last I saw him- just a few weeks ago. Or not. I learned long ago to let his amazing stories outside of the here and now and what I could see in front of us wash over and through me- but they were good ones. He had an amazing ability to spin a story- even of his own life. But this meant lots of burned bridges and painted-in corners (and younger and dumber girlfriends who couldn't or wouldn't question any of the inconsistencies in his life)... and our mutual friedns and I feel pretty certain that he got himself stuck in one too many lie, or that the pathology (why somebody as smart, funny, etc would need to lie about himself in the first place) finally caught up with him.

At some point in college one summer I ran into him wearing an Oregon State u-23 Select team jacket. Most of you know that I played in college and semipro after- it was my life in HS and I pretty much knew everybody in the state of California our age who was that good.... and as a kid who lived in the town next door, I knew for a fact he not only wasn't that good, he nad never really even played. But all of a sudden he assumed this new identity on his way to attend U of Oregon where he was going to play on the team. I remember being equal parts pissed (I had dedicated my life to the sport and felt like THIS lie was finally stepping on my toes too much) and equal parts enthused- how the hell was he going to pull this one off. He accepted all of my requests to join in me in training that summer, but would spin some kind of last minute- oh-my-nose, or dude... my grandma broke her hip... yarns to bail out.

I never learned what happened with that until just now after speaking to a gb who told me the rest of the story from the point of view of a guy who went to U of O. The guys on the team there heard there was going to be this amazing new recruit coming to play and were psyched that their team was getting a boost. My friend showed up, did a physical, got his training kit (and supposedly game kit as well), and then blew his knee out the day before their first practice. He was in a knee brace consistently for 6 months and then deemed unfit to ever play again. This was the level of his commitment to the lie. Of course, he was back home for the holidays during this time and playing turkey day football games at full speed...

His life was a source of constant amusement, irritation and ultimately inspiration to me. HIs life stories became the stuff of legend and hilarity for those of us who knew him the longest, shared whenever new ones came in. Against my better intentions, I couldn't but feel jealous of the guy for fabricating all of these things I had worked so hard to put myself through (soccer, college, gradschool, relationships), but then ultimately I coudlnt help but feel inspired that every day, our lives are of our own creation- we are free to make of them what we will, and he did it to the utmost.

And I am partially sure that even this ####### suicide is a fabrication for him to move on to something else, or away from something else... and I hope against hope that I will bump into him again in NoLita and get to listen to some lunatic, far-fetched yarn knowing that this madcap un-reality is still on the planet.

 

so the same mutual friend of the homeless alcoholic was also really close with my pathological liar suicide friend. had drinks with him last week. (edit- I had drinks with the mutual friend last week... that read like my friend had drinks with the suicide liar- who as far as I know, is still dead).

 

previously, whenever we'd talk about our friend trying figure out how on earth the guy was living the life he lead (always travelling to exotic places, living in decent digs here in NYC) when we both knew it was all a lie- he'd say to "follow the money", ala deep throat. turns out, this is EXACTLY what closed the door on the fantastic stories and lies. turns out, he was essentially stealing money from everyone he knew- including somehow drawing a line of credit on his parent's house that forced it into foreclosure and his parents into a move into a rental. the friend who cleaned out his apartment after his death found binders full of credit cards with family and gf's names attached. he supposedly "invested" 100k of his sister and husband's very hard earned money into a "sure thing"... and of course lost it all (aka as spent it on sustaining his own lifestyle). 

the final straw was apparently some scam involving a using paychex type of company to get a line of credit with a bank, and ultimately owing the IRS close to 1mil. sounds like he was going to jail for fraud and couldn't face that and/or the exposure to friends that he was living a scam.

 

my friend and I talked about the obit- how he got read the first copy of it, which was full of the made-up life, and had the knee-jerk reaction to tell the writer the truth. but instead, decided to let our friend have the life- in death- that he had somehow wanted for himself.

based on his FB memorial page, it sounds like most of his friends have no idea that our friend was a pathological liar who had made up his entire life. I brought this up with my mom, who knew the liar, and she wondered how he could have gotten this far in life without somebody close calling him on it and offering help/support for the pathology. my friend, when I asked the same question over the years, felt like the guy would implode and we'd never see him again.

no way of knowing now... but the homeless drunk conversation happened at the same time as the fraud revelations, and I got to thinking that even faced with fraud, jail, exposure- there's always a way out, especailly for somebody as smart and charming as this guy. just guts me that he couldn't see a way through. and gives me some small solace that the homeless drunk guy is still fighting to make it work.

dunno why I'm sharing this now... feel like there's always another option- always hope for something better, even when things seem dark and hopeless.

 

Edited by El Floppo

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3 hours ago, El Floppo said:

 

 

hi slim,

when was the last time you talked to a doc about your meds? maybe it's time to adjust the medication or dosage? 

also- as someone who has stumbled and deals with the anxiety/depression combo (albeit at what might be a lesser and currently non-medicated degree)- my devil wants me to sludge to a stop... and that's where things start compounding in terms of the depression. I totally agree with kutta regarding movement, action and momentum. even the tiniest step towards something (or away from that stasis)... like posting on a message board... is a help for me. put enough of those tiny steps together and *wala*- less anxiety and depression, more happy.

gl, slim- please keep checking in and please know that you have all of our unconditional support.

It's been about a year since I've discussed dosages with my doctor. To be honest I think this is more of a stasis issue than anything else - in other words the current circumstances of my life outweigh any medicinal help. You and others are absolutely right, forward momentum is key here. I've spent the morning scouring for jobs, reading up on Quickbooks and applying to be an Uber driver. Getting out of bed was hard but I'm fighting through the day. 

Edited by Adderall Slim
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2 hours ago, dfsguy said:

The bright side is you have a place to move back into while you are trying to find a new direction. Have you considered learning a trade or going back to school for something else?

I still owe about 20k in law school loans so I'm not sure this is the time to take on additional debt. 

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What has been your experience taking anti-depressant meds? Anyone know?

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3 hours ago, wazoo11 said:

What has been your experience taking anti-depressant meds? Anyone know?

For chronic depression and some anxieties, they work well. It affects everyone differently. With my cousin we went through about every brand before we found one where the side effects weren't too bad AND it helped. Personal experience, Effexor was THE worst. She would miss the time by a few hours on a given day and she felt like she had the flu. Weened off slowly off of it and it was hell for her. So I'm biased against this one. Prozac, Celexa, Lexapro seem to be the best starters as they seem to overall have the least amount of side effects from what I've heard.

If you start one, you need to allow about 6 weeks for it to work. It needs to build up in your system, so don't stop unless the side effects are bad until you give it time. Once you are on one and are changing over then about 2 weeks should be enough to gage it.

Good luck to you and hope you feel better soon. :)

Edited by CurlyNight
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On 5/3/2016 at 10:06 AM, Adderall Slim said:

I still owe about 20k in law school loans so I'm not sure this is the time to take on additional debt. 

They would go into deferment.

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20 hours ago, wazoo11 said:

What has been your experience taking anti-depressant meds? Anyone know?

I take Effexor and it was rough for the first few weeks, at least for me.  They say it takes time for them to work but it felt like it was working too good at first.  I was climbing the walls.  I took Paxil before that but apparently it stopped working.  They switched to effexor after my suicide attempt.  I have to say it has helped with my depression.  My anxiety is the same as it ever was, which to me is the bigger issue.  I feel like anxiety is a big driver of my depression.  Anyway, they say depression is when you dont care about anything, anxiety is when you care about everything, and having both is called hell.  I dont disagree.  You may have to try several meds to find which one works best, least side effects, etc.  They all have side effects, at least in my experience.

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I was unable to sleep and at one point went several days without any. Anxiety, depression, scary weight loss. I started taking Remeron nightly and within a couple months made huge progress, after a year I feel pretty much back to normal. The side effects are sedation and increased appetite so for me they were benefits. It will cause weight gain whether it's desired or not, but for me it was a lifesaver.

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34 minutes ago, Apple Juice said:

I was unable to sleep and at one point went several days without any. Anxiety, depression, scary weight loss. I started taking Remeron nightly and within a couple months made huge progress, after a year I feel pretty much back to normal. The side effects are sedation and increased appetite so for me they were benefits. It will cause weight gain whether it's desired or not, but for me it was a lifesaver.

Remeron is fascinating.  Every psychiatrist I've talked to has said that one of two things happens when someone starts Remeron - everything gets better quickly, or nothing at all changes.  Sadly, I was in the latter group, but glad to hear you're in the former. :thumbup:

 

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22 hours ago, wazoo11 said:

What has been your experience taking anti-depressant meds? Anyone know?

Depends on the person and the meds.  Some people get a lot of relief pretty quickly, some people spend the first 30-60 days worse than ever.  

I highly recommend that if you're planning on beginning antidepressants you get a buddy - like a "sponsor" with AA - who can talk you down if things get bad for a bit. 

 

The good news about depression is that it's probably the most treatable illness you can get in this country.  There's a world of possibilities with meds, especially, you just have to give it effort and time. And remember that it definitely will get better.

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1 minute ago, Henry Ford said:

Remeron is fascinating.  Every psychiatrist I've talked to has said that one of two things happens when someone starts Remeron - everything gets better quickly, or nothing at all changes.  Sadly, I was in the latter group, but glad to hear you're in the former. :thumbup:

 

Yeah, the psychiatrist who prescribed it said he only recently started recommending it and that results varied. For me the most immediate, enormous benefit was that it knocked me out and let me sleep multiple hours at a time. Nothing else had helped me do that. The help it provided for my depression and anxiety took several months.

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I don't keep up with this thread but I understand how this and other places to talk can be therapeutic. So, the following link is a new one where you all can read what people are writing. All in all, you're not alone and others share deep thoughts too. Life is great, get out and live. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4kallo/what_is_the_saddest_detail_about_your_life_that/

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A good friend's sister committed suicide yesterday. She was 38, smart, funny and just an all-around nice person to everyone who knew her. I didn't know her that well but would occasionally get involved in some conversations on facebook. I wasn't aware of some of the problems she had although I knew she recently ended a short marriage but apparently had been using heroin, possibly something started with her ex-husband who sounds like a real piece of work himself. I just found this out after speaking to my friend earlier today. She had threatened to hurt herself in the past and he's even tried reasoning with her, saying how the family would be affected if they found her dead, etc. It wasn't just an OD, there were other pills involved.

He's obviously broken up and, as I'm sure always happens, blames himself and wonders what he could have done differently. That has to be the hardest part in trying to get closure. How do I help him get past the guilt besides saying the various stock replies?

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3 minutes ago, jamny said:

A good friend's sister committed suicide yesterday. She was 38, smart, funny and just an all-around nice person to everyone who knew her. I didn't know her that well but would occasionally get involved in some conversations on facebook. I wasn't aware of some of the problems she had although I knew she recently ended a short marriage but apparently had been using heroin, possibly something started with her ex-husband who sounds like a real piece of work himself. I just found this out after speaking to my friend earlier today. She had threatened to hurt herself in the past and he's even tried reasoning with her, saying how the family would be affected if they found her dead, etc. It wasn't just an OD, there were other pills involved.

He's obviously broken up and, as I'm sure always happens, blames himself and wonders what he could have done differently. That has to be the hardest part in trying to get closure. How do I help him get past the guilt besides saying the various stock replies?

You probably don't.  But I recommend being unequivocal in your refusal to blame him, remind him that she wasn't long-term swayed by his arguments even when he managed to stop her before, and also reminding him that suicide is ultimately an act of personal agency and control - there is very little if anything that someone can do to stop someone else from committing suicide.  The world is full of stories of someone being stopped, or committed to a mental institution, or locked up and under constant watch, who waited just long enough to get out from under the watchful eye of someone else to finally commit the act.

If she was going to do it, she was going to do it.  And there was ultimately probably nothing he could have done to stop that.

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10 minutes ago, Henry Ford said:

You probably don't.  But I recommend being unequivocal in your refusal to blame him, remind him that she wasn't long-term swayed by his arguments even when he managed to stop her before, and also reminding him that suicide is ultimately an act of personal agency and control - there is very little if anything that someone can do to stop someone else from committing suicide.  The world is full of stories of someone being stopped, or committed to a mental institution, or locked up and under constant watch, who waited just long enough to get out from under the watchful eye of someone else to finally commit the act.

If she was going to do it, she was going to do it.  And there was ultimately probably nothing he could have done to stop that.

Thanks HF...

But isn't that akin to saying there's no hope for someone who is suicidal, when there clearly is with support groups, medication, or at least getting that person off of heroin. While it's obviously not his fault, isn't there always something someone can do to help that person maybe not take that step? I just think there's always hope and know I would feel like he does now and any words just sound hollow.

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Just now, jamny said:

Thanks HF...

But isn't that akin to saying there's no hope for someone who is suicidal, when there clearly is with support groups, medication, or at least getting that person off of heroin. While it's obviously not his fault, isn't there always something someone can do to help that person maybe not take that step? I just think there's always hope and know I would feel like he does now and any words just sound hollow.

I might be alone in saying this, and I'm not a psychologist.  But my answer would be "no."  Someone who is committed to the idea of committing suicide cannot always be swayed.  There is not always something you can do.  Sometimes people kill themselves, and there is absolutely nothing anyone could have done to ultimately stop them forever.  That's my opinion.  It's harsh, and it's terrible, but I believe it to be true.

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