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1 hour ago, boots11234 said:

David Carr.  Changed my way of thinking about booze.  Read his book on booze. Helped me quit. I too was nervous about quitting. Quit cold turkey.   Was difficult because all the sudden I had a bunch of free time on my hands that before was spent boozin. Fast forward about 3 years or so, still not drinking and never felt better. You can do it. 

Do you mean Allen Carr?

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10 minutes ago, CurlyNight said:

Do you mean Allen Carr?

Yes thats it. The Book that changed my life.  Had you told me that reading a book would get me to stop drinking before, I'd have told you that youre crazy.  After reading it and for me not just 'reading' it but thinking about what it said.  And I mean really thinking about it.  I stopped.  No DWI"s or any other problems, I just felt i was drinking too much.  Personal life was suffering, weight, health etc.  I often hear people expressing fear or saying they dont think they can give it up.  Sure you can and after reading the book I realized i wasnt giving anything up but actually the opposite.  I was gaining so much that drinking stopped me from getting.  

I also agree with others who say exercise.  Go for a walk, make it a habit.  You'll feel better.  After i quit drinking I actually picked up the banjo.  I had so much more free time from not drinking i started a new awesome habit!!

 

Good luck.  You can do it!

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1 hour ago, ncmagistrate said:

Finding a good therapist can help. 

This is a great idea but honestly I'm intimidated by trying to navigate the system. I don't even have a regular doctor. Not sure how to find one.

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2 hours ago, nirad3 said:

Soooo much to relate to in this thread right now.

I've contemplated giving up drinking but I don't think I can.  I would be what's classified as a "binge drinker".  I rarely drink at home; only when it's a precursor to going out.  

I go out 3-4 times a month; more during football season because "my bar" is on the way home from work and going to have a few drinks while watching MNF was awesome.

I'm sure my life (and health) would change if I stopped, but I really love beer and the feeling of having a good buzz.  Also, it's a social thing.

Interesting stuff to read here, and while it sucks on one hand, on the other it is good to know I'm "not alone".

I'm the opposite kind of drinker. Almost always drink at home, and I'm a "constant" drinker instead of binging. I tend to drink high ABV beers that I take my time with and savor. I try to avoid getting getting carried away because I just can't deal with hangovers. But I do enjoy beer and I feel like I'll be missing out on one of life's pleasures if I completely quit. Still going to take a break though. I want to see what difference it makes.

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50 minutes ago, -arcK- said:

This is a great idea but honestly I'm intimidated by trying to navigate the system. I don't even have a regular doctor. Not sure how to find one.

Maybe go to a local AA chapter. There you get a sponsor and meet people in the same boat. Maybe someone there has a good therapist to refer you to.

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10 hours ago, -arcK- said:

This is a great idea but honestly I'm intimidated by trying to navigate the system. I don't even have a regular doctor. Not sure how to find one.

There's been a lot of great advice in here, and I think the first thing wikkid mentioned- seeing a medical doctor- should be step one.

As somebody with a history of depression, something about your post above resonated...I get stressed out at times trying to do some simple ####- like finding a Dr if I don't have one, or even making the appointment. Then the not making/finding the appointment feeds on itself pushing me down darker places. That's how my depression works...Dunno if that's the case for you based on what you've written, just thought I'd throw it out there.

But what helps me is taking the tiniest of steps towards positive action- looking up a Dr, whatever. My depression paralyzes me, and the more paralyzed I am the worse I get...like sinking in quicksand.

And again, not trying to impose depression on you here, but what you're desecribing sounds like a place not normal for you and seems possibly like a chemical imbalance that can be fixed bypositive steps that Dr should look at first. And a therapist too if you can swing it. Those steps could be pills, but could also be cutting booze and exercising (both are positive steps regardless)

Good luck!

 

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1 hour ago, El Floppo said:

There's been a lot of great advice in here, and I think the first thing wikkid mentioned- seeing a medical doctor- should be step one.

As somebody with a history of depression, something about your post above resonated...I get stressed out at times trying to do some simple ####- like finding a Dr if I don't have one, or even making the appointment. Then the not making/finding the appointment feeds on itself pushing me down darker places. That's how my depression works...Dunno if that's the case for you based on what you've written, just thought I'd throw it out there.

But what helps me is taking the tiniest of steps towards positive action- looking up a Dr, whatever. My depression paralyzes me, and the more paralyzed I am the worse I get...like sinking in quicksand.

And again, not trying to impose depression on you here, but what you're desecribing sounds like a place not normal for you and seems possibly like a chemical imbalance that can be fixed bypositive steps that Dr should look at first. And a therapist too if you can swing it. Those steps could be pills, but could also be cutting booze and exercising (both are positive steps regardless)

Good luck!

 

What you said here in bold sounds eerily familiar. Another anxiety trigger for me, as dumb as it sounds, is finding parking in an area I'm unfamiliar with. I've missed events, even some important ones, because I've freaked out over not being able to figure out where to park. Man, I know, that is so stupid and childish...

Was talking to a buddy about what's been going on lately and he suggested that I'm depressed. In my mind, I'm thinking: "how? I've been suicidal before, I've wanted to die, and I've been way past that for many years. I'm so far away from that feeling now that I can't possibly be suffering from depression, because I truly know what it's like to be rock-bottom..."

I'm an infrequent poster so I doubt anyone remembers, but I posted on this board many years ago (I think maybe even in this very thread?) about how I wanted to kill myself. Seems like a lifetime ago. But what I'm learning is depression isn't a happy/sad thing. There's apparently a lot more to it than. It feels weird to say but it seems one can feel joy and contentment in their lives but still be depressed.

You mentioned you have a history of depression, and if you don't mind me asking, how has it evolved over the years? Does it disappear, re-emerge? Or always there, right under the surface, even during all the good times?

 

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1 hour ago, -arcK- said:

What you said here in bold sounds eerily familiar. Another anxiety trigger for me, as dumb as it sounds, is finding parking in an area I'm unfamiliar with. I've missed events, even some important ones, because I've freaked out over not being able to figure out where to park. Man, I know, that is so stupid and childish...

Was talking to a buddy about what's been going on lately and he suggested that I'm depressed. In my mind, I'm thinking: "how? I've been suicidal before, I've wanted to die, and I've been way past that for many years. I'm so far away from that feeling now that I can't possibly be suffering from depression, because I truly know what it's like to be rock-bottom..."

I'm an infrequent poster so I doubt anyone remembers, but I posted on this board many years ago (I think maybe even in this very thread?) about how I wanted to kill myself. Seems like a lifetime ago. But what I'm learning is depression isn't a happy/sad thing. There's apparently a lot more to it than. It feels weird to say but it seems one can feel joy and contentment in their lives but still be depressed.

You mentioned you have a history of depression, and if you don't mind me asking, how has it evolved over the years? Does it disappear, re-emerge? Or always there, right under the surface, even during all the good times?

 

With depression is always anxiety. Yours sounds pretty paralysing. I recommend finding a psychiatrist as well, you may need meds to at least help break the wall. Doesn't mean you're on for life but in such severe cases as yours, I have yet to hear of someone has never needed meds at least for awhile.

As for a therapist, look up therapists in your area. Most have their specialties listed. You look for addictions, depression and anxiety. Also look for cognitive behavioral therapy or ask about it when you call. CBT is the most effective therapy for changing behavior and getting you out of a place of despair and fear. This is a must. Finding your triggers and learning how to change your thinking is key. You have a dual diagnosis in psych speak. Addiction and anxiety/depression, both which need to be tackled together. Good luck. Wish you well. This is a great new year resolution to shoot for.. xxx

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9 minutes ago, CurlyNight said:

With depression is always anxiety. Yours sounds pretty paralysing. I recommend finding a psychiatrist as well, you may need meds to at least help break the wall. Doesn't mean you're on for life but in such severe cases as yours, I have yet to hear of someone never have needed meds at least for awhile.

As for a therapist, look up therapists in your area. Most have their specialties listed. You look for addictions, depression and anxiety. Also look for cognitive behavioral therapy or ask about it when you call. CBT is the most effective therapy for changing behavior and getting you out of a place of despair and fear. This is a must. Finding your triggers and learning how to change your thinking is key. You have a dual diagnosis in psych speak. Addiction and anxiety/depression, both which need to be tackled together. Good luck. Wish you well. This is a great new year resolution to shoot for.. xxx

On one hand, the idea that I'm actually depressed is starting to make me sad, because I actually thought I was happy. Dang. I guess I'm realizing that this whole time I've been medicating my anxiety with beer.

On the other hand, I looked up the behavioral therapy you mentioned and it sounds promising. Seems like I have a lot to learn about what depression really is.

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1 hour ago, -arcK- said:

What you said here in bold sounds eerily familiar. Another anxiety trigger for me, as dumb as it sounds, is finding parking in an area I'm unfamiliar with. I've missed events, even some important ones, because I've freaked out over not being able to figure out where to park. Man, I know, that is so stupid and childish...

Was talking to a buddy about what's been going on lately and he suggested that I'm depressed. In my mind, I'm thinking: "how? I've been suicidal before, I've wanted to die, and I've been way past that for many years. I'm so far away from that feeling now that I can't possibly be suffering from depression, because I truly know what it's like to be rock-bottom..."

I'm an infrequent poster so I doubt anyone remembers, but I posted on this board many years ago (I think maybe even in this very thread?) about how I wanted to kill myself. Seems like a lifetime ago. But what I'm learning is depression isn't a happy/sad thing. There's apparently a lot more to it than. It feels weird to say but it seems one can feel joy and contentment in their lives but still be depressed.

You mentioned you have a history of depression, and if you don't mind me asking, how has it evolved over the years? Does it disappear, re-emerge? Or always there, right under the surface, even during all the good times?

 

Yeah...depression isn't just "something bad happened and I feel bad about it", it can be a chemical inbalance in your brain, body, genetic predisposition, medical reaction, environmental or something else. This is why you want to see a Dr, stat. Ime, talk therapy is also a good way of getting into the triggers and/or cause, especially before jumping into ant-depress meds.

For me, it's a combo of anxiety and depression. Often when doing something that's new (from tiny things like calling a new Dr to major life/work things), I feel an anxiety over doing it "wrong", which freezes me. An acute sense of perfectionism ties into it where I don't just want to do things "good enough", I have to make the Taj Mahal out of everything. The freezing/paralysis can build on itself, and even though I'm aware that I'm smart, capable and talented at the things in my life,   the feeling of hopelessness/depression is always right there under the surface tied into the anxiety and sinking me deeper and deeper, particularly if I don't find forward progress. 

Historically this played out as finishing things late or not at all- getting stuck on something and instead of just doing it, cycling around and around it endlessly trying to figure out the "best" option. This has showed up everywhere in my life and severely limited or sunk opportunities- some of which have been potentially life-changing. I've even recently noticed that my day-dream/fantasies are all based in history- doing previous things differently/better...not thinking about doing something new in the future.

I used to see a therapist, and that was a big help. At one particularly low point I tried anti-depression meds...not sure if they or just energy from having the impetus to try them helped more, but I got out of that hole and I would never discourage trying anything.

While I still suffer from all of this more than I'd like and feel like I'm a fraud and whatever I do is going to the wrong or not best choice, having kids and losing a previous small financial cushion have been big for me to try harder at "just getting it done" for the parts of my life where there aren't any other options...primarily work/finance related.

Dunno if that helps? I'm happy to discuss anything further 

 

 

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1 minute ago, -arcK- said:

On one hand, the idea that I'm actually depressed is starting to make me sad, because I actually thought I was happy. Dang. I guess I'm realizing that this whole time I've been medicating my anxiety with beer.

On the other hand, I looked up the behavioral therapy you mentioned and it sounds promising. Seems like I have a lot to learn about what depression really is.

Depression causes anxiety, anxiety causes depression...just 1 is perceived greater than the other. Depression/anxiety is very common. Evrryone has at least a little bit. Life. Many look happy on the outside but are not on the inside. This is where addictions come from. They make you numb or feel better for a little while so you keep doing it. It never solves anything. It's like putting a band aid over something that needs surgery. Do you have family, support people? Even if you do AA becomes just that to many. Support is important to have aside from us here.

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8 minutes ago, -arcK- said:

On one hand, the idea that I'm actually depressed is starting to make me sad, because I actually thought I was happy. Dang. I guess I'm realizing that this whole time I've been medicating my anxiety with beer.

On the other hand, I looked up the behavioral therapy you mentioned and it sounds promising. Seems like I have a lot to learn about what depression really is.

Snap out of it!

-signed, people who dont suffer from depression and can't/won't empathize.

Honestly, for me at least, every baby step I take towards helping myself takes me away from the anxiety/depression. 

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13 minutes ago, El Floppo said:

Snap out of it!

-signed, people who dont suffer from depression and can't/won't empathize.

Honestly, for me at least, every baby step I take towards helping myself takes me away from the anxiety/depression. 

Exactly. Not doing anything doesn't change things. And it takes work and time. Once you learn the tools to beat this it takes practice and time to change your thinking. Change what you can. If no way to change something then that's where the change the thinking comes in. The bare basics of cognitive behavioral therapy. 

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1 hour ago, CurlyNight said:

Depression causes anxiety, anxiety causes depression...just 1 is perceived greater than the other. Depression/anxiety is very common. Evrryone has at least a little bit. Life. Many look happy on the outside but are not on the inside. This is where addictions come from. They make you numb or feel better for a little while so you keep doing it. It never solves anything. It's like putting a band aid over something that needs surgery. Do you have family, support people? Even if you do AA becomes just that to many. Support is important to have aside from us here.

I have friends and family I could talk to. But for the most part I've just kept this bottled up inside. Sounds like that's another change I need to make...

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1 hour ago, El Floppo said:

Yeah...depression isn't just "something bad happened and I feel bad about it", it can be a chemical inbalance in your brain, body, genetic predisposition, medical reaction, environmental or something else. This is why you want to see a Dr, stat. Ime, talk therapy is also a good way of getting into the triggers and/or cause, especially before jumping into ant-depress meds.

For me, it's a combo of anxiety and depression. Often when doing something that's new (from tiny things like calling a new Dr to major life/work things), I feel an anxiety over doing it "wrong", which freezes me. An acute sense of perfectionism ties into it where I don't just want to do things "good enough", I have to make the Taj Mahal out of everything. The freezing/paralysis can build on itself, and even though I'm aware that I'm smart, capable and talented at the things in my life,   the feeling of hopelessness/depression is always right there under the surface tied into the anxiety and sinking me deeper and deeper, particularly if I don't find forward progress. 

Historically this played out as finishing things late or not at all- getting stuck on something and instead of just doing it, cycling around and around it endlessly trying to figure out the "best" option. This has showed up everywhere in my life and severely limited or sunk opportunities- some of which have been potentially life-changing. I've even recently noticed that my day-dream/fantasies are all based in history- doing previous things differently/better...not thinking about doing something new in the future.

I used to see a therapist, and that was a big help. At one particularly low point I tried anti-depression meds...not sure if they or just energy from having the impetus to try them helped more, but I got out of that hole and I would never discourage trying anything.

While I still suffer from all of this more than I'd like and feel like I'm a fraud and whatever I do is going to the wrong or not best choice, having kids and losing a previous small financial cushion have been big for me to try harder at "just getting it done" for the parts of my life where there aren't any other options...primarily work/finance related.

Dunno if that helps? I'm happy to discuss anything further 

 

 

Those perfectionist and procrastination issues are very relatable to me. So many things I've never done because if I tried it wouldn't end up perfect. And also the thinking/obsessing over situations where I should have done such and such instead. I occasionally beat myself up over things other people probably don't even remember. I think there's some truth in what Wikkid said about taking things personal in life. Everything seems to be personal to me. Sigh.

I don't know know if this is a factor for other people with anxiety, but I also suspect I'm on the Autism spectrum. When I was in school it might have existed as a concept, but it certainly wasn't talked about or tested for. I work in a school district now and over the years I've talked with special ed diagnosticians who have told me that, based on what I've shared with them, it's likely I'm a "high functioning autistic person". That would explain why math, science, technology always made sense to me but navigating social circles was a nightmare. Looking back, I don't think it was until my career finally got rolling in my early 30s where I really started building confidence in myself and became capable of talking with people.

So I guess it seems I've made a lot of improvements on my own, but apparently it's not enough. Going to have to find a professional to talk with. Although that idea is already setting off my anxiety.

But I should look on the bright side... I still very much want to live. I've had no suicidal thoughts for at least... 10 years or more? That's something to feel good about. Also, normally I would have had some beer while watching the national championship game last night. But I didn't. I suppose I should be encouraged by that.

 

 

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1 minute ago, -arcK- said:

Those perfectionist and procrastination issues are very relatable to me. So many things I've never done because if I tried it wouldn't end up perfect. And also the thinking/obsessing over situations where I should have done such and such instead. I occasionally beat myself up over things other people probably don't even remember. I think there's some truth in what Wikkid said about taking things personal in life. Everything seems to be personal to me. Sigh.

I don't know know if this is a factor for other people with anxiety, but I also suspect I'm on the Autism spectrum. When I was in school it might have existed as a concept, but it certainly wasn't talked about or tested for. I work in a school district now and over the years I've talked with special ed diagnosticians who have told me that, based on what I've shared with them, it's likely I'm a "high functioning autistic person". That would explain why math, science, technology always made sense to me but navigating social circles was a nightmare. Looking back, I don't think it was until my career finally got rolling in my early 30s where I really started building confidence in myself and became capable of talking with people.

So I guess it seems I've made a lot of improvements on my own, but apparently it's not enough. Going to have to find a professional to talk with. Although that idea is already setting off my anxiety.

But I should look on the bright side... I still very much want to live. I've had no suicidal thoughts for at least... 10 years or more? That's something to feel good about. Also, normally I would have had some beer while watching the national championship game last night. But I didn't. I suppose I should be encouraged by that.

 

 

Jesus.  We sound like the same person.  I feel your pain, GB.

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On 1/13/2020 at 11:53 AM, -arcK- said:

my body was telling me that drinking was ruining my sleep and adding to my gut. So I've started cutting back and it could be that's why my stress level is wreaking havoc unchecked.

sounds like withdrawals

happens with caffeine, sugar, almost any substance that your body has grown accustomed to having regularly. your body is trying to readjust its levels to a new normal state.

might take a few weeks to level off but then it'll be like the cloud lifted.

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From today's WSJ

Quote

Nearly 11% of adults said they had seriously considered suicide in the previous 30 days as the coronavirus pandemic takes a toll on Americans’ mental health, according to data released Thursday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Stay healthy, FBGs.  This too shall pass!  

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18 hours ago, johnnycakes said:

From today's WSJ

Stay healthy, FBGs.  This too shall pass!  

Geez, that’s a lot of freaking people although I will say I don’t know what the normal number is. I do know we need to get back to normal. This isn’t good for anyone the way it is. I know there’s risks but I can only imagine for people already on the edge. I’m not worried about myself or my family as we luckily don’t have a history of mental illness in our families but I know it hasn’t been a fun time so I can’t fathom people not doing well before this started.

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3 minutes ago, stbugs said:

Geez, that’s a lot of freaking people although I will say I don’t know what the normal number is. I do know we need to get back to normal. This isn’t good for anyone the way it is. I know there’s risks but I can only imagine for people already on the edge. I’m not worried about myself or my family as we luckily don’t have a history of mental illness in our families but I know it hasn’t been a fun time so I can’t fathom people not doing well before this started.

That is more than double the 4.3% of adults who reported doing so in 2018, according to data from the Department of Health and Human Services.  

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I lost a friend to suicide last night. It's so very sad when someone loses the battle of mental illness. I am so thankful for all the help I received and continue to receive.

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