Because I want to roll some villain speech out on the unsuspecting saps in my league and I have the speech and now all I need is the ultimate weapon which is the dominator app! Imagine what carnage I might unleash on those pitiful half-wits if I could just lay my evil hands on that Dominator app.
[Me addressing the league]
"Ah, minions. You're so wrong on all your wasted, pathetic little draft picks! Let me explain. The perfect roster, which you strive in vain to achieve, comes from destruction, disorder, and chaos. Now, take this tablet, here it is: peaceful, serene, boring. But if it is destroyed--"
(smashes the tablet, little machines with Joe's icon emerge to dust up the pieces)
"Look at all these little things, so busy now. Notice how each one is useful. What a lovely ballet ensues, so full of form and color. Now, think about all those people that created them. Technicians, engineers, tens of people who will be able to feed their children tonight so those children can grow up big and strong and have little teenie-weenie fantasy football children of their own and so on and so forth, thus adding to the great chain...of fantasy football domination.
You see, bottom-feeders, by creating a little destruction; by stepping on your collective throats and squeezing the worthless air from your lungs that are used to make fruitless draft picks--and then reigning over you with my roster of studs like a crazed god of waiver wire holiness as my points pour in like Roger Goodell's suspensions, I am in fact encouraging life. In reality, you and I are in the same business. I'm just a lot better at it!"
MWUHAHAHA!
So you see my dear mad scientist friends at FBG, I want...no, NEED, that dominator! And I mean to have it by any means necessary!