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General Malaise

GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing

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On 6/15/2019 at 12:53 PM, strykerpks said:

I had a bit of a health scare a few weeks ago. Spent the night in the ER with chest pains, arm numbness etc. I was really scared.

Had a good follow up with my primary doc and then an echo cardiogram on Wednesday. Got the message yesterday that there's no issue with heart function. 

It's been a while since I've had a good cry. That was a good one. Pay attention to your body, peeps. :grad:

Damn dude....... Happy to hear all is well.

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1 hour ago, krista4 said:

Last night I sat in my car an embarrassingly long time before figuring out that the reason the garage door wasn't opening was that I was in my neighbor's driveway rather than my own.  And actually it was opening and closing as I feverishly hit the remote, which caused Mr. krista (inside the house) to wonder WTF was going on.

Sorry Krista but....... :lmao:

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11 hours ago, krista4 said:

Last night I sat in my car an embarrassingly long time before figuring out that the reason the garage door wasn't opening was that I was in my neighbor's driveway rather than my own.  And actually it was opening and closing as I feverishly hit the remote, which caused Mr. krista (inside the house) to wonder WTF was going on.

This was a funny scene in a bad Mark Wahlberg movie. :lmao: 

And if I lived in a neighborhood where this could happen there is zero doubt in my mind that I would do it once a week. :bag:

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1 hour ago, roadkill1292 said:

This was a funny scene in a bad Mark Wahlberg movie. :lmao: 

And if I lived in a neighborhood where this could happen there is zero doubt in my mind that I would do it once a week. :bag:

I don't even own a car or live somewhere with garages and I'm still doing it once a week.

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5 hours ago, El Floppo said:

I don't even own a car or live somewhere with garages and I'm still doing it once a week.

What is a world without garages like?

Where do you store your lawn mower and yard tools?

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I find cookie cutter neighborhoods where your house looks the same as the others depressing, but they do set up some comedy too. 

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On 6/15/2019 at 11:55 AM, urbanhack said:

I can see myself moving to Bend, OR in the next few years.  I swear all the actors from the viagra and cialis commercials live here.  

Well, duh. 

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On 6/15/2019 at 12:53 PM, strykerpks said:

I had a bit of a health scare a few weeks ago. Spent the night in the ER with chest pains, arm numbness etc. I was really scared.

Had a good follow up with my primary doc and then an echo cardiogram on Wednesday. Got the message yesterday that there's no issue with heart function. 

It's been a while since I've had a good cry. That was a good one. Pay attention to your body, peeps. :grad:

Glad to hear you're doing well.  Did they decide it was a panic attack or something?

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19 minutes ago, RC94 said:

I find cookie cutter neighborhoods where your house looks the same as the others depressing, but they do set up some comedy too. 

I’d love to tell you it was because they look the same...but their house is a different size, shape, trim, and color.

The confusion arose from their having a red car parked in their driveway that I thought was Mr. krista’s red car.  

:bag: 

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21 hours ago, krista4 said:

Last night I sat in my car an embarrassingly long time before figuring out that the reason the garage door wasn't opening was that I was in my neighbor's driveway rather than my own.  And actually it was opening and closing as I feverishly hit the remote, which caused Mr. krista (inside the house) to wonder WTF was going on.

Post of the month. 

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We used to tell sharting stories in here. Now we tell parking in the wrong driveway stories. Yep, we are definitely aging.

 

 

Back to sharting stories soon!

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1 minute ago, kevzilla said:

We used to tell sharting stories in here. Now we tell parking in the wrong driveway stories. Yep, we are definitely aging.

 

 

Back to sharting stories soon!

Some active pooping stories in the Ran a 10k thread, but sharting will always be a special part of GMTAN 

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On 6/19/2019 at 4:46 PM, krista4 said:

I’d love to tell you it was because they look the same...but their house is a different size, shape, trim, and color.

The confusion arose from their having a red car parked in their driveway that I thought was Mr. krista’s red car.  

:bag: 

laser-focused problems.

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Muscle-car auction going on in Portland right now. GM needs to get down there and pick up an old El Camino to shlep the kids around.

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6 minutes ago, kevzilla said:

Muscle-car auction going on in Portland right now. GM needs to get down there and pick up an old El Camino to shlep the kids around.

Shleping the kids in our minivan to the Kilchis River for camping fun.  I hope a bear eats me.

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1 minute ago, Man of Constant Sorrow said:

Just remember ... you don't have to outrun the bear, just your kids.

Oh, I don't plan on outrunning the bear.  I'm probably going to offer the bear ketchup too.

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25 minutes ago, General Malaise said:

Shleping the kids in our minivan to the Kilchis River for camping fun.  I hope a bear eats me.

read that as "beer". checks out.

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52 minutes ago, General Malaise said:

 I hope a bear eats me.

which kind?  :mellow:

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My review of this food cart:

 

Dear Momma's Grub,

 

As a long time fan of spicy food I wanted to commend you for your bold strategy of serving "the real deal" at your food truck.

 

I have eaten raw and grilled habaneros, insanely hot jalapenos from the mercado in Mazatlan, Thai food with so many Birdseye peppers it was almost inedible and even once challenged an Indian food chef (dot, not feather) to "make it super hot". That last one was a mistake.

 

I ordered, with confidence, your sweet and spicy habanero chicken fusion tacos. Might I suggest a name change to sweet and spicy habanero chicken NUCLEAR fusion tacos.

 

No sooner than right after my first bite i experienced an immediate swelling of my tongue and face region, general numbness of the upper body and redness of all exposed skin. My coworker asked if I was allergic to anything. I assured him that these tacos were ####in awesome.

 

After my second bite i lost all feeling in my hands, feet and entire body regions. This surprised me as a veteran of many many spicy meals. Usually it takes a few minutes to sort of sneak up on you but apparently your company has perfected an accelerant to speed delivery of the capsicum molecules directly through the body's cell walls.

 

I must say I was impressed with your technological advances and am considering recommending you to the department of defense biological warfare division.

 

Since I was already numb and still starving i decided to soldier on and finished both tacos in the fewest bites possible. Each humongous bite was followed by crying and profuse sweat, especially of the general facial regions.

 

Being an old hand, I knew a trick to immediately stop the burn of habanero; take a pinch of salt and put it under your tongue, the heat stops in 5 seconds. So I went to the lunch room and grabbed the salt. I put a pinch in and apparently your technician knew this trick as well and put a chemical blocker in his accelerant formula, because nothing happened. I ended up eating half a shaker of salt before finally giving up.

 

A short while later I had the sudden urge to go to the toilet. It was here that the genius of your Nobel prize winning chemist really shined. As I ran to the toilet frantically trying to get my clothes off and sit down I also had the sudden and ballistic urge to urinate. At the point of contact I experienced something I've never felt before. I had the sensation of hot lava exploding from the rear while simultaneously firing a super heated laser beam through my urethra. This was also accompanied with unending tears as mentioned previously. At one point i hallucinated flying a dragon shooting fire in all directions as I attacked the people of the sun.

 

I feel much better now several hours later and have no desire to eat food in the next week or two so I wanted to thank your chemist for helping in my weight loss goals.

 

Sincerely,

 

Tommyboy

Portland

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I gotta piss, but this guy freaking out at the admirals lounge front desk is a good show. Apparently the guy has missed 3 flights and it’s never been his fault.

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He ain’t getting home tonight. :lol: 

HE WORKS FOR A LAW FIRM!!!! ruh roh! :lmao: 

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He doesn’t understand what standby means. :lmao: 

“I HAVE A TICKET!!”

”Sir, that’s a standby ticket.”

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Oh he missed his original flight because he was stuck in traffic and it’s THEIR fault!

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i've got a monthly Thursday morning meeting at 8:30 AM. not my choice. the main guy who needs to be there was late this week. i asked if we should continue without him or re-schedule and the response was "he walks to work. must be stuck in traffic this morning."  :blink: 

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29 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

i've got a monthly Thursday morning meeting at 8:30 AM. not my choice. the main guy who needs to be there was late this week. i asked if we should continue without him or re-schedule and the response was "he walks to work. must be stuck in traffic this morning."  :blink: 

Is this Wisconsin?

Could it be all the cows in the road? 🐄

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2 hours ago, Man of Constant Sorrow said:

Is this Wisconsin?

Could it be all the cows in the road? 🐄

Maybe he was in line at Uncle Mike's for the kringle.

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On 6/19/2019 at 12:22 PM, Man of Constant Sorrow said:

What is a world without garages like?

Where do you store your lawn mower and yard tools?

It sucks. I had to build a shed.

After that, I tore it down and built a $200,000 attached garage to store my tools in. Problem solved. 

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3 hours ago, Henry Ford said:

If you’re not watching Tig Notaro’s Under A Rock, are you even living?

You don't know how many times I've said this.

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1 minute ago, GroveDiesel said:

You don't know how many times I've said this.

The James Van Der Beek episode slayed me.  

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14 minutes ago, Henry Ford said:

The James Van Der Beek episode slayed me.  

See, you didn't know. I've said it zero times. But it's now on my list to watch 👍

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Just now, GroveDiesel said:

See, you didn't know. I've said it zero times. But it's now on my list to watch 👍

The premise is that Tig Notaro doesn’t know anything about pop culture. Like, anything.  In real life. 

So celebrities come on her talk show and she tries to figure out who they are. 

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1 hour ago, Henry Ford said:

The premise is that Tig Notaro doesn’t know anything about pop culture. Like, anything.  In real life. 

So celebrities come on her talk show and she tries to figure out who they are. 

Just watched two episodes.  Genius.

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1 hour ago, Henry Ford said:

The premise is that Tig Notaro doesn’t know anything about pop culture. Like, anything.  In real life. 

So celebrities come on her talk show and she tries to figure out who they are. 

Wow.  So she stole my shtick but for realsies?

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5 hours ago, Henry Ford said:

If you’re not watching Tig Notaro’s Under A Rock, are you even living?

I loved her movie/show touring America and playing fans' backyards.

The second I hear her clown horn, I lose it.

I don't even remember if that was all a giant euphemism or not.

 

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8 hours ago, El Floppo said:

I loved her movie/show touring America and playing fans' backyards.

The second I hear her clown horn, I lose it.

I don't even remember if that was all a giant euphemism or not.

 

Her Taylor Dayne story is still my favorite.

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On 6/21/2019 at 3:16 PM, General Malaise said:

Oh, I don't plan on outrunning the bear.  I'm probably going to offer the bear ketchup too.

Guaranteed Bear meltdown.

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On 6/22/2019 at 8:00 PM, Henry Ford said:

The premise is that Tig Notaro doesn’t know anything about pop culture. Like, anything.  In real life. 

So celebrities come on her talk show and she tries to figure out who they are. 

I have to check this out ... and figure out who she is.

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On 6/22/2019 at 9:53 PM, El Floppo said:

I loved her movie/show touring America and playing fans' backyards.

The second I hear her clown horn, I lose it.

Oh hell  -  the ante has just been upped! 📯🤡

Quote

I don't even remember if that was all a giant euphemism or not.

I'll report back - giants are cool, euphemism or not.

Edited by Man of Constant Sorrow
horn blow/n

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On 6/22/2019 at 9:51 PM, OrtonToOlsen said:

Wow.  So she stole my shtick but for realsies?

You think she was in the audience in Oildale?

You need to stop allowing cameras at your shows, man.

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48 minutes ago, Man of Constant Sorrow said:

I have to check this out ... and figure out who she is.

Funny or Die and Amazon Prime have it. Only 10 minutes or so per episode. Lots of fun. 

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2 minutes ago, Henry Ford said:

Funny or Die and Amazon Prime have it. Only 10 minutes or so per episode. Lots of fun. 

Cool. 

Thnx.

52 minutes ago, Man of Constant Sorrow said:

I have to check this out ... and figure out who she is.

I now realize that I have heard her before on NPR. I liked her stuff.

I will watch.

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On 6/21/2019 at 4:01 PM, mr. furley said:
On 6/21/2019 at 3:09 PM, General Malaise said:

 I hope a bear eats me.

which kind?  :mellow:

I have been thinking - kinda ...

I like Pandas. 🐼

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What The F*** Facts‏  Verified account @WhatTheFFacts 14m14 minutes ago

100,000 Japanese disappear without trace every year, many to save their honour after a divorce, job loss, failing an exam or debt.

 

whoa. 

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9 hours ago, Binky The Doormat said:

What The F*** Facts‏  Verified account @WhatTheFFacts 14m14 minutes ago

100,000 Japanese disappear without trace every year, many to save their honour after a divorce, job loss, failing an exam or debt.

whoa. 

where do they go?

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