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Guys with Stay at Home Mom's for Wive's (1 Viewer)

TheWalkmen

Footballguy
How the hell do you keep their spending in check?  I make less than the typical FBG, so I deposit $750/month into her checking account so she has her "own" money.  She pays no bills, yet she continually has credit card bills over $1,000 and continues to say she doesn't spend any money and there's no where to cut back.  She just bought our son like $500 in bedding from Pottery Barn, she spends like $165 to get her hair done, buys all her jeans from Nordstrom, etc...

How do I control this stuff without being a total d!ck, and with her hardly noticing my effort to curb the spending?

 
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The only way is to have a sit down with her and go over the budget again as a reevaluation.  Decide then and there what money it takes to run the household and reset expectations for her as to what amount she can have as her own put into her account.  Let her come to the conclusion that she is responsible for her own credit cards and such but otherwise, as long as what she spends on doesn't affect the household, the money she gets is her's to spend as she chooses.

It really makes the conversation less hostile if you don't approach it as putting her on an allowance so include her in the process and hopefully she's sees what you see.

 
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This is another situation in which open, honest, rational communication typically works best. When presented with cool, logical criticism of their actions, most women appreciate the bluntness and cheerfully alter their behavior. You might even be rewarded with some extra special sexy time.

 
Used to have this problem too. She doesn't have an ATM card, I'll give her when she asks. She's on our bank account, but I've conditioned her that it is there strictly for deposits.

For our Amex, she has a monthly limit. It simply gets declined if she exceeds.

 
Well don't try explaining that every dollar she spends delays your retirement.  It doesn't have the intended effect.

 
This is another situation in which open, honest, rational communication typically works best. When presented with cool, logical criticism of their actions, most women appreciate the bluntness and cheerfully alter their behavior. You might even be rewarded with some extra special sexy time.
Yea, my wife always blows me after logical discussion about saving for school and retirement and how her wasteful spending interfere with that.

 
First step:  Review all debit/credit card transactions with her over the past year and categorized them.  Lay out some kind of budget for legitimate recurring expenditures - then see where you stand vs. the $750/mo.

2nd step:  Make the $750 cash and keep all receipts - everything.  No card use unless discussed prior.  

This won't work completely but it will allow you both to focus in on problem areas.  If she really doesn't want to stop, she won't.  She will find a zillion reasons to justify whatever weirdo #### she feels she must have.  

It's not fun.  

 
My buddy got wiped out by his stay at home wife, she spent money faster than he could earn it, as a final kick to the nads she ran up the credit card 30k days before running off with an airplane pilot.  The good news is that she never paid child support and she owes about 70k which keeps growing at 8%-10% or whatever the law dictates. She'll never pay it off and he'll never let her off the hook.    Her payments are sporadic as she frequently changes jobs to escape the garnishment.  He enjoys every moment of her torture now.  

 
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just tell her dont let me see your lip react you do not want to see my hand where my hip be at and she will be like damn he is quoting will smiths wild wild west this is serious and bam all of your problems will fade away in to a crapstorm of remade movie crud so say it with me bam another riddle solved by the old swcer take that to the bank bromigos 

 
This is another situation in which open, honest, rational communication typically works best. When presented with cool, logical criticism of their actions, most women appreciate the bluntness and cheerfully alter their behavior. You might even be rewarded with some extra special sexy time.
:lmao:

 
This is another situation in which open, honest, rational communication typically works best. When presented with cool, logical criticism of their actions, most women appreciate the bluntness and cheerfully alter their behavior. You might even be rewarded with some extra special sexy time.
hahaha awesome

 
I'm also shelling out $500 a month for our 3.5 year old and 2 yr old to go to school (daycare) for half a day two days a week.  We've looked at what she spends money on... I've downloaded all of her CC transactions for many months, and she doesn't really blow money on pointless stuff.  She just buys expensive stuff no matter what it is (e.g. $9 gallons of milk, $200 jeans). It's just $50 here, $50 there, a couple hundo on this, which quickly adds up.  Her argument is that I spend as much as I want and I have no budget.  I always let her know that if I go over my budget our bank account will be empty, whereas I am always her backup when she spends over $750 a month on 100% discretionary spend.  Her current credit card bill is $2500!

 
looking at the title of this thread maybe the problem is that the moms and wives are too possessive take that to the bank bromigos

 
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I'm also shelling out $500 a month for our 3.5 year old and 2 yr old to go to school (daycare) for half a day two days a week.  We've looked at what she spends money on... I've downloaded all of her CC transactions for many months, and she doesn't really blow money on pointless stuff.  She just buys expensive stuff no matter what it is (e.g. $9 gallons of milk, $200 jeans). It's just $50 here, $50 there, a couple hundo on this, which quickly adds up.  Her argument is that I spend as much as I want and I have no budget.  I always let her know that if I go over my budget our bank account will be empty, whereas I am always her backup when she spends over $750 a month on 100% discretionary spend.  Her current credit card bill is $2500!
How much are you spending on stuff?  I can't tell if her argument has merit or not.

 
I'm also shelling out $500 a month for our 3.5 year old and 2 yr old to go to school (daycare) for half a day two days a week.  We've looked at what she spends money on... I've downloaded all of her CC transactions for many months, and she doesn't really blow money on pointless stuff.  She just buys expensive stuff no matter what it is (e.g. $9 gallons of milk, $200 jeans). It's just $50 here, $50 there, a couple hundo on this, which quickly adds up.  Her argument is that I spend as much as I want and I have no budget.  I always let her know that if I go over my budget our bank account will be empty, whereas I am always her backup when she spends over $750 a month on 100% discretionary spend.  Her current credit card bill is $2500!
How has the discussion gone when you bring up needing to buy less expensive versions?

 
In an attempt to answer the OP's question seriously, I AM a Stay-At-Home Dad. This started largely due to our having two small boys, and then a little girl, and my wife making more $$$ than me. When we moved back to DC from Boston, I began staying home instead of going out to look for a job that likely wouldn't cover the daycare for the two guys. It then became more of a necessity with my inability to drive with my seizures.

I think my spending is controlled by the fact that I am stuck at home. I can't just run out to the store to pick up something or, while out make a quick stop at Starbucks for my 17th latte of the week. We do 99.9% of our shopping on the weekend; my wife hates to do things like grocery shopping, so I need to plan to buy everything in one or two stops.

What I do tend to spend money on is Amazon, although I am usually just buying things that we likely would have to buy over the weekend and my buying stuff there will sometimes save us a stop or two on an already busy Saturday or Sunday. (E.g. pencils for school that I can buy on Amazon on a Monday and have them here by Wednesday) Sometimes this gets a bit over budget when I throw something extra that may not be needed in to make the minimum to get Next Day Delivery free. I do try not to buy things that are outrageously over priced on Amazon, unless there is a dire need for something, although with my wife working from home a couple days a week, if something is extreme, we can rush out to get something.

 
This is how many women's minds work:

Spend $1000 on household necessities (and half of that is usually not a necessity).

Spend $900 on personal, unnecessary items.

Then they think "most" of the $1900 was spent on household necessities, so their spending is not bad.

 
How the hell do you keep their spending in check?  I make less than the typical FBG, so I deposit $750/month into her checking account so she has her "own" money.  She pays no bills, yet she continually has credit card bills over $1,000 and continues to say she doesn't spend any money and there's no where to cut back.  She just bought our son like $500 in bedding from Pottery Barn, she spends like $165 to get her hair done, buys all her jeans from Nordstrom, etc...

How do I control this stuff without being a total d!ck, and with her hardly noticing my effort to curb the spending?
It sounds like you have a half-arsed plan regarding dividing finances.  You deposit $750 into her checking account, I assume you have your own, so it looks like you are trying to divide up money.  So it looks like you have the supply side of finances somewhat structured.  What about the demand side?  Do you each have specific rules when money is spent, from whose account the funds are drawn?  With your wife ringing up so much credit card debt, it doesn't appear so.  If you're going to structure the supply side, but the demand side roams free, then you've really got nothing in place.

 
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I'm also shelling out $500 a month for our 3.5 year old and 2 yr old to go to school (daycare) for half a day two days a week.  We've looked at what she spends money on... I've downloaded all of her CC transactions for many months, and she doesn't really blow money on pointless stuff.  She just buys expensive stuff no matter what it is (e.g. $9 gallons of milk, $200 jeans). It's just $50 here, $50 there, a couple hundo on this, which quickly adds up.  Her argument is that I spend as much as I want and I have no budget.  I always let her know that if I go over my budget our bank account will be empty, whereas I am always her backup when she spends over $750 a month on 100% discretionary spend.  Her current credit card bill is $2500!
Honestly, it shouldn't be I, she, her, my, etc etc. It should be our, we, etc etc.

She needs to know how the excess spending is hurting the family.

Make a budget and stick to it.

 
How the hell do you keep their spending in check?  I make less than the typical FBG, so I deposit $750/month into her checking account so she has her "own" money.  She pays no bills, yet she continually has credit card bills over $1,000 and continues to say she doesn't spend any money and there's no where to cut back.  She just bought our son like $500 in bedding from Pottery Barn, she spends like $165 to get her hair done, buys all her jeans from Nordstrom, etc...

How do I control this stuff without being a total d!ck, and with her hardly noticing my effort to curb the spending?
Haven't read the whole thread, but it is impossible to do it without this, if she isn't 100% committed to living within your combined means, which it sounds like she is not.

When my wife was home with the kids, we were very strapped.  Fortunately, in a sense, she had horrible credit from before we were married, so she didn't have access to that.  She probably lived off $400 for a typical month.  Her name wasn't on my checking account, and without credit she couldn't spend anything beyond that.  That included gas, any activities she wanted to do with the kids, fun money for herself, etc.  It was tough times, but either you're willing to live within your means, or you're not.  When it started causing more fights than it was worth, she started working.

 
Been there done that.  I couldn't curb her spending... nothing worked.  

She had to get a job.  That helped.

 
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How the hell do you keep their spending in check?  I make less than the typical FBG, so I deposit $750/month into her checking account so she has her "own" money.  She pays no bills, yet she continually has credit card bills over $1,000 and continues to say she doesn't spend any money and there's no where to cut back.  She just bought our son like $500 in bedding from Pottery Barn, she spends like $165 to get her hair done, buys all her jeans from Nordstrom, etc...

How do I control this stuff without being a total d!ck, and with her hardly noticing my effort to curb the spending?
Divorce her

 
My wife makes 115K per year and hasn't bought clothes, except here and there, in years. The trick is to keep the weight fluctuating so they are never comfortable with buying too much because their size is always changing. By the way, so do I, and neither do I so I'm not a hypocrite at least. Oh and we both work at home. Take that to the bank, bromigo.

 
There's no one on this planet I love enough to the point where I'd let them spend my hard earned monies. It would likely drive me insane.

 
Well don't try explaining that every dollar she spends delays your retirement.  It doesn't have the intended effect.
You can however go the college education & inheritance route. I occasionally talk about how my main goal in life is to be happy, and to leave as much money to our kids as we can, to help them be happy when they're our age. You really can't argue that your jeans are more important than your kids' happiness.

 
If you figure it out let me know

"oh I just went to Target and Michaels and had lunch with my mom...I think I spent like $100*"

*this typically means about $150-$199

when I ask if that stuff is necessary it gets countered with "is your  beer/fantasy sports/etc" necessary?

 
This reminds me. Remember that thread years ago where a FBG posted a play by play of his wife's shopping spree while watching his online bank account? 

That was comedy gold.

 
So glad my old lady is frugal.  I'd start with outlawing stores like Pottery Barn.  We've never and never will buy anything from a store like that.  $400 for a cheap ### end table GTFO.  

 
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What does being a stay at home mom have to do with it. I earn three times what my wife does and she out spends me by more than 3:1. When I tell her to stop she says she works too. This is her rationale. We can barely save anything. Now she's going to be out of work for a year and she promises she'll curb her spending. It's inevitable we get into a huge fight eventually and I take all her cards.

 
I'm also shelling out $500 a mondaycareor our 3.5 year old and 2 yr old to go to school (daycare) for half a day two days a week.  We've looked at what she spends money on... I've downloaded all of her CC transactions for many months, and she doesn't really blow money on pointless stuff.  She just buys expensive stuff no matter what it is (e.g. $9 gallons of milk, $200 jeans). It's just $50 here, $50 there, a couple hundo on this, which quickly adds up.  Her argument is that I spend as much as I want and I have no budget.  I always let her know that if I go over my budget our bank account will be empty, whereas I am always her backup when she spends over $750 a month on 100% discretionary spend.  Her current credit card bill is $2500!
Why in the hell is she a stay at home mom if the kids are in daycare?

 
I don't think her job has anything to do with how much money she spends. 

 If she's working outside of the home she still probably spends the money at least this way she saving some money by taking care the kids. 

 

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