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At what age did you allow your kids to "date"? (1 Viewer)

Galileo

Galileo

Footballguy
My oldest son is 13 and will be heading to 8th grade.  There is a girl who will be going into 9th grade that seems to have an interest in him...apparently she told some friends on the bus which was heard by one of my son's friend type stuff...got to love middle school.   Anyway, my son wants to invite her over for boating/skiing.  This would be the first time they ever got together.  They have texted each other and such.   My wife doesn't think it is a good idea.  She says he's too young, and we shouldn't be encouraging him to go out with any girls one on one.   I agreed with her that he shouldn't be going places with this girl unsupervised, but I didn't see the harm in a day on the lake where I would be there with them the whole time.  Anyway, we ended up telling my son if he wanted to invite a small group of friends, she could come.  Now he is struggling to figure out an appropriate group since they don't really have common friends being in different classes...lol...but that is his problem.

Anyway, for those of you who have children of relevant age and have already been through this, at what age did you start allowing your children to "date"?

 
Galileo said:
My oldest son is 13 and will be heading to 8th grade.  There is a girl who will be going into 9th grade that seems to have an interest in him...apparently she told some friends on the bus which was heard by one of my son's friend type stuff...got to love middle school.   Anyway, my son wants to invite her over for boating/skiing.  This would be the first time they ever got together.  They have texted each other and such.   My wife doesn't think it is a good idea.  She says he's too young, and we shouldn't be encouraging him to go out with any girls one on one.   I agreed with her that he shouldn't be going places with this girl unsupervised, but I didn't see the harm in a day on the lake where I would be there with them the whole time.  Anyway, we ended up telling my son if he wanted to invite a small group of friends, she could come.  Now he is struggling to figure out an appropriate group since they don't really have common friends being in different classes...lol...but that is his problem.

Anyway, for those of you who have children of relevant age and have already been through this, at what age did you start allowing your children to "date"?
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This is exactly how I went out with my 9th grade gf the first several times.. waterskiing/wakeboarding on the lake.  It was with her family (they invited me out on their boat), if that makes a difference.

 
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I didn't have an age pre determined, but it didn't come to anything unless my oldest son was at the end of his 8th grade (14).  He started dating, going with, whatever the kids they say these days with another girl in class.  He and I had a talk about what that meant, and let him know that it doesn't include going on dates by yourself.  They went on on group date, then they promptly broke up because she's going to a different high school and she didn't think he'd want to still date her (?).

I think it was the appropriate age for all that as far as they know their boundaries.  I know when I was that age kids were already going through all that stuff much earlier.  I remember in 5th grade having to ask what "going with" meant because kids were already doing it.  Obviously these days are different with snap chat and all that, so its not always so innocent, but 8th grade, with boundaries, is definitely appropriate in my mind.

 
Seems a tad overprotective. And now you have taken what was already a stress filled thing and made it worse for him. Not sure this is a winning strategy. Because next time he likes a girl maybe he says "you know I tried letting them know and they made it really tough so this time I keep it quiet and do it on the sly". Adult supervised one on one seems pretty safe. We had a pool when I was a kid. It was a chick magnet. But my parents were always there when I was younger and so it was fine. I didn't have to turn it into a gaggle of people.

Now I don't have kids so maybe I am disqualified but I remember what it was like to be a kid.

 
NCCommish said:
Seems a tad overprotective. And now you have taken what was already a stress filled thing and made it worse for him. Not sure this is a winning strategy. Because next time he likes a girl maybe he says "you know I tried letting them know and they made it really tough so this time I keep it quiet and do it on the sly". Adult supervised one on one seems pretty safe. We had a pool when I was a kid. It was a chick magnet. But my parents were always there when I was younger and so it was fine. I didn't have to turn it into a gaggle of people.

Now I don't have kids so maybe I am disqualified but I remember what it was like to be a kid.
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Seems like you understand pretty good to me and I have 6 kids.  Arbitrary rules encourages dishonesty today, just like it probably did when you were a kid.

 
I think it all depends on the specific circumstances. My 12 (almost 13) year old son is getting together with a girl this morning to go see a movie. First time they have ever hung out outside of school. Is it a "date? Who knows, I doubt he would refer to it that way. The movie theater is at a mall about 2 miles from our house, my wife's going to drop him off, and pick him up when it's over. I wouldn't even consider telling him he couldn't go. Now, would I let him hang out at her house unsupervised?  No way.

 
I remember hearing a stat that, on average, people start having sex about 2 years after they start dating. Not sure how "dating" was defined in that stat, though. I'd guess it would need to be unsupervised for it to be a "date."

 
themeanmachine said:
I think it all depends on the specific circumstances. My 12 (almost 13) year old son is getting together with a girl this morning to go see a movie. First time they have ever hung out outside of school. Is it a "date? Who knows, I doubt he would refer to it that way. The movie theater is at a mall about 2 miles from our house, my wife's going to drop him off, and pick him up when it's over. I wouldn't even consider telling him he couldn't go. Now, would I let him hang out at her house unsupervised?  No way.
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You draw a weird line then.  I know when I was first going through girls and dating, the movie theater was specifically for exploration.  I think there is a reason going to a movie is so cliche for date night.

We had a dollar theater in our neighborhood growing up.  Bus rides on Monday morning were the best when the guys would share stories of what happened in the back row over the weekend.

Don't get me wrong, obviously being at home alone allows that much more freedom.  But, I wouldn't confuse going to a movie with being in church.

 
NorvilleBarnes said:
Not sure what even qualifies as a "date" any more, but I think a supervised day on the lake should be fine. 
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yeah, inviting a friend to hang out with your family isn't a "date".

If it were, my 8yo went on a date for his birthday.  He invited a female friend to lunch and a local Chuck-e-Cheese type place (but better).  My wife escorted.

To answer the question; I'd be fine with them inviting a friend to hang out with us at any age - my 5yo could bring a friend if he wanted (and he actually has had a 7yo girl over the house a few times to play Wii-U).  Unescorted?  Maybe 14 for our sons, but at 13 the oldest hasn't shown any real interest in dating.  He talks and flirts a little, but nothing more than that.

 
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FUBAR said:
yeah, inviting a friend to hang out with your family isn't a "date".

If it were, my 8yo went on a date for his birthday.  He invited a female friend to lunch and a local Chuck-e-Cheese type place (but better).  My wife escorted.

To answer the question; I'd be fine with them inviting a friend to hang out with us at any age - my 5yo could bring a friend if he wanted (and he actually has had a 7yo girl over the house a few times to play Wii-U).  Unescorted?  Maybe 14 for our sons, but at 13 the oldest hasn't shown any real interest in dating.  He talks and flirts a little, but nothing more than that.
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Can you tell me more about your wife being an escort?

  :sarcasm:

 
no :homer:  post yet?  this place is slipping.

Also, I am glad I have 2 boys.  I am going to be completely different about this than my wife. 

 
My first movie date actually happened at home. I was 14 IIRC. We lived way out in the sticks in a new development. It was 20 miles just to school. I think the closest theater was at least 30 miles away. And we were too far out for buses. Well my parents got something called OnTV. It was a precursor to cable TV we know today. On a few hours everyday. Showed theater releases months and months later. Also late on Friday and Saturday nights it had soft core porn but I digress. Anyway this girl I was into, and who would eventually go on to be my wife of 27 years, was into Grease!. When it made it's debut on OnTV I invited her down to see it. My parents were kind enough to retire to their room so we could have some privacy but they did check in on occasion so not too much privacy. It was fun and nothing untoward occurred.

 
I got my first wrister in a movie theater. I was a little older than 13 though.

 
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My first fingerbang and makeout session was when I was 14 in a movie theater (Rocky IV)...

I have a daughter :kicksrock: :sadbanana:

 
belljr said:
My first fingerbang and makeout session was when I was 14 in a movie theater (Rocky IV)...

I have a daughter :kicksrock: :sadbanana:
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At least drive ins are pretty much a thing of the past so you have that going for you. I got into lots of high school sexual hijinks at drive ins. Good times.

 
dino259 said:
no :homer:  post yet?  this place is slipping.

Also, I am glad I have 2 boys.  I am going to be completely different about this than my wife. 
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we're adopting a girl - by the time she's 13, she'll have four older brothers, ages 24, 22, 19, and 16. Any boy who makes it through those four, momma bear and me, deserves a medal.  But still not to date my daughter.

 
belljr said:
My first fingerbang and makeout session was when I was 14 in a movie theater (Rocky IV)...

I have a daughter :kicksrock: :sadbanana:
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Started in 5th grade in the attic above my garage. Had two 7th grade girls in the neighborhood who at first just wanted practice and I had the house where no adults would be home until after 6. Went off and on for a year or two. Two of my buddies a little older were in on it and one's older brother who was a senior in high school. I was too young to find it whacked at the time but obviously really inappropriate. Even later the girls were fine with it, just think he's a creeper. Surprisingly, I managed to keep the secret despite the fact it would have made me a legend at school.

For this and many other reasons, I would not handle being father of a daughter well.

 
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