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Wooing my neighbor: I came. I hugged. I wooed. Now moving on. (1 Viewer)

Nathan R. Jessep said:
I still have feelings for her, but she has been abundantly clear that she just cannot do a relationship right now. As we were in final discussions, I made my feelings known to her in no uncertain terms, and told her that I understood and respected her feelings as well. I think I would come across as needy and/or desperate if I tried to push it right now. We ended on good terms, so that always leaves possibilities open for the future, but I can't hang onto that. I gave her my everything, honestly, and if that's not enough for her, then (a) we're just not a good match or (b) she's truly just not in a place to accept love and be in a serious relationship. Either way, if she's not feeling it, I want to move on to someone who will appreciate what I have to offer. :shrug:  If nothing else, this whole thing taught me that I do want to find someone to share life with again. For a while, I didn't. They say every significant person in your life is there for a reason. Maybe this was her reason for being in my life. Or maybe there'll be another chapter to this tale one day. Either way, I'm grateful for the time I had with her. 
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This is exactly the right perspective, and it almost always takes a fair amount of life experience and hard earned wisdom to get there.

Life is pretty crazy, there's no predicting what may happen in the future.

If somehow you get back together with her, this will have been a necessary stepping stone to get there.

If that doesn't happen, then almost certainly in the future you'll look back on your time with her and, while happy it happened, you'll be even more happy with how it eventually led you to someone else.

 
Thank you to the OP for inviting us all along to follow this journey with you.  In brutal honesty--I think you should absolutely keep your head up. You were attracted to her--your goal was to get closer to her (complete the woo)--and to see where things go.  You accomplished that.   If every relationship that didn't end up in marriage was considered a failure--then virtually every person on the planet has failed at some point.   You gave yourself a chance with a great woman (and she with you)--and things didn't work out mainly due to a bevy of moving parts--many of which were out of your hands.    Still a great story--still a tip of the cap to you--and I look forward to hearing about the next woo journey.  

 
NotSmart said:
This is exactly the right perspective, and it almost always takes a fair amount of life experience and hard earned wisdom to get there.

Life is pretty crazy, there's no predicting what may happen in the future.

If somehow you get back together with her, this will have been a necessary stepping stone to get there.

If that doesn't happen, then almost certainly in the future you'll look back on your time with her and, while happy it happened, you'll be even more happy with how it eventually led you to someone else.
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:goodposting:   Absolutely. And I wonder if maybe her seeing someone else might even help her to appreciate what she and I had.  I know it's also possible that I overestimated what we had. But at least for me, it was pretty epic, and by my estimation, it was rather rare. I've analyzed the #### out of all this over the last month. Shed a few tears, had a bunch of beers, confided in some friends, and thought about this from every possible angle. I'm at peace with it now. And I know that in the long run, if things don't work out, it is, almost without fail, for the best in the end. 

 
James Daulton said:
Not sure how I feel about this.  On one hand I'm unhappy that you're unhappy, on the other hand I'm happy that you added to your kill count and think she's probably saving you from yourself.  It seemed like you were too smitten with this chick from jump street.

Anyway, you've forever changed how I view hugs and for that I am eternally grateful.   
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Never underestimate the power of a hug, GB. Sometimes a hug says it all. 

 
First of all, the "I just can't be in a relationship right now" line is bull####. That's just a line used to let someone down gently. I apologize for sounding harsh but what she really means is that she wasn't into the relationship with you. The second she comes across something or someone that stirs her she'll magically and instantly be ready for a relationship. Second, the relationship didn't end on "good" terms, it ended on her terms. She's completely in control here. I don't know how much damage has been done since the breakup but I don't believe it's too late to flip the script. The obvious first step is to cut off contact. It's tough with living right next to her but you have to do this if you want any shot of getting her back. She needs to believe 100% that you've moved on. Then and only then will she consider that she made a mistake. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Don't be the sweet sap broken hearted neighbor who wishes her all the best, exchanges lighthearted texts with her. Time to be a ####. If you do run into her the interaction has to be as short as possible, preferably a wave, a smile and that's it.

I'm really sorry you're in this place. I know it sucks, I've been there. You can absolutely still get this girl back if you play this right. Hear me know, believe me later. This isn't the movies. Being the good guy will not get her back.

 
How did this get from not labeling anything to a possible "serious relationship"?  Was there pressure from you or her?  But, really, when you simultaneously agreed to not label it and not see other people you were actually labeling it.

 
The woman had a neck tattoo and a crazy ex.  That doesn't mean it couldn't have worked, but she has a legacy of poor judgement.  Now that you know you are interested in a relationship again you need to play the field a bit anyway.

I disagree with the idea that you need to pretend to move on.  You should actually move on.

 
Willie Neslon said:
First of all, the "I just can't be in a relationship right now" line is bull####. That's just a line used to let someone down gently. I apologize for sounding harsh but what she really means is that she wasn't into the relationship with you. The second she comes across something or someone that stirs her she'll magically and instantly be ready for a relationship. Second, the relationship didn't end on "good" terms, it ended on her terms. She's completely in control here. I don't know how much damage has been done since the breakup but I don't believe it's too late to flip the script. The obvious first step is to cut off contact. It's tough with living right next to her but you have to do this if you want any shot of getting her back. She needs to believe 100% that you've moved on. Then and only then will she consider that she made a mistake. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Don't be the sweet sap broken hearted neighbor who wishes her all the best, exchanges lighthearted texts with her. Time to be a ####. If you do run into her the interaction has to be as short as possible, preferably a wave, a smile and that's it.

I'm really sorry you're in this place. I know it sucks, I've been there. You can absolutely still get this girl back if you play this right. Hear me know, believe me later. This isn't the movies. Being the good guy will not get her back.
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Oh, I know and I don't disagree with any of that. I told her as much when she first said the relationship line. She said it wasn't that simple. To me, it is. You either want to be with someone or you don't. They either do it for you or they don't. So, yep, I've scaled contact back to virtually nothing, and probably won't contact her again. Hopefully this other thing will work out. As for getting her back, meh. Like I said, I am believing more and more it's for the best. If she were to have a change of heart in the future, then depending on where I was at that point, maybe we could take a look at things. She'll always have a special place in my heart, I'm sure. But it would be unfair to myself to just wait around wondering "what if." Onward and upward. 

 
Blind Tiger said:
How did this get from not labeling anything to a possible "serious relationship"?  Was there pressure from you or her?  But, really, when you simultaneously agreed to not label it and not see other people you were actually labeling it.
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No pressure, it just was what it was. We didn't label it, per se, but it essentially still WAS a relationship, no matter what we called it. And I think we both knew that. It was a whirlwind. 

 
boots11234 said:
She still has her needs. Shes still going to need to be serviced. Any chance you can at least do this?   FWB?
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:lol:  Thought about that too. I don't think we'll have to cross that bridge. I think the amazing physical chemistry might have been part of what was causing the conflict for her. But she put her walls back up now, so I don't think she will be calling on my services any time soon. It sucks, because she's easily the hottest woman I've ever been with. but can't win 'em all. 

 
Courtjester said:
 Just don't fall for the "hey do you think you could watch the kids tonight for me?" line.

if she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, she doesn't get you as a babysitter while she goes out with other guys
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:lol:  Most definitely not. She wouldn't do that though. I don't mean to demonize her here, so I hope I didn't. She didn't do anything "wrong" really. She was very apologetic for hurting me, and said she beat herself up about it. I told her I appreciated her honesty most of all. 

 
Willie Neslon said:
First of all, the "I just can't be in a relationship right now" line is bull####. That's just a line used to let someone down gently. I apologize for sounding harsh but what she really means is that she wasn't into the relationship with you. The second she comes across something or someone that stirs her she'll magically and instantly be ready for a relationship. Second, the relationship didn't end on "good" terms, it ended on her terms. She's completely in control here. I don't know how much damage has been done since the breakup but I don't believe it's too late to flip the script. The obvious first step is to cut off contact. It's tough with living right next to her but you have to do this if you want any shot of getting her back. She needs to believe 100% that you've moved on. Then and only then will she consider that she made a mistake. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Don't be the sweet sap broken hearted neighbor who wishes her all the best, exchanges lighthearted texts with her. Time to be a ####. If you do run into her the interaction has to be as short as possible, preferably a wave, a smile and that's it.

I'm really sorry you're in this place. I know it sucks, I've been there. You can absolutely still get this girl back if you play this right. Hear me know, believe me later. This isn't the movies. Being the good guy will not get her back.
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You realize this isn't the actual Marisa Tomei right? He can probably boat some strange ##### of equal or better quality within a week.

 
The question on my mind, is, if things work out with the crush, do I tell her that the last girl I dated happens to still live next door? I'm leaning towards no unless we got into an ex discussion with details, but I guess it may not even come up, unless the lady comes to my place. 

My other option is to just move. :lol:  

 
Andy Dufresne said:
WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT!?
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Haha, I guess I'm just picturing the scenario where the lady comes over, and we see the neighbor outside, making for a somewhat awkward exchange. I always err on the side of honesty if I am unsure. Doubt it would ever happen. It was just beer drinking thinking fodder that crossed my mind one day. 

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
The question on my mind, is, if things work out with the crush, do I tell her that the last girl I dated happens to still live next door? I'm leaning towards no unless we got into an ex discussion with details, but I guess it may not even come up, unless the lady comes to my place. 

My other option is to just move. :lol:  
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It's a bold strategy, Cotton. (DO NOT DO THIS)

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
The question on my mind, is, if things work out with the crush, do I tell her that the last girl I dated happens to still live next door? I'm leaning towards no unless we got into an ex discussion with details, but I guess it may not even come up, unless the lady comes to my place. 

My other option is to just move. :lol:  
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WHOA WHOA WHOA Colonel.

New thread. Start 2017 off right.  :headbang:

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
Haha, I guess I'm just picturing the scenario where the lady comes over, and we see the neighbor outside, making for a somewhat awkward exchange. I always err on the side of honesty if I am unsure. Doubt it would ever happen. It was just beer drinking thinking fodder that crossed my mind one day. 
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This is a good strategy to get Marissa back IMO.  

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
Haha, I guess I'm just picturing the scenario where the lady comes over, and we see the neighbor outside, making for a somewhat awkward exchange. I always err on the side of honesty if I am unsure. Doubt it would ever happen. It was just beer drinking thinking fodder that crossed my mind one day. 
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There could be another possible outcome here

 
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