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This website is majority middle-aged guys, right? I have a question.. (1 Viewer)

Gachi

Gachi

Footballguy
This may be a little atypical, but I don't really have anyone to talk about this kind of thing. Here it goes..

As I've mentioned before, I'm a guy in my early 20s who is gay. I've recently gotten my first boyfriend, who is in his 30s. Initially, we used to talk/text all the time but lately I feel like I'm the one who is initiating all of our conversations and it's making me feel like I'm bugging him. Sometimes it takes him forever to reply back, and I don't want to ask him why because I feel that would be overkill. Our age difference is significant and we're in two different stages in life. He works full-time, I do not. I'm in school still and he's been done for ages. 

I guess what I'm asking is do middle-aged men value their alone time more so than younger men? 

Just imagine you had a 22 year old girlfriend and she called/texted often, would that annoy you? Am I annoying my boyfriend? This is my first relationship so I'm new to this kind of thing. 

Thanks.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I'm not up to speed on the gay scene much... But it sounds like he's using you the way a 30's male would use a 20's female..

Or what Shady said...

 
playin4beer said:
I'm not up to speed on the gay scene much... But it sounds like he's using you the way a 30's male would use a 20's female..

Or what Shady said...
Click to expand...
Put it this way - if you were a member of One Direction (or whatever it is that gay guys like) do you think he'd want to spend more time with you?

 
To answer just the question you asked, yes, as men age their circle of associations almost always narrows some.  We tend to be more solitary.

 
Been on that path train to Hoboken many times.

Looks like the train just didn't stop and barreled thru a couple walls.

 
The US life expectancy is about 78 years, divide that 2 and you get 39. 

Am I calculating it wrong? 

 
Gachi said:
As I've mentioned before, I'm a guy in my early 20s who is gay. I've recently gotten my first boyfriend, who is in his 30s. Initially, we used to talk/text all the time but lately I feel like I'm the one who is initiating all of our conversations and it's making me feel like I'm bugging him. Sometimes it takes him forever to reply back, and I don't want to ask him why because I feel that would be overkill. Our age difference is significant and we're in two different stages in life. He works full-time, I do not. I'm in school still and he's been done for ages. 
Click to expand...
If you don't want to ask him, try not texting him for awhile and see what happens. If he is not texting you, then that might be a pretty good indicator of how he feels about texting and perhaps where your relationship stands.

 
I don't like getting hammered by a barrage of texts at work, and my boss doesn't like it either.  It doesn't mean I need alone time, it's just unprofessional and unproductive for me to be glued to my phone constantly. 

 
Gachi said:
The US life expectancy is about 78 years, divide that 2 and you get 39. 

Am I calculating it wrong? 
Click to expand...
Gachi, you seem like a good guy so I'm going to give you a little advice.  When you are that train to Hoboken, you've got to chill.  You don't want that middle-aged/old fart dude, we'll call him "The Conductor, barreling through any walls.

Not a good scene, my man.

 
Gachi said:
The US life expectancy is about 78 years, divide that 2 and you get 39. 

Am I calculating it wrong? 
Click to expand...
life expectancy is an often misunderstood term because it contains the childhood death rates.  Once those are removed life expectancy rises.  Here is the data from Social Security

  • A man reaching age 65 today can expect to live, on average, until age 84.3.
 
Gachi said:
This may be a little atypical, but I don't really have anyone to talk about this kind of thing. Here it goes..

As I've mentioned before, I'm a guy in my early 20s who is gay. I've recently gotten my first boyfriend, who is in his 30s. Initially, we used to talk/text all the time but lately I feel like I'm the one who is initiating all of our conversations and it's making me feel like I'm bugging him. Sometimes it takes him forever to reply back, and I don't want to ask him why because I feel that would be overkill. Our age difference is significant and we're in two different stages in life. He works full-time, I do not. I'm in school still and he's been done for ages. 

I guess what I'm asking is do middle-aged men value their alone time more so than younger men? 

Just imagine you had a 22 year old girlfriend and she called/texted often, would that annoy you? Am I annoying my boyfriend? This is my first relationship so I'm new to this kind of thing. 

Thanks.
Click to expand...
:yes:   

 
Mookie said:
I don't like getting hammered by a barrage of texts at work, and my boss doesn't like it either.  It doesn't mean I need alone time, it's just unprofessional and unproductive for me to be glued to my phone constantly. 
Click to expand...
This....you guys are just at different phases in life.  Back off a little and he'll come around

 
Gachi said:
I guess what I'm asking is do middle-aged men value their alone time more so than younger men? 

Just imagine you had a 22 year old girlfriend and she called/texted often, would that annoy you? Am I annoying my boyfriend? This is my first relationship so I'm new to this kind of thing. 

Thanks.
Click to expand...
You could be making a massive assumption with that 'alone time' idea.

 
It does sound transactional, but you never know. You're of an age to be comfortably out most your life. A late-30s gay man can't say that, so maybe he has coping stuff, ways of setting his relationships that he relies on. You might help him by breaking that and that would be good for you both. If it won't just flat kill your role in the relationship, ask him. Don't be afraid - you don't hear folks wish they'd been strung along longer. GL and please don't start talking about hugs.

 
What I usually text:

Good morning around 7/8 am

How's your day going around noon

thinking about you 3/4 pm

how was your day, are u still working around 5/6 pm

what are u up to around 8 pm

goodnight 10/11 pm

Is that a lot?

 
Gachi said:
What I usually text:

Good morning around 7/8 am

How's your day going around noon

thinking about you 3/4 pm

how was your day, are u still working around 5/6 pm

what are u up to around 8 pm

goodnight 10/11 pm

Is that a lot?
Click to expand...
Stage 5 clinger

 
Gachi said:
What I usually text:

Good morning around 7/8 am

How's your day going around noon

thinking about you 3/4 pm

how was your day, are u still working around 5/6 pm

what are u up to around 8 pm

goodnight 10/11 pm

Is that a lot?
Click to expand...
Ugh.  I would leave my wife if she pestered me that much.  Cut it in 1/2 at least.

 
Gachi said:
What I usually text:

Good morning around 7/8 am

How's your day going around noon

thinking about you 3/4 pm

how was your day, are u still working around 5/6 pm

what are u up to around 8 pm

goodnight 10/11 pm

Is that a lot?
Click to expand...
Does he ever not respond to any of these?

 
With my wife, I'll usually text her in the morning to let her know how the kids daycare dropoff went.  I rarely will ever initiate any other texts during the day unless it's kid-related.  She will occasionally text me during the afternoon to see how my day is going. This works for us     :shrug:  

 
(HULK) said:
Ugh.  I would leave my wife if she pestered me that much.  Cut it in 1/2 at least.
Click to expand...
+1

or maybe no texting for a day or two.

also, if you're going to be texting, make it about yourself (as opposed to always making it about him, e.g. how are you, thinking about you, etc.). try sending some pics of you out with your friends, or about plans you have later w/out him (concert, dinner, weekend out of town, whatever). show him you're independent, not reliant.

 
That's too many texts.  Did he used to respond and now he isn't?  If so he's just not that into you.

 
Gachi said:
What I usually text:

Good morning around 7/8 am

How's your day going around noon

thinking about you 3/4 pm

how was your day, are u still working around 5/6 pm

what are u up to around 8 pm

goodnight 10/11 pm

Is that a lot?
Click to expand...
Yikes.  The worst part of dating girls is getting texts like these.  I always assumed one of the advantages of being gay was not having to respond to inane texts about how my Tuesday morning is going.  Dial it back.   

 
I just sent my wife a text letting her know that I'm going to be watching Designated Survivor going forward     :lmao:     She's probably      :shock:          :lmao:

 
Have you had secks?  If so, he is tired of you.  If you haven't had secks he is tired of you.

Move on and find someone who will return your texts.  Life is too short.

PS maybe he is straight, has a family, and you are a fling.  GL

 
:bag:

I feel like an idiot now. 

Why is it that I can understand complex organic mechanisms, but not people. 

I think I've been smothering him, I'll dial it back. I won't text him anymore today. Maybe a goodnight text, that's it.

 
Gachi said:
:bag:

I feel like an idiot now. 

Why is it that I can understand complex organic mechanisms, but not people. 

I think I've been smothering him, I'll dial it back. I won't text him anymore today. Maybe a goodnight text, that's it.
Click to expand...
Stick with the 'I won't text him anymore today'.

 
It actually makes me feel kind of good inside that the majority of us are like "yeah, I'd find that really annoying, man" instead of "how the hell would I know what a gay dude would think!"  Progress!

I don't have much to add except to say that I'm not sure it would be receiving 5 or 6 texts from my wife that would annoy me so much as receiving 5 or 6 basically content free texts.  Because how many times can you answer "how is your day?"  Tell a joke.  Complain about an annoying frustration.  Make fun of someone's outfit.  You know, mix it up a little.

 
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