Sad Situation--Serious Advice Requested (1 Viewer)

My wife and I are having dinner tonight with one of her childhood friends and her husband.  Earlier this year, the husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and given 12 months to live.  They are in their mid-40s and have 4 children--13, 10,10 & 8.  I don't know either of them well.  We attended their wedding and have seen them a handful of times over the years.  They've lived in Australia, Germany, Saudi, Bahrain since they were married which is the main reason we haven't seen them more often.  They have moved back to the wife's hometown so she can have more support when he passes.

Has anyone been close to someone in this situation?  I need advice as to how to act and speak tonight.  I don't want to do anything that will make them uncomfortable but at the same time, I want them to know that we will do anything in our power to help when we are needed.  Serious replies and advice are requested and will be appreciated.

People are different and react differently. Some want to ignore the elephant in the room. Others don't want you to pretend it isn't there. You're just going to have to read the situation and behave accordingly. If they do bring the topic up, don't be afraid to engage in an honest discussion and tell them that you are willing to help out any way you can. But only say that if you really are willing to help out in a material way. Good luck. 

I would try and act as normal as you can and give them as regular and fun evening as possible. My brother had a brain tumor that had a very low percentage chance of survival but he got lucky and survived. While he was dealing with it he didn't want to talk about it except with his doctors and my father who is in the medical world. Around people he just wanted things to be normal and we didn't really discuss it. I would suspect people that you aren't overly close with wouldn't want to get into it but if they do then you let them know you and your family are ready to listen and help.

My guess is the guy talks or thinks about it plenty and just wants to have a nice dinner with friends.  I wouldn't bring it up until the end of the evening and then a "it was great seeing you, let us know if there's anything we can do for you guys". Something like that.

A buddy of mine died last year from a brain tumor.  It was not fun watching him deteriorate over time.  Similar situation to your wife's friends.....only my buddy had two children.  His memory,  motivation and filters went downhill quickly.  Just dismiss any odd behaviors or comments that he may make.... Not even sure what stage he is in or if he would have the same symptoms.  That's just some of the changes I witnessed.  Tough dinner to go to man.  

bigbottom said:

People are different and react differently. Some want to ignore the elephant in the room. Others don't want you to pretend it isn't there. You're just going to have to read the situation and behave accordingly. If they do bring the topic up, don't be afraid to engage in an honest discussion and tell them that you are willing to help out any way you can. But only say that if you really are willing to help out in a material way. Good luck. 

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This, I think, is the best advice. Without knowing how they are dealing with this, you are best waiting to see which way the wind is blowing.

Let him sleep with your wife

Great dinner and night.  I went with the flow and let him dictate the nature of the conversation.  There were three couples--the girls talked at one end and we were at the other end.  We got to the restaurant at 830 and left at 130 and spent maybe 5 minutes talking about his health.  I think he was able to get his mind off of his problems for most of the evening.

Thanks to all for the advice.

Just because he has a brain tumor he doesn't get a pass on bad grammar.

If he messes up call him on it and walk out of the dinner.

He will appreciate your honesty and not treating him like a cripple.

One of my best friends died at 49 from glioblastoma.  So sad.  Glad dinner went well. 

chet said:

 I think he was able to get his mind off of his problems for most of the evening.

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Ya that whole " your" gonna die anytime now probably  eluded his mind talking about a friends show u brought up as a funny example to something. That Chandler ... har har

Idiot.  

More I see your scribblings it's obv u don't care about the guy.. u just don't wanna raise his kids which ull be forced to possibly do. Hard spot but ur being a jerk about it by lying about ur thoughts. 

Gl

AAABatteries said:

My guess is the guy talks or thinks about it plenty and just wants to have a nice dinner with friends.  I wouldn't bring it up until the end of the evening and then a "it was great seeing you, let us know if there's anything we can do for you guys". Something like that.

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Perfect.

I have a tilted look at things, glad it worked out.  my thoughts are, I know you need to go for wife, but this guy is the husband of your wife's friend.....meaning, people have enough of their own issues to deal with and this isn't your issue.  I can't explain my thought process, but I have had enough people that mean something to me pass away, enough where I don't want to deal with someone else's issues.  likely the definition of being selfish, but I hardly care what people think of me.  not easy to explain on a phone.