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Tips for a 1st Time Dad: HELP! (1 Viewer)

Ignoratio Elenchi said:
:goodposting:   Just had my older son's 6th birthday party this weekend.  Can't believe how fast it goes by.  

The best advice I got as a first time parent was that there are going to be times you're stressed out and worried that you're doing everything wrong.  That's totally normal.  No one tells you that, they say being a parent is so magical and amazing.  It is, but it's also really hard at times so don't beat yourself up if you're wondering why it doesn't seem all that magical and amazing sometimes. :)   You're going to do a bunch of stuff you swear right now you'll never do, like let them eat microwaved processed chicken nuggets for breakfast.  That's ok too. 
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Let me chime in on this here because I think it's really important. Last week (so early in the 4th week of having our girl) I could tell that the night wakeups/feedings/pumping was starting to get to my wife a bit more and more and she was starting to have a whole other level of a hard time with it. There was a mini breakdown a couple of days later. Behind a wall of tears she said something like "I just don't want to be feeding her at 2am and feel like I'm a terrible mother for thinking that."

I told her how NO ONE wants to be waking up in the middle of the night but everyone does because you have to, and it's perfectly okay for those to be separate thoughts. She had put these ridiculously high and unrealistic expectations on herself that she couldn't possibly meet, and in her mind for a few days not loving every single aspect of motherhood was her failing. Once she heard me say that I wasn't loving the middle of the night wakeup/feed process either, it was like a wave of calm came over her and she's been in an entirely different emotional state. 

So it was something I didn't really think ever needed to be said, but it obviously did in my case and maybe it will in yours. Always good to keep in mind that the hormones are still racing well after delivery. 

 
RUSF18 said:
Glad to hear things are going well over there. I posted in this thread the day you started it and it feels like only yesterday. 

Our baby girl is one month old today after arriving about two weeks early. She actually ended up being born on my wife's birthday. It's been a blur but has been awesome. I have ridiculous paternity leave at work and I just got back to the office today (and I only took half of what I could). Really do miss being home.

We took a birthing class that was pretty low key, just to feel like we had all the info we needed. Most of what we learned was about being very sure when exactly to head to the hospital based on contractions. Not wanting to go too early only to be sent home. That went out the window of course when my wife's water broke. 

I also took an infant CPR class which I'd definitely recommend. 

I read one of the popular expectant dad books and found that most of the "what you are feeling" stuff didn't really apply to me. It was still good to read as a way of calming my wife when certain things would happen and I had a quick way of showing her how normal her pregnancy was going.

Continued good luck to you guys!
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Congrats man! And thanks for the helpful advice!

I love that every week it slowly becomes more and more real. Still hard to wrap my head around, though.

 
Skip the diaper genie.  Just tie the poop in grocery bags everytime.  Or the small disposal pet poop bags.  You don't want a smelly bin in the nursery.

Don't get a video monitor. Just get the sound one.  It's cheaper & you won't be glued to it.

Get a good white noise machine.

Make sure all the bottles are the same brand, nothing worse than a milk bottle leaking everywhere because the top isn't fitting perfect.

 
Skoo said:
Did you guys take birthing classes, etc? Were they helpful?

We're not taking any classes.
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I went to one of those classes, and it was a waste.  I think it was some government program where people of lower socioeconomic backgrounds got to go for free.  They played a video showing a black guy agitated at work, and proceeded to say "don't ever shake your baby.  Go to the other room to cool down".  WTF?  

 
Ignoratio Elenchi said:
You're not the first person I've seen on here say something like this, and I can't help but wonder if you guys were just using it wrong or something.  The whole point was it didn't stink up the nursery.  We used one with both kids and it was great, I'd highly recommend it. :shrug:  
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I started using it, but if you let it go for over a day or two it starts to smell sour.  I found it much easier to just toss each one after changing.  However, Don't let me stop anyone from having a week old crap bin a few feet away from the most precious thing in your life.

 
Ignoratio Elenchi said:
You're not the first person I've seen on here say something like this, and I can't help but wonder if you guys were just using it wrong or something.  The whole point was it didn't stink up the nursery.  We used one with both kids and it was great, I'd highly recommend it. :shrug:  
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I had one for my first two kids, but with my daughter and twins, I just take them diapers out to the trash in my garage.  No need for a temporary stop.

 
You need a diaper genie.   Sure it doesn't seem like a big deal deal to tie it up in a grocery bag and take to the trash outside....but at 3am, its a big deal. 

 
Ignoratio Elenchi said:
You're not the first person I've seen on here say something like this, and I can't help but wonder if you guys were just using it wrong or something.  The whole point was it didn't stink up the nursery.  We used one with both kids and it was great, I'd highly recommend it. :shrug:  
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ditto.

no smell. no headache. squirmy baby on the changing table, ####ty diaper in one hand... boom- right into the genie. empty it daily or every other and no problems.

 
Quez said:
I went to one of those classes, and it was a waste.  I think it was some government program where people of lower socioeconomic backgrounds got to go for free.  They played a video showing a black guy agitated at work, and proceeded to say "don't ever shake your baby.  Go to the other room to cool down".  WTF?  
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Could be differ rules for where you live, but in these parts, the dont shake the baby videos are required in the hospital. Completely seperate from birthing classes. 

 
jb1020 said:
You need a diaper genie.   Sure it doesn't seem like a big deal deal to tie it up in a grocery bag and take to the trash outside....but at 3am, its a big deal. 
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Dude, I'm having waaaaaaay too much fun making a Baby Skoo's First Days playlist!

Besides the real stuff, there is an absurd amount of lullaby versions of everything from Phish to Weezer to Elton John on Spotify.

I just can't wait to meet the little guy.

 
List of Things You Will Need as Dad to Manage Day-to-Day Operations as They Grow:

1. Always keep superglue on hand to fix the stuff that breaks.

2. Clippers to clip those effing twist ties that come with every kids toy.

3. All sizes of batteries.

4. Beer

Feel free to add on, fellers. 

 
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Skoo said:
Dude, I'm having waaaaaaay too much fun making a Baby Skoo's First Days playlist!

Besides the real stuff, there is an absurd amount of lullaby versions of everything from Phish to Weezer to Elton John on Spotify.

I just can't wait to meet the little guy.
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oh... right! we had all the "lullaby" versions of stuff- there was a whole series of CDs that we got suckered into. EZ listening metallica.. awesome!

 
Skoo said:
Dude, I'm having waaaaaaay too much fun making a Baby Skoo's First Days playlist!

Besides the real stuff, there is an absurd amount of lullaby versions of everything from Phish to Weezer to Elton John on Spotify.

I just can't wait to meet the little guy.
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I could never get into the lullaby versions of everything.  Its cool that its all out there.  My 6 & 4 yo have now memorized the lyrics to Blaze On.

 
Diaper Genies suck. They still smell like ####, and don't be one of those idiots that lets it get full before removing it - you become blind to it, but it ####### stinks. I basically take every ####ty diaper out ASAP, a lot of work but worth it. Hopefully only about a year or so left and I'm done with diapers for good.

Oh yea, immediate removal from house >>>> Diaper Dekor > Diaper Genie

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Diaper Genies suck. They still smell like ####, and don't be one of those idiots that lets it get full before removing it - you become blind to it, but it ####### stinks. I basically take every ####ty diaper out ASAP, a lot of work but worth it. Hopefully only about a year or so left and I'm done with diapers for good.

Oh yea, immediate removal from house >>>> Diaper Dekor > Diaper Genie
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broken record for me... but when I'm changing a diaper, I've usually got the kid on the changing table and don't want to hassle with a bag or taking it immediately out.

pop it into the diaper (seeing your post reminds me that I think we had the) Dekor... sort the kid, and then take the bag out if needed. the smell was never bad unless it wasn't put on right or left to fester too long (that said- the room always stank after a messy change... regardless).

I miss having a young kid/baby... but wow I don't miss diapers.

 
It seems pointless to keep going in circles on this but I have a crazy sensitive nose and I don't smell anything coming from the diaper genie even when it's full. And I can pick out the scents of the wipes, the butt cream, the Purell on the changing table, etc. But to each their own I guess. 

 
El Floppo said:
I miss having a young kid/baby... but wow I don't miss diapers.
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Yea, my younger one just turned one and it went by quick. He was also really ahead of the curve, rolling over in his 3rd month, teeth in his 4th, crawling in his 5th, scaling in his 6th, walking by the end of his 9th. All of this might've made it quicker. I already miss the fact that I prob won't ever have my own baby crawling around ever again. Now he is transforming into a toddler and it is kinda said. 

I'm really soaking in the rest of this baby time - Normally I let him cry it out in the middle of the night... Last night heard the monitor and he was wailing for 20 minutes, wife didn't wake up so I went in. Smelt like #### right away. Picked him up, then put him down to change him (at the end of the process I took the diaper to the garbage, brought the bag to the front door, left it in the hallway for the morning), while changing him he was laying there so peacefully looking at me like a little baby which made me happy, then I carried him around for about 15 minutes until he fell asleep in my arms, then I put him down in his crib and left.

Little ####er started screaming 15 seconds after I left, I let him cry this time. 

The point, just trying to enjoy the rest of this baby time while it is still here, goes by too quick - older one is already going into K, feels like the last 4.5 years have gone by quicker than I can blink.

 
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RUSF18 said:
It seems pointless to keep going in circles on this but I have a crazy sensitive nose and I don't smell anything coming from the diaper genie even when it's full. And I can pick out the scents of the wipes, the butt cream, the Purell on the changing table, etc. But to each their own I guess. 
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It is a bag filled with ####, not like #### meaning garbage, actual #### that came out of an #######. Regardless of which product you use, it has a smell (I used them all). I've never walked into a room with a diaper disposal unit and not smelt ####.

 
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fantasycurse42 said:
It is a bag filled with ####, not like #### meaning garbage, actual #### that came out of an #######. Regardless of which product you use, it has a smell (I used them all). I've never walked into a room with a diaper disposal unit and not smelt ####.
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While I wish I was the inventor of the Diaper Genie or a similar best selling product that would mean I'd be retired young, I am not so lucky. The unit and stacks of refills we have were purchased by other people. I have absolutely no skin in this game. Frankly, I love complaining about smells because of how sensitive my nose is and I think it's bull#### that I can tell that the guy 5 desks down the hallway from me ate a single slice of onion on his burger at lunch but others aren't similarly cursed. 

My diaper genie is apparently the gold standard in #### disposal units because it traps the smell. Not sure what else I can tell you. 

 
RUSF18 said:
While I wish I was the inventor of the Diaper Genie or a similar best selling product that would mean I'd be retired young, I am not so lucky. The unit and stacks of refills we have were purchased by other people. I have absolutely no skin in this game. Frankly, I love complaining about smells because of how sensitive my nose is and I think it's bull#### that I can tell that the guy 5 desks down the hallway from me ate a single slice of onion on his burger at lunch but others aren't similarly cursed. 

My diaper genie is apparently the gold standard in #### disposal units because it traps the smell. Not sure what else I can tell you. 
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How old is your kid? 

Report back when he has real #### in his diaper and not that baby watery stuff... If your nose is as sensitive as you say, at some point between 8-12 months, you'll be making the trip out of your home on every ####, guaranteed.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
How old is your kid? 

Report back when he has real #### in his diaper and not that baby watery stuff... If your nose is as sensitive as you say, at some point between 8-12 months, you'll be making the trip out of your home on every ####, guaranteed.
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So we have a contraption that will make my life monumentally easier for at least 8 months and it only costs $30?! 

I just spent $15 on a ####### salad. 

 
Ignoratio Elenchi said:
You're not the first person I've seen on here say something like this, and I can't help but wonder if you guys were just using it wrong or something.  The whole point was it didn't stink up the nursery.  We used one with both kids and it was great, I'd highly recommend it. :shrug:  
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we had one in our house for about 4 years total. never once did i notice any smell. at all. 

 
Skoo said:
Dude, I'm having waaaaaaay too much fun making a Baby Skoo's First Days playlist!

Besides the real stuff, there is an absurd amount of lullaby versions of everything from Phish to Weezer to Elton John on Spotify.

I just can't wait to meet the little guy.
Click to expand...
doing yourself a dis-service if you don't include this

used to put my youngest in to sleep mode almost instantly. 

 
RUSF18 said:
So we have a contraption that will make my life monumentally easier for at least 8 months and it only costs $30?! 

I just spent $15 on a ####### salad. 
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"it doesn't make sense to spend money on a diaper genie when i can just take them outside. it's not like i'm made of money..... $13.50 for the Grande pumpkin spice mocha whipped frappe? wow, that's cheap!. i'll just throw the change on your floor on my way out."

 
One week till he's due! So excited. We think he's coming early, but what do we know. Wife is showing some signs that labor is imminent, but all the common signs seem to mean it could be an hour or a week before baby comes.

Anything in particular to remember for the hospital?

Tips for not passing out in the delivery room?

 
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Skoo said:
One week till he's due! So excited. We think he's coming early, but what do we know. Wife is showing some signs that labor is imminent, but all the common signs seem to mean it could be an hour or a week before baby comes.

Anything in particular to remember for the hospital?

Tips for not passing out in the delivery room?
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Good luck.  I'd suggest banging her tonight and each consecutive night in hopes of inducing so you don't miss opening day

Your job is to just kind of stand around and keep her calm.  The doctors and nurses know what they're doing but don't be afraid to ask questions.   I've found the labor and delivery nurses are always really nice and sweet and the recovery nurses are bitter old hags

Pro tip:  don't look at her ######

Also she's probably gonna poop herself 

 
Skoo said:
One week till he's due! So excited. We think he's coming early, but what do we know. Wife is showing some signs that labor is imminent, but all the common signs seem to mean it could be an hour or a week before baby comes.

Anything in particular to remember for the hospital?

Tips for not passing out in the delivery room?
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Face her and don't look back. When they ask you to cut the cord, tell them "All yours, Doc."

There's nothing that will prepare you for how much afterbirth comes out of her. Don't. Look. YWIA

 
Skoo said:
One week till he's due! So excited. We think he's coming early, but what do we know. Wife is showing some signs that labor is imminent, but all the common signs seem to mean it could be an hour or a week before baby comes.

Anything in particular to remember for the hospital?

Tips for not passing out in the delivery room?
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Just try and take it all in. You will never forget this day.

If your wife needs you to hold her hand, DO NOT give her your left hand, especially if you wear a wedding ring. She will crush every bone in your fingers. Trust me on this one.

Oh, and stay in the room overnight with her and the baby. It's scary and cool and hilarious all at the same time as you figure out in the middle night what that screeching kid wants.

 
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ChiefD said:
Just try and take it all in. You will never forget this day.

If your wife needs you to hold her hand, DO NOT give her your left hand, especially if you wear a wedding ring. She will crush every bone in your fingers. Trust me on this one.
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Wrist. She can hold your wrist.

I don't care if she was a 95 pound waif before she was pregnant, she will crush you.

 
Skoo said:
One week till he's due! So excited. We think he's coming early, but what do we know. Wife is showing some signs that labor is imminent, but all the common signs seem to mean it could be an hour or a week before baby comes.

Anything in particular to remember for the hospital?

Tips for not passing out in the delivery room?
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Eat.  Seriously, once you're there you're not going to be sleeping.  You can't go on both no sleep and no food. 

My story - became dad coming up on two years ago.  I left for work on Friday like any other day (still over a month to due date) and at about 10am I get a text from wife that she was at OB's office and they are sending her to hospital.  I'm at hospital by 10:05.  He didn't arrive for another 12 hours, and I could sleep that night (premmie issues, and I can never get comfy away from my own bed anyway).  Saturday with people showing up and such I couldn't get much sleep, but did get a few hours that night.  Sunday comes around and I had a bit to eat that morning, go to the suite bathroom connected to wife's room.....and throw up all over the wall.  Combination of no sleep, limited food in system, and nerves.  We laugh about it now, but don't do that to yourself.  You're no good to anyone that way.

 
ChiefD said:
Just try and take it all in. You will never forget this day.

If your wife needs you to hold her hand, DO NOT give her your left hand, especially if you wear a wedding ring. She will crush every bone in your fingers. Trust me on this one.

Oh, and stay in the room overnight with her and the baby. It's scary and cool and hilarious all at the same time as you figure out in the middle night what that screeching kid wants.
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:goodposting:

I remember the day each of my kids were born - all three were different experiences.  Take it in and enjoy it.  Go in knowing it will be a little stressful on you and her, but stay by her side and be there to help with whatever she needs.  

I spent the night with her and our first child, and it's a memory neither of us will forget.  I was in the guest chair, the baby was between myself and my wife in her bed.  I'm a heavy sleeper and didn't realize the baby was crying right next to me until my wife threw her pillow at me to wake me up.  She couldn't get out of bed and was freaking out that I was getting up to see what was wrong.  It didn't help that I was laughing while she stressed out over the crying baby. 

 
Skoo said:
One week till he's due! So excited. We think he's coming early, but what do we know. Wife is showing some signs that labor is imminent, but all the common signs seem to mean it could be an hour or a week before baby comes.

Anything in particular to remember for the hospital?

Tips for not passing out in the delivery room?
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Bring some little snacks (granola bars, etc.) for yourself. You'll be there a while and you'll get hungry. Don't bring in a plate of food though. She can't eat and you'll stink up the room and piss her off.

Stay north of the equator. I repeat, stay north of the equator. You do not want any part of what's going on down there.

Take advantage of the time when the nurses take the baby from you. It sounds selfish but especially that first night, you're both going to be absolutely exhausted and you'll need every moment of sleep they will afford you.

Enjoy the experience!

 
It is an amazing experience. Been through it twice and there's nothing like it.

Funny story about #1 - my oldest was 9 pounds when he was born. We had a lot of problems getting him out and we allowed them to use the suction cup puller thingy (ASIDE - decide ahead of time what you are comfortable with; we were OK with the suction doohickey but said no to forceps.) Anyway, the first time they put it on it slipped off. I thought I saw something in my peripheral, but in the moment I was just focusing on her & trying to be gently encouraging. After a half hour or so of rocking back and forth they finally pulled him out (8 hours labor, 2 hours hard pushing.) While they were cleaning up and doing the APGAR score, I went out to tell the grandparents. We let them in about 20 minutes later.

As they were all crowding around him, I looked at my wife, and then noticed something on the wall above her. There was a 3 o 4 inch red blob on the wall behind her - a piece of the afterbirth was flung up there the first time the suction cup slid off his head. 

Nobody else noticed, I just stood there grinning. 

 
We never got the exciting "water breaking" kind of moment.  Both times the Dr. wanted to induce labor so we had the luxury of being prepared.  It was nice to have "our last night as a couple."  If possible do something special for your wife for that moment. 

My tip to you, after the child is born and the craziness has subsided for a while it will be time for your wife to get up out of bed.  You'll be there with another nurse...I'm sure you'll get one hand and the nurse the other.  As you're helping her up the nurse will say, "now dad don't look at the bed."

For me, my first instinct was to look at the bed and see what the hell she was talking about.  Please don't look back at the bed. 

 
I'll come from a bit of a different angle and suggest being flexible about sending the baby to the nursery that first night (or morning) or even the second night. Yeah it's awesome to have that experience of being together, but you can still get that experience for 20 hours or whatever and have the baby in the nursery for 4 hours so you can both get a bit of sleep. Especially if it's after a long day of waiting around, labor, etc. My wife's water broke at 7:30am, we were at the hospital at 10:30am, everything was slow until about 10pm, and she pushed from 12:10am to 12:33am. We didn't get moved to another room until about 5am and then had the baby back with us at about 6am. We needed to at least get a little sleep so we sent her to the nursery and we got a couple of hours. Still delirious afterwards, but it helped. Did the same for the two full nights we were there, with the baby coming back for feedings. You're going to be insanely sleep deprived once you get home so might as well start from as good a position as possible. 

Been fun following this as I've been ahead of you. Our girl is two months old today. She's amazing. 

 
I'm in NYC...I think you are from this area too?... been through 2 births and the one thing I can definitely say is if you have the option for a private room after delivery.  JUMP. ON. IT.  Don't think twice of the costs, night and day between sharing a room with another new family.  Your wife will get much better rest, which she needs.  Trust me on this one. 

 
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