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Son joining military. Need some advice (1 Viewer)

KCitons

Footballguy
My 19 year old son signed up with the Marines a couple of months ago. He heads to boot camp a month from today. They had an opening come up and he could have left early, but decided to turn it down. We support whatever decision he made. But, in talking about it he mentioned that he wasn't sure he was mentally prepared to leave early. There are some events we have planned over the next month, a last Christmas together as a family, his mom is having surgery next week. I think all of this weighed on his decision.

I do not have a military background. So, I can't really help him with what is going on. He's nervous about the unknown. I'm sure we have a few recent Marines at FBG. Any advice you would give, or you received in the weeks leading up to basic? 

As a side question, we are having trouble with Christmas gifts. Since he ships out two weeks after, he won't be taking much with him. We are creating IOU's for future things he might want once he is stationed. We are trying to give him experiences over material goods. Any ideas?

 
Basic is more about the mental aspect than physical imo.   Most any young man/woman can physically handle basic training, it is the mind games that he will go through that will present the biggest challenge.

 
He'll be fine. Quickest way off the island is to graduate with his class. Listen, work hard and don't volunteer for anything. As was said earlier it's all mental. Even the physical aspect is mainly pushing yourself through. Best thing ive ever made myself do. Go to his graduation if you can, you'll be glad you did.

 
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There's definitely a mental aspect.  Like fruity said the quickest way off the island is to graduate.  There were recruits in my platoon that begged the Drill Instructor to let them go home the first week.  That stuff died down after a while and most everyone made it through.  I went 4 days after Christmas so I told people not to get me any presents so I'm no help there.

He be a changed person when you see him on family day.

Hollywood or Parris Island?

 
Hollywood. We are planning on attending graduation. Physically, he's in great shape. (not sure if it's Marine shape) He's been doing PT with other recruits at least twice a week and participating in monthly events. He spends a lot of time at the recruiting center hanging out. He spent a couple of days helping them paint the offices. I think it's all coming to fruition finally for him. Instead of it being something months away, it's now time. 

 
Those are the same feelings most people have prior to reporting to boot camp. It's a stressful time for him. I remember going to sleep my first two nights there thinking I just made the biggest mistake of my life. 16 years later, I think joining the military was the best thing I ever did.

Boot camp sucks, I'm not going to sugar coat it. They tear you down to build you back up. After a couple weeks in things start to normalize and he will get used to the routine. Just tell him the first couple days will be the worst part of it. I'd also suggest he doesn't do anything to stand out in a negative light right off the bat.

 
@Ned - why is this?  Having never served I'm not sure if this is sone kind of inside joke or what.
No inside joke, just a matter of surviving basic.  The more you volunteer to do stuff, the more exposed you are to getting into trouble; and you will get busted for something.

When I was in AF basic, I was an idiot and became an element leader... I was super motivated.  I can remember standing at the bottom of the steps every morning checking every dork's uniform as we went out for formation making sure we were all squared away.  Helping pace guys on the run portion of the PT test (shocker).  But being some standout recruit doesn't mean #### in basic.  Just lay low, do what you're told, and get out of there on time.

One fine Sunday afternoon we were all supposed to be studying in the barracks.  Me and the 3 other element leaders were studying together, and the instructors come storming in for a surprise visit.  They found 2 guys asleep in the other wing (barracks were separated by a 3/4 wall so we couldn't see both sides).  They put us on trial like someone went on a killing spree and ended up recycling all 4 of us back a week because we didn't keep tabs on the unit.  

 
just curious. did you have a college 529 plan saved for him? if so what can you do with it now that hes entering the military? i have no family in the military so i am clueless here

 
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I did Army basic back in 1981 and had a BLAST.

For him to get through it, it's all in his attitude.

He just needs to go in with the attitude of, "If they tell me to do something, I'll do it...and I'll do it immediately."

Simple as that.

 
just curious. did you have a college 529 plan saved for him? if so what can you do with it now that hes entering the military? i have no family in the military so i am clueless here
No. sorry I can't help with 529.

 
Take the family to all go see a movie together during the holidays. Try not to see a real tearjerker if you can help it.

Christmas Lights drive with slightly spiked hot adult beverages for those not driving.

Family outing for dinner. I assume it is too cold for an afternoon park BBQ. 

On a side note KC, I have always enjoyed your unique and fairly optimistic view of life. May God watch over your son on this wonderful and courageous choice to join the military. He picked the toughest of the four and when he is through boot camp he will have a slightly new perspective on life. Take in everything you can right now the next couple weeks because it's safe to say it will never quite be the same again. 

Merry Christmas KC to you and your family, you're the first person I have said that to or written so far this season.

 
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I got nothing @KCitons except support your son and encourage him every step of the way.

When you go to graduation you may need to get bigger shirts since your chest may be puffed out with pride for him.  :thumbup:

 
The drill instructors are sadistic bastards the first two thirds of boot camp. They chill out towards the end. Tell him to remind himself they're just normal guys doing a job. A job thats necessary to some day potentially save his life.  He'll see that at the end. They don't hate him and they're not out to get him.

 
Have him watch full metal jacket a few times. 

It's not that bad if you understand what you're in for, what they're doing to you and that is a game. A serious game but still a game. The object of the game is to see who's a ##### and who isn't. 

They keep the ones that aren't and get rid of the ones that are. Tell your kid don't be a #####

 
Quick little story. I was on the island over Xmas. The drill instructors let us get care packages from our families to be opened and enjoyed on Christmas day. All kinds of cookies, candy, homemade sweets of all varieties. Great day, church in the morning, no PT, lots of food. If you havent had cookies and candy for months and you overload and stuff yourself, it takes quite the toll on your system. The drill instructors watched us, they laughed with us and then that evening they made everyone fill four canteens, stand in line in front of their foot locker and drink water until people started puking. Once a few puke and the smell hits everyone starts throwing up. Then we had the privelege of getting on our hands and knees and scrubbing the deck of yours and your buddies vomit. Great way to end Christmas day.

 
It's normal to be nervous and anxious.  All the other troops in his platoon feel the same way.  They're all in it together.  He'll do great and he will be great.

Thank your son for his service and thank you and your family.  

 
Quick little story. I was on the island over Xmas. The drill instructors let us get care packages from our families to be opened and enjoyed on Christmas day. All kinds of cookies, candy, homemade sweets of all varieties. Great day, church in the morning, no PT, lots of food. If you havent had cookies and candy for months and you overload and stuff yourself, it takes quite the toll on your system. The drill instructors watched us, they laughed with us and then that evening they made everyone fill four canteens, stand in line in front of their foot locker and drink water until people started puking. Once a few puke and the smell hits everyone starts throwing up. Then we had the privelege of getting on our hands and knees and scrubbing the deck of yours and your buddies vomit. Great way to end Christmas day.
:lmao:  So awesome. 

 
All normal feelings.

Tell him to keep his head down and just do what they tell him to do and he'll get through it.  It's physical but nothing extreme... it's just all meant to be taxing.

He'll be fine.

As far as gifts, I'm sure he'll really appreciate time with family after he finishes boot camp, so any nearby events or things you can attend together would be great.

 
Tell him that a middle aged guy from Minnesota that he'll never meet is very grateful to him for volunteering to serve in the military. And there's millions like him that feel the same. :bow:

That same guy is thankful that he had parents that raised a kid that would have the guts to do such a thing - regardless of why he's motivated to do so.

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do.  There can be no courage unless you're scared.  ~Edward Vernon Rickenbacker (American fighter ace in World War I and Medal of Honor recipient.)

 
No inside joke, just a matter of surviving basic.  The more you volunteer to do stuff, the more exposed you are to getting into trouble; and you will get busted for something.

When I was in AF basic, I was an idiot and became an element leader... I was super motivated.  I can remember standing at the bottom of the steps every morning checking every dork's uniform as we went out for formation making sure we were all squared away.  Helping pace guys on the run portion of the PT test (shocker).  But being some standout recruit doesn't mean #### in basic.  Just lay low, do what you're told, and get out of there on time.

One fine Sunday afternoon we were all supposed to be studying in the barracks.  Me and the 3 other element leaders were studying together, and the instructors come storming in for a surprise visit.  They found 2 guys asleep in the other wing (barracks were separated by a 3/4 wall so we couldn't see both sides).  They put us on trial like someone went on a killing spree and ended up recycling all 4 of us back a week because we didn't keep tabs on the unit.  
I can honestly say I wouldnt last 48 hours in any branch of service

 
First thing I want to give thanks for your son for volunteering to serve his country.  

If your son is physically fit he is 70% done with basic.  The other is just getting squared away, and staying out of the line of fire from drill instructors.  Everyone is going to get in trouble over something eventually.  The whole squad or platoon will get in trouble, individuals will get in trouble but nothing major just extra pt.  it is all part of the "game!"   If he can spend time learning general orders, the Marine Corp Ranks, Sentry duty orders, Marines Hymn will get him at least ahead of the game.  If you have any more questions I have several Marines who work for me in the hospital that discharged.  

 
Make sure you make it out for family day, by that time he'll really need to see you, it will mean a ton to him.  

 
My 19 year old son signed up with the Marines a couple of months ago. He heads to boot camp a month from today. They had an opening come up and he could have left early, but decided to turn it down. We support whatever decision he made. But, in talking about it he mentioned that he wasn't sure he was mentally prepared to leave early. There are some events we have planned over the next month, a last Christmas together as a family, his mom is having surgery next week. I think all of this weighed on his decision.

I do not have a military background. So, I can't really help him with what is going on. He's nervous about the unknown. I'm sure we have a few recent Marines at FBG. Any advice you would give, or you received in the weeks leading up to basic? 

As a side question, we are having trouble with Christmas gifts. Since he ships out two weeks after, he won't be taking much with him. We are creating IOU's for future things he might want once he is stationed. We are trying to give him experiences over material goods. Any ideas?
Where are you from?

 
Another thank you to your son for his service! Everything I have heard about basic is there are a few objectives:

1-mentally break you down so they can build you back up with the military perspective. Part of this is the physical exhaustion necessary to challenge you mentally.

2-look for the true leaders and the renegades.

3-get the group to realize they are a team and they will win and lose as a team. 

Good luck to your son.

 
My son has been in the Air Force for almost two years.  Tips I would pass along to you and your son:

  • Like others have said, physical fitness is important. My son's exact quote was "they throw so much mental BS at you that I couldn't imagine having to deal with while worrying about PT as well."
  • Attend his basic training graduation if at all possible.  I could not fathom being any prouder of my son than I was on his Graduation day.  The changes in just a matter of weeks are unbelievable.
  • As far as volunteering goes, my son got some good intel from a friend of mine who is retired from the AF.  If they ask for volunteers to be church guides, do it.  A church guide basically insures that any trainee will have a wingman to/from church (the "wingman" concept is one of the basic tenet of Air Force BMT) While he was accompanying fellow trainees to church services the others (while not attending services themselves) were doing crappy weekly cleaning jobs such as latrines, KP, etc. Obviously this may be different for Marine Corps Basic Training.
  • The AF had an app that was very helpful for those awaiting their ship date.  Helped provide a head start on what to expect, what to know, etc.  Example, one of the exercises was memorizing rank/insignia.
  • If you are on FB, join a parents group.  They have them for basic training (what to expect, what your kid is going thru, when andwhat to write to them, when to expect phone calls, how to decipher military addresses, etc etc.). They also have them for many of the duty bases you son may end up at.
Thank your son for choosing to serve. And thank you for raising a kid cool enough to do so. Semper Fi.

 
  • The AF had an app that was very helpful for those awaiting their ship date.  Helped provide a head start on what to expect, what to know, etc.  Example, one of the exercises was memorizing rank/insignia.
  • If you are on FB, join a parents group.  They have them for basic training (what to expect, what your kid is going thru, when andwhat to write to them, when to expect phone calls, how to decipher military addresses, etc etc.). They also have them for many of the duty bases you son may end up at.
This makes me feel old to think none of this stuff even remotely existed when I went to AF basic in '99.

 
This makes me feel old to think none of this stuff even remotely existed when I went to AF basic in '99.
I remember walking across Lackland and trying to time it right so I wouldn't have to stand in line at the row of pay phones, when I was at basic in '84.  How times have changed. 

 
He'll be fine. Quickest way off the island is to graduate with his class. Listen, work hard and don't volunteer for anything. As was said earlier it's all mental. Even the physical aspect is mainly pushing yourself through. Best thing ive ever made myself do. Go to his graduation if you can, you'll be glad you did.
great advice.  He will be totally squared away and a tough SOB.  Thank him for me for his decision to serve.

 
Tell him that a middle aged guy from Minnesota that he'll never meet is very grateful to him for volunteering to serve in the military. And there's millions like him that feel the same. :bow:

That same guy is thankful that he had parents that raised a kid that would have the guts to do such a thing - regardless of why he's motivated to do so.

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do.  There can be no courage unless you're scared.  ~Edward Vernon Rickenbacker (American fighter ace in World War I and Medal of Honor recipient.)
:goodposting:

if he ever makes it to NYC, I'll be proud to buy him a drink or three (when he's 21).

 
I never served, but thank you for supporting and your son for serving our country. All the best of luck!

 
I remember walking across Lackland and trying to time it right so I wouldn't have to stand in line at the row of pay phones, when I was at basic in '84.  How times have changed. 
hey I was at Lackland in Sept 84, squadron 3723, flight 360. and don't forget the smoking breaks, whether you smoked or not

 
Basic is more about the mental aspect than physical imo.   Most any young man/woman can physically handle basic training, it is the mind games that he will go through that will present the biggest challenge.


This is spot on.  I was so worried about the physical part of basic that is all I worried about (did push-ups and ran like a madman before I left).  Was not ready for the mind games, but I just kept my head down and mouth shut.  The physical was nothing compared to guys getting f'ed with and cracking.

Of course I was just Army - Marines may be a whole other deal with physical.

I think it's great he wants to get his mind right.

Oh, and the movie I watched 2 days before I left for basic?  Full Metal Jacket. 

Not smart.

 
hey I was at Lackland in Sept 84, squadron 3723, flight 360. and don't forget the smoking breaks, whether you smoked or not
Small world.  I was there in Sept 84 as well.  I don't remember what flight I was in, but squadron 3702 rings a bell.  I believe that was my squadron.  I seem to remember the sign "3702, Second to None" or something like that.   :suds:

 
Take the family to all go see a movie together during the holidays. Try not to see a real tearjerker if you can help it.

Christmas Lights drive with slightly spiked hot adult beverages for those not driving.

Family outing for dinner. I assume it is too cold for an afternoon park BBQ. 

On a side note KC, I have always enjoyed your unique and fairly optimistic view of life. May God watch over your son on this wonderful and courageous choice to join the military. He picked the toughest of the four and when he is through boot camp he will have a slightly new perspective on life. Take in everything you can right now the next couple weeks because it's safe to say it will never quite be the same again. 

Merry Christmas KC to you and your family, you're the first person I have said that to or written so far this season.
Thanks MOP.  We have different things lined up. Hockey game, Christmas lights, and we've been watching war movies. Full Metal Jacket was a couple of nights ago. Platoon is up next. 

It's tough watching his sister and twin brother come to terms with it. His brother took one of his weeks of vacation at the end of the month and they bought all the old halo games they used to play. They want to beat them all again from the beginning. Keep in mind, they are all only 15 months apart and were home schooled. We're a pretty close family.

 
Have him watch full metal jacket a few times. 

It's not that bad if you understand what you're in for, what they're doing to you and that is a game. A serious game but still a game. The object of the game is to see who's a ##### and who isn't. 

They keep the ones that aren't and get rid of the ones that are. Tell your kid don't be a #####
He liked full metal jacket. Has been calling his twin brother Private Pyle ever since. 

 
Tell him that a middle aged guy from Minnesota that he'll never meet is very grateful to him for volunteering to serve in the military. And there's millions like him that feel the same. :bow:

That same guy is thankful that he had parents that raised a kid that would have the guts to do such a thing - regardless of why he's motivated to do so.

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do.  There can be no courage unless you're scared.  ~Edward Vernon Rickenbacker (American fighter ace in World War I and Medal of Honor recipient.)
I will pass this on.  :hifive:

 
Guaranteed MOS or open contract?
Guaranteed. We had two requests when he decided to join. First, he had to wait until he was 19. We wanted him to enjoy being a teenager for a year before any major life changes. Second, he had to choose an MOS before he ships. He'll be in ground ordinance maintenance. 

 
Sorry KCitons, did not mean to hijack the thread.  Thank you to your son for making the decision to serve.  I have a 17 year old contemplating serving as well, and I know what a difference it would make in his life.  Some folks embrace the discipline, others reject it.  I came out all the better for it.  Learn a skill, learn discipline and leadership at a young age, and earn the GI Bill. In 4 years compare him to the average 22-23 yr old and see the world of difference.

 
Quick little story. I was on the island over Xmas. The drill instructors let us get care packages from our families to be opened and enjoyed on Christmas day. All kinds of cookies, candy, homemade sweets of all varieties. Great day, church in the morning, no PT, lots of food. If you havent had cookies and candy for months and you overload and stuff yourself, it takes quite the toll on your system. The drill instructors watched us, they laughed with us and then that evening they made everyone fill four canteens, stand in line in front of their foot locker and drink water until people started puking. Once a few puke and the smell hits everyone starts throwing up. Then we had the privelege of getting on our hands and knees and scrubbing the deck of yours and your buddies vomit. Great way to end Christmas day.
Similar story:

We'd just been picked up by our Senior Drill Instructor and taken back to our barracks.  The first few days you're in a receiving barracks and have interim drill instructors somewhere there by the main base.  Senior marches us to our barracks in 3rd Battalion...where the fun begins.

Senior tells us how we're his last platoon...and how he set the base record for drill and PT for his two previous platoons...and now he's going to focus on making us "the hardest platoon that's ever walked off his island."

He disappears and leaves us with his drill instructors...who proceed to fly through the barracks like crazed badgers...screaming and throwing stuff.  They get us to strip down to our skivvies and start to PT us until we're standing in our own pools of sweat on the floor.  We strip off the underwear and wear our little green towels.  They run us into the showers...single file line.  The showers is just one big room with shower heads all along the four walls with one opening.  The drill instructors have turned each shower head on full hot or full cold...alternating.  They have us take our towels and hold them out so they don't get wet while we run single file around and around the perimeter of the room.  Hot, Cold, Hot, Cold...over and over.  They get us all in there and have us cram our bodies from one side of the room to the other...back and forth...packing 80 guys into a smaller and smaller space.

We get done with shower games and they have us put our towels back on.  We fill our canteens up with water and they make us drink as fast as you can.  All the while they count down...10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...You're done!

We have to turn our canteen upside down...if any water spills out...we do it again.  We do this over and over...full canteens.

We get better and better each round...fewer and fewer guys are failing to finish all of the water.  But we're still failing.

At this point, everyone understands the goal and really guzzles that water down...problem is...the drill instructors countdown changes to 10, 9, 5, 3...YOU'RE DONE!

Back to filling them up again.  This continues until guys are throwing up all over the place.  Like the above poster mentioned, the smell, sound and sight of someone throwing up can cause a sympathetic response.  About half of the guys left have held their vomit.

We continue until our stomachs look like plump watermelons.  Honestly, you could thump your stomach and hear it slush the water.  Now they have us pair up on the floor for situps.  Basically locking your legs into your partners legs and doing situps towards each other so that each time you came up...you were face to face with your partners...nose to nose.

We did this until it forced most of the rest of the remaining holdouts to vomit directly into the face of one another.

It was an awesome scene that I kinda wished there was video of...just an amazing orchestra of absurdity and disgust.  I threaten my partner that if he throws up on me...I'll punch him dead in his face.  He threatens the same.  This goes on until maybe 8 guys have not thrown up.  They finally stand us up and it's time to clean this deck.  We push our racks to one side of the room and pour mop water on the floor.  They make us put our scrub brushes on the floor at our feet...bend down and place two hands on it and then run from one side of the room to the other...pushing this pile of filth and slop into a larger pile.  We use our hands to pick up the slop and throw it into the empty mop buckets.  Some recruits empty the buckets while we now run our scrub brushes back the other way across the room.  We do this until the chunks are gone and its mostly sudsy mop water.  Now we stand on line and take our towels off and lay them at our feet.  Same deal as the scrub brushes...we run those towels from one side of the room to the other...soaking up the remnants...wringing them out in the buckets and continuing back the other way until that floor is clean.

Senior now returns and all of a sudden...senior orders this hazing to stop.  We get new towels...shower up...do hygiene inspection and then hit the racks...exhausted...completely worn out mentally and physically.  We recite knowledge aloud for a while and then lights out.

I don't tell you this story to frighten or worry you...when you think about it...it was nothing really.  Drink water till you puke and exercise till you drop...but you practiced teamwork and learned that no matter what...you're all in it together.  Most important thing I can suggest for your son is to not take anything personal.  It's a process.  It's a weeding out.  Do not stand out...do not be a special case.  Do not hesitate to do what you're told and do not...for the love of God...do NOT eyeball them or the surrounding area...and do not speak unless spoken to...

I broke into the scribe's footlocker and saw the schedule for training for each day.  They had actual time slots for bending us.  Which further drove the point home to me that it was all just a game.  It didn't matter that Recruit Jones turned the wrong way on an "about face" manuever...we all had to pay and he was just the patsy for that time slot.

Oh...and the water thing also had another purpose.  When you get to a new clime...you need to acclimate.  We were all coming from different parts of the East Coast to South Carolina...the best way to acclimate quickly to is to pound water.  Get as much water as you can and your body will adjust easier.

I know it sounds counterintuitive but just tell him to keep his head down, mouth shut, dont stand out, do what he's told (quickly) and he'll be fine.  There will be time to shine...after boot camp.  They're not looking for leaders and you won't advance up the ranks quickly if you're a boot camp stud.  They want teamwork, cooperation and something they can mold into future leaders.

 
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Pretty much agree with what everyone else has said including the warm wishes. If he's already PT ing and spending time with the recruiters he'll have a leg up on his peers from day one. Have his study everything he can get his hands on for everyting pertaining to everything. How familiar is he with firearms? A lot of guys report having never fired and are culture shocked.

Tell him to read EVERYTHING. Every sign, every poster every name tag, unit insignia. All of it. Before he goes, while he's there, taking a ####. Always.

Once he's through basic training, he's off to school and he'll need to start using his smarts in addition to the brawn from basic. If he does well in school he can strt to look at at least Warrant Officer if not commissioned. That's where you want him to be.

Good luck!

 
Thanks for sharing TDoss. Pretty much what I expected. I know after he watch Full Metal Jacket, he had some concerns about the Drill Instructor striking some of the recruits. I told him I didn't think that happens any longer and tried to play it off as it being a movie based on tactics used 40 years ago. Also told him, don't give them a reason to hit you and you'll be ok. 

Simsarge - He's familiar with firearms. He's been hunting since he was 6 or 7 and owns a shotgun and two rifles. He's shot everything from handguns to deer rifles. He and I are going to spend a day together goofing around. One of the things we are going to do is shop for a conceal carry gun for myself. 

 

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