What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

I work from home (1 Viewer)

BobbyLayne

BobbyLayne

Footballguy
911 OPERATOR: 911—what’s your emergency?

ROBERT: Hi, I . . . uh . . . I work from home.

OPERATOR: O.K., is anyone else there with you, sir?

ROBERT: No, I’m alone.

OPERATOR: And when’s the last time you saw someone else? Was that today?

ROBERT: Uh, my wife . . . this morning, I guess.

OPERATOR: Anyone else?

ROBERT: I don’t think so. Well, the mailman, but that was through the blinds. I don’t know if that counts.

OPERATOR: I’m afraid not. (Pause.) I’m going to ask you to open the blinds, O.K.? Let’s go ahead and let some light in.

ROBERT: How much light??

OPERATOR: Just a little is fine.

ROBERT: O.K. (Pause.) I did it. (Pause.) It’s bright. It feels so bright on my face.

OPERATOR: That’s good. That’s how it’s supposed to feel. (Pause.) I need you to tell me what you’re wearing, O.K.?

ROBERT: You know . . . just regular clothes.

OPERATOR: Outside clothes or inside clothes?

ROBERT: Hold on, I’ll check. (Pause.) Pajamas. I’m wearing my pajamas. I could swear I’d changed into regular . . . I thought these were jeans!

OPERATOR: It’s O.K., sir. Calm down.

ROBERT: Wait, this isn’t even a shirt. It’s just my skin! #######it.

OPERATOR: So just pajama bottoms, then. Can we assume that you haven’t showered today?

ROBERT: I don’t know.

OPERATOR: I need you to walk over to the bathroom to see if your towel is damp. O.K.? Can you do that for me?

ROBERT: I think so.

OPERATOR: Great.

ROBERT: I’m walking over there. (Pause.) O.K., I’m here. I’m in the bathroom. I see my towel . . . .

(Muffled sobs.)

OPERATOR: Sir?

ROBERT: It’s dry.

OPERATOR: O.K., that’s O.K. Let’s get you back over to the window where the light is, all right? Walk toward the light. (Pause.) What’s your name, sir?

ROBERT: Robert.

OPERATOR: Hi, Robert. I’m Cherise.

ROBERT: Hi, Cherise.

OPERATOR: You did the right thing by calling today, Robert. I’m going to get some people over there soon to help you, O.K.? And I’ll stay with you on the phone until they get there. Do you understand?

ROBERT: I think so.

OPERATOR: Now, Robert, did you eat anything today?

ROBERT: Yes. Many times.

OPERATOR: Are you eating now, Robert?

ROBERT: I keep putting things in my mouth a lot.

OPERATOR: O.K., can you tell me what food you’ve eaten today?

ROBERT: You mean everything?

OPERATOR: Yes.

ROBERT: I don’t know exactly. I mean, I started out with breakfast before my wife left for work . . . scrambled eggs with toast and coffee . . . and then I think I maybe had a bowl of cereal when she left.

OPERATOR: Is that it?

ROBERT: Like an hour or so later . . . I had a banana with peanut butter.

OPERATOR: Did you slice the banana?

ROBERT: No. I dipped it right into the jar, because no one was watching. (Pause.) No one watches.

OPERATOR: So no plate or anything?

ROBERT: No.

OPERATOR: And that was it until lunch?

ROBERT: No.

OPERATOR: What else did you have?

ROBERT: I made a quesadilla . . . another bowl of cereal, I think . . . and some pretzels, the flat ones that are like chips. I love those.

OPERATOR: Those are good. (Pause.) And did you have lunch after that or was that lunch?

ROBERT: (Pause.) I remember ham . . . lots of ham.

OPERATOR: In a sandwich?

ROBERT: No. No sandwich. Just ham pieces. (Pause.) There were also some . . . spoonfuls of chocolate frosting, two or three . . . green peppers, I think, and yogurt. A large tub of yogurt. Peach.

OPERATOR: O.K., Robert, you understand that what you just described isn’t really lunch, right?

ROBERT: It is lunch. When there are no rules, it is lunch, Cherise!

OPERATOR: Did you at any point dip the green peppers in the peach yogurt?

ROBERT: Probably. Sorry.

OPERATOR: That’s O.K. (Pause.) Now, Robert, did you get any work done today?

ROBERT: I don’t think so. I was supposed to make a deck for a meeting and I . . . I started it . . . I started the deck.

OPERATOR: And then you stopped?

ROBERT: The Internet has fun things for me to do . . . so I did them. (Pause.) I think I played some guitar, too . . . oh, and I separated all the dimes from my change jar, which took a while.

OPERATOR: Why did you do that?

ROBERT: I have four hundred and seventy-nine dimes.

OPERATOR: (Pause.) Anything else?

ROBERT: Then I got sucked into watching a YouTube video about meerkats.

OPERATOR: A documentary?

ROBERT: Yeah. (Pause.) And then that led me to . . . other videos . . . that weren’t documentaries. . . . It’s not important.

OPERATOR: So you started to watch pornography?

ROBERT: Yes.

OPERATOR: You went from meerkats straight to pornography?

ROBERT: That’s right, yeah.

OPERATOR: (Pause.) And how long did you spend watching videos?

ROBERT: It doesn’t matter because I make my own schedule . . . you know? (Pause.) Cherise?

OPERATOR: I understand. Now, since you didn’t get any work done, do you think you may have exercised today?

ROBERT: I don’t remember. . . . It’s possible, I guess.

OPERATOR: Can you look around the house for me and tell me if you see any signs that you may have exercised? Sneakers, gym shorts, ThighMaster? Anything.

ROBERT: Uh . . . I don’t see anything, I don’t think. (Pause.) Wait, I see a yoga mat.

OPERATOR: Oh, O.K., good. Is it your yoga mat?

ROBERT: No.

(Sounds of hysterical sobbing.)

OPERATOR: Robert? I need you to stay with me, O.K.? The E.M.T.s should be there shortly, and I’m going to need you to let them in. Can you do that?

ROBERT: O.K.

OPERATOR: You mentioned a meeting earlier. What time is your meeting today, Robert?

ROBERT: Four-thirty.

OPERATOR: O.K., well, the E.M.T.s are going to help you get that deck ready and get you showered and changed.

ROBERT: It’s just a conference call.

OPERATOR: Regardless. And they’ll help tidy things up around there before your wife gets back, O.K., Robert?

ROBERT: Thank you.

OPERATOR: But, until they get there, no more eating and no more meerkat videos, O.K.?

(Silence.)

ROBERT: I work from home.

OPERATOR: Shh-shh-shh . . . I know you do.

Colin Nissan, a writer and a voice actor, is a frequent contributor to McSweeney’s.

 
McSweeney's is better served with an introduction and link rather than a wall of text, no matter how funny (and it often is, and utterly often worth reading).  

Thanks for the post, but I didn't read it because I'm not in the mood right now. 

 
I work at home maybe 4 times a month...  when I have a lot that needs to be done, I can get more done at home...  when I have things that I can postpone (for any reason at all) I will have days like Robert.  

Both types of days are why I'd like to work at home everyday.

 
Saw this last week.. I think from the "New Yorker" ??

parts are Funny as hell as I work 100% from home now and I can relate...

The "Have I talked to anyone other then my wife and Daughter in the last week>?" is answered with
"Does Skype IM's,  a internet Message board, or Facebook count?" :bag:

Did I shower today?? Hmmm. I think so.. But if I have no plans to leave the house then I will just jump back into my sweats and t-shirt.. so ummmm.. :oldunsure:

Did I eat?? I'm on the other end of the conversation.. I'll sometimes look at the clock, see it is Noon and realize..
"Crap, no wonder I'm hungry, I forgot to eat breakfast" :lol:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I also work from home.  Shorts and T or, in the winter, fleece PJ bottoms and T are the uniform of the day.  Although lots of exaggeration in the OP, I can certainly relate to Robert.  Even down to the guitar.  But I don't eat anything like what was described above.  I have a treadmill in the room.  I use it sometimes but I also consider guitar playing as my exercise for some days.  

If I go out then a shower is a must, but I usually shower every other day.  And I always schedule it around golf (i.e. I don't shower until after golf and before my cigar and beer on the back patio).  One of the best benefits of working from home is you can get lots of stuff done around the house.  I'm almost finished laying new wood flooring all through the back of my house.  

 
My wife showed me that and I didn't get it at all.  She thought it was hilarious fwiw.

 
NO ONE HAS EVER UTTER THE PHRASE - "I need a few minutes I'm finishing up my deck".  NEVER

"I'm finishing up my slide(s)"

"I'm finishing up my presentation"

"I'm finishing up my Power Point"

 
We had a potential investor inquire if we could send over our brand deck before a meeting. Two weeks ago. This was a VC fund manager with 8 Bil under management :shrug:  

 
belljr said:
NO ONE HAS EVER UTTER THE PHRASE - "I need a few minutes I'm finishing up my deck".  NEVER

"I'm finishing up my slide(s)"

"I'm finishing up my presentation"

"I'm finishing up my Power Point"
Click to expand...
not true.  

Deck = desk side presentation, hard copy.

but yeah, referring to a on screen presentation as a deck is just wrong. 

 
Ned said:
My boss says this #### all the time.  I friggin' hate it so much.
Click to expand...
I feel the same way when I hear someone say "good on you". 

as in "good on you for doing ____.  or "this is the way we've been doing it, but good on you for...."   :X

 
I work from home.   I'm wearing pajama pants.   I haven't showered yet today.  I watched my neighbor try to get a prius up a steep icy road for a solid 15 minutes.

 
Work from home full-time here. Yes, deck is widely used terminology. Frankly, these little dig pieces that pop up from time to time passive-agressively directed at people working from home in their pajamas drooling over porn really isn't helping the telecommuting cause IMO. Also, working from home once in a while compared to working from home full-time are two different animals completely.

 
Grace Under Pressure said:
Work from home full-time here. Yes, deck is widely used terminology. Frankly, these little dig pieces that pop up from time to time passive-agressively directed at people working from home in their pajamas drooling over porn really isn't helping the telecommuting cause IMO. Also, working from home once in a while compared to working from home full-time are two different animals completely.
Click to expand...
:goodposting: Worked 2 days a week from home for 3 years and had a routine set in stone for those two days..

But for the past 6 months switched to Full Time from home.. Still trying to find a routine to stick to.. It was much easier sticking to one 2 days a week then 5.. 

 
For those of us currently in the job hunt, what are the best work from home gigs?

I'm thinking about (but not completely seriously) working from home as an attorney, but I'd probably be here all day and not very successful. 

 
FUBAR said:
For those of us currently in the job hunt, what are the best work from home gigs?

I'm thinking about (but not completely seriously) working from home as an attorney, but I'd probably be here all day and not very successful. 
Click to expand...
I'm an attorney and work full time from home (there are always meetings, court appearances, depositions, etc.).   You need to be pretty established to pull it off.

 
I work from home every day, have since October of '15. 

Some of this rings true. I used to shower every morning before work, now I do so at night after I workout. I used to be on the 5th floor and used the stairs a lot, now I get a lot less exercise during the day, so working out is a must. Of course, if I don't workout, I don't shower ... after a day or two I realize I should shower and will grab one during lunch. 

There are weeks where I see nobody other than my wife and MIL. Well, i see my neighbor too. He works from home as well, and some days we both go out to grab the mail after it is delivered. 3-5 minutes of chatting at th street and back inside. 

The constant grazing is an issue, but I did that at the office. It's just more accessible now. I've stocked up on grapes, nuts and raisins. 

I get way more work done without all of the constant interruptions, i get to play my music pretty loud and i can watch soccer matches in real time. 

I'm saving $ on gas, at least 2 hours of commute time and less stress over finding parking. 

 
FUBAR said:
For those of us currently in the job hunt, what are the best work from home gigs?

I'm thinking about (but not completely seriously) working from home as an attorney, but I'd probably be here all day and not very successful. 
Click to expand...
I'm ITish.   My old gig everyone telecommuted if they could. Heck half our servers were halfway across the country.  Currently it's much less an option for me

 
belljr said:
I'll gladly try to work from home full time if I could.
Click to expand...
Oh, don't get me wrong I LOVE working Full-time from home.. No commute, no listening to annoying Co-Worker stories, saving Money.. all great!! :thumbup:

Problem is "routine" ..Before.. I'd get up at 5:15am, get ready for work and drive in and start at 6:30am and leave at 3:30pm, a Routine that was easy to stick to.

Now.. I still get up at 5:15am CST as my family is use to me getting house going ( Dog out, coffee started, etc..) so now I am logged on by 5:30am. And since "Office Hours" around the US haven't changed I still need to stay logged in until 3:30pm CST...
I do my best to find 2 hours to "check out" each day so I am not working the entire 10 hours... But each day brings challenges to make those 2 hours the same each day... Once the weather changes so I can get outside more it will be much easier to "check out"..
But right now I hear "DING" from the computer, be it new email or a Skype Message coming in, and I end up looking to see what it is and next thing I know it's an hour later..

 
Last edited by a moderator:
snogger said:
Oh, don't get me wrong I LOVE working Full-time from home.. No commute, no listening to annoying Co-Worker stories, saving Money.. all great!! :thumbup:

Problem is "routine" ..Before.. I'd get up at 5:15am, get ready for work and drive in and start at 6:30am and leave at 3:30pm, a Routine that was easy to stick to.

Now.. I still get up at 5:15am CST as my family is use to be getting house going ( Dog out, coffee started, etc..) so now I am logged on by 5:30am. And since "Office Hours" around the US haven't changed I still need to stay logged in until 3:30pm CST...
I do my best to find 2 hours to "check out" each day so I am not working the entire 10 hours... But each day brings challenges to make those 2 hours the same each day... Once the weather changes so I can get outside more it will be much easier to "check out"..
But right now I hear "DING" from the computer be it new email or a Skype Message coming in and I end up looking to see what it is and next thing I know it's an hour later..
Click to expand...
This challenge speaks to the fact that the other co-workers aren't going to sympathize with the 2 hour break stuff, because it's not visible to them. If they try to contact him and he doesn't respond, very quickly that turns into "the guy working from home is not 100% reachable" issue, regardless that he was on starting at 5:30am. Appearances mean a lot, which often times can mean sacrificing time in ways that might not be apparent on the surface.

 
I work from home 1 day a week, sometimes more and sometimes less

I couldn't do it everyday, that would be tough. 

"Deck" is pretty common where I work

I am not working from home today as one of the kids is sick and I don't want to be anywhere near that. 

 
the rover said:
I'm an attorney and work full time from home (there are always meetings, court appearances, depositions, etc.).   You need to be pretty established to pull it off.
Click to expand...
that's pretty much what I'm thinking.  And I'm not remotely established here, yet.  

Linking up with someone who is established might work, but I'm guessing that wouldn't be as lucrative at first. 

 
snogger said:
Oh, don't get me wrong I LOVE working Full-time from home.. No commute, no listening to annoying Co-Worker stories, saving Money.. all great!! :thumbup:

Problem is "routine" ..Before.. I'd get up at 5:15am, get ready for work and drive in and start at 6:30am and leave at 3:30pm, a Routine that was easy to stick to.

Now.. I still get up at 5:15am CST as my family is use to me getting house going ( Dog out, coffee started, etc..) so now I am logged on by 5:30am. And since "Office Hours" around the US haven't changed I still need to stay logged in until 3:30pm CST...
I do my best to find 2 hours to "check out" each day so I am not working the entire 10 hours... But each day brings challenges to make those 2 hours the same each day... Once the weather changes so I can get outside more it will be much easier to "check out"..
But right now I hear "DING" from the computer, be it new email or a Skype Message coming in, and I end up looking to see what it is and next thing I know it's an hour later..
Click to expand...
Log in later? :unsure:

 
I've been WFH for 7 years now. I dread having to go into the office for even one day...which I do every 6 months or so.

 
belljr said:
snogger said:
Oh, don't get me wrong I LOVE working Full-time from home.. No commute, no listening to annoying Co-Worker stories, saving Money.. all great!! :thumbup:

Problem is "routine" ..Before.. I'd get up at 5:15am, get ready for work and drive in and start at 6:30am and leave at 3:30pm, a Routine that was easy to stick to.

Now.. I still get up at 5:15am CST as my family is use to me getting house going ( Dog out, coffee started, etc..) so now I am logged on by 5:30am. And since "Office Hours" around the US haven't changed I still need to stay logged in until 3:30pm CST...
I do my best to find 2 hours to "check out" each day so I am not working the entire 10 hours... But each day brings challenges to make those 2 hours the same each day... Once the weather changes so I can get outside more it will be much easier to "check out"..
But right now I hear "DING" from the computer, be it new email or a Skype Message coming in, and I end up looking to see what it is and next thing I know it's an hour later..
Click to expand...
Log in later? :unsure:
Click to expand...
On most days though, I find I get a Majority of my work done between 5:30am and 8am.. This is because most of the American users are not logged in at those times so I don't normally get Skype'd  and/or multiple emails coming in.
The old "I get more done before you have your first cup of :coffee: then you'll do all day"  rings true most days for me.

There are also times that being logged in early compared to most in the US helps. We are a World Wide company supporting 15,000+ Users. It can get very frustrating trying to help someone that has hit their end of the day so you are playing "email tag" for a couple of days.. Logging in early allows me to get to the issue and get it resolved most times before they log out.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
belljr said:
NO ONE HAS EVER UTTER THE PHRASE - "I need a few minutes I'm finishing up my deck".  NEVER

"I'm finishing up my slide(s)"

"I'm finishing up my presentation"

"I'm finishing up my Power Point"
Click to expand...
I say it all the time but just because it sounds dirty 

 
snogger said:
On most days though, I find I get a Majority of my work done between 5:30am and 8am.. This is because most of the American users are not logged in at those times so I don't normally get Skype'd  and/or multiple emails coming in.
The old "I get more done before you have your first cup of :coffee: then you'll do all day"  rings true most days for me.

There are also times that being logged in early compared to most in the US helps. We are a World Wide company supporting 15,000+ Users. It can get very frustrating trying to help someone that has hit their end of the day so you are playing "email tag" for a couple of days.. Logging in early allows me to get to the issue and get it resolved most times before they log out.
Click to expand...
Then quit your complaining! :)

 
belljr said:
snogger said:
On most days though, I find I get a Majority of my work done between 5:30am and 8am.. This is because most of the American users are not logged in at those times so I don't normally get Skype'd  and/or multiple emails coming in.
The old "I get more done before you have your first cup of :coffee: then you'll do all day"  rings true most days for me.

There are also times that being logged in early compared to most in the US helps. We are a World Wide company supporting 15,000+ Users. It can get very frustrating trying to help someone that has hit their end of the day so you are playing "email tag" for a couple of days.. Logging in early allows me to get to the issue and get it resolved most times before they log out.
Click to expand...
Then quit your complaining! :)
Click to expand...
Not really a "complaint" as much as a "Struggle" that I am working on now that I work Full Time from home and trying to provide insight to others considering it..

It is my OCD so too speak.. 
I hear that "Ding" and no matter how much during Business hours I try to tell myself to "Ignore it", my mind continues to drift to "what if it's important".. But once 3:30pm hits :whistle: .....
Just need to get that "whistle" feeling to be part of my Two hour break..

As I said, once the weather up here turns warmer I'll be taking those two hour breaks outside the home and won't hear the "Ding" from the computer..

 
Last edited by a moderator:
snogger said:
Not really a "complaint" as much as a "Struggle" that I am working on now that I work Full Time from home and trying to provide insight to others considering it..

It is my OCD so too speak.. 
I hear that "Ding" and no matter how much during Business hours I try to tell myself to "Ignore it", my mind continues to drift to "what if it's important".. But once 3:30pm hits :whistle: .....
Just need to get that "whistle" feeling to be part of my Two hour break..

As I said, once the weather up here turns warmer I'll be taking those two hour breaks outside the home and won't hear the "Ding" from the computer..
Click to expand...
Hears a tip...  turn off your sound on your computer.  HTH and Godspeed...

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Terminalxylem
Cosmetic procedures
Replies
36
Views
598
AAABatteries
AAABatteries
General Malaise
$$ How Much Do You Spend Per Work Day On Lunch?
2
Replies
99
Views
2K
belljr
belljr
Joe Bryant
"Difficult" situation?
2 3
Replies
134
Views
2K
Terminalxylem
Terminalxylem

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Top