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Holding in a fart (1 Viewer)

Yes, it's very dangerous. If you hold it in for too long eventually you will sneeze and #### will come out of your nose

 
I was at Studio 54 in the late 70s and Don & Ivana Trump were sitting with Cheryl Tiegs and some hockey player at a nearby table. I was checkin out Tiegs when  i noticed Trump's cheeks puff out weirdly. His face got terribly distorted, he started looking kinda down his nose all sour like. His lips puckered and his eyes bugged and then the weirdest thing happened - his Wall Street ducktail hair started to get all poofy and terrace-y and weird. Nobody said anything and i wasnt getting up, so i just did another line and a shot and watched him go all sour. Just for grins, i followed him next time he got up. The future POTUS made his way to the men's room, locked himself in a stall and let one rip that sounded like moving 20 desks on a cement floor. Ducked out before the stank followed. Went back to my table, figured it musta been the clams casino @ Rayo's. He came back, stayed most of the evening, but his hair and disposition never seemed to have gone back to normal. Caveat fartor!

 
wikkidpissah said:
I was at Studio 54 in the late 70s and Don & Ivana Trump were sitting with Cheryl Tiegs and some hockey player at a nearby table. I was checkin out Tiegs when  i noticed Trump's cheeks puff out weirdly. His face got terribly distorted, he started looking kinda down his nose all sour like. His lips puckered and his eyes bugged and then the weirdest thing happened - his Wall Street ducktail hair started to get all poofy and terrace-y and weird. Nobody said anything and i wasnt getting up, so i just did another line and a shot and watched him go all sour. Just for grins, i followed him next time he got up. The future POTUS made his way to the men's room, locked himself in a stall and let one rip that sounded like moving 20 desks on a cement floor. Ducked out before the stank followed. Went back to my table, figured it musta been the clams casino @ Rayo's. He came back, stayed most of the evening, but his hair and disposition never seemed to have gone back to normal. Caveat fartor!
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I've heard he has gas issues too. 

 
gbill2004 said:
Have you ever held in a fart to the point where it feels like its lodged behind some ####, and won’t come out? 
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Never.

Here's the thing. Farts are glorious. In the Bible, there is a passage somewhere in the Old Testament that says (and I paraphrase):

In man from God exists the glory of the heavens passed through the Gates of Hades to deliver upon other men the fruits of my word. Thus they shall be enlightened with thy truth and they shall interpret the sound of man and they shall follow or run.

The fart was sent by God. It's up to you, as man, to deliver the truth as you see fit. When you don't fart, you are holding back God's wishes to free yourself from evil eating you from the Gates of Hades. A suppressed fart works backwords, and eventually the devils word comes up through your soul and out your mouth. 

You must fart. You just must.

 
reminds me of a funny fart story- we had people over at our house, and I was gaseous..  i had a build up that was getting painful, and I knew it would be loud, so i quickly snuck out side and before I closed the front door my ### was trumpeting like the horn section of Earth Wind and Fire..  Scared the bejesus of the old lady walking her dog on the sidewalk.. I learned a lesson-  look before you leak :bag:

 
Parrothead said:
reminds me of a funny fart story- we had people over at our house, and I was gaseous..  i had a build up that was getting painful, and I knew it would be loud, so i quickly snuck out side and before I closed the front door my ### was trumpeting like the horn section of Earth Wind and Fire..  Scared the bejesus of the old lady walking her dog on the sidewalk.. I learned a lesson-  look before you leak :bag:
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*lalala*

Shining fart i shoot at thee

Leave as soon as Fido pee

*lalala*
 
ChiefD said:
Never.

Here's the thing. Farts are glorious. In the Bible, there is a passage somewhere in the Old Testament that says (and I paraphrase):

In man from God exists the glory of the heavens passed through the Gates of Hades to deliver upon other men the fruits of my word. Thus they shall be enlightened with thy truth and they shall interpret the sound of man and they shall follow or run.

The fart was sent by God. It's up to you, as man, to deliver the truth as you see fit. When you don't fart, you are holding back God's wishes to free yourself from evil eating you from the Gates of Hades. A suppressed fart works backwords, and eventually the devils word comes up through your soul and out your mouth. 

You must fart. You just must.




 
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Clearly a Fundamental Baptist by this interpretation of scripture.  

 
sports_fan said:
Yes, it's very dangerous. If you hold it in for too long eventually you will sneeze and #### will come out of your nose
Click to expand...
This is the best way to light your farts on fire.

 
wikkidpissah said:
I was at Studio 54 in the late 70s and Don & Ivana Trump were sitting with Cheryl Tiegs and some hockey player at a nearby table. I was checkin out Tiegs when  i noticed Trump's cheeks puff out weirdly. His face got terribly distorted, he started looking kinda down his nose all sour like. His lips puckered and his eyes bugged and then the weirdest thing happened - his Wall Street ducktail hair started to get all poofy and terrace-y and weird. Nobody said anything and i wasnt getting up, so i just did another line and a shot and watched him go all sour. Just for grins, i followed him next time he got up. The future POTUS made his way to the men's room, locked himself in a stall and let one rip that sounded like moving 20 desks on a cement floor. Ducked out before the stank followed. Went back to my table, figured it musta been the clams casino @ Rayo's. He came back, stayed most of the evening, but his hair and disposition never seemed to have gone back to normal. Caveat fartor!
Click to expand...
And Cheryl? 

 
Don't hold them in---could totally kill you. Nobody has figured out what really causes Aneurysms.   I'll tell you what causes them. Held in farts going all the way up into your brain and exploding.  Real talk brahs.  

 
This thread makes me wonder how many bathrooms  I have ever been in that Donald Trump was also once in.

 
wikkidpissah said:
I was at Studio 54 in the late 70s and Don & Ivana Trump were sitting with Cheryl Tiegs and some hockey player at a nearby table. I was checkin out Tiegs when  i noticed Trump's cheeks puff out weirdly. His face got terribly distorted, he started looking kinda down his nose all sour like. His lips puckered and his eyes bugged and then the weirdest thing happened - his Wall Street ducktail hair started to get all poofy and terrace-y and weird. Nobody said anything and i wasnt getting up, so i just did another line and a shot and watched him go all sour. Just for grins, i followed him next time he got up. The future POTUS made his way to the men's room, locked himself in a stall and let one rip that sounded like moving 20 desks on a cement floor. Ducked out before the stank followed. Went back to my table, figured it musta been the clams casino @ Rayo's. He came back, stayed most of the evening, but his hair and disposition never seemed to have gone back to normal. Caveat fartor!
Click to expand...
FAKE NEWS, FAKE NEWS!!!!11!1

 
jvdesigns2002 said:
Don't hold them in---could totally kill you. Nobody has figured out what really causes Aneurysms.   I'll tell you what causes them. Held in farts going all the way up into your brain and exploding.  Real talk brahs.  
Click to expand...
hfs - my poor gf   :(   she been holding 'em in around me for the better part of twelve years  :X

 
otb_lifer said:
hfs - my poor gf   :(   she been holding 'em in around me for the better part of twelve years  :X
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Good god, 12 years? Time to make an honest woman of her and give her some relief. I'm surprised she hasn't exploded already. She's probably starting to look like Violet from Willy Wonka by now, blowing up like a bubble. Although probably a lovely shade of brown rather than violet.

 
RokNRole said:
Better put a ring on it and get a discreet life insurance policy
Click to expand...


KingPrawn said:
Good god, 12 years? Time to make an honest woman of her and give her some relief. I'm surprised she hasn't exploded already. She's probably starting to look like Violet from Willy Wonka by now, blowing up like a bubble. Although probably a lovely shade of brown rather than violet.
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:lmao:

what can i say, she knows it's a deal breaker  :no:

 
My friend tried to light a fart once. He cauterized his butt shut. When he tried to fart it had nowhere to go. It goes up into your body - into your heart, and you have a fart attack and die. My friend died from that. His last breath was a burp and it smelled like crap.

 
ChainsawU said:
My friend tried to light a fart once. He cauterized his butt shut. When he tried to fart it had nowhere to go. It goes up into your body - into your heart, and you have a fart attack and die. My friend died from that. His last breath was a burp and it smelled like crap.
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Crazy story man. Sorry about your friend. 

 
gbill2004 said:
Do farts taste good?
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There's a country inn not far from here in Felchville (look it up), Vermont that holds seasonal artisan fart banquets. For hundreds of years, young men in the north country enjoyed their first money & independence away from the farm by haying Vermont's fields in August & September. Between the strong effuviance of new-cut hay, exposure to bovine methane in the fields and buckets of beans with which employers would feed them, deep rich flati were a bunkhouse fact of life and fart-lighting contests a common entertainment. When noted NYC poet Yancey Strange retired to Felchville in the 1920s and saw the strapping young itinerant hayers, he was instantly fascinated and subsequently joined, then chronicled their lives in the celebrated collection "Dark Furrow".

Legend has it that losers of the lighting contests had to "eat" the next fart of his vanquisher and it is said that Yancey would intentionally lose contests for the pleasure and aroma glossary which informed his verse that he gleaned from these punishments. Hayers far and wide knew about that "Felcher fella" and the great feasts of gassy foods he would throw to enhance the pleasure and variety of essence to be partaken at the ensuing contests. Strange turned his farmhouse into an inn so he could host these contests and, though they died with him, many of the NewYorkers who started coming to Vermont for foliage tours in the 70s would stop at the Strange Inn next to the Felchville Post Office for a night of fun and batch of postcards. 

Enterprising inn owner and former Strange handyman Jesihu Perch would often regale his guests with stories of the old contests and from that, through the past few decades, this has developed into the craft of airbrewing. Brewers will eat special diets for months to create specific essences for guests who reward them richly for new exciting emissions. Banquets usually begin in late August and go through the foliage season. Check www.strangeinnfelchville.com for schedules and menus.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Wikkid, I thank you for sharing, but I wish I could unknow that. I knew the term felching, already, but didn't have a mental picture of real flesh and blood people actually engaging in the practice. Thanks to your wordsmithery, that is no longer the case. Please, I implore you, use your powers for good, and not evil.

 
wikkidpissah said:
There's a country inn not far from here in Felchville (look it up), Vermont that holds seasonal artisan fart banquets. For hundreds of years, young men in the north country enjoyed their first money & independence away from the farm by haying Vermont's fields in August & September. Between the strong effuviance of new-cut hay, exposure to bovine methane in the fields and buckets of beans with which employers would feed them, deep rich flati were a bunkhouse fact of life and fart-lighting contests a common entertainment. When noted NYC poet Yancey Strange retired to Felchville in the 1920s and saw the strapping young itinerant hayers, he was instantly fascinated and subsequently joined, then chronicled their lives in the celebrated collection "Dark Furrow".

Legend has it that losers of the lighting contests had to "eat" the next fart of his vanquisher and it is said that Yancey would intentionally lose contests for the pleasure and aroma glossary which informed his verse that he gleaned from these punishments. Hayers far and wide knew about that "Felcher fella" and the great feasts of gassy foods he would throw to enhance the pleasure and variety of essence to be partaken at the ensuing contests. Strange turned his farmhouse into an inn so he could host these contests and, though they died with him, many of the NewYorkers who started coming to Vermont for foliage tours in the 70s would stop at the Strange Inn next to the Felchville Post Office for a night of fun and batch of postcards. 

Enterprising inn owner and former Strange handyman Jesihu Perch would often regale his guests with stories of the old contests and from that, through the past few decades, this has developed into the craft of airbrewing. Brewers will eat special diets for months to create specific essences for guests who reward them richly for new exciting emissions. Banquets usually begin in late August and go through the foliage season. Check www.strangeinnfelchville.com for schedules and menus.
Click to expand...
Great story!  Wow. 

 
wikkidpissah said:
I was at Studio 54 in the late 70s and Don & Ivana Trump were sitting with Cheryl Tiegs and some hockey player at a nearby table. I was checkin out Tiegs when  i noticed Trump's cheeks puff out weirdly. His face got terribly distorted, he started looking kinda down his nose all sour like. His lips puckered and his eyes bugged and then the weirdest thing happened - his Wall Street ducktail hair started to get all poofy and terrace-y and weird. Nobody said anything and i wasnt getting up, so i just did another line and a shot and watched him go all sour. Just for grins, i followed him next time he got up. The future POTUS made his way to the men's room, locked himself in a stall and let one rip that sounded like moving 20 desks on a cement floor. Ducked out before the stank followed. Went back to my table, figured it musta been the clams casino @ Rayo's. He came back, stayed most of the evening, but his hair and disposition never seemed to have gone back to normal. Caveat fartor!
Click to expand...
I don't care if this is true or not; this is awesome!!

 
doing it now on train into the City - feels like my innards are being twisted to bits by some medieval executioner type thingamajig  :X

not so worried about ripping this mother######, and stinking the car out ... but more about how wet n' wild the blast may be - not the best of days for a squishy ride in  :unsure:

 
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