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Capella

BREAKING: local man has sex with wife...Kid turned one, where is my medal

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3 hours ago, Capella said:

I've woke up multiple times now to see if he was still breathing. 

Went ahead and bought the insane parent sock that just tells you if something goes wrong. I'm stupid. 

Wth is a parent sock?

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7 minutes ago, belljr said:

Wth is a parent sock?

It's a sock you put on the baby that alerts you if he isn't breathing. I don't know why I said parent sock, probably because I haven't slept in two days. 

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Here is my story.

I'm guessing your hospital just like ours put a little GPS tracker around your babies ankle or maybe they don't do this anymore.  Anyway this tracker is used by the staff to monitor the babies whearabouts and if an alarm goes off the doors automatically lock and the wing gets shut down.  

So the nurses let us know make sure you don't tamper with it or try to take it off because it will trigger the alarm. 

I decide, ok  time to change my sweet daughter for the first time.  I'm changing her ever so carefully and the hospital alarm is going off.  I look at my wife, and tell her "Ha some schmuck must have knocked off the gps tracker"

I continue on with my DAD GOAL.

5 seconds later 2 nurses come barreling into our room.

"Is everything ok?"  

I'm completely confused and scared at this point... 

My wife is like "yeah why?"

Nurses come over to me see I'm changing the baby. 

The tracker is right where it's been this whole time.   

"Nurse, did the tracker get wet by any chance"  

"Me :shrug: maybe when I was pulling off the old diaper."

She gives me a look, mumbles how she hates these thing and reminds me TO BE CAREFUL!!!

:lmao:

 

I WAS THE ### #### SCHMUCK

 

 

Edited by belljr
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The hospital was really awesome for us when my daughter was born, nurses were amazing, great room for us, the whole deal. 

But that ####### GPS tracker was put around my daughter's ankle either in the wrong spot or too tightly. When we left and had it taken off, we realized that the thing was digging into her foot the whole time and it left a deep cut. Thankfully some antibiotic cream healed it pretty quickly but coming up on 9 months later and she still has a scar. 

Obviously nothing in the grand scheme of things, but a PSA to any future dads to just take a peek at that thing and make sure it's on securely but comfortably. 

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33 minutes ago, belljr said:

Here is my story.

I'm guessing your hospital just like ours put a little GPS tracker around your babies ankle or maybe they don't do this anymore.  Anyway this tracker is used by the staff to monitor the babies whearabouts and if an alarm goes off the doors automatically lock and the wing gets shut down.  

So the nurses let us know make sure you don't tamper with it or try to take it off because it will trigger the alarm. 

I decide, ok  time to change my sweet daughter for the first time.  I'm changing her ever so carefully and the hospital alarm is going off.  I look at my wife, and tell her "Ha some schmuck must have knocked off the gps tracker"

I continue on with my DAD GOAL.

5 seconds later 2 nurses come barreling into our room.

"Is everything ok?"  

I'm completely confused and scared at this point... 

My wife is like "yeah why?"

Nurses come over to me see I'm changing the baby. 

The tracker is right where it's been this whole time.   

"Nurse, did the tracker get wet by any chance"  

"Me :shrug: maybe when I was pulling off the old diaper."

She gives me a look, mumbles how she hates these thing and reminds me TO BE CAREFUL!!!

:lmao:

 

I WAS THE ### #### SCHMUCK

 

 

We'll all had bands with a barcode but I don't know what happened if his fell off. They were always asking us to scan ours though. They didn't mention anything to us about an alarm, but there were security checkpoints everywhere. 

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In all seriousness on the exhaustion, you'll adjust to it over time. I was never a big sleeper to begin with so shifting to a new parent sleep schedule may have been easier for me than others. My advice though is to not fall in the habit of taking every minute of downtime to just lay on the couch. For me, that just led to being even more tired. If I didn't have enough time to take an actual nap and catch up a bit, I would take the kid in the stroller and go for long walks. It kept my energy up and fresh air helped. I live in a very walkable town so that was pretty satisfying. I have a gym in my building and some days I would head there even if just for 15 minutes to get some level of activity in. 

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Football season is the best though. My best memories are those first few months where we would watch the Chiefs on a Sunday, and my son would just lay on my lap sleeping while I watched the game.

To he honest, I probably watched him more than the game, but I'll never forget that time of his life. Did that with all 3 of my kids.

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16 minutes ago, ChiefD said:

Football season is the best though. My best memories are those first few months where we would watch the Chiefs on a Sunday, and my son would just lay on my lap sleeping while I watched the game.

To he honest, I probably watched him more than the game, but I'll never forget that time of his life. Did that with all 3 of my kids.

Mrs_ITwinkie and our first born did NOT get along well at first. Tried to do the whole breastfeeding thing, which isn't so natural at first. They were both super tired, Mrs_IT was trying to "perfectMom" and would get stressed out when the next attempt didn't go so well. Eldest would get upset. Mrs_IT would get more upset. And so on. I had been convincing myself that kids cry and its ok from the moment I was informed she was preggers. It became a mantra on an endless loop in my head the entire pregnancy So I'd pick my daughter up and she'd calm down. I figured she could tell I wasn't stressed about it and it helped soothe her. While it may have helped my daughter, but it just added fuel to the hormone stew and "perfectMom" angst my wife was raging under. Rinse repeat. The upshot of all this was that I got to spend lots of time watching the worst TV at 0Dark-Thrity with my daughter. She'd be curled up in my arms as I watched re-runs of 1970s bowling shows and whatever else is on when no one else in the world is watching TV. It was great. I miss those times dearly.

(Especially now... as she's a senior and we are in the middle of applying for colleges... I am still trying to find the jerk that gave her permission to grow up) 

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24 minutes ago, IrishTwinkie said:

Mrs_ITwinkie and our first born did NOT get along well at first. Tried to do the whole breastfeeding thing, which isn't so natural at first. They were both super tired, Mrs_IT was trying to "perfectMom" and would get stressed out when the next attempt didn't go so well. Eldest would get upset. Mrs_IT would get more upset. And so on. I had been convincing myself that kids cry and its ok from the moment I was informed she was preggers. It became a mantra on an endless loop in my head the entire pregnancy So I'd pick my daughter up and she'd calm down. I figured she could tell I wasn't stressed about it and it helped soothe her. While it may have helped my daughter, but it just added fuel to the hormone stew and "perfectMom" angst my wife was raging under. Rinse repeat. The upshot of all this was that I got to spend lots of time watching the worst TV at 0Dark-Thrity with my daughter. She'd be curled up in my arms as I watched re-runs of 1970s bowling shows and whatever else is on when no one else in the world is watching TV. It was great. I miss those times dearly.

(Especially now... as she's a senior and we are in the middle of applying for colleges... I am still trying to find the jerk that gave her permission to grow up) 

My wife and I quickly discovered I was the one better suited to handle the overnight feedings those first few months.  We added a bunch of movie channels to our TV package (no DVR yet), and I could usually find "The Fast And The Furious" (which had just hit cable) on one of them late at night.  

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Just had our first mini-panic. MIL was here and thought he looked blue above and under his lips. Yelled at me from the next room so I came in and did that baby back tap thing. He seemed fine. 

This is terrifying. Jesus. 

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4 minutes ago, Capella said:

Just had our first mini-panic. MIL was here and thought he looked blue above and under his lips. Yelled at me from the next room so I came in and did that baby back tap thing. He seemed fine. 

This is terrifying. Jesus. 

Huh, a MIL overreacting.  That's weird.

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23 minutes ago, FDAS said:

Huh, a MIL overreacting.  That's weird.

Yea. And I love her and she's super helpful, but kinda dumb. 

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2 hours ago, Capella said:

Just had our first mini-panic. MIL was here and thought he looked blue above and under his lips. Yelled at me from the next room so I came in and did that baby back tap thing. He seemed fine. 

This is terrifying. Jesus. 

When our baby was a few days older than Lincoln is right now, she was doing some labored breathing late at night.  As first-time parents working on no sleep and some respiratory illness in the bloodlines, we packed her in the car seat and drove to the ER.  

We brought her in, and the ER doctor put her on an exam table and listened to her breathe.  He then reached into his lab coat, pulled out a suction bulb, and put the narrow end up the baby’s nose.

So yeah, this is the story of when we drove to the ER to get a big booger removed.  

The doctor was super nice about it.  There was no action in the ER at the time, so he went ahead and gave her a full examination.  “Well, what we have here is a healthy baby.... don’t beat yourself up.  We see a lot of first-time parents on the night shift.”

I bought one of those “nasal aspirators” the next day and quickly became a booger-sucking ninja.  

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On 10/20/2017 at 2:35 PM, msudaisy26 said:

I wonder about them sometimes. You know how the the doctor kind if talks you through the birth, well my doctor says, " I  can see the head,  and it has a full head of hair. Do  you want me to braid it before it comes out"  My husband screamed " No, just get that f***in thing out of her already." I was in labor for 19 hours and he had been up for like 30 straight hours. 

I was there snapping selfies of the 3 of us right after the delivery when the nurse shouted at me "put the phone down and help!" (with the clean up and stuff I guess?) :shrug:

:mellow:

 

Is that normal? 

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12 minutes ago, Bruce Dickinson said:

When our baby was a few days older than Lincoln is right now, she was doing some labored breathing late at night.  As first-time parents working on no sleep and some respiratory illness in the bloodlines, we packed her in the car seat and drove to the ER.  

We brought her in, and the ER doctor put her on an exam table and listened to her breathe.  He then reached into his lab coat, pulled out a suction bulb, and put the narrow end up the baby’s nose.

So yeah, this is the story of when we drove to the ER to get a big booger removed.  

The doctor was super nice about it.  There was no action in the ER at the time, so he went ahead and gave her a full examination.  “Well, what we have here is a healthy baby.... don’t beat yourself up.  We see a lot of first-time parents on the night shift.”

I bought one of those “nasal aspirators” the next day and quickly became a booger-sucking ninja.  

:lmao: 

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19 minutes ago, Bruce Dickinson said:

When our baby was a few days older than Lincoln is right now, she was doing some labored breathing late at night.  As first-time parents working on no sleep and some respiratory illness in the bloodlines, we packed her in the car seat and drove to the ER.  

We brought her in, and the ER doctor put her on an exam table and listened to her breathe.  He then reached into his lab coat, pulled out a suction bulb, and put the narrow end up the baby’s nose.

So yeah, this is the story of when we drove to the ER to get a big booger removed.  

The doctor was super nice about it.  There was no action in the ER at the time, so he went ahead and gave her a full examination.  “Well, what we have here is a healthy baby.... don’t beat yourself up.  We see a lot of first-time parents on the night shift.”

I bought one of those “nasal aspirators” the next day and quickly became a booger-sucking ninja.  

#### man that's gonna be me at some point. Guarantee it. 

Awesome story. 

Edited by Capella
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1 hour ago, lardonastick said:

liquid gold

She was pretty hot too. One of those mid-40s chicks with the fake cans and a nice tan. Also seemed like the kind who would show up at your job if you ever left her. 

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4 hours ago, Capella said:

Just had our first mini-panic. MIL was here and thought he looked blue above and under his lips. Yelled at me from the next room so I came in and did that baby back tap thing. He seemed fine. 

This is terrifying. Jesus. 

Dude, relax.  MILs are notorious worriers. 

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Just now, shuke said:

Dude, relax.  MILs are notorious worriers. 

I'm cool now, but in the moment I wasn't going to exactly make a cocktail. 

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19 hours ago, Capella said:

I've woke up multiple times now to see if he was still breathing. 

Went ahead and bought the insane parent sock that just tells you if something goes wrong. I'm stupid. 

I remember the first week, and I did the same thing.  It takes them a week or so to get there breathing normal.  Between that, and freaking out about the next & SIDs, it feels like you are in the clear after a month.  Then they sleep for the next 4 months and they are easy.  

Don't ever fall asleep with the baby.  A guy I grew up with fell asleep with the kid on his stomach, and the baby ended up rolling to where it couldn't breathe.  Was removed from life support.  Horrible tragedy, don't mean to bum anyone out, but just want to make people aware in order to potentially prevent another loss.

Edited by Punxsutawney Phil

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25 minutes ago, RUSF18 said:

NoseFrida over the bulb aspirator, IMO. 

Bulb aspirator is an awfully fancy name for the Snot Sucker.

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1 hour ago, eoMMan said:

$300?!?!

Jfc.

I assure you, I have never been more ashamed. 

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1 minute ago, Capella said:

I assure you, I have never been more ashamed. 

Wait until you are in a busy parking lot and can't get the stroller folded up while someone waits for your parking spot. 

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2 hours ago, JaxBill said:

Bulb aspirator is an awfully fancy name for the Snot Sucker.

We call it the Booger Grabber. 

I like yours more and will be stealing it.

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38 minutes ago, ChiefD said:

Wait until you are in a busy parking lot and can't get the stroller folded up while someone waits for your parking spot. 

Oh I'll just laugh at them. 

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1 hour ago, ChiefD said:

Wait until you are in a busy parking lot and can't get the stroller folded up while someone waits for your parking spot. 

I used to intentionally do this.  "oh geez, this stroller is soooooooo difficult".  :mellow:

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28 minutes ago, Fat Drunk and Stupid said:

I used to intentionally do this.  "oh geez, this stroller is soooooooo difficult".  :mellow:

:lol: I'd do the same. Screw those people.

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First month with Lincoln

 

one month in, everybody is exhausted and I go back to work tomorrow. somehow we have kept this kid alive and fed but I may never touch my wife again, whose primary job now is basically being a milk pump. 

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28 minutes ago, Capella said:

First month with Lincoln

 

one month in, everybody is exhausted and I go back to work tomorrow. somehow we have kept this kid alive and fed but I may never touch my wife again, whose primary job now is basically being a milk pump. 

have you gotten the diptet? YOU GOTTA GET THE DIPTET!

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the blog entry is amazing, capella.

 

soooo many things you hit on perfectly- I'll point out one that got me. the immediate nostalgia over all the moments, large and small. I find myself ridiculously choked up on last days of school or last times doing anything.

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3 hours ago, El Floppo said:

the blog entry is amazing, capella.

 

soooo many things you hit on perfectly- I'll point out one that got me. the immediate nostalgia over all the moments, large and small. I find myself ridiculously choked up on last days of school or last times doing anything.

Thank you man, I really appreciate it. I enjoy doing these. 

 

I go back to work tomorrow and I really find myself thinking about all the small things I'll miss. Before he came about I never thought I would miss that sort of stuff, but now that it's here I definitely will. 

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Great post, and congrats on surviving the first month.

My baby girl is 10 months old today. The last month has been one of the harder ones with her getting sick for a while and even though many of the individual days have felt long as a result, it really feels like yesterday we were celebrating her at 9 months.

I'm with you on taking so many pics. I still do it. One of my favorites used to be when I'd put her in my lap in the morning, leaning her on my thighs as she'd look at me after her bottle. I flip through all those pictures and see her getting bigger and bigger in comparison to my legs and it would blow my mind. Now there is no chance of getting her to sit like that, she's just too big for it and wants to be moving around. And that is a point where I get sad too, even though it's a product of her growing and developing. 

Edited by RUSF18
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2 minutes ago, RUSF18 said:

Great post, and congrats on surviving the first month.

My baby girl is 10 months old today. The last month has been one of the harder ones with her getting sick for a while and even though many of the individual days have felt long as a result, it really feels like yesterday we were celebrating her at 9 months.

I'm with you on taking so many pics. I still do it. One of my favorites used to be when I'd put her in my lap in the morning, leaning her on my thighs as she'd look at me after her bottle. I flip through all those pictures and see her getting bigger and bigger in comparison to my legs and it would blow my mind. Now there is no chance of getting her to sit like that, she's just too big for it and wants to be moving around. And that is a point where I get sad too, even though it's a product of her growing and developing. 

Just do not be the guy posting 8,000 baby pics all over Facebook daily. No one cares. Text that to family/friends.

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2 minutes ago, Magic_Man said:

Just do not be the guy posting 8,000 baby pics all over Facebook daily. No one cares. Text that to family/friends.

Can I have your number?

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And what kind of sociopath texts pictures of their kids to their friends unsolicited?

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4 hours ago, Capella said:

Get out of the house, man.  Don't be afraid to take him places.  One of the things we figured out we did "wrong" when our daughter was young.  He's not going to catch the black plague because you took him to the Cheesecake Factory and made him sit on the bench in that carrier while you scarfed down 8,000 calories of dulce de leche-flavored cream cheese.

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"My favorite thing is when he is crying and I pick him up and then he instantly stops. That’s an immensely satisfying feeling. Nobody has ever needed me like that before. I know that won’t last forever, but it will in my mind.

I won’t need a picture to remember that."

 

Yeah, but you'll forget about it until you read something like this that brings it rushing back to you.  Which is just one of the reasons a bunch of people appreciate your blog.  Enjoy it.  Everybody will tell you it goes too fast.  You'll get sick and tired of hearing it.  And they're still right. 

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33 minutes ago, RUSF18 said:

Great post, and congrats on surviving the first month.

My baby girl is 10 months old today. The last month has been one of the harder ones with her getting sick for a while and even though many of the individual days have felt long as a result, it really feels like yesterday we were celebrating her at 9 months.

I'm with you on taking so many pics. I still do it. One of my favorites used to be when I'd put her in my lap in the morning, leaning her on my thighs as she'd look at me after her bottle. I flip through all those pictures and see her getting bigger and bigger in comparison to my legs and it would blow my mind. Now there is no chance of getting her to sit like that, she's just too big for it and wants to be moving around. And that is a point where I get sad too, even though it's a product of her growing and developing. 

My boys are 14 and 16 now.  I still remember the days of reading little board books to them as they'd sit on my lap asking me to read them again and again.  Those are great memories, but the one thing I've learned is that is always gets better.  No matter how fun they were as toddlers, they were even more fun as pre schoolers, and even more fun as middle schoolers, and now even more fun as high schoolers (after coaching them in basketball for several years each, they are now helping me coach a sixth grade team, which has been a great experience so far).  Yes, look back fondly at these memories but remember that the present and future will hold great things too.

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Kids are resilient.  Remember, they were surviving as cave-kids.  If they were as fragile as we think they are, we wouldn't exist!

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