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Neighbor trouble, shtick and legal advice appreciated (1 Viewer)

Doctor Detroit

Doctor Detroit

Please remove your headgear
So my neighbors who are directly behind me have become a real pain in the ###. 

The woman has now reported me and two of my neighbors for barking dogs, which she has on all sides.  I am fully familiar with a nuisance dog, and I do not have one.  My dog is a rescue and I've trained her to not bark at humans approaching the fences (our neighbors), she barks at squirrels and other dogs.  She sometimes barks at this neighbor's kids because they have a ### #### trampoline right on the fence line and they are out there screaming and carrying on.  And I get that, they are ####### kids (ages 5 and 9), kids are gonna do kid stuff. 

So I was reported for this county code violation:
 

Animal Disturbance Prohibited

It is unlawful for a person who owns, keeps, or has possession of an animal to permit the animal to disturb the quiet of a person or neighborhood.
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That seems so broad I'm not sure what to even make of it.  The letter I received says:

A complainant may issue an "Affidavit of Complaint" against you.  Animal Control, functioning as a process server, must charge you with the appropriate violation and assess a fine.
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How would they even prove my dog is a nuisance?  They'd have to sit here for hours hoping a squirrel would go to ground, seems ridiculous. 

It was reported I had two dogs, but the other dog never barked and she died two weeks ago.  I have never registered my dogs with the county but immediately did the paperwork once I received this notice. 

Anyway, I have been nice to them because their youngest son has had some seizures and medical issues.  They walk their dog, pick up the poop, and I tell them to leave it and I'll get it.  I expressed my concern for their son, I'm always very nice to their kids and to the wife, even if they are ####### monsters sometimes.  The dude is a big, lumbering guy who never talks because his wife doesn't allow it, so I almost feel sorry for him.  I think they are still made I quoted ordinance chapter and verse about some trees they wanted trimmed that are in my yard, but extend into theirs.  

Shtick welcome, real advice is also.  I'm not too mad because the chick is just a ####### #####, but my woman who never says anything bad about anyone said she "hated" the woman.  So even if immediate action isn't warranted, this is a long-term issue as long as I'm here.  TIA, :wub: you guys! 

 
rockaction said:
You are a cantankerous motherfletcher, but I love you, my friend. No advice nor shtick coming from this end; just wishing you luck.
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I'm actually not that angry about this, I just think it's ####### ridiculous.  My woman is ####### pissed though and she never gets pissed.  So I need a plan here. 

If Animal Control comes out and tries to fine me, then it's game on though.  I'm gonna lawyer up and pay $2k to take care of a $50 problem on principle because that's the person I am. 

 
Doctor Detroit said:
I'm actually not that angry about this, I just think it's ####### ridiculous.  My woman is ####### pissed though and she never gets pissed.  So I need a plan here. 

If Animal Control comes out and tries to fine me, then it's game on though.  I'm gonna lawyer up and pay $2k to take care of a $50 problem on principle because that's the person I am. 
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Yep, that's who you are, and I love it. :lmao:

 
Zigg said:
Just move your trailer.

This is the thread where I insult you, right?
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Wish I had a trailer, at least I could give my neighbors gift certificates to the Dentist.  These MFer's here have bank, only thing they need is groceries delivered in a limo. 

And yes, feel free to insult me as needed. 

 
One high schoolish thing I thought of was this...

The part of their house facing me has no windows, two story house with aluminum siding.  My thought is to buy a dodge ball, and since I am a night owl, go out there twice a month and heave the ball against the siding.  I can easily make it back in the house without suspicion.

Like this post if you think this is brilliant. 

 
Doctor Detroit said:
One high schoolish thing I thought of was this...

The part of their house facing me has no windows, two story house with aluminum siding.  My thought is to buy a dodge ball, and since I am a night owl, go out there twice a month and heave the ball against the siding.  I can easily make it back in the house without suspicion.

Like this post if you think this is brilliant. 
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No, not brilliant.

Okay, yes, kind of. 

 
Strike up a conversation with the guy. Casually bring up the fact you are looking for changing your homeowners insurance and ask what they have. When you find out, call up the local office with an anonymous tip to make sure they've claimed the fact they have a trampoline. Wa-la, their monthly payments go way up. 

 
Doctor Detroit said:
One high schoolish thing I thought of was this...

The part of their house facing me has no windows, two story house with aluminum siding.  My thought is to buy a dodge ball, and since I am a night owl, go out there twice a month and heave the ball against the siding.  I can easily make it back in the house without suspicion.

Like this post if you think this is brilliant. 
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Do it at the exact same time every night.    Do it three times, about two weeks apart per instance.   Two weeks after the last one, leave something creepy in their mailbox.

 
All of my neighbors have dogs.  Hate the occasional random barking, but I appreciate that I don't feel that I need one for protection.  No advice for you other than maybe paying Em or MCGM to start their house on fire.  For legal reason - just kidding.

 
Yo Mama said:
Strike up a conversation with the guy. Casually bring up the fact you are looking for changing your homeowners insurance and ask what they have. When you find out, call up the local office with an anonymous tip to make sure they've claimed the fact they have a trampoline. Wa-la, their monthly payments go way up. 
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:lmao:

 
Go get the biggest, ugliest above ground pool and put it as close to their property line as possible. Don't even fill it up. Sure you'll prob spite yourself, but this woman sounds like a butch, she'll be furious.

 
How dare you talk about my wife like... Ok, she's gone. For the love of god, send help. She isn't my real wife. She... Hi honey. Just telling off our neighbor. How are you doing?

 
Doctor Detroit said:
Wish I had a trailer, at least I could give my neighbors gift certificates to the Dentist.  These MFer's here have bank, only thing they need is groceries delivered in a limo. 

And yes, feel free to insult me as needed. 
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If you live in the zip code I seem to recall you living in, EVERYONE has bank. Lawyer up and fight it tooth-and-nail, regardless of return. #### those #######s in D-ville.

I also think it would be cool if YOU started having groceries delivered by limo at a time when they can see it happening.

Oh, and buy a beagle

 
Doctor Detroit said:
I'm actually not that angry about this, I just think it's ####### ridiculous.  My woman is ####### pissed though and she never gets pissed.  So I need a plan here. 

If Animal Control comes out and tries to fine me, then it's game on though.  I'm gonna lawyer up and pay $2k to take care of a $50 problem on principle because that's the person I am. 
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Borrowing Patton...

No ******* ever won a fight by paying $2k for a lawyer.  They won by making the other dumb sonofa##### pay $2k for a lawyer.

 
[icon] said:
If you want to go passive aggressive, Get a loudspeaker outside and play repetitive barking sounds toward their home... this actually is likely legal. 
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I was gonna say to do this but have your dogs voice box removed so when you get slapped with another ordinance show how it's not your dog and she's crazy and have her committed to a mental institution

Or going back to icons idea play that barking jingle bells dog song 1 dB below the ordinance level 

 
Recipe for success

1) Let dog stay at friend's house for a couple weeks (longer as needed)

2) Make an endless loop recording of your dog barking since ordinance specifically states it needs to be an animal.

3) Play the above nonstop to make sure they hear it and call to report.

4) When authorities show up, have them look around and show them you don't have a dog.

5) Report neighbors for false reporting and/or they won't take them seriously anymore.

6) Bring dog back home

7) Leave copy of dog barking loop in their mailbox with note that there's more to come if needed.

 
Napalm their bedroom at 4am.  Drop a tactical nuke on their house.  Walk into their sleeping quarters with your shirt off and war paint on.  That's when you politely yell "I am TIRED of your SH##!"  Point at her cuck husband's johnson and start laughing at it.  Lay the letter on the floor, hunker down and drop a huge deuce on it.  This will show them that you really don't appreciate them not coming to you first, but you are here to be reasonable about it.

I've never made eye contact with a person that wasn't a 2-dimensional pony avatar, so your mileage may vary, but this seems like a good starting point to smooth things over with the neighbors.

 
gianmarco said:
1) Let dog stay at friend's house for a couple weeks (longer as needed)
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Actually, do this and then see if they still have the problem.  If they are, then not your dog.

Doctor Detroit said:
they have a ### #### trampoline right on the fence line and they are out there screaming and carrying on.  And I get that, they are ####### kids (ages 5 and 9), kids are gonna do kid stuff.

I have never registered my dogs with the county but immediately did the paperwork once I received this notice.
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Is there a fence?  Having a trampoline right against it is just stupid.  Unless it's one of those bubble boy ones with a screen covering.

The screaming kids thing is annoying.  I had neighbors that had kids that always were in the street screaming.  I understand kids are loud and are going to yell and scream, but I mean these little girls just would scream all the time.  They were around the same age as my daughter and I told her that if ever caught her just screaming in the street she would be called in.  She actually stopped playing with them because it started to annoy her too.  A couple of times I went out to check on them and the mom noticed.  I told her it sounded like they were in danger or maybe one had been hit by a car or something ... you know, based on the way they were screaming in the middle of the street.  She eventually moved them to the back yard for their daily scream sessions.

You can register your dog with the county?

 
We had the neighbor above us call the landlord straight up complaining about our lil chihuahua barking while she was trying to sleep.  She works 3rd shift as a nurse and usually sleeps during the afternoon.  She had brain surgery before and is kind of a real piece of work.  When I heard from her about it I came home, knocked on their door to talk with them about it.  She opens the conversation with 'you need to shut up that ####### dog.'  I go on saying she's a dog, and asking her why she didn't come to us first.  Lady said she had 'mentioned it to us before,' which was a total lie.  Basically me trying to have a real conversation with them didn't de-escalate anything and seemed to make things worse.  

What really sucks is no matter how petty your neighbor's complaint is, they have leverage in nuisance situations.  If you don't address it and they badger animal control enough, they'll come to take your dog.  I'm a let dogs be dogs guy too so I see where you're coming from.  

My gf wrote her a letter, just trying to find common ground and mutual understanding.  We started keeping the dog in a separate room of the house while we're gone, and haven't had any problems since.  The lady has apologized profusely since then and seemed to feel pretty bad about the whole thing.  We still think she's a completely unhinged monster, but at least things are amicable now.  

 
Be proactive with this. We ended up in "dog court" for a similar violation that our neighbor was able to issue us. We had to prove our dog was not a nuisance.

Start working with your town's animal warden if they have one. 

Have the police come by your house randomly to see monitor and see if your dog is a nuisance.

petition surrounding neighbors. Have them sign that your dog is not a nuisance.

Cannot audio record in illinois. May be an option for you. 

Dogs are allowed to bark, just not all the time.

good luck

 
Remove some of the screws from the trampoline--hilarity ensues. 

Go buy some grass kill and spray it on their yard. Preferably with a vulgar word spelled out. 

Every week take out a random craigslist ad listing some of their items for sale. 

Put Trump supporter signs in their yard or on their car--the glory of this is you wont have to do any thing else, Other people will do the dirty work for you.

Pour sugar all over their property. Results=ants, lots of ants.

I can give you more if you need them....

 
Doctor Detroit said:
One high schoolish thing I thought of was this...

The part of their house facing me has no windows, two story house with aluminum siding.  My thought is to buy a dodge ball, and since I am a night owl, go out there twice a month and heave the ball against the siding.  I can easily make it back in the house without suspicion.

Like this post if you think this is brilliant. 
Click to expand...
Unless they have a camera system

 
Yo Mama said:
Strike up a conversation with the guy. Casually bring up the fact you are looking for changing your homeowners insurance and ask what they have. When you find out, call up the local office with an anonymous tip to make sure they've claimed the fact they have a trampoline. Wa-la, their monthly payments go way up. 




 
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I do not want to piss you off.  

 
Angry Beavers said:
Report the kids for disturbing the peace...... :shrug:
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Research your towns general noise ordinance, buy a cheap sound level meter, take readings when the kids are outside screaming on the trampoline, file a complaint with the police noting the exact model of noise level meter your used, the exact readings including the high, the low and the average, and the exact time of day each reading was taken.

Or, instead of going to the police first, do all that and then go have a conversation with them about how their kids make a whole lot of noise outside and are clearly breaking the noise ordinance of your town while they are outside playing. But you are an understanding guy and understand that kids are kids, should be able to play outside, and a little extra noise isn't a big deal...JUST like how it's natural that dogs bark every now and then.

 
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