What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Worst Riddle Ever (1 Viewer)

Willie Neslon

Footballguy
A woman brings her husband to the doctor.
 
The woman explains, "My husband has not spoken for 5 years. For the first 22 years I knew him he never had an issue like this and then suddenly, one day, he could not speak. It's not that he doesn't want to speak, it's that he can't speak. He can't speak to his friends, his children or anyone else. I've tried everything but nothing will make him speak."
 
The doctor asks the man if what his wife says is true. The man nods sadly. The doctor examines the man and finds nothing abnormal. The doctor asks the couple if anything traumatic happened around the time he stopped speaking. His wife says no and the husband shakes his head no. "Absolutely nothing happened that we can think of that could have caused this," the wife says.
 
The doctor thinks for a minute, leaves the room and returns with a hammer. "I want you to put your hand on the desk," the doctor says. The man puts his hand on the desk. The doctor grabs his wrist, making sure the man can't move his hand. "If you don't tell me 'NO' on the count of three I am going to smash your hand with this hammer." The man begins to tremble. "ONE!" The man is turning read and trying to get the word out of his mouth. "TWO!" The man is sweating, shaking and trying everything he can to speak."THREE!" The doctor slams the hammer down on the desk about six inches to the right of the mans hand. He lets go of the mans wrist. The man exhales and collapses into a chair. The man was not able to speak.
 
The doctor is perplexed. "Well, I don't have an explanation. I don't believe you're faking it, the hammer test proved that. I've never seen anything like this." The man is dejected. His wife comforts him and thanks the doctor for his time. They turn to leave the office and the doctor stops them. "Wait a second," the doctor asks. He runs to his desk and writes something on a piece of paper. He picks the paper up and excitedly hands it to the man who reads it. His eyes get big. He looks at the doctor and sound begins to emerge from his throat. The man's vocal chords awaken, "uhhhhhooooohhhh my goodness!  I can speak!  Honey, I can speak!" His wife, now in tears, embraces him. She hugs and thanks the doctor as does her husband. "I'll never be able to thank you enough, doctor." The happy couple leave the office and live happily ever after.
 
What did the doctor write on the piece of paper?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
A man who couldn't speak went into a store to buy a toothbrush. He pretended to brush his teeth with his finger to tell the cashier what he wanted. The cashier understood and the man went home with the toothbrush. Then, a blind man came into the store wanting to buy sunglasses. How could he tell the cashier he wanted sunglasses?

 
A man who couldn't speak went into a store to buy a toothbrush. He pretended to brush his teeth with his finger to tell the cashier what he wanted. The cashier understood and the man went home with the toothbrush. Then, a blind man came into the store wanting to buy sunglasses. How could he tell the cashier he wanted sunglasses?
"That dumb ####er Tanner says my eyes are creepy and I need to cover them up - got any sunglasses?"

 
A man who couldn't speak went into a store to buy a toothbrush. He pretended to brush his teeth with his finger to tell the cashier what he wanted. The cashier understood and the man went home with the toothbrush. Then, a blind man came into the store wanting to buy sunglasses. How could he tell the cashier he wanted sunglasses?
He tells him, the first man was the one who couldn't speak

 
A woman brings her husband to the doctor.
 
The woman explains, "My husband has not spoken for 5 years. For the first 22 years I knew him he never had an issue like this and then suddenly, one day, he could not speak. It's not that he doesn't want to speak, it's that he can't speak. He can't speak to his friends, his children or anyone else. I've tried everything but nothing will make him speak."
 
The doctor asks the man if what his wife says is true. The man nods sadly. The doctor examines the man and finds nothing abnormal. The doctor asks the couple if anything traumatic happened around the time he stopped speaking. His wife says no and the husband shakes his head no. "Absolutely nothing happened that we can think of that could have caused this," the wife says.
 
The doctor thinks for a minute, leaves the room and returns with a hammer. "I want you to put your hand on the desk," the doctor says. The man puts his hand on the desk. The doctor grabs his wrist, making sure the man can't move his hand. "If you don't tell me 'NO' on the count of three I am going to smash your hand with this hammer." The man begins to tremble. "ONE!" The man is turning read and trying to get the word out of his mouth. "TWO!" The man is sweating, shaking and trying everything he can to speak."THREE!" The doctor slams the hammer down on the desk about six inches to the right of the mans hand. He lets go of the mans wrist. The man exhales and collapses into a chair. The man was not able to speak.
 
The doctor is perplexed. "Well, I don't have an explanation. I don't believe you're faking it, the hammer test proved that. I've never seen anything like this." The man is dejected. His wife comforts him and thanks the doctor for his time. They turn to leave the office and the doctor stops them. "Wait a second," the doctor asks. He runs to his desk and writes something on a piece of paper. He picks the paper up and excitedly hands it to the man who reads it. His eyes get big. He looks at the doctor and sound begins to emerge from his throat. The man's vocal chords awaken, "uhhhhhooooohhhh my goodness!  I can speak!  Honey, I can speak!" His wife, now in tears, embraces him. She hugs and thanks the doctor as does her husband. "I'll never be able to thank you enough, doctor." The happy couple leave the office and live happily ever after.
 
What did the doctor write on the piece of paper?
This is a good one Willie

 
OrtonToOlsen said:
A man who couldn't speak went into a store to buy a toothbrush. He pretended to brush his teeth with his finger to tell the cashier what he wanted. The cashier understood and the man went home with the toothbrush. Then, a blind man came into the store wanting to buy sunglasses. How could he tell the cashier he wanted sunglasses?
The blind dude can speak, no?

 
Willie Neslon said:
A woman brings her husband to the doctor.
 
The woman explains, "My husband has not spoken for 5 years. For the first 22 years I knew him he never had an issue like this and then suddenly, one day, he could not speak. It's not that he doesn't want to speak, it's that he can't speak. He can't speak to his friends, his children or anyone else. I've tried everything but nothing will make him speak."
 
The doctor asks the man if what his wife says is true. The man nods sadly. The doctor examines the man and finds nothing abnormal. The doctor asks the couple if anything traumatic happened around the time he stopped speaking. His wife says no and the husband shakes his head no. "Absolutely nothing happened that we can think of that could have caused this," the wife says.
 
The doctor thinks for a minute, leaves the room and returns with a hammer. "I want you to put your hand on the desk," the doctor says. The man puts his hand on the desk. The doctor grabs his wrist, making sure the man can't move his hand. "If you don't tell me 'NO' on the count of three I am going to smash your hand with this hammer." The man begins to tremble. "ONE!" The man is turning read and trying to get the word out of his mouth. "TWO!" The man is sweating, shaking and trying everything he can to speak."THREE!" The doctor slams the hammer down on the desk about six inches to the right of the mans hand. He lets go of the mans wrist. The man exhales and collapses into a chair. The man was not able to speak.
 
The doctor is perplexed. "Well, I don't have an explanation. I don't believe you're faking it, the hammer test proved that. I've never seen anything like this." The man is dejected. His wife comforts him and thanks the doctor for his time. They turn to leave the office and the doctor stops them. "Wait a second," the doctor asks. He runs to his desk and writes something on a piece of paper. He picks the paper up and excitedly hands it to the man who reads it. His eyes get big. He looks at the doctor and sound begins to emerge from his throat. The man's vocal chords awaken, "uhhhhhooooohhhh my goodness!  I can speak!  Honey, I can speak!" His wife, now in tears, embraces him. She hugs and thanks the doctor as does her husband. "I'll never be able to thank you enough, doctor." The happy couple leave the office and live happily ever after.
 
What did the doctor write on the piece of paper?
"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine."

 
The doctor, who moonlights as a mentalist, was hired to perform at the husband's work Christmas party 5 years ago.  The husband was selected to go on stage for hypnosis and was hypnotized in such a way that would prevent him from speaking and also not knowing why he can't speak.  The doctor, who was in costume, forgot to release the hypnotism before the end of the party.  The wife, in frustration of 5 years of her husband not being able to speak, found a new doctor, who just happened to be the hypnotist.  Right before the wife and husband were about to leave, the doctor recalled the man and his mistake of not releasing the hypnosis 5 years ago.  So, he wrote a phrase on the paper that had to be read in order to release the hypnosis, a phrase that the man would have never read otherwise: "Gosh, that Italian family at the next table sure is quiet."

 
Last edited by a moderator:
"I'm about to tell your wife that the cure is no sex until you speak."

Wait... he's been married for 27 years?  Scratch that. 

"I'm about to tell your wife that the cure is sex every day until you speak. Oh, and no watching sports during that time."

 
Sir, you didn't need to take the preacher literally when he said, "if anyone has a reason this woman should not marry this man, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Ok, can you give us some hints?

Is the amount of years (22 & 5) important?

Something about him missing by 6 inches and what else that might refer to?

Anything?

 
I'm not saying I got it right, but I hope Willie hasn't gone to hobo heaven and will at least by back to answer @fatguyinalittlecoat's question on page 1.

 
Last edited by a moderator:

Users who are viewing this thread

Top