What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Do I Have A Reason To Be Pissed (1 Viewer)

J

James Daulton

Footballguy
Son's graduating in a couple Saturday's, the baccalaureate mass is the Friday before.  The college is 3 hours away and my parents were all set to drive in Friday, go to the mass, and attend graduation on Saturday.  Now we're not religious or anything but the whole ceremonial aspect is neat and kind of important to me.  Find out this weekend that my parents will be driving down Saturday instead.  They are going to "help" my sister (who's also coming with her husband and two kids) with one of my sister's kids.  He's 18 and not exactly special needs, but he never really matured and he's super hyper unless he's medicated all the time.  Anyway, my parents have 3 kids and like in many families I imagine, we siblings and the grandchildren don't all get equal attention.  In my family my sister and her family get like 60%, my brother and his two young kids get like 30%, and me and my family maybe 10%.  Now my sister and brother have needed my parents a lot more over the years than I have (either with babysitting, giving rides, financially, emotionally, etc), but my son is their 2nd grand kid to graduate.  For my sister's kid (who's always been a #### btw), they flew to his college two days before the graduation and stayed the next day.  For my kid, if they get stuck in traffic, they'll miss the graduation.  I feel like I should tell them how I feel but I don't want to open up the whole can of worms about how they choose to spend their time because frankly in almost all circumstances IDGAF but in this case it involves my kid getting shafted.  And secondly, if they do change their mind and come after I talk to them, what's it mean?  They would only be doing it to placate me.  And my sister and her husband take this kid all the time to different places so the excuse is either bull#### or they're just being over the top "nice" to my sister as usual. 

Talk to them or let it go?  I can let it go and not hold a grudge but I want them to know how I feel but they're like 75 and not going to change anything now.  Other than this type of thing they're good grandparents. 

 
Never tell someone else to care more.  I get where you're coming from, but it won't change anything and you'll only get more mad.  Realize this is really important TO YOU, and enjoy it for that reason. It will be better WITHOUT all of them, if you allow it to be. 

 
Let it go. Nothing good will come of you making your feelings known. Be grateful that your family doesnt need more than 10% of the attention from the parents. 

 
Enhh . . . I sort of know where you're coming from here.  But nonetheless I wouldn't mention it unless it's to encourage them to leave super-early to make sure they get there in time for the graduation.  I think you pretty much answered your own question when you mentioned their age and the fact that you wouldn't change anything by making a thing out of it (even if you did it in the best way possible).  Better to keep things harmonious and just enjoy their company when they arrive.  This also eliminates the risk that you might upset them, too, which would really be a bummer. 

 
Let it go.  Don't step in that ####.  You'll be there and that's the most important thing IMO.  

 
meh, let it go. If your son is anything like most, he's been partying all week and would probably prefer some down time that day (as opposed to having to be "on" and entertaining his grandparents). Graduating from college is a great accomplishment, but for most students, the actual graduation experience really isn't all that fun.

If they miss the ceremony, I certainly get being upset.

 
I completely understand. But just let it go. They are old. Just love them for who they are. Accept whatever they do as a gift of their love. 

 
James Daulton said:
Son's graduating in a couple Saturday's, the baccalaureate mass is the Friday before.  The college is 3 hours away and my parents were all set to drive in Friday, go to the mass, and attend graduation on Saturday.  Now we're not religious or anything but the whole ceremonial aspect is neat and kind of important to me.  Find out this weekend that my parents will be driving down Saturday instead.  They are going to "help" my sister (who's also coming with her husband and two kids) with one of my sister's kids.  He's 18 and not exactly special needs, but he never really matured and he's super hyper unless he's medicated all the time.  Anyway, my parents have 3 kids and like in many families I imagine, we siblings and the grandchildren don't all get equal attention.  In my family my sister and her family get like 60%, my brother and his two young kids get like 30%, and me and my family maybe 10%.  Now my sister and brother have needed my parents a lot more over the years than I have (either with babysitting, giving rides, financially, emotionally, etc), but my son is their 2nd grand kid to graduate.  For my sister's kid (who's always been a #### btw), they flew to his college two days before the graduation and stayed the next day.  For my kid, if they get stuck in traffic, they'll miss the graduation.  I feel like I should tell them how I feel but I don't want to open up the whole can of worms about how they choose to spend their time because frankly in almost all circumstances IDGAF but in this case it involves my kid getting shafted.  And secondly, if they do change their mind and come after I talk to them, what's it mean?  They would only be doing it to placate me.  And my sister and her husband take this kid all the time to different places so the excuse is either bull#### or they're just being over the top "nice" to my sister as usual. 

Talk to them or let it go?  I can let it go and not hold a grudge but I want them to know how I feel but they're like 75 and not going to change anything now.  Other than this type of thing they're good grandparents. 
Click to expand...
JD... I feel like you're telling my story. I have pretty much the exact same feelings regarding my family. My kids get shafted all of the time over family dysfunction, step-kids, step-grandkids, etc. I am a non-confrontational person by nature, so I simply choose not to say anything. Though I constantly know that this bothers me and will continue to bother me. I am slowly coming to the realization that none of this will change. And if it were to change merely because I said something will not make me feel any better either. So I choose to not say anything. I am trying to be at peace with that. It sucks though.

My parents divorced when I went off to college... though they should have divorced a decade earlier. I have seen my parents together only once since that time at my brother's wedding (22 years ago). And it was super uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure I was stoned and drunk the whole time to get through it. I have recently been in the position of inviting my parents to a function for my daughter. When they found out that the other might be there, my mother flipped out and missed the event, and my father and step-mother made up an excuse to miss the event. So I then fast-forwarded to future events like graduations, marriages, etc. I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to invite any of them, because they cannot put their own issues aside for the sake of my kids. It's absolutely ridiculous how immature my "role models" are behaving. And it's sad. I'm sad for my kids. And #### them! It pisses me off. But what am I supposed to do? I choose to try and get over it.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Similar story.  I am the second of three children.  Older brother and his wife and kids got the lion share of my parent's attention - they went to all of their school functions from pre-school through college.  My parents went to all games - home and away - for their kids as well as every other school or church function imaginable.  My kids got attention on birthdays, Christmas and Easter - and maybe one or two functions throughout the year.  When my daughter (the eldest of the grandchildren) graduated from college my parents did not show up at the graduation ceremony (in the same town and less than a 10 minute drive from their home).  My daughter was very upset.  I chose to confront my parent's about the favoritism and it was a HORRIBLE decision.  That was six years ago, and now they are in their late 70's and I feel terrible about the fact that I called them out so spitefully.  Yes there was blatant favoritism, but they are older now and the time I have to spend with them is dwindling so it was a matter that should have been left alone.  They have changed and now go to almost every event for the kids that are still living at home - as well as being actively involved in the lives of my daughter, her husband and their infant twins - but the damage done really made me feel like a bad son.  My advice having been through it is let it go.  

 
Let it go.

Now if they don't show up for graduation without an emergency, then you can be pissed

 
Last edited by a moderator:
here is what all of you brohans with this type of stuff do you hug your wife hug you kids tell them you love then and that you are proud of them accept the things you can not change and never do the same thing to your kids live better that is the path of the brohan take that to the bank 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I'm going to go ahead and disagree with everyone.  The problem in most families is people just let it go all of the time. Now, I will agree with what people are saying in that you shouldn't be flying at them with spite and condemnation.  But I don't think it's a terrible idea if you tell them that while you understand your sister's family may need some additional assistance, you would really appreciate it if they could still come to the mass and be there for the whole weekend as originally planned.  And of course mention that your child would really appreciate it also (assuming that's true, this may be all about your wants). 

At least then your parents know what you want.  The problem most of the time is people just constantly "let it go" until they finally blow.  You already seem pretty close to that, imo.  Of course you should realize that your parents may still opt to just come Saturday, and if so, that's on them and then yes, I guess you have to let it go.  But you can't put it all on them as the jerks if you never tell them what you actually want/feel. 

 
Letting it go was my original thought for all the reasons mentioned, but it's been eating at me a bit the last few days.  Again, they do this kind of thing kind of regularly but this time it's not a ballgame or a concert, it's my son's college graduation.  And trying to be as not bias as possible, my two kids are well adjusted, respectful kids while my sister's have always been kind of disrespectful #######s.  But I get that as grandparents my parents probably see them in a different light.

It's let go.  I appreciate the solid advice in here as my wife was prepared to go on the warpath before I talked her down.  But then again my wife is kind of a ##### about things like this.  She is feisty in the sack at least though!  :thumbup:

 
spOOfy said:
I'm going to go ahead and disagree with everyone.  The problem in most families is people just let it go all of the time. Now, I will agree with what people are saying in that you shouldn't be flying at them with spite and condemnation.  But I don't think it's a terrible idea if you tell them that while you understand your sister's family may need some additional assistance, you would really appreciate it if they could still come to the mass and be there for the whole weekend as originally planned.  And of course mention that your child would really appreciate it also (assuming that's true, this may be all about your wants). 

At least then your parents know what you want.  The problem most of the time is people just constantly "let it go" until they finally blow.  You already seem pretty close to that, imo.  Of course you should realize that your parents may still opt to just come Saturday, and if so, that's on them and then yes, I guess you have to let it go.  But you can't put it all on them as the jerks if you never tell them what you actually want/feel. 
Click to expand...
I appreciate the perspective but I'm not really going to blow.  And when my kids were little, we had it out a few times over their inability to help us the one time we asked them since they were constantly helping my siblings.  I'll see them today at my daughter's tennis match and it will be all good.  Like I said, they're pretty good grandparents in general so I'm just going to be happy I and the kids still have them and leave it at that.  No animosity anymore, just needed to think through it.

 
you aired your grievance in the OP it is time to drop it now.   Give your son a high-five for me.

 
Hard for me to relate to this being an only child, but my knee-jerk reaction is this: stop being so NEEDY. Live your life. If they come, they come. This graduation is about your kid - not you, not your parents, your kid.

 
Congrats to your son. As others said, don't stress about things you can't change. Life is too short.

 
Can't you call your sister and explain to her how important this is to you?  Maybe you can convince her to back down with her Friday night demand of your parents time.  Or is she the spoiled selfish child who constantly gets her way.  In that case I agree with the others and let it go.  Having spoiled, unreasonable siblings sucks.

 
Yes you do have a reason to be pissed...but it not a hill worth dying on.

Been through this many times with my wife's family.

 
spOOfy said:
I'm going to go ahead and disagree with everyone.  The problem in most families is people just let it go all of the time. Now, I will agree with what people are saying in that you shouldn't be flying at them with spite and condemnation.  But I don't think it's a terrible idea if you tell them that while you understand your sister's family may need some additional assistance, you would really appreciate it if they could still come to the mass and be there for the whole weekend as originally planned.  And of course mention that your child would really appreciate it also (assuming that's true, this may be all about your wants). 

At least then your parents know what you want.  The problem most of the time is people just constantly "let it go" until they finally blow.  You already seem pretty close to that, imo.  Of course you should realize that your parents may still opt to just come Saturday, and if so, that's on them and then yes, I guess you have to let it go.  But you can't put it all on them as the jerks if you never tell them what you actually want/feel. 
Click to expand...


James Daulton said:
I appreciate the perspective but I'm not really going to blow.  And when my kids were little, we had it out a few times over their inability to help us the one time we asked them since they were constantly helping my siblings.  I'll see them today at my daughter's tennis match and it will be all good.  Like I said, they're pretty good grandparents in general so I'm just going to be happy I and the kids still have them and leave it at that.  No animosity anymore, just needed to think through it.
Click to expand...
I agree with spOOfy, very nicely say that it would mean a lot for you if they were there.  However, if they don't come, don't worry about it.  People hold grudges all the time.

My parents have not seen my kids hardly at all because of something I supposedly did. I have no idea what it means.  I send pictures via email and don't even get as much as a thank you response.

 
Look at it as your parents think the graduation is a big enough deal that they want to enable th entire family to be there and they are doing what they can to make that a reality.

 
They are attending the graduation, just not a mass. What is the big deal?

Maybe they miss other life events, which would sting and give cause to be disgruntled. But for missing mass? Really?

 
More of the financial side, my parents have given $5,000 per year of college to every grand kid.  They've done this already for 5 grandkids and now my kids are in college.  Well, my mom has Alzheimer's so she's in a nursing home now.  My Dad tells me that with the cost of nursing home he can't gift the $5,000 for my kids......  I understood at the moment of the conversation but now I start adding up all the other things that my parents gave the other kids (vacations, large wedding gifts, car etc) while my kids will get next to nothing....  

 
stlrams said:
More of the financial side, my parents have given $5,000 per year of college to every grand kid.  They've done this already for 5 grandkids and now my kids are in college.  Well, my mom has Alzheimer's so she's in a nursing home now.  My Dad tells me that with the cost of nursing home he can't gift the $5,000 for my kids......  I understood at the moment of the conversation but now I start adding up all the other things that my parents gave the other kids (vacations, large wedding gifts, car etc) while my kids will get next to nothing....  
Click to expand...
Wow that's awful.  Seems like they should've set aside a fund to distribute things more equally.  Do your siblings know that your kids are getting the shaft?

 
You have a right to be mad, but this happens in all families. Let it go and move on, it just means you are more independent. 

 
This is how I've always dealt with this stuff with family and kids:

1. Yes, you have a right to be pissed.

2. Keep my mouth shut and be the kind of dad that doesn't treat people that way. My hope is that the BS that goes on in my family dies with me. I'm not passing it to my own children and how they treat people.

 
Pipes said:
Wow that's awful.  Seems like they should've set aside a fund to distribute things more equally.  Do your siblings know that your kids are getting the shaft?
Click to expand...
Yes - both my siblings know and feel bad but don't see how anything will change.    

 
stlrams said:
More of the financial side, my parents have given $5,000 per year of college to every grand kid.  They've done this already for 5 grandkids and now my kids are in college.  Well, my mom has Alzheimer's so she's in a nursing home now.  My Dad tells me that with the cost of nursing home he can't gift the $5,000 for my kids......  I understood at the moment of the conversation but now I start adding up all the other things that my parents gave the other kids (vacations, large wedding gifts, car etc) while my kids will get next to nothing....  
Click to expand...
Are you saying your dad is lying? Did your parents give all of those things you added up while your mom was in the nursing home? I suspect not. Situations change. 

 
Cjw_55106 said:
Are you saying your dad is lying? Did your parents give all of those things you added up while your mom was in the nursing home? I suspect not. Situations change. 
Click to expand...
No my Dad is not lying.  The vast majority of money was spent prior to Mom going into nursing home.  I know the situation has changed for him but feel they/he could have set aside/hide the college money for my 2 kids...   Poor estate planning on their part but that's common with their generation.    

 
Cjw_55106 said:
Are you saying your dad is lying? Did your parents give all of those things you added up while your mom was in the nursing home? I suspect not. Situations change. 
Click to expand...
No my Dad is not lying.  The vast majority of money was spent prior to Mom going into nursing home.  I know the situation has changed for him but feel they/he could have set aside/hide the college money for my 2 kids...   Poor estate planning on their part but that's common with their generation.    

 
stlrams said:
No my Dad is not lying.  The vast majority of money was spent prior to Mom going into nursing home.  I know the situation has changed for him but feel they/he could have set aside/hide the college money for my 2 kids...   Poor estate planning on their part but that's common with their generation.    
Click to expand...
Thats kind of my point. Sucks for your kids, but really has nothing to do with what was given to others. 

 
Cjw_55106 said:
Thats kind of my point. Sucks for your kids, but really has nothing to do with what was given to others. 
Click to expand...
Sure it does but yeah I don't think his dad did it on purpose.  Really if you are going to do something like this that should be separate money set aside only for the kids.  $5,000 per year per kid is a lot he could've done $3,000 per year so he'd have money for all the grandkids.  I know things change and it stinks but a little financial planning would've gone along way.  Why not gift the children money every year for college rather than wait until they are in college?  There are a lot of things dad could've done differently and again not intentional on his part.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Joe Bryant
Scottie Sheffler On Defining "Success"
Replies
42
Views
777
dickey moe
dickey moe
S
Am I (we) the problem (AITA) - advice from the collective wisdom of the FFA
2 3
Replies
129
Views
3K
GroveDiesel
GroveDiesel
Anarchy99
  • Poll
What's Normal: In Your Long-Term M/F Relationship, Which Gender Has a 51% or Greater Stake in Decision-Making?
2
Replies
89
Views
1K
Jayrod
Jayrod

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Top