What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

I am absolutely terrified of attractive women. (1 Viewer)

Eminence

Footballguy
I am absolutely terrified of attractive women.

If I walked into a bar and a pretty woman looked at me and smiled... my immediate reaction would be to avoid eye contact and walk past her.

I'd then spend the next 20-minutes contemplating introducing myself before convincing myself it's a terrible idea.

 
Walk up to her and treat her like she's garbage and is not worthy of being in your presence.  Women like that.

 
same advice as public speaking: picture them in their underwear  :thumbup:
My thought process was always to imagine you have already slept with them. Once you sleep with someone once, you are confident, comfortable and know there is a 95% chance it will/could happen again.  

 
The 5's & 6's are much less effort not only in the pickup phase but lower maintenance and expense in the longer term. Find a girl you can barely stomach, treat her nice for a week, then act indifferent. She'll clean your apartment, drive you around if you're too drunk, bring you food, you name it. You can have a few of them, and they might not even get mad if they find out about each other.

 
My thought process was always to imagine you have already slept with them. Once you sleep with someone once, you are confident, comfortable and know there is a 95% chance it will/could happen again.  
yeah, i can dig that train of thought - especially when one knows how to deliver the goods.

 
yeah, i can dig that train of thought - especially when one knows how to deliver the goods.
Even if you are less confident (I assume most of us have had a couple times where we didn't feel we gave our best performance- thanks a lot whisky), it's just more likely it will happen again. The personal barrier isn't there anymore and it's like "well what does it matter, already did it once so what is a 2nd time really? Won't add to my body count, nbd". 

The counterpoint to this is if you suck. Then it actually might reduce your chances 

 
Even if you are less confident (I assume most of us have had a couple times where we didn't feel we gave our best performance- thanks a lot whisky), it's just more likely it will happen again. The personal barrier isn't there anymore and it's like "well what does it matter, already did it once so what is a 2nd time really? Won't add to my body count, nbd". 

The counterpoint to this is if you suck. Then it actually might reduce your chances 
:lol:

 
if a pretty woman smiles at you, go over and talk to her. At first you may have trouble with it because youre nervous. the more you do it, the easier it gets. when you go over to her, you dont have a girlfriend. so, if nothing happens between you, you end up where you started.  you arent any worse off. that is the worst that can happen, so it is worth the risk.

 
Please don't post things that feel like a negative slight towards gay people. 
There is some Em backstory that makes it more of a pertinent observation than a derogatory remark though. Most of us genuinely care about the dude and hope he can eventually live out his authentic self. Likewise, many of us on this board have expressed very progressive and accepting attitudes toward the LGBTQ community and their specific concerns. While Hilts was very succinct in his comment, I believe it was accurate and well-intentioned.

-McG

 
At the risk of succumbing to shtick, you should look into cognitive behavioral therapy.  The one kernel of truth in all that pick up artist garbage is that you shouldn't let a rejection feel like a referendum on your self worth.  You have to separate the actual event ("no thanks") from the feelings it engenders ("I'm unloveable/worthless/whatever").  After all, she's not rejecting "you."  She doesn't know "you" yet.  This is obviously easier said than done.  I didn't manage to do it when I was in your position until I developed a little more peace with who I was.

 
Please don't post things that feel like a negative slight towards gay people. 
Eminence has a...colorful? history with women. There's a lot of shtick and/or a lot of repressed desires. Eminence being gay is no more a slight toward gays as is him being straight a slight toward straight folk. I'm sorry you feel being gay is a negative. 

 
I am absolutely terrified of attractive women.

If I walked into a bar and a pretty woman looked at me and smiled... my immediate reaction would be to avoid eye contact and walk past her.

I'd then spend the next 20-minutes contemplating introducing myself before convincing myself it's a terrible idea.
How ugly does a woman have to be before you're comfortable saying hi? 

Do you have any issues saying hi to anyone else? The bartender? Bouncer? Guys? 

 
if a pretty woman smiles at you, go over and talk to her. At first you may have trouble with it because youre nervous. the more you do it, the easier it gets. when you go over to her, you dont have a girlfriend. so, if nothing happens between you, you end up where you started.  you arent any worse off. that is the worst that can happen, so it is worth the risk.
Also, she is likely nervous too so that's something you have in common, can even joke about it and make a connection.

 
Eminence has a...colorful? history with women. There's a lot of shtick and/or a lot of repressed desires. Eminence being gay is no more a slight toward gays as is him being straight a slight toward straight folk. I'm sorry you feel being gay is a negative. 
Have a nice season guy.

 
At the risk of succumbing to shtick, you should look into cognitive behavioral therapy.  The one kernel of truth in all that pick up artist garbage is that you shouldn't let a rejection feel like a referendum on your self worth.  You have to separate the actual event ("no thanks") from the feelings it engenders ("I'm unloveable/worthless/whatever").  After all, she's not rejecting "you."  She doesn't know "you" yet.  This is obviously easier said than done.  I didn't manage to do it when I was in your position until I developed a little more peace with who I was.
That is actually very helpful advice. I have seen people on tv do the thing where their goal was to get rejected several times a day. Like anything else that seems scary or nerve-racking, once you do it a few times, it's a breeze. 

 
Also, she is likely nervous too so that's something you have in common, can even joke about it and make a connection.
One surefire tactic is to ask her how much for the night. When she informs you she's not a prostitute, apologetically tell her you just assumed she was because she's so incredibly attractive. 

 
Eminence has a...colorful? history with women. There's a lot of shtick and/or a lot of repressed desires. Eminence being gay is no more a slight toward gays as is him being straight a slight toward straight folk. I'm sorry you feel being gay is a negative. 
When I see someone calling it "the gay", I thought it was meant as a slight. Apologies if that's not how it was meant.

Bottom line, please be respectful towards gay people here. 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
That is actually very helpful advice. I have seen people on tv do the thing where their goal was to get rejected several times a day. Like anything else that seems scary or nerve-racking, once you do it a few times, it's a breeze. 
Yep. Best way to get over your fear is to try it. You might discover it's not so scary and some small part of you may like it. It's like a fun game to some. 

 
Yep. Best way to get over your fear is to try it. You might discover it's not so scary and some small part of you may like it. It's like a fun game to some. 
Plus you are going to have some success just based on pure volume. Look at Todd Gurley. He was atrocious last year, but give anyone the ball 320 times and they are bound to score a few touchdowns. 

 
First I find out you voted for Hillary, now you're defend gay people. I like this new Joe. :thumbup:
Sorry GB not that new but I know I haven't talked a lot about it. I voted for Obama twice and I've always tried to not let folks slight groups here. 

 
Sorry GB not that new but I know I haven't talked a lot about it. I voted for Obama twice and I've always tried to not let folks slight groups here. 
No need to apologize*, the options were limited.

* Presuming you did so over the course of two elections.  If you did so twice in one election we are going to need to see you in the coaches office and you should bring your playbook.

 
I'm not sure if this is the issue, but you could look into a self-help book for social anxiety disorder, if that is what it is. It could help to give tips on how to help overcome that.

I could never do the "cold" conversation in a bar either.  I ended up signing up for eHarmony and met my wife that way. There was a lengthy "getting to know" process before getting to the one-on-one conversation phase, which I appreciated.

 
Plus you are going to have some success just based on pure volume. Look at Todd Gurley. He was atrocious last year, but give anyone the ball 320 times and they are bound to score a few touchdowns. 
I'll tell you what's a real eye-opener, Impractical Jokers. Those guys are making every effort to embarrass each other by making them say the most ridiculous things to strangers. But occasionally the target is an attractive woman and it's clear she's interested even as the guy is being utterly ridiculous. In any instance there could be a million explanations but the common denominator is a man walking up and speaking to a woman and not making an obvious attempt to pick her up.

 
Thanks for all the responses (many of them excellent). I'll be back later to respond to the people and comments that seemed helpful and interesting.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Another thing I found helpful, start talking as soon as you see her. Something mundane, anything really. Not a compliment or an obvious pickup attempt. Once you hesitate, that's where doubt creeps in, you overthink it and will come across awkward & nervous. Or worse, you'll be too chicken#### to say anything at all.

 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top