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What to buy Ex Wife for her wedding (1 Viewer)

Bankerguy

Bankerguy

Footballguy
Background:

Ex had an affair about 3 years ago and is now marrying that man. We share custody of 2 amazing sons.   After the initial sting wore off, we have become amicable, but certainly not friends. 

Do I buy a gift from the boys? Do I buy a gift from me? Do I show up drunk and yell cheaters never prosper :kidding:

What is the etiquette here?

 
How old are the kids? Do they know why you split up?
It's probably best for their sake if you help them buy a gift. They'll get a kick out of it and the newlyweds will know you had a hand in it.

From you? Herpes.

 
The gift from the sons only makes sense if you were invited to the wedding and didn't want to show up empty handed

 
Gawain said:
How old are the kids? Do they know why you split up?
It's probably best for their sake if you help them buy a gift. They'll get a kick out of it and the newlyweds will know you had a hand in it.

From you? Herpes.
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12 and 7. Older son knows. Not sure my youngest does. Also, my oldest is having a tough time with it. 

That is why I wonder if a gift is wise. I think it might be to show him it's ok. 

 
Bankerguy said:
No. Not attending or invited. 
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In that case, only thing I would possibly do is ask your sons if there's something they would like to get their mother for the occasion. Small sentimental gift, i.e. under 50 bucks.

ETA like gift certificate for something they did with her, common interest.

 
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Bankerguy said:
Background:

Ex had an affair about 3 years ago and is now marrying that man. We share custody of 2 amazing sons.   After the initial sting wore off, we have become amicable, but certainly not friends. 

Do I buy a gift from the boys? Do I buy a gift from me? Do I show up drunk and yell cheaters never prosper :kidding:

What is the etiquette here?
Click to expand...
Why in the world would you buy a gift or go to the wedding.  Big mistake IMO. 

 
Bankerguy said:
12 and 7. Older son knows. Not sure my youngest does. Also, my oldest is having a tough time with it. 

That is why I wonder if a gift is wise. I think it might be to show him it's ok. 
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Like JaxBill says, ask the boys and let them have the final say.  It'd be a good life lesson for them to consider this.  If they want to extend a courtesy, then do so, but if they're hurting from all of this and don't like the idea, then of course drop it.  I can't really think of what an appropriate gift would be.  Maybe the best thing would be a nice, heartfelt card from the boys ...again, if they really do want to wish her well.  (My wife keeps lots of cards that the kids have given her.)

 
Candlesticks always make a nice gift. Maybe you could find out where she's registered and get a place setting or a silverware pattern.

 
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tri-man 47 said:
Like JaxBill says, ask the boys and let them have the final say.  It'd be a good life lesson for them to consider this.  If they want to extend a courtesy, then do so, but if they're hurting from all of this and don't like the idea, then of course drop it.  I can't really think of what an appropriate gift would be.  Maybe the best thing would be a nice, heartfelt card from the boys ...again, if they really do want to wish her well.  (My wife keeps lots of cards that the kids have given her.)
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We usually get her Bday or Christmas small gifts from them. 

I will ask the boys then and them decide 

 
Bankerguy said:
She is lovely, but plump. They were friends of my ex. I am happily dating a beautiful younger woman for close to a year now. 
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:goodposting:

Show up with hot young chick at any chance that you have to see her. Young hot chick could enjoy enjoy her presence being a :finger: to her.

 
Bankerguy said:
They have already met at sporting events. 
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The sting of a hotter younger woman will never fade, I'd throw this in her face every chance I get.

Love to know the success rate of marriages born on affairs, I'd guess somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-20%.

 
All I can do here is put myself in your shoes as if this happened to me.

If my wife cheated on me, then married that guy, no way I'm giving my kids money to buy them a wedding gift. Birthdays and Christmas are fine. But not this.

And on top of that, no way I ask my kids if they want to give her a gift.

Your kids came as a result of your marriage. To participate in buying a present for the person who violated that marriage would be like another kick in my balls.

 
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Throwing an expensive gift in someone's face, while toting around a hotter younger woman is :moneybag:

Some of you need to really rethink the psychology here.

 
rockaction said:
Just raise them to be men first. Go with your first instinct. Don't do this unless the kids ask.  
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I called her plenty of choice names and did all the normal angry things that would be appropriate at the time. It was a tough time for sure  

Now, my life is better. I am over it and like I said my motivation is my boys and showing them it's ok for them to be happy for Mom. 

 
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Bankerguy said:
Trying to be classy and show my young men how to behave in adversity. 
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What do you hope to show them, forgiveness?  I don't think you need to buy a present to show them that you have forgiven her.  Quite the contrary, you being cordial should be more than enough to prove that you have moved on.

 
ChiefD said:
All I can do here is put myself in your shoes as if this happened to me.

If my wife cheated on me, then married that guy, no way I'm giving my kids money to buy them a wedding gift. Birthdays and Christmas are fine. But not this.

And on top of that, no way I give my kids the choice. 
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This is my struggle. I don't feel obligated by any means. I just feel it's an opportunity to be the bigger and better person. Shows my boys about forgiveness and being a good person. 

 
Bankerguy said:
I called her plenty of choice names and did all the normal angry things that would appropriate at the time. 

Now, my life is better. I am over it and like I said my motivation is my boys and showing them it's ok for them to be happy for Mom. 
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Yeah, the first instinct for me on this is that it isn't right. For you, it may be different. Let's just agree to call it at the wedding gift aspect of it. 

 
Bankerguy said:
This is my struggle. I don't feel obligated by any means. I just feel it's an opportunity to be the bigger and better person. Shows my boys about forgiveness and being a good person. 
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There are a lot of other ways. You are already showing that by being civil towards her in daily life. THAT is the message they will remember.

 
As long as you don't tell them your whore mother is getting ready to make another man miserable, I think you're doing okay.

 
Bankerguy said:
Background:

Ex had an affair about 3 years ago and is now marrying that man. We share custody of 2 amazing sons.   After the initial sting wore off, we have become amicable, but certainly not friends. 

Do I buy a gift from the boys? Do I buy a gift from me? Do I show up drunk and yell cheaters never prosper :kidding:

What is the etiquette here?
Click to expand...
No, you don't buy a gift.  Has nothing to do with showing your sons how to behave in adversity.  You already said they were 'amazing' so I don't see how buying these people a gift with your money on their behalf makes them any better than they already are.  

Assuming these people go on a honeymoon of sorts and ask you to cover their custody nights, there's your gift to them.  The end.  

 
Pay a male prostitute to seduce her at her bachelorette party - have him take pics of him violating her and make a photo album.  Give them that album as their wedding present.

 
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