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Are my parents morons or am I "disrespectful" (1 Viewer)

Are my parents idiots or was I disrespectful

  • Your parents sound like maniacs

    Votes: 36 43.9%
  • You are the worst son on the planet, you disrespectful loser

    Votes: 46 56.1%

  • Total voters
    82

AcerFC

Footballguy
My parents are both narcissists. Everything is about them at all times.

Went to a family wedding on Saturday with my wife, 10 year old daughter and soon to be 8 year old son. Little Acer and I were up at 6:ooam because he had a hockey game. Wedding ceremony didn't start until 8:20ish. Little Acer crashes around 10:30.

12:35 rolls around with no end in sight and I say its time for us to go. Pick up a sleeping little Acer and get the car. Wife and daughter follow.

I get a text from my father, which I am 100% sure was sent with the prodding of my mother saying this: "Good morning. We came looking for you last night to give the kids something and you left without saying goodbye to mom, me and your grandparents. Really? Very hurtful and disrespectful."

This is not the first time this issue has come up. They feel that it is essential to get a proper hello and goodbye every single time I see them. I don't play that game. I said hello, hung out a little and went on my way. I don't feel it necessary to bid farewell, especially with a sleeping 65 pound kid in my arms.

So I send back a borderline passive aggressive text saying " I am sure you will get over it"

Father responds " Yes, but how sad you did not feel the respect we deserve from you"

Me: " We agree to disagree"

Am I wrong here.

In before @rockaction posts this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nviui4oI80

 
Would have given them a heads up that the kids were spent and you'd be heading out soon somewhere in that 2 hour window. That being said, you did nothing wrong and your dad is being a ####. Can't imagine telling someone I deserve their respect. 

 
My dad is the same way about the goodbyes.  I personally I wouldn't care if my kids left without saying goodbye but I can see why someone might be upset about it.  I just make sure to do it just so it doesn't cause any issues.

 
I expected this to be a huge slam dunk in your favor. Thinking it had more to do with leaving "early". 

Quite clear this goes beyond one particular thing. 

Sorry GB. 

 
My moms brother cut off the entire family, including his parents over them leaving his wedding "early" (again, after midnight). Never talked to any of them again or even attended either of his parents funeral. 

 
In some cultures leaving without saying goodbye is disrespectful. 

There is obviously a lot of baggage here but your response was dickish. I get it has to do with all the baggage but a simple sorry dude, kids were beat and I didn't want to extend the night would have sufficed.

 
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Fair enough

Thx for replies. I have no problems saying I am ever wrong. I guess I just don't see how not saying goodbye matters but apparently it does to most people

 
The passive aggressive stuff kills me and always has the opposite effect of what they're looking for. 

Irish goodbyes are the best and Im well known for them. 

 
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4 hour wedding ceremony??

WTF?????

How hard can it be to walk up the aisle, let the priest drone on for a bit, "I do", "I do", kiss, move outside, rice bath, bouquet throwing and then on to the reception?

 
Fair enough

Thx for replies. I have no problems saying I am ever wrong. I guess I just don't see how not saying goodbye matters but apparently it does to most people
There's clearly some other underlying stuff going on for this to be such a 'big issue'.  As someone who's lost both parents at a too-young of age, I say do what you have to do to work it out.  You only get one set of parents.

 
How do your mom and wife get along?
This is a thread that I can spend a year on.

Long story boiled down to one sentence: I am Jewish, my wife is not

However, they actually get along very well now. But it took a long time to get there

 
I find it astonishing how quickly our parents forget what it was like to have small children. 

 
I find it astonishing how quickly our parents forget what it was like to have small children. 
True but you're at a reception and you don't go over to your parents and say we're leaving?

Acer did you say but to the bride and groom?

 
True but you're at a reception and you don't go over to your parents and say we're leaving?

Acer did you say but to the bride and groom?
I mean it's 12:30.  Yeah I guess he could have said goodbye, or maybe sent a quick text.  But it's an oversight brought on by the fact that it's 12:30, you have sleeping kids....cmon man.

 
I don't think you disrespected them but you didn't use common courtesy.  

 
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I missed that.  You see them once a week?  Cmon.  Tell your parents nicely that they are being disrespectful to YOU.  People from that generation tend to demand respect (probably painting with a broad brush here) but sometimes it's good to flip the script and let them know that it's actually possible for a parent to be disrespectful to a child!  Especially when the child is a grown adult with kids.

 
Your folks are being dramatic but you were more than "borderline passive aggressive".

Do you hold anger towards either/both your mom and dad?  I ask because it comes off that way.

Any time I wonder if I'm acting poorly towards my parents, I ask myself how I'd feel if my son did the same thing to me.  If I'd be hurt, I don't do that thing.

 
Family can make people nuts, I have been part of it and I have watched it unfold with the in-laws. It usually is over something trivial too. They were wrong for getting mad, you were wrong for being passive aggressive with your comment. I say be the bigger person and apologize and move on. You will be happier in the end. 

 
Your folks are being dramatic but you were more than "borderline passive aggressive".

Do you hold anger towards either/both your mom and dad?  I ask because it comes off that way.

Any time I wonder if I'm acting poorly towards my parents, I ask myself how I'd feel if my son did the same thing to me.  If I'd be hurt, I don't do that thing.
Perhaps you missed the "This is not the first time this issue has come up".  

Although I do agree that his response was definitely more than "borderline passive aggressive"....when you're dealing with childish behavior, you at times get sick of it.

 
Perhaps you missed the "This is not the first time this issue has come up".  

Although I do agree that his response was definitely more than "borderline passive aggressive"....when you're dealing with childish behavior, you at times get sick of it.
Right, and that was followed by him "not playing the game" of saying hello and goodbye. 

Again, obviously bigger underlying issues. If this was an isolated incident I doubt the parents would have cared that Acer didn't drag his sleeping son over to them to say goodbye. 

 
My thoughts:

1) I completely get not saying goodbye in this situation. It's late, you're tired, and it's not a big deal to you. The fact you see them weekly also makes it a non-issue from that standpoint.

2) That said, if you know your parents are like that, take the extra minute and say goodbye. It saves grief, on their end as well as yours. You've always seemed like a level headed person here so I think you can appreciate that. Some things aren't worth the fight.

3) Not a fan of your response. I get the annoyance, but still your parents.

Be the bigger person and make it right, even if just a text back fixing this little spat.

 
FWIW, My FIL leaves all the time from family events without saying goodbye. The sentiment is " That's grandpa, when he's ready to go, he just leaves" and no one gets upset about it.....

HTH

 
Not gonna vote in the pole but seems pretty normal to say good bye to your parents and other family members as a common courtesy.

 
You should have said a quick good bye.  Your parents over-reacted.  Both parties are at fault and this little feud will continue to escalate.   

 
Your parents sound like children.  Let them know you don't have time to babysit them and your kids.  Also, let them know that if it's such a big deal and if they feel so disrespected they certainly don't have to see their grandchildren nearly as frequently as they do.

 
My thoughts:

1) I completely get not saying goodbye in this situation. It's late, you're tired, and it's not a big deal to you. The fact you see them weekly also makes it a non-issue from that standpoint.

2) That said, if you know your parents are like that, take the extra minute and say goodbye. It saves grief, on their end as well as yours. You've always seemed like a level headed person here so I think you can appreciate that. Some things aren't worth the fight.

3) Not a fan of your response. I get the annoyance, but still your parents.

Be the bigger person and make it right, even if just a text back fixing this little spat.
No, do no reward their poor behavior.

 
Perhaps you missed the "This is not the first time this issue has come up".  

Although I do agree that his response was definitely more than "borderline passive aggressive"....when you're dealing with childish behavior, you at times get sick of it.
I didn't miss it.

Did you miss where he also didn't say goodbye to his grandparents?  How often do you see them Acer?

 
Your folks are being dramatic but you were more than "borderline passive aggressive".

Do you hold anger towards either/both your mom and dad?  I ask because it comes off that way.

Any time I wonder if I'm acting poorly towards my parents, I ask myself how I'd feel if my son did the same thing to me.  If I'd be hurt, I don't do that thing.
I probably do hold anger against both of them from what happened during my dating and engagement and wedding. Again, this would take very long to get into and frankly, I'm not interested in writing about it.

I would not care if my son left a party and did not say goodbye.

 
I'm no stranger to an irish goodbye.

But not saying goodbye to anyone at a wedding seems odd to me :shrug:

 
I understand everyones point.

I knew I was acting childish with the text but they annoy me at times and I should have been more thoughtful in a response. Again, I am not one to say I am always right. I may have been wrong here. Ill own it

 
I'm no stranger to an irish goodbye.

But not saying goodbye to anyone at a wedding seems odd to me :shrug:
I am odd. I hate social settings and the minute my wife gave the OK to leave, I bailed. I didn't even want to go but she sent the stupid card back before discussing it. This is my first cousins wedding.

 
Bee Tee Dubs,

my social awkwardness is not what should be focused on. I have a ton of issues that I own up to.

 
"disrespectful" seems like the wrong term here....makes it a much bigger deal than it really is/was....grand scheme here people...grand scheme

 

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