Dedfin
Footballguy
Its hard to find, but if you can an iaido teacher/dojo i think it is a great tool for discipline and concentration.
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Taking in a child from a troubled home NOV '23 UPDATE: Epilogue (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter MikeIke
- Start date
RC94
Footballguy
While I agree it can be a great tool for discipline and concentration, and it's worth researching and considering, I'm not sure if learning how to use a sword is the right thing for Padme.
Dedfin
Footballguy
Okay. No good reason to argue about this, but iaido isnt about fighting with swords. Ill just leave this alone
RC94
Footballguy
I apologize, I wasn't trying to argue about it. As I said, Mike and his wife should do the research and consider it.
Dedfin
Footballguy
MikeIke
Footballguy
Geez, so I've been researching kickboxing classes near me and they seem to fall into two different types : Martial arts studios where they teach a specific discipline (boxing, kickboxing, karate, jujitsu, etc) and it's a dojo type setup with a sensei barking commands; Or a gym where the client doesn't spar against other people and it's basically physical training - cardio and hitting the heavy bag. I'm not sure which would be better but I'm leaning toward a more disciplined setup - "you're going to learn karate, this is how we do it."
She needs her own Mr. Miyagi.
She needs her own Mr. Miyagi.
Da Guru
Fair & Balanced
Reading this really hit home for me. I know a family personally that had an adopted child that killed the step dad with a bat, hit his step mom in the head with a bat that left her face damaged, disabled a step sibling with a bat to the head and is now serving life without parole.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
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MikeIke
Footballguy
(this may be a repeat - I'm honestly not sure what I've shared and I don't feel like looking back)
So, on Monday Padme and I went to Buckeye Ranch for an evaluation. This is a terrific group of social service workers that is solely dedicated to turning around troubled kids.
After the evaluation, they are putting us into their "intensive family counseling" program. Basically that means that a counselor would come to our house 3-5 hours a week to speak with Padme, me, my wife, and my kids.
This is a much more intensive therapy program than anything Padme has experienced. She's used to 1 hour a week. I think 3-5 hours a week will benefit her greatly.
Problem is there's a 6-9 week waiting list. So for now we're sticking with the counselor she's used to and when Buckeye Ranch finally comes through, we'll go with them. Once our therapy through Buckeye Ranch starts, we need to stop seeing the counselor we've gotten used to.
It's not a pretty situation. I wish i could tell you all that everything is going well. But, it's not. Honestly, it sucks and I wish I wasn't in this situation. But, I am and this is where things stand now
I don't have any answers for the FFA because I don't have them for myself. I'm flying by the seat of my pants here
So, on Monday Padme and I went to Buckeye Ranch for an evaluation. This is a terrific group of social service workers that is solely dedicated to turning around troubled kids.
After the evaluation, they are putting us into their "intensive family counseling" program. Basically that means that a counselor would come to our house 3-5 hours a week to speak with Padme, me, my wife, and my kids.
This is a much more intensive therapy program than anything Padme has experienced. She's used to 1 hour a week. I think 3-5 hours a week will benefit her greatly.
Problem is there's a 6-9 week waiting list. So for now we're sticking with the counselor she's used to and when Buckeye Ranch finally comes through, we'll go with them. Once our therapy through Buckeye Ranch starts, we need to stop seeing the counselor we've gotten used to.
It's not a pretty situation. I wish i could tell you all that everything is going well. But, it's not. Honestly, it sucks and I wish I wasn't in this situation. But, I am and this is where things stand now
I don't have any answers for the FFA because I don't have them for myself. I'm flying by the seat of my pants here
MikeIke
Footballguy
Jesus.. I don't know what to say other than... That's terrible. I'm sorry you got involved in a situation like that.
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rail
Footballguy
This sounds so hard, man. But you're doing an incredibly good thing here.
Stay strong. My best to you, the family, and Padme.
And it sounds like she'd be perfect for the discipline-teaching martial arts. Maybe she'll end up the next Ronda Rousey with :boatloads:.
Stay strong. My best to you, the family, and Padme.
And it sounds like she'd be perfect for the discipline-teaching martial arts. Maybe she'll end up the next Ronda Rousey with :boatloads:.
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modogg
Footballguy
i boxed in high school a bit, and if it is a good gym it really helps to build a team up and get with some good character kids. Learning something to work toward a goal is always good, so lean that way. but yeah, you don't need one of those silly gyms with some guy barking orders. Look around a bit more.
And maybe i am not the best to give advice now that i think about it. I am enrolling my 3 year old daughter in Muay Thai classes by me. but going to the gym and seeing the kids there and a bit of the guys that work there, it is just to let the kids play around and teach them some of the martial arts culture.
and i think you mentioned she was hospitalized for a bit, glad she is back at home. Kids can learn some terrible habits at residential facilities.
modogg
Footballguy
do they have any connection to psychiatric services. Not a big fan of medicating kids as a first look, but there are some medications that are intended for more temporary means and can be used more on a PRN basis. Not sure if it is any kind of an option cause don't know all you are dealing with, but would hate to see things break down again.
and most important thing with counseling and getting a therapist is to be assertive. There are a lot of "bad" therapist/counselors. Bad is the word i really don't want to use, but there are a lot who don't develop a therapeutic rapport with the kids and take the time to utilize evidence-based practices. SO doesn't hurt to look into and make sure you guys are feeling the therapist is working and Padme can open up to them
(HULK)
(Smash)
It's not the same but we have 3 dogs and not a one of them was my idea. And every one of them has done something at some point that made them essentially dead to my wife. So, my problem to deal with, her insistence on getting them (although, I wasn't really against the first two). So, I can relate.
I would make a joke about wives being irrational but society frowns on that now.
ETA: Happy to see you still fighting the good fight. I don't expect it will get any easier anytime soon. But one day in the far future, it will.
I would make a joke about wives being irrational but society frowns on that now.
ETA: Happy to see you still fighting the good fight. I don't expect it will get any easier anytime soon. But one day in the far future, it will.
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DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
definitely go for the disciplined version. my daughter is in her 4th year of taekwondo. there are a few seriously difficult kids that have come through. with patience and proper guidance, i've seen all of their attitudes change pretty drastically, at least at the dojo. the master of the dojo is the most important part. not the type of martial art. we are very fortunate to have a guy that genuinely cares. i highly recommend it.
Bonzai
Footballguy
Hey MikeIke, been following your situation. As someone who works in the field, this sounds like exactly the right type of service for you and your family right now. Great work getting something like this in place. Good luck!
Chemical X
Footballguy
weaponizing a psycho sounds logical.
gianmarco
Footballguy
I'm all for a good joke and stuff but I'm not quite understanding popping into this thread with these.
Beef Ravioli
Footballguy
Agreed! I would be all for banning individuals like this! Not the thread for attempts at this kind of humor.
TakiToki
Footballguy
Just a completely uneducated thought, but I would look into team-oriented sports, especially something like basketball or volleyball that has continuous interaction. Intuitively, I would guess that might help with trust in addition to discipline.
I have no backing evidence or training to support this, just throwing in my half a cent. Nothing but the best of will for you and what you are trying to do.
I have no backing evidence or training to support this, just throwing in my half a cent. Nothing but the best of will for you and what you are trying to do.
shadyridr
Footballguy
JuniorGong
Footballguy
I suspect this won’t be a popular opinion but I’ve read this thread carefully for the last few weeks. I believe you made a mistake allowing Padme into your house although I realize you had amazing intentions. Considering your wife’s condition, you really should have thought through it more IMO. While I respect your intent to honor the commitment you made to Padme, you can’t allow her to ruin your family. The worst thing you can do when you find yourself in a hole is to keep digging.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
I completely understand the thought here. But this is a child, not an object. Having taken her in, they have the same obligation as they would to a biological child.
shadyridr
Footballguy
I don't think the story has reached its conclusion yet to say whether or not it was a mistake
JuniorGong
Footballguy
So when the OP’s wife puts her foot down and says me and the boys or Padme (because I believe that is where this is heading) what is our OP’s obligation?
It is complete BS to think he has the same obligation to this trouble child as he does to his wife and biological kids.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
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Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Not really. She isn't yesterday's trash to be thrown out. That needed to be decided before they took her in. She is valuable in her own right and deserving of their time and effort.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
They are most certainly putting in the time and a lot of effort. One can't know how someone will mix in to your family until they are in for awhile. I know the reflex is to be a saviour, but it can't be at the expense of your family. If and it's a big if that mrs ike can't cope and her mental health is at risk, which she is dxd bpd, not like us, what do you do? Choose padme over your children's mother? I can't imagine his sons would feel fine about that.
They are trying but there is a point. There's even a point with your own kids. That's why many are sent away to boarding school, boot camp school, facilities where 24/7 supervision and help is provided.
It's way too soon for mike to know where this may be headed. It really is a day to day process, sometimes moment to moment. But you have to keep yourself in check too. If you are being brought down then you aren't doing the person struggling any good. Sometimes lots of therapy works, sometimes it doesn't. I have some family members that were hell to deal with and are ok but others where it's the end of the rope like my 15 year old cousin's kid who doesn't want any more help. Everyone still loves him and the rare occasion he shows up to see fam he's a good kid. We will always be there for him, even if he gets arrested again. So far doing his own thing at his moms is working out but we expect the phone call at any time. He hasn't been cast aside. He just can't live with his dad or his family. He needs to be on board consistently and he hasn't been. Then came the suicide threat and killing his dad threat, the object of his anger. Jealously and anger can be a lethal combo in anyone with mental issues.
It's certainly not a clear cut decision and we all hope that it works out once she's in that program, which sounds like a great place.
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JuniorGong
Footballguy
Stating that the OP’s obligation to his biological family is greater than his obligation to Padme in no way implies she is trash. I agree she is valuable in her own right and deserving of their time and effort, I just believe the OP can’t allow her to destroy his family.
shadrap
Footballguy
jb1020
Footballguy
I have an 8 yo in Brazilian Jui Jitsu and he loves it. We don’t think he has any anger issues or anything like that but we can tell he’s a little more wound up if we miss class.DA RAIDERS said:
After about 2 years of sitting in the class I’ve seen 3 or 4 kids come thru that have noticeable discipline issues (I have no clue what their home life is like) but after 3-6 months of class they always seem to fall in line with the rest of the kids.
The little kids class is the same time as the teens and there are some bad ### girls there. I just got my 5 yo daughter signed up.
Look up a “Bullyproof” summer camp. They have them all over. I think it’s a week camp where it’s basically a crash course in jui jitsu.
Good luck @MikeIke I don’t think I’ve said anything in this thread cause I had nothing to add. Keeping your family in my prayers.
My experience is this kinda #### happens a lot (wife wanting something, it not being as easy as thought, husband has to take all responsibility)
mr roboto
Footballguy
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mr roboto
Footballguy
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
So after last week’s storm has passed a little, MikeIke restated he’s not at a point of giving up, he’s looked into the Buckeye Ranch, which is a great plan imo and she’s on the list, and he’s looking into martial arts which Padme really wants to do, NOW you’re bringing this up like his wife gave him an ultimatum?
It just doesn’t fit the flow of the narrative to me after some strong steps forward were taken that could be major influences in a turnaround.
Chemical X
Footballguy
since you took the time to find my posts, also find the time to send me back my donation to your charitable cause, tia.
i’ve been busting the OP since the beginning here. this was a bad idea from the get go. sometimes the truth hurts. doing the right thing is great in life, but when you jeopardize your direct family, well, you won’t get any sympathy from me. i don’t know what the ultimate goal was here; white guilt, hero syndrome, etc., but you need to be extricate yourself from this situation ASAP. this isn’t like adopting a dog with a barking problem. this isn’t and shouldn’t be your problem. having your family hate and resent you over a borderline sociopathic juvenile is counter to how i was raised. all of you bleeding hearts can keep offering thoughts and prayers and see how that works out when something terrible happens down the line. my advice continues to remain, though i will temper my snarky replies, lest i make shadycrier weep uncontrollably.
gianmarco
Footballguy
Super classy response.
Unfortunate that you felt the need to add the snarky responses repeatedly in here instead of either keeping it to yourself or at least offering the same sentiment without the tasteless comments in an otherwise difficult thread.
The fact that you even tied my response to you with a donation you gave almost a year ago says quite a bit. PM me your paypal and I'll gladly ship the $27.25 you donated to a needy family.
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shadyridr
Footballguy
Funny I missed any advice you actually provided in this thread. And your comments about the donation are super douchey.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Misery loves company.
Beef Ravioli
Footballguy
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Chemical X
Footballguy
Chemical X
Footballguy
you know, i had a snarky reply all ready to go, but i decided against it. so, i’ll apologize to you for hurting your feelings here and i’ll apologize to the OP. i do not want to be the focus of this thread whatsoever, especially if it’s due to boorish behavior. i’ll steer clear of here and hope things work out for mikeike, though i fear the worst.
Rattle and Hum
Footballguy
@MikeIke Has a counselor with rapport asked Padme what exactly she wants to happen with your family, what exactly she is prepared to do to make that happen, and what exactly she is prepared to try to stop doing? I'm curious what her responses would be. I might even put those responses on the refrigerator for the entire family to see every day. Seems to me at 12 she should start taking responsibility for her life and understand the consequences if she deviates from the path she herself lays out. Tough to do with psych issues, I know, but she's still the captain of her own ship whether she realizes it or not.
Also, learning to give, help, and repair can be very therapeutic to one's soul; even Mr.s Ike with her struggles. @wikkidpissah taught me this. I wish I was better at it. I'm not sure this is a straight Padme vs the Ike family situation. Sure there may be negative impacts on the family by keeping Padme but there is also lifelong value/reward to be had by helping someone that doesn't even realize what was done for him/her.
Sounds to me like Mike is on a great path by seeking these alternative treatments (camp, martial arts, etc) while keeping an open heart and mind. My continued T&Ps go out to all of them.
Also, learning to give, help, and repair can be very therapeutic to one's soul; even Mr.s Ike with her struggles. @wikkidpissah taught me this. I wish I was better at it. I'm not sure this is a straight Padme vs the Ike family situation. Sure there may be negative impacts on the family by keeping Padme but there is also lifelong value/reward to be had by helping someone that doesn't even realize what was done for him/her.
Sounds to me like Mike is on a great path by seeking these alternative treatments (camp, martial arts, etc) while keeping an open heart and mind. My continued T&Ps go out to all of them.
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