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Family Christmas Dinner Expense Sharing Question for the FFA (1 Viewer)

Ralph Furley

Footballguy
Ok, so I have a question for the FFA at large regarding sharing of Chrsitmas Dinner expenses.  

Historically, the host family prepares (and pays for) the main entree and the remaining family members bring fixing, desserts, alcohol etc. In essence, everyone contributes in one form or fashion, some greater, some less.  Never been an issue.  As an example, I work for a wine distributor and have always brought 1-2 cases of wine, plus other spirits. This "value" is generally in the $250-500 value, depending on numbers.  I've never asked for a $ and have always been happy to share my perks with the family.

This year, we are celebrating at a neutral venue, much to my chagrin, and due to this change "everyone will bring food and receipts" and we will split $'s across all adults. I was never onboard with this agreement, and to make matters worse my young kids (8/10/12) are being treated as adults, and do not eat like adults. The "group" asked if I can provide discounted booze, I can't, company doesn't offer this option to staff.  However, I can still bring free wine, as in years past.

So the question is this: Do I bring wine, and if so, do I attach a cost?  If I don't bring wine, all will pay up (myself included) and likely consume worse wine.  If I chose to bring wine, based on numbers, I would be contributing $500 worth of wine at retail, $300 at wholesale.  

What say you...

 
First, this sounds super lame.

Second, what is the neutral venue - seems weird not to hold it at someone's house.

If you bring wine, you have to attach a cost. Otherwise, stuff gets weird and people start counting some stuff and not others.

I bet this is the last year you guys do it this way.

 
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Yeah, agreed with kutta. What a terrible idea. 

I would buy wine retail, even if I end up spending more for my share just to drive up the price for everyone else who is going along with such a bad plan.

Then go enjoy your good free wine at home with your family. 

 
First, this sounds super lame.

Second, what is the neutral venue - seems weird not to hold it at someone's house.

If you bring wine, you have to attach a cost. Otherwise, stuff gets weird and people start counting some stuff an not others.

I bet this is the last year you guys do it this way.
Yep.  Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! Keep in mind, this is not a destination holiday, the rental home is near everyone's real homes, genius.

 
Yep.  Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! Keep in mind, this is not a destination holiday, the rental home is near everyone's real homes, genius.
:lmao:

GL with this.

 
Yep.  Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! Keep in mind, this is not a destination holiday, the rental home is near everyone's real homes, genius.
So in addition, are you also paying for the house itself? 

 
Yep.  Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! Keep in mind, this is not a destination holiday, the rental home is near everyone's real homes, genius.


So in addition, are you also paying for the house itself? 


Of course we are! 
Is the out of town SIL using the house to stay in while she is in town? 

So basically, is this all a sham to get all of you to pay their rental fee?

 
I get splitting the cost of the house....which is a dumb idea by the way.  I think you agree with that.  If not, it wasn't meant to be offensive, but it IS dumb.

What I don't get is why people don't just bring the #### to the rental that they were going to bring to the house in rotation and be done with it?  I'd tell them this is stupid and that you were bringing the wine and that was your contribution.....done.

 
It's fun to pick on this whole crazy idea but to me the simple and easy answer is to include it in the cost pool. House rental $1000, wine $300 (or whatever it cost you). This would seem most fair and least likely to have issues. If the whole concept of this idea is unbearable for you simply decline and say you decided to just spend the holiday with your wife and kids this year. They might get the hint of this bad idea without you making it into a large issue.

 
Yep.  Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! Keep in mind, this is not a destination holiday, the rental home is near everyone's real homes, genius.
Omg. This is awesome. Can you live stream this. 

 
It's pretty remarkable that your family managed to take what is typically a pretty miserable experience and somehow managed to make it much worse. 

 
So out of town sister is staying at this rented house during her stay? Or is she just driving in and out on Xmas night?

 
I get splitting the cost of the house....which is a dumb idea by the way.  I think you agree with that.  If not, it wasn't meant to be offensive, but it IS dumb.

What I don't get is why people don't just bring the #### to the rental that they were going to bring to the house in rotation and be done with it?  I'd tell them this is stupid and that you were bringing the wine and that was your contribution.....done.
Issue really comes down to controlling in-law (who hasn't been able to celebrate with family in years and is making the trip out) who thinks she knows how to do things better than everyone else.  In-law is the sister who my in-laws thinks walks on water, and they believe this is a wonderful idea.  

So instead of just having family come to my house, or showing up at another members, we are all now reading excel spreadsheets and other organizer apps, to make this the best Christmas ever!  She has created rules for everything, and shoots down any other suggestions.  Nobody wants to hurt her feelings.

oh, and it's not a ploy to get us to pay for house, only over nighters need share in the cost, it's about control.  

 
In my opinion, if you get free wine from your employer, that should not factor in your share of the expenses whatsoever.

 
Ok, so I have a question for the FFA at large regarding sharing of Chrsitmas Dinner expenses.  

Historically, the host family prepares (and pays for) the main entree and the remaining family members bring fixing, desserts, alcohol etc. In essence, everyone contributes in one form or fashion, some greater, some less.  Never been an issue.  As an example, I work for a wine distributor and have always brought 1-2 cases of wine, plus other spirits. This "value" is generally in the $250-500 value, depending on numbers.  I've never asked for a $ and have always been happy to share my perks with the family.

This year, we are celebrating at a neutral venue, much to my chagrin, and due to this change "everyone will bring food and receipts" and we will split $'s across all adults. I was never onboard with this agreement, and to make matters worse my young kids (8/10/12) are being treated as adults, and do not eat like adults. The "group" asked if I can provide discounted booze, I can't, company doesn't offer this option to staff.  However, I can still bring free wine, as in years past.

So the question is this: Do I bring wine, and if so, do I attach a cost?  If I don't bring wine, all will pay up (myself included) and likely consume worse wine.  If I chose to bring wine, based on numbers, I would be contributing $500 worth of wine at retail, $300 at wholesale.  

What say you...
My buddy is in the wine business...he usually steals the wine and then tries to charge his friends and family.  If you pilfered the wine just donate it and act like you are a shooter. 

 
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So, how does this work? I mean, one could go out and buy a whole bunch of expensive crap and make the rest of the family subsidize it. Lobster and caviar and I'd only have to pay a twentieth of the cost. Even better if I bought stuff only I would eat. "Oh, I had this philly sandwich flown in from Philadelphia. It cost me $300 in courier charges alone. Just $15 from each of you, please."
Spreadsheet with names of who is bringing what...I guess people could bring extra, not sure how that will get subdivided.  The whole thing is just stupid.

 
Spreadsheet with names of who is bringing what...I guess people could bring extra, not sure how that will get subdivided.  The whole thing is just stupid.
Good shtick would be to forget something you're tasked with bringing 

"Where am I gonna find cocktail sauce at this hour "

 
I get splitting the cost of the house....which is a dumb idea by the way.  I think you agree with that.  If not, it wasn't meant to be offensive, but it IS dumb.

What I don't get is why people don't just bring the #### to the rental that they were going to bring to the house in rotation and be done with it?  I'd tell them this is stupid and that you were bringing the wine and that was your contribution.....done.
Issue really comes down to controlling in-law (who hasn't been able to celebrate with family in years and is making the trip out) who thinks she knows how to do things better than everyone else.  In-law is the sister who my in-laws thinks walks on water, and they believe this is a wonderful idea.  

So instead of just having family come to my house, or showing up at another members, we are all now reading excel spreadsheets and other organizer apps, to make this the best Christmas ever!  She has created rules for everything, and shoots down any other suggestions.  Nobody wants to hurt her feelings.

oh, and it's not a ploy to get us to pay for house, only over nighters need share in the cost, it's about control.  
I was unclear....I meant the renting of the house locally, not a real destination spot is dumb.  I'd be one sarcastic SOB the whole time...that is just absurd IMO.

GL and Godspeed....hope it all works out :thumbup:  

 
  As an example, I work for a wine distributor and have always brought 1-2 cases of wine, plus other spirits. This "value" is generally in the $250-500 value, depending on numbers.  I've never asked for a $ and have always been happy to share my perks with the family.
How much do you actually spend on the wine?  I notice "value" is in quotations here.

 
I'd bring the wine and charge the group whatever it costs you... if it's free to you, it's free to them. Then, I'd find out the total charge for myself and the three kids, cut a check and not think twice about the weirdness of it all again. Then spend the rest of the time with your kids/nephews/nieces/any other family you enjoy being around... You'll have a much better day with this approach.

 
When you say in-law, through your family's side or your wife's?

I foresee a stomach bug coming on. 
Wife's family.  No way this would go down with my family.  

I responded to the group:

"I will bring 2 cases of wine at no cost to everyone" and received this message within five minutes:

"I'm open to better ways to do it.  The big thing I'm trying to account for is that costs vary for different contributions and number of heads vary.  My thinking is we can assign a value to everything, wine included, and than just do the math.  I've used this approach with other large groups in shared environments and it has worked.  Then we can also try to adjust as necessary for people who don't drink vs. drink heavily"

I replied back: " I don't understand your post, reread what I wrote"

F-it, I'm taking the high road here and just contributing in the XMAS spirit.  If they want to hit me with a tab at the end of the night so be it.

 
Sublimeone nailed it.  My guess is the wine is free for you.  You typically show up with a couple cases of wine and call it a night.   Keep in mind it's pretty expensive for everyone else to feed a bunch of people a super nice meal.  Preparation.  Clean up.  Etc. 

 
Wife's family.  No way this would go down with my family.  

I responded to the group:

"I will bring 2 cases of wine at no cost to everyone" and received this message within five minutes:

"I'm open to better ways to do it.  The big thing I'm trying to account for is that costs vary for different contributions and number of heads vary.  My thinking is we can assign a value to everything, wine included, and than just do the math.  I've used this approach with other large groups in shared environments and it has worked.  Then we can also try to adjust as necessary for people who don't drink vs. drink heavily"

I replied back: " I don't understand your post, reread what I wrote"

F-it, I'm taking the high road here and just contributing in the XMAS spirit.  If they want to hit me with a tab at the end of the night so be it.
Now she wants to adjust for the amount people drink and dont drink? What about those that dont eat as much? 

I understand taking the high road. That said, you realize this will become annual if everyone just goes along with it, right? 

 
Well, your 12, 10 and 8yo don't drink so that works in your favor. You might be stuck this year, but I would be having a talk with your wife that this won't be happening again. 

Btw, what are your wife's feelings on this?

 
Sublimeone nailed it.  My guess is the wine is free for you.  You typically show up with a couple cases of wine and call it a night.   Keep in mind it's pretty expensive for everyone else to feed a bunch of people a super nice meal.  Preparation.  Clean up.  Etc. 
Yes, the wine is free, but free for me, but I'm under no obligation to provide.  Remember, nothing in life is truly free, and there is a cost to everything. That said, I do it because I can.  However, when people start nickel and diming me, it bothers me.  

But, as mentioned, I'm doing what I believe is the right thing, regardless and was curious how what the FFA would do.

 
Wife's family.  No way this would go down with my family.  

I responded to the group:

"I will bring 2 cases of wine at no cost to everyone" and received this message within five minutes:

"I'm open to better ways to do it.  The big thing I'm trying to account for is that costs vary for different contributions and number of heads vary.  My thinking is we can assign a value to everything, wine included, and than just do the math.  I've used this approach with other large groups in shared environments and it has worked.  Then we can also try to adjust as necessary for people who don't drink vs. drink heavily"

I replied back: " I don't understand your post, reread what I wrote"

F-it, I'm taking the high road here and just contributing in the XMAS spirit.  If they want to hit me with a tab at the end of the night so be it.
I think she is trying to get you monetary credit for the wine among the drinkers but what do I know.  :shrug:

And she knows you said free but she doesn't think that is fair.

 
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Well, your 12, 10 and 8yo don't drink so that works in your favor. You might be stuck this year, but I would be having a talk with your wife that this won't be happening again. 

Btw, what are your wife's feelings on this?
Wife is not pleased, kids are upset, nobody wants to make waves.  And yeah, this will likely never happen again, unless we are wrong and it's a smashing success.  

 
Wife's family.  No way this would go down with my family.  

I responded to the group:

"I will bring 2 cases of wine at no cost to everyone" and received this message within five minutes:

"I'm open to better ways to do it.  The big thing I'm trying to account for is that costs vary for different contributions and number of heads vary.  My thinking is we can assign a value to everything, wine included, and than just do the math.  I've used this approach with other large groups in shared environments and it has worked.  Then we can also try to adjust as necessary for people who don't drink vs. drink heavily"
:lmao:

 
Yes, the wine is free, but free for me, but I'm under no obligation to provide.  Remember, nothing in life is truly free, and there is a cost to everything. That said, I do it because I can.  However, when people start nickel and diming me, it bothers me.  

But, as mentioned, I'm doing what I believe is the right thing, regardless and was curious how what the FFA would do.
Sure, but I guess that's my point.  You seem to get off pretty easy every year.  It's nice that you can provide the wine, but others who are also contributing don't have the same luxury. 

Sounds to me like some members of the family have noticed this as well and are trying to come up with a fair solution.  The in law's suggestion to assign a value to your wine tells me exactly that.

 
Example # 10^10 of things that shouldn't be complicated getting complicated and unfun as #### when a woman's in charge.

 
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I'd bring the wine and charge the group whatever it costs you... if it's free to you, it's free to them. Then, I'd find out the total charge for myself and the three kids, cut a check and not think twice about the weirdness of it all again. Then spend the rest of the time with your kids/nephews/nieces/any other family you enjoy being around... You'll have a much better day with this approach.
BORE-RING!

 
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I think she is trying to get you monetary credit for the wine among the drinkers but what do I know.  :shrug:

And she knows you said free but she doesn't think that is fair.
Yes I get that, but I'm not looking for the monetary credit, and that's the basis of my annoyance, along with the obvious controlling aspect. Simply, contribute what you can to make this a great night...not over-manage and conclude with handing out a tab at the end of the night.  It's just stupid.

 

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