Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
Sign in to follow this  
bigbottom

The ***OFFICIAL*** Only Child Thread

Recommended Posts

This is a thread for folks who are an only child, or who are a parent of an only child. Topic can be anything related to being an only child. Pros. Cons. Challenges. Advice. This thread may wither and die from inactivity, but I’m hoping there are enough of us out there to make this a fruitful discussion of all sorts of topics.

Our son became an only child when he was 11. That was obviously an adjustment for him. Thankfully he has some cousins locally that he can see on occasion. We hosted them for Christmas last night and I realized something. My son’s girlfriend (he is now 15) is also an only child. So if they stayed together, got married and had kids, their children would not have any cousins. That sorta bummed me out. 

Also, our son, as a fairly typical teen I guess, is pretty much loathe to spend any time with his parents.  This results in him spending a lot of time alone in his room.  It’s worried us off and on - somewhat less so now that we’ve learned he chats with his friends a fair amount on some Skype-like technology.  But while he used to hang out a lot with his brother playing video games and sports and the like, that is no longer the case.  Do you parents of only children ever worry about so much alone time, or are we just worrying for nothing?  Any thoughts, advice, commiseration are welcome.

 

Edited by bigbottom
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am an only child and my wife has 7 siblings. It used to bother me that I didn't have brothers or sisters but I don't think about it anymore. I wouldn't want the drama that my wife endures with a couple of her crazy siblings. Most of them are nice though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ours also became an only child. The toughest thing is family vacations. He always wants to go with his cousin who is essentially his brother but that's not always in both families plans. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good topic.  As the parent of an only child, I worry about my daughter.  Is she missing out on that sibling interaction?   When she is an adult, will her life and Holidays be missing something that siblings and nieces/nephews provide?   

At the end of the day, There is nothing to be done about it.   We started too late to have more kids and the adoption process turned out to be an expensive nightmare.   

On a positive, our neighbors are both only children and they are as normal as the rest of us.   They ended up having two kids.   Dad didn't really want any but then gave in and had one.  The mom wanted a bunch and snuck number two in.   Not sure what any of that means except the normal part is reassuring.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

About the loneliness aspect. It's not an issue at his age. When he's not hanging with his cousin who is basically like his brother, we make sure he's hanging out with his friends who we often invite on family activities with us. When home, I'm basically his playmate. The vacations is the only troublesome part. We went to Florida two years ago just us and while he enjoyed it not as much as our family vacations to obx with the entire family. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, DocHolliday said:

Good topic.  As the parent of an only child, I worry about my daughter.  Is she missing out on that sibling interaction?   When she is an adult, will her life and Holidays be missing something that siblings and nieces/nephews provide?   

At the end of the day, There is nothing to be done about it.   We started too late to have more kids and the adoption process turned out to be an expensive nightmare.   

On a positive, our neighbors are both only children and they are as normal as the rest of us.   They ended up having two kids.   Dad didn't really want any but then gave in and had one.  The mom wanted a bunch and snuck number two in.   Not sure what any of that means except the normal part is reassuring.  

We tried adoption and agreed nightmare. Probably not continuing  down that path either. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great topic :blackdot:

Wife and I adopted our son 2 years ago, took him straight home from the hospital. We talk often about doing it again because we have the same concerns as others about him being an only child. However we are both 40 now and feel that we got started to late so it'll probably be a one and done for us.

Surprises me to hear some of the posters mention the adoption nightmare as ours was anything but? Very easy and yes, stressful process, but one that was worth every second. Now can not imagine our lives without that little man in it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am part of the club......love it.  less angst, drama, jealously, pettiness.  holidays are a breeze.  living the dream.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My parents split up when I was young and while my dad remarried and had a couple more kids, my mom did neither.
I have recently become acutely aware of how much it's going to suck when she passes (she just turned 76).

She hasn't done any end-of-life planning (up to the point where her parents passed intestate, so that's good enough for her) and hasn't been very forthcoming about her wishes if something happens to her. She doesn't have a tremendous estate (roughly 250K), but is living on SS and her pension to the point where she doesn't have to draw down and is scratching her head on what to do with her RMD. So, it is likely there would be something left with proper estate planning. (I don't expect/want anything, but her grandkids could use help with future educational expenses I am sure).

The tougher part is I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to likely have to deal with losing my mom at some point while also arranging funeral/memorial services and dealing with final arrangements.

When my dad passes, It's going to be phenomenally easier having two brothers that will be there to help. My dad also has done a fair amount of end-of-life planning.

If you have an only child, especially if there aren't other family members that you are very close to, you'll really help them to take care of a lot of the stresses over your passing before you go.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

parent of any only child.  She is in college now.

She has plenty of issues which may or may not be due to being an only child just as most kids have issues which may or may not have to do with the size of their family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i am a parent to an only child.  i don't worry about her too much. we considered another kid when she was little, but that ship has sailed.

 

i grew up with a sister, we are not very close.  we do like seeing her kids.  wife came from a family of 5.  3 are an f'ing #### show and my wife is finally coming around to the idea, that never seeing them again, is probably for the best.  we do enjoy seeing her one good brother and his kids.  my daughter is pretty close with her cousins and loves seeing them once or twice a year.  they live far away, or it would be more frequently. :shrug:  i don't give it much thought.  but, i am very comfortable on my own.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm an only child. I grew up with friends from school and kids on my street to play with. I think I'm fairly normal, although I'm an introvert. That might be from not having siblings or maybe I just take after my dad.

Growing up I had all my parents' attention, which is both good and bad. My parents both have/had living trusts and that sort of thing set up so it's been fairly easy for me to handle things without help from adult siblings.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very interesting reading all the posts in this thread. For those who grew up as only kids, did you spend a lot of time alone in your teen years, or were you always out and about with friends?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, bigbottom said:

Very interesting reading all the posts in this thread. For those who grew up as only kids, did you spend a lot of time alone in your teen years, or were you always out and about with friends?

my daughter has spent most of her advanced teen aged years alone(she had one close friend when she was younger but they drifted apart in high school).  She rarely if ever leaves her dorm room now outside of class work.

She has trouble/does not like engaging in friendships of the traditional kind.  All of her friends are virtual from around the country and around the world.

The internet can be a godsend of those of us who are extreme introverts.  You can still interact with out having to interact, if that makes any sense.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Our son, adopted at 12 weeks from Colombia, is an only child. It's our biggest regret that we didn't adopt another child at the same time. When he was younger he always commented that he wished he had a brother. It broke our hearts.

We did everything we could think of to facilitate his friendships. When he was younger he had a core group (3 kids) of great kids that he did everything with: they played together in flag football leagues, floor hockey leagues, a few sleepovers, birthday parties, etc.

We moved when he was in 5th grade and, despite some effort from all parents to keep that group together, they eventually lost interest without the shared school experience.

He has friends in school now and is very active in school activities: played 2 years of B-Ball, 4 years of cross country and captain of his team his senior year, AFS club, volunteer referee for a recreational soccer program, etc. But he's never had a friend over since we moved to new house (7 years ago). We specifically put in a pool/deck bigger than what we needed assuming he would have friends over to swim every summer, have cross country team over to swim, etc. Not once.

He pretty much spends his free time playing video games in his room also. We don't put limits on it because he's a fairly busy kid. He's taken 4 college credit courses already and has always been a low A student. So we let it go. He's a great kid all around, kind and compassionate. The worst thing I could say about him is that maybe he's a little lazy. But even that would be a stretch.

But yeah, we've always worried about him being an only child. If I could identify one consequence of him being an only child it's that he is far more mature than his peers (that we've had contact with). Most of his holiday/social/non-school or video game time has been spent around adults. He has 3 Aunts he is close to. But they are all old and he doesn't have a single cousin. His grandparents are old. Were something to happen to my wife or I he would literally have nobody to turn to for help. We worry a ton about that, about him ending up alone in the world.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was not an only child, had tons of frineds but liked keeping to myself a lot.

My daughter is an only child and her friends are not close by.  I'm worried she is alone too much. Sometimes I'll just sit next to her so she has company.

I do worry how this may manifest itself when dealing with people. Shes 12

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know I don't belong here but I have a couple things I'd like to encourage you with. 

1) my teens try really hard to spend time alone. 

2) everyone has issues. Families are just families. There is no right or best way or size. 

3) my kids have nothing to do with their cousins. Nothing is wrong with them they just live two hours away and we see them once a year on thanksgiving. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not an only child but my wife is.  We have three kids (two together, she had one previously).  Curious to follow along and read others observations.

My wife generally did not enjoy being an only child, and definitely wanted to have more than one child.  As a kid, not having constant companionship was what she thought she missed.  She tries to be a part of my family (I have a brother and sister) but we are so disfunctional, I don't think it is what she was looking for.

As an adult, the biggest stress we are encountering is that as her parents approach end of life situations, she is the only one the burden of that responsibilities falls on.  When one passes, it will be a tough chore for her to handle on her own (with obviously my support, but no siblings to look to).

Edited to add, she did not spend a lot of time alone as a teenager.  She had a large group of friends and was with them as much as possible.  Our two teenage boys are homebodies, and rarely get together with friends to hang out.  She finds it so alien to the point of yelling at them for not being social enough. It is a strange dynamic, but I'm not totally sure it is based completely on the only child/multiple child issue.

Edited by Bull Dozier
Additional comments
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
28 minutes ago, Bull Dozier said:

Not an only child but my wife is.  We have three kids (two together, she had one previously).  Curious to follow along and read others observations.

My wife generally did not enjoy being an only child, and definitely wanted to have more than one child.  As a kid, not having constant companionship was what she thought she missed.  She tries to be a part of my family (I have a brother and sister) but we are so disfunctional, I don't think it is what she was looking for.

As an adult, the biggest stress we are encountering is that as her parents approach end of life situations, she is the only one the burden of that responsibilities falls on.  When one passes, it will be a tough chore for her to handle on her own (with obviously my support, but no siblings to look to).

Edited to add, she did not spend a lot of time alone as a teenager.  She had a large group of friends and was with them as much as possible.  Our two teenage boys are homebodies, and rarely get together with friends to hang out.  She finds it so alien to the point of yelling at them for not being social enough. It is a strange dynamic, but I'm not totally sure it is based completely on the only child/multiple child issue.

been there, done that.........flip side, without siblings, you make the call and don't have to worry aboot 5 other siblings' thoughts on how to divvy up the not so fine china.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/26/2017 at 3:41 PM, Chemical X said:

been there, done that.........flip side, without siblings, you make the call and don't have to worry aboot 5 other siblings' thoughts on how to divvy up the not so fine china.

Not as worried about divying up property (I'm guessing their estates will be net negatives when all is said and done), but trips to the hospitals for medical events, trips to doctors, when to move to community living or hospice, etc etc., those types of decisions, emotional emergency situations all fall to one person.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Bull Dozier said:

Not as worried about divying up property (I'm guessing their estates will be net negatives when all is said and done), but trips to the hospitals for medical events, trips to doctors, when to move to community living or hospice, etc etc., those types of decisions, emotional emergency situations all fall to one person.

Not gonna lie, what I went thru with my mom the last 8 years of her life would've broken most people.  Luckily for me I have a disassociative personality disorder that prevents me from feeling many normal emotions, including caring.  Hard to explain via a message board, but you almost have to be detached from the situation and treat it like a chore.  Not easy for 99.9% of the folks out there.  My mom had end stage renal disease that progressed steadily over her last 8 years, while she was in florida, after she decided to purchase a double wide and take in a dog and a cat and get sucked into a land lease and squander $220k in cash and bounce from hospital to nursing home to dialysis. 

I spent many a day running scenarios in my head, all of which seemingly wound up at a dead end, since my mom refused to participate in end of life discussions.  The hardest part of it all is those last years can erode your prior good memories and put you in a bad place.  I tried to stay organized and do my best and not get dragged down, no easy task.  Sadly, I was unable to be in florida when she passed and this is something an only likely needs to deal with at some point.

Try to have tough conversations now and if it doesn't take, try again and again.  Those talks now will save some angst down the line.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

my kid has been at the in laws house since the 26th and if she has her way, she'll be there until the 30th.  there are 5 other cousins within 3 years of each other that congregate at that house every holiday.  there are 10 more 2nd cousins or whatever that float through from time to time.  she loves it.  but, she also really likes it when she comes home and has some peace and quiet, her own bed, etc.  

cool thread.  it's got me thinking about something i never really think about.  i asked the oldest cousin(12) if she liked having a brother.  her brother, my daughter and i, had a cool chat about it.  my kid is cool being an only child and doesn't want any siblings.  we asked her this when she was younger, and her response was always the same.  nope.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, Chemical X said:

Not gonna lie, what I went thru with my mom the last 8 years of her life would've broken most people.  Luckily for me I have a disassociative personality disorder that prevents me from feeling many normal emotions, including caring.  Hard to explain via a message board, but you almost have to be detached from the situation and treat it like a chore.  Not easy for 99.9% of the folks out there.  My mom had end stage renal disease that progressed steadily over her last 8 years, while she was in florida, after she decided to purchase a double wide and take in a dog and a cat and get sucked into a land lease and squander $220k in cash and bounce from hospital to nursing home to dialysis. 

I spent many a day running scenarios in my head, all of which seemingly wound up at a dead end, since my mom refused to participate in end of life discussions.  The hardest part of it all is those last years can erode your prior good memories and put you in a bad place.  I tried to stay organized and do my best and not get dragged down, no easy task.  Sadly, I was unable to be in florida when she passed and this is something an only likely needs to deal with at some point.

Try to have tough conversations now and if it doesn't take, try again and again.  Those talks now will save some angst down the line.

I really do not have a good relationship with my in laws (I'm sure they would have preferred she stayed married to her first husband that graced their lives with their blessed first grandchild, my step daughter, while my own kids with her are lunch meat.  Granted, he was a complete dooshbag to her, but what does that matter.  I could go on forever here, and that's not the point of this thread).  That will make it someone easier for me to be detached from the situation and hopefully help my wife make rational decisions.  But it does make it impossible to force my wife and her parents to have those conversations (heck, I don't even know what all those conversations should be).

Of course, my wife won't have that ability to be cold and detached from the decisions, and everything will be tough and emotional for her.  She's a very emotional person, so my biggest personal trouble will be helping her cope, not making those tough decisions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, Chemical X said:

Not gonna lie, what I went thru with my mom the last 8 years of her life would've broken most people.  Luckily for me I have a disassociative personality disorder that prevents me from feeling many normal emotions, including caring.  Hard to explain via a message board, but you almost have to be detached from the situation and treat it like a chore.  Not easy for 99.9% of the folks out there.  My mom had end stage renal disease that progressed steadily over her last 8 years, while she was in florida, after she decided to purchase a double wide and take in a dog and a cat and get sucked into a land lease and squander $220k in cash and bounce from hospital to nursing home to dialysis. 

I spent many a day running scenarios in my head, all of which seemingly wound up at a dead end, since my mom refused to participate in end of life discussions.  The hardest part of it all is those last years can erode your prior good memories and put you in a bad place.  I tried to stay organized and do my best and not get dragged down, no easy task.  Sadly, I was unable to be in florida when she passed and this is something an only likely needs to deal with at some point.

Try to have tough conversations now and if it doesn't take, try again and again.  Those talks now will save some angst down the line.

This whole line of discussion is something I hadn't even considered.  While my wife and I are still of sound mind and in good health, we really need to get our crap in order and have some serious discussions with our only child so that he isn't sucked into a situation like this down the line.  Thanks for sharing, and to Bull Dozier for raising this important issue.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Agreed. If you're parents of an only child. Please do them a favor and have your living trust, end-of-life, insurance, DNR, power of attorney, burial/cremation stuff in order so your kid doesn't have to do it all on their own.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
39 minutes ago, Bull Dozier said:

I really do not have a good relationship with my in laws (I'm sure they would have preferred she stayed married to her first husband that graced their lives with their blessed first grandchild, my step daughter, while my own kids with her are lunch meat.  Granted, he was a complete dooshbag to her, but what does that matter.  I could go on forever here, and that's not the point of this thread).  That will make it someone easier for me to be detached from the situation and hopefully help my wife make rational decisions.  But it does make it impossible to force my wife and her parents to have those conversations (heck, I don't even know what all those conversations should be).

Of course, my wife won't have that ability to be cold and detached from the decisions, and everything will be tough and emotional for her.  She's a very emotional person, so my biggest personal trouble will be helping her cope, not making those tough decisions.

If you can get ahead of the game, so to speak, you could eliminate many emotional and rash decisions and thoughts.  What are their wishes, is there a will, etc.  Everything passes thru probate, but a will helps expedite matters.  Are papers organized so you can access them?  Do you have power of attorney?  Yadda yadda. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, bigbottom said:

This whole line of discussion is something I hadn't even considered.  While my wife and I are still of sound mind and in good health, we really need to get our crap in order and have some serious discussions with our only child so that he isn't sucked into a situation like this down the line.  Thanks for sharing, and to Bull Dozier for raising this important issue.

You know what they say is true, at some point the kids become the parents and the parents the kids.  Hopefully everyone stays of sound mind and body, my situation deteriorated rapidly.  You know, when you get to a certain age, you just don't want to leave the home or be forced out.  As an only, what are your preparations for your parents' final years?  Live with you, assisted living, nursing?  Is it just gonna be hospice?  Burial, cremation, funeral, service, where? 

Long term care insurance is something everyone should research, especially onlys and parents of onlys. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/26/2017 at 10:23 AM, Spanky24 said:

Great topic :blackdot:

Wife and I adopted our son 2 years ago, took him straight home from the hospital. We talk often about doing it again because we have the same concerns as others about him being an only child. However we are both 40 now and feel that we got started to late so it'll probably be a one and done for us.

Surprises me to hear some of the posters mention the adoption nightmare as ours was anything but? Very easy and yes, stressful process, but one that was worth every second. Now can not imagine our lives without that little man in it.

Similar circumstance here. We took our little guy home from the hospital (2 week stay in adopting State first) in February. We got a late start after many years of struggle. Adoption isn’t cheap and stress free and we’re in early 40’s and I worry about him being an only child. Almost all of his cousins are significantly older and he may not have anyone to play with at family events and holidays. Loving every minute of being a Dad though. 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Only child here.  Father is from Thailand, so no family stateside for him, and my mother isn't close with her family.  My wife has 2 sisters and a large extended family.  When we got married, it was like 70% her family, 10% my family, and 20% mutual friends.  

When we decided to have kids, my only stipulation was "more than 1."  I loved being an "only" when I was young, but now that I'm older, and my parents are older and live 4 hours away, I feel and dread the day they need assistance to live, or when one of them passes.  It's  a BIG burden on an only child as the parents get older if there aren't others to help out.  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My step-father, who was the only father I had, was basically an only child. His father left his mother and while he remarried and had kids, he was never in contact with them. His mom also remarried, but never had more children

I'm an only child

I have an only child.

I never had a problem with being an only child. I grew up in a great neighborhood with about 12-15 kids all within about 5 years of each other. There was always someone around. It was the proverbial 'people don't lock their doors' kind of community. I'd wake up late in the morning weekends or during the summer to the noise of friends who had just let themselves in the house because they were tired of waiting for me to get my lazy ### out of bed. Instead of bratty PITA siblings, I took friends on vacation. It was a bit of a dream life.

I've also always been social. As the neighborhood kids grew apart and started hanging out with school friends, I had no problem with finding new people to hand with. To this day I still have 4 circles of friends that I keep in touch with regularly.

I also married into a great family. Wife is one of 4 and has two sets of cousins which consist of another 6 and they are all thick as thieves. The only thing that keeps them apart is where they live, but 8 of the 10 still live in Illinois and we see them all plenty. When we get them all together is when I start feeling like I'm missing out on something. Talk of childhood vacations and holidays bring them great memories. I, on the other hand, don't have the same childhood memories. There's no one around like that to stoke them, especially with holidays. It was me, mom and step-dad and a grandmother on those days. Only me and my mom are left. Those memories are basically gone for me.

My son seemed to be on the same social path I was, but that got derailed.

I think that a big problem was that we didn't live in the same kind of neighborhood that I grew up in. He was significantly the youngest kid on the block, so never had that close knit community of kids to grow up within. There wasn't someone always around. As we saw this developing, we thought of moving, but the housing market crashed and we were pretty much stuck where we were. Throughout grade school I made a point on him being around his school friends. I took them to sporting events, movies, allowed them to take over the house if they wanted. Sports was always a great outlet for him too and made plenty of friends through that.

As high school started, the sports stopped (dislocated his shoulder in freshman summer football camp and never went back, never tried out for basketball which pissed me off), the interest in dad taking him and his friends places waned (don't blame him), throw in a medical issue that caused him to miss a bunch of his Freshman year and he felt that he fell behind socially. Slowly, he started to distance himself from his friends. I mean he stayed friends with them, but he distanced himself from the activities they partake in. Now a Senior, he's still friends with just about everyone he was in grade school / Jr High, as well as a few others he's met along the way in High School, but is rather disinterested in all of the social stuff that comes along with it. I honestly can't tell you how many times I've asked him 'What's going on tonight?' and him telling me what everyone else was doing, but then say that he's staying home. And its not like he's up to speed on this stuff just because of what he sees on social media or what he hears at school. He shows me texts and PMs that he gets telling him about it, asking him to come, but probably 8-10 times he just doesn't go. For a while, I'd press him and he'd be honest with me about not always being comfortable in those settings, but that began to strain our relationship and I just had to let him be who he is. But it does worry me. As I mentioned above, I'm fortunate enough to have multiple circles of friends, and genuinely feel that in a bind, needing someone to talk to, that I can rely on handful of people within each of those circles. That comes from a lifetime of friendship, from being there side by side for long periods of time. I'm not sure he'll have that to fall back upon

College starts next year and I have my concerns about how he'll acclimate himself to that environment. He's genuinely excited about it, talks about a new start, being around people that are more mature, so I'm hoping for the best, but I can't help but be concerned that it will be the same old thing there too.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

EP:  I think you raise a key issue - most neighborhoods today aren't like they were in the past.  Kids are loaded up with activities, or have other outlets (like media of various sorts) that have dramatically reduced the run around with friends in the neighborhood until the streetlights come on experience.  And for only children, that can create a fair amount of isolation.  I do think there is reason to be optimistic about college, however.  If he's in the dorms, he will basically be living with a bunch of people 24-7.  It sounds like he's a likable kid who can make friends easily - I think the changed living circumstances will help dramatically.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, bigbottom said:

EP:  I think you raise a key issue - most neighborhoods today aren't like they were in the past.  Kids are loaded up with activities, or have other outlets (like media of various sorts) that have dramatically reduced the run around with friends in the neighborhood until the streetlights come on experience.  And for only children, that can create a fair amount of isolation.  I do think there is reason to be optimistic about college, however.  If he's in the dorms, he will basically be living with a bunch of people 24-7.  It sounds like he's a likable kid who can make friends easily - I think the changed living circumstances will help dramatically.

He goes to a private Catholic school and part of their requirements is to go away on a Kairos retreat during their Jr or Sr year.

It wasn't a surprise that he wasn't really looking forward to it, but he came out on the other side thinking that it was great experience. With 40 kids on each retreat (32 on the retreat / 8 other students who have done it before there as leaders), he was able to cross paths with some people that he didn't during his day to day life. In doing so, he gained some insight into people that he probably perceived as better than him being really just the same as everyone else, 'we all have problems, insecurities, etc' . It was basically dorm life and while it was for only 3-4 days, hopefully that laid some foundation for what he'll experience at college.

The fact that he liked it so much that he put his name in as a candidate to be a leader at the next retreat, and was accepted to be one, only helps everyone's comfort level.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good topic OP - I am dating an only child.  While she is a great person it is very apparent that she is used to having everything done for her.  Her parent fall all over themselves to ensure that she doesn't have to lift a finger and she expects it from everyone else in her life.  She really is a nice gal but her parents have not done her any favors. I grew up in a family of three (I have a twin brother and younger brother) so there was plenty of "sharing" going around.  For those of you with only one kid, do them a favor and make sure that they are not constantly catered too.  They will be better off for it in the long run. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since my wife works for the Education Dept in the state of Michigan she told me the word "only" in describing a family with one child is now taboo and considered an offensive term...and that parents do take offense to that term.  "Single" child is the preferred term. The word only is never to be used in schools by teachers or administrators.

 

It does makes sense because nobody knows what families have gone through...difficulty conceiving, losing a child, just wanting one child. 

Edited by Da Guru

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Damn this thread now has me terrified :)

I think of this thread everytime I check in on my daughter sitting alone watching tv/tablet

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Da Guru said:

Since my wife works for the Education Dept in the state of Michigan she told me the word "only" in describing a family with one child is now taboo and considered an offensive term...and that parents do take offense to that term.  "Single" child is the preferred term. The word only is never to be used in schools by teachers or administrators.

 

It does makes sense because nobody knows what families have gone through...difficulty conceiving, losing a child, just wanting one child. 

I always have leaned towards the OMG people need to get over themselves with "offensive labels"  etc but this actually makes sense especially when dealing with children.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Da Guru said:

Since my wife works for the Education Dept in the state of Michigan she told me the word "only" in describing a family with one child is now taboo and considered an offensive term...and that parents do take offense to that term.  "Single" child is the preferred term. The word only is never to be used in schools by teachers or administrators.

 

It does makes sense because nobody knows what families have gone through...difficulty conceiving, losing a child, just wanting one child. 

I don't find it offensive but I did find it upsetting when my BIL inadvertently blurted out that only children are usually weird. I let out a big sarcastic "THANKS" after he said it and he was embarrassed.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, belljr said:

Damn this thread now has me terrified :)

I think of this thread everytime I check in on my daughter sitting alone watching tv/tablet

Dont think thats an only child thing nowadays.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, sbonomo said:

Good topic OP - I am dating an only child.  While she is a great person it is very apparent that she is used to having everything done for her.  Her parent fall all over themselves to ensure that she doesn't have to lift a finger and she expects it from everyone else in her life.  She really is a nice gal but her parents have not done her any favors. I grew up in a family of three (I have a twin brother and younger brother) so there was plenty of "sharing" going around.  For those of you with only one kid, do them a favor and make sure that they are not constantly catered too.  They will be better off for it in the long run. 

i dont know if that is only child issues, it could be.   My daughter is an only child and is not catered to every whim.  We may go a little overboard with some things but on a whole she has to do most crap for herself

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I might be weird, but its not like I'm home schooled weird

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, shadyridr said:

I don't find it offensive but I did find it upsetting when my BIL inadvertently blurted out that only children are usually weird. I let out a big sarcastic "THANKS" after he said it and he was embarrassed.

That has been debunked for years. We all  know there are plenty of weird kids from all size of families.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, belljr said:

i dont know if that is only child issues, it could be.   My daughter is an only child and is not catered to every whim.  We may go a little overboard with some things but on a whole she has to do most crap for herself

Definitely not. We teach our son how to be independent. Yet my mom waited on me and my two brothers hand and foot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, my son has a fair amount of responsibility when it comes to schoolwork and athletics, but other than that, he's pretty much catered to.  Need to work on that over the next couple of years before he leaves for college.

 

That said, if there is something he doesn't know how to do, he'll freaking YouTube it.

Edited by bigbottom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Someone just told me I was lucky to only have one kid knowing full well my whole story. Ugh 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Only child here. I think one of the pros to it, especially if you don't have a lot of family nearby, etc, is it fosters you to be creative and independent. I could rattle on about that and give examples but I think it is generally true. 

As a child, I had enough family to be around during the holidays, etc, and I did think it was pretty cool that some of my cousins and younger aunts and uncles and siblings to hang around with during these times. But as an adult, I don't mind it at all. The trade off is okay with me. i see so many people with a couple of brothers/sisters that have kooky dynamics and drama and it becomes divisive. When its not that, it's a juggling act trying to get everyone together. Just seems like more work than people can sustain (but hey, maybe that's my typical selfish only child talking).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎1‎/‎18‎/‎2018 at 0:46 PM, Da Guru said:

Since my wife works for the Education Dept in the state of Michigan she told me the word "only" in describing a family with one child is now taboo and considered an offensive term...and that parents do take offense to that term.  "Single" child is the preferred term. The word only is never to be used in schools by teachers or administrators.

 

It does makes sense because nobody knows what families have gone through...difficulty conceiving, losing a child, just wanting one child. 

This doesn't make sense to me.  What is the difference between "only" child and "single" child in terms of the concerns you raise?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, shadyridr said:

Someone just told me I was lucky to only have one kid knowing full well my whole story. Ugh 

I wish I could tell you that this will never happen again Shady but unfortunately it will. We lost our son 17 years ago and the pain is just as fresh today as it was then. It will never go away. And over the years there have been innocent comments like the one said to you above that left me asking "how could you say that to me"? Time heals, it really does...just not for you and I or any other parent who has had to deal with losing a child. 

Hang in there. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Spanky24 said:

I wish I could tell you that this will never happen again Shady but unfortunately it will. We lost our son 17 years ago and the pain is just as fresh today as it was then. It will never go away. And over the years there have been innocent comments like the one said to you above that left me asking "how could you say that to me"? Time heals, it really does...just not for you and I or any other parent who has had to deal with losing a child. 

Hang in there. 

Thanks. I've heard them all and I realize most of the time people mean well but it still hurts. 

Edited by shadyridr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.