Tusken Raider
Footballguy
After an extremely rocky nine-year marriage, my ex wife and I were granted a divorce in November. It was very expensive and terribly ugly, and ended with me getting the house, and primary custody of our six-year old son.
(Quick divorce backstory):
My son has adjusted to the change extremely well, does great in school, and goes to a therapist once per month (which has always ended with the psychologist telling me that he sees no major issues with my son). He gets to see his mother through supervised visitation up to three times per week. Overall, the only major day-to-day change that he has seen has been mommy moving out. He understands that Dad and Mommy now have their own homes, and that she and I will always be his parents.
I met a woman in August through a friend of mine, and we've been seeing each other for almost 5 months now. She's very positive, smart, has a great career, and knows most of the details & circumstances of the divorce & custody situation. She has no children, and before we met, she spent the last eight years in a live-in relationship that fizzled away. We're seeing each other exclusively - I'm 44, she's 38. She lives about an hour and a half drive from my home, so we only actually see each other once/week. Needless to say, I've been emotionally detached from my ex for a while now, knowing that our marriage was really over years ago. Around a year ago I finally moved on from her, once I knew divorce was the only option for us, so I don't feel that this is just a rebound relationship.
At some point, I'm going to introduce my son to her. He and his needs will always come first when it comes to any relationship of mine. I'm planning on first introducing them to each other in a family setting with other family members around, or in a public place where he and I meet her, and see how things go.
I've received a lot of advice on this from my family, as well as from other close friends who are divorced, but wanted to hear some other opinions from outside folks who may have had similar circumstances such as mine.
When did you realize the time was right to introduce your young child(ren) to your new significant other? How did you do it, and how did you explain it to your kid(s)? And most importantly, what was the end result for everyone involved?
(Quick divorce backstory):
She and I have discussed divorce for several years now, but have tried working on our issues to benefit our son. In June, I told her I was filing, so she moved out of our home and took our son with her, keeping him from me for a month without letting me contact him at her parents' home. She has always played the victim card throughout our relationship, and in every facet of her life outside of our marriage. So she started a smear campaign against me, that included her filing restraining orders and criminal charges against me, lodging complaints to my employer, and even speaking with the news media about me. Thankfully, all of these were baseless and simply a length she was attempting to go through in order to make her appear to be a victim. Everyone involved quickly saw through her allegations, and every one of her complaints/allegations were dismissed. She was admonished in court and by the police multiple times. In August, the court ruled she was intentionally attempting to damage my relationship with our son and gave me temporary custody, which became permanent upon the November final ruling. Yep, I had a five-month divorce process due to the court seeing the level of insane measures that my ex was attempting to stir up to bolster her side of things.
Today, she and I still have a "No Contact" order in effect between us, and we can only contact each other through email. This was instituted by the court in August, and upon recommendation from my attorney, remains in effect indefinitely.
Today, she and I still have a "No Contact" order in effect between us, and we can only contact each other through email. This was instituted by the court in August, and upon recommendation from my attorney, remains in effect indefinitely.
My son has adjusted to the change extremely well, does great in school, and goes to a therapist once per month (which has always ended with the psychologist telling me that he sees no major issues with my son). He gets to see his mother through supervised visitation up to three times per week. Overall, the only major day-to-day change that he has seen has been mommy moving out. He understands that Dad and Mommy now have their own homes, and that she and I will always be his parents.
I met a woman in August through a friend of mine, and we've been seeing each other for almost 5 months now. She's very positive, smart, has a great career, and knows most of the details & circumstances of the divorce & custody situation. She has no children, and before we met, she spent the last eight years in a live-in relationship that fizzled away. We're seeing each other exclusively - I'm 44, she's 38. She lives about an hour and a half drive from my home, so we only actually see each other once/week. Needless to say, I've been emotionally detached from my ex for a while now, knowing that our marriage was really over years ago. Around a year ago I finally moved on from her, once I knew divorce was the only option for us, so I don't feel that this is just a rebound relationship.
At some point, I'm going to introduce my son to her. He and his needs will always come first when it comes to any relationship of mine. I'm planning on first introducing them to each other in a family setting with other family members around, or in a public place where he and I meet her, and see how things go.
I've received a lot of advice on this from my family, as well as from other close friends who are divorced, but wanted to hear some other opinions from outside folks who may have had similar circumstances such as mine.
When did you realize the time was right to introduce your young child(ren) to your new significant other? How did you do it, and how did you explain it to your kid(s)? And most importantly, what was the end result for everyone involved?
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And maybe as a way for her to meet him, have her go to a school event, like a concert or something maybe not even sit with you, just be aware of who he is, so she can see him and how proud you are of him.
