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Going to a boozy lunch today; which joke should I tell?

Which is the funniest joke?   54 members have voted

  1. 1. Which is the funniest joke?

    • Joke 1 about the pregnancy
    • Joke 2 about the condoms
    • Joke 3 about the girl on the ship

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115 posts in this topic

Just now, Megaton said:

Not everyone's choices make sense, like selling plasma to buy a case of beer. 

That’s not the point though. The point is to make people laugh.

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Just now, RokNRole said:

If the joke requires 5 paragraphs to explain it’s not funny.

If it requires the teller to rotate their arms and bob their head then it’s not funny on paper.....( but can be funny in person depending on how much everyone has drank).

Its simply not a good joke.

I seriously got a kick out of it. It's like the poets say (paraphrased), "imagine philosophy condensed and you get good poetry." So I guess it is with this joke to you. Too much matter in the ether. I wish you well. No hard feelings, I hope. 

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2 minutes ago, rockaction said:

I seriously got a kick out of it. It's like the poets say (paraphrased), "imagine philosophy condensed and you get good poetry." So I guess it is with this joke to you. Too much matter in the ether. I wish you well. No hard feelings, I hope. 

 Which poets say that?

Edited by RokNRole

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Just now, RokNRole said:

 What poets say that?

I knew you'd ask so I almost looked it up. I remember it being Yeats and Keats and Hecht. Maybe Clement Wood, who wrote a famous rhyming dictionary. I'm not sure I can supply the actual quote, but it goes along these lines, "philosophy is necessary for the poet, never creeping into verse, always in the background." 

It's really a play on how philosophy informs life, as it were. Look, I'm a dilettante, but that philosophy and outlooks inform life is who we are.  

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Just now, rockaction said:

I knew you'd ask so I almost looked it up. I remember it being Yeats and Keats and Hecht. Maybe Clement Wood, who wrote a famous rhyming dictionary. I'm not sure I can supply the actual quote, but it goes along these lines, "philosophy is necessary for the poet, never creeping into verse, always in the background." 

It's really a play on how philosophy informs life, as it were. Look, I'm a dilettante, but that philosophy and outlooks inform life is who we are.  

None of this makes the joke funny. When I want to laugh at a joke I don’t feel like having an existential crisis just to get the punchline.

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1 minute ago, RokNRole said:

None of this makes the joke funny. When I want to laugh at a joke I don’t feel like having an existential crisis just to get the punchline.

No, that's fine. Humor is subjective. I just tried to explain why it's funny to some, not to others...

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2 minutes ago, rockaction said:

No, that's fine. Humor is subjective. I just tried to explain why it's funny to some, not to others...

It’s not quite as subjective as you are making it out to be....,,

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2 minutes ago, RokNRole said:

It’s not quite as subjective as you are making it out to be....,,

Okay.    

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Just now, rockaction said:

Okay.    

For the sake of arguement let’s assume you are writing jokes for a stand up comedian.

 

Can you rewrite that joke to elicite a laugh?

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Stand-ups can be physical, so the waving of the arms and the nodding of the head can be quantified, as you so astutely pointed out in your post above. Can I rewrite that joke? No, I think it's perfect. You don't like it. That's all there is to it. But if you want to shoot the #### on Sunday morning, bump your thread. I'll post in it.   

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2 minutes ago, rockaction said:

Stand-ups can be physical, so the waving of the arms and the nodding of the head can be quantified, as you so astutely pointed out in your post above. Can I rewrite that joke? No, I think it's perfect. You don't like it. That's all there is to it. But if you want to shoot the #### on Sunday morning, bump your thread. I'll post in it.   

Today’s stand up crowd needs more than arm flailing and head nodding.

 

That stuff may have been enough to beat Uncle Joey on star search 25 years ago but it just doesn’t cut it anymore.

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Just now, RokNRole said:

Today’s stand up crowd needs more than arm flailing and head nodding.

That stuff may have been enough to beat Uncle Joey on star search 25 years ago but it just doesn’t cut it anymore.

What does today's stand-up crowd need, then?  

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Just now, rockaction said:

What does today's stand-up crowd need, then?  

Dick jokes

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Just now, RokNRole said:

Dick jokes

Can we get an instantly rotating dick and an accommodating genie, then?  

Wait, that nukes the wife part of the joke.  

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1 minute ago, rockaction said:

Can we get an instantly rotating dick and an accommodating genie, then?  

Wait, that nukes the wife part of the joke.  

I don’t think anyone would object to nuking wives.

 

Run with it.......

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Guys, I've got this dick that rotates counter-clockwise. Hey, have you ever met your wife?  

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Just now, rockaction said:

Guys, I've got this dick that rotates counter-clockwise. Hey, have you ever met your wife?  

Elaborate a bit more....

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Just now, RokNRole said:

Elaborate a bit more....

Dat's da joke.  

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4 minutes ago, rockaction said:

Dat's da joke.  

There is a lack of cohesive narrative.

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7 minutes ago, RokNRole said:

There is a lack of cohesive narrative.

Ahh, narrative. What did that writer once say about narrative? 

Third verse, same as the first: 

I'm Henry VIII I am, Henry VIII, I am am 

I got married to the widow next door

She's been married seven times before

And every one was an 'Enery - Henery!

Doesn't take a Willie or Sam - No Sam! 

I'm the eighth old man I'm the 'Enery - 'Enery the VIII I am

Edited by rockaction

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2 minutes ago, WhatDoIKnow said:

Did we already know that rockaction was RokNRole?

I think that had been my working assumption...

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4 hours ago, RokNRole said:

Yes.....please explain the “ guys I think I ####ed up “ one.

It's the misdirection. The listener is expecting the whole time to find out why this guy chose these wishes and in the end it turns out he's just an idiot.

Reminded me a bit of the old joke about the guy who's dating a girl and is meeting he parents for the first time. He's sitting in their living room talking to his new girlfriend's mother and father and their family dog is sitting under his chair. Things are going swimmingly when he feels some gas building up. Suddenly, a small fart squeaks out and the guy is mortified. He's about to apologize when the father says : "Oh Spike! Get in the kitchen!" The dog sheepishly lumbers off and the guy can't believe his luck. A few minutes later, the dog comes back out and sits under his chair again. The guy is still bloated and lets another fart slip, this one a little bigger. The father yells :" Spike! Damn it, I thought I told you to get in the kitchen!" and the dog takes off again. 

A few minutes later, his gas is getting really bad and the guy is about to excuse himself to head to the bathroom when lo and behold, Spike returns and sits right under the guy's chair yet again. The guy figures he'll make amends with the dog later and lets a real rip go. He's finally feeling better when the girl's father jumps up and shouts : "SPIKE, GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN BEFORE THIS GUY SH*TS ON YOU!" 

Edited by Evilgrin 72
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8 minutes ago, Walking Boot said:

Are rockaction  and RokNRole competing for votes in the tournament right now? 

I dunno. I was just drunk and spitballing back and forth with Rok. 

If we're competing for votes, that's awesome.  

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1 hour ago, Evilgrin 72 said:

It's the misdirection. The listener is expecting the whole time to find out why this guy chose these wishes and in the end it turns out he's just an idiot.

Reminded me a bit of the old joke about the guy who's dating a girl and is meeting he parents for the first time. He's sitting in their living room talking to his new girlfriend's mother and father and their family dog is sitting under his chair. Things are going swimmingly when he feels some gas building up. Suddenly, a small fart squeaks out and the guy is mortified. He's about to apologize when the father says : "Oh Spike! Get in the kitchen!" The dog sheepishly lumbers off and the guy can't believe his luck. A few minutes later, the dog comes back out and sits under his chair again. The guy is still bloated and lets another fart slip, this one a little bigger. The father yells :" Spike! Damn it, I thought I told you to get in the kitchen!" and the dog takes off again. 

A few minutes later, his gas is getting really bad and the guy is about to excuse himself to head to the bathroom when lo and behold, Spike returns and sits right under the guy's chair yet again. The guy figures he'll make amends with the dog later and lets a real rip go. He's finally feeling better when the girl's father jumps up and shouts : "SPIKE, GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN BEFORE THIS GUY SH*TS ON YOU!" 

My boxing coach told me a version of this one on Friday morning and he was laughing so hard, he couldn't get the punch line out.  For at least a minute.  Funniest part of the joke IMO.

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16 minutes ago, chet said:

My boxing coach told me a version of this one on Friday morning and he was laughing so hard, he couldn't get the punch line out.  For at least a minute.  Funniest part of the joke IMO.

It's not a great joke, but it relies on the person telling it. It's just similar to the one RokNRole had issues with in that it takes the listener down one mental path and then the punchline pulls the rug out. 

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6 hours ago, RokNRole said:

 

 

6 hours ago, rockaction said:

  

Jfc. That was ####### awful. Thanks for ruining a funny thread, gents.

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1 minute ago, El Floppo said:

Jfc. That was ####### awful. Thanks for ruining a funny thread, gents.

Sorry. I was trying. Earnestly. I'll know better next time than to go down the rabbit hole.  

Edited by rockaction
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35 minutes ago, rockaction said:

Sorry. I was trying. Earnestly. I'll know better next time than to go down the rabbit hole.  

In my experience, anytime someone is consistently writing one sentence questions, it's usually not worth the effort of responding with paragraphs.

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1 minute ago, NotSmart said:

In my experience, anytime someone is consistently writing one sentence questions, it's usually not worth the effort of responding with paragraphs.

Yeah, that's a good rule of thumb. I just wanted to explain the joke.   

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12 hours ago, Josie Maran said:

I get nothing for this?  You guys are the ####ing worst.  :angry:

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16 hours ago, RokNRole said:

If the joke requires 5 paragraphs to explain it’s not funny.

You're the only one needing the explanation.

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